Chapter 7
THE PRESENT
SIENNA
I can't believe how stupid and reckless I was. How could I let him kiss me? Every time I remember that moment, a chill of guilt runs down my spine.
—This is fantastic! —I exclaim aloud, as if those words could mask my inner turmoil.
—Having a bad day? —Ian interrupts my thoughts as he enters the supply room where I usually leave my things. His presence is a relief, a small glimmer of normalcy in a world that seems to be crumbling around me.
—Something. I burned the boss with some coffee.
—Ouch! That must have hurt.
—You have no idea —I let out a tired sigh, the weight of the day crushing my chest like a heavy slab.
—Don't worry, I don't think he'll fire you for that —he says, and at another time, that would have been a comfort.
But now, the thought of quitting looms over me like thick fog. If he doesn't fire me for that, I'll resign myself. I can't go on like this, with Corbin's shadow lurking in every corner of my mind and my life.
—I know. Well, I'll come and help you in a minute.
—No worries, sweetheart, I know you will. I'll see you in the kitchen —he replies, before leaving me alone with my dark thoughts.
Alone. That's the feeling I should embrace in my apartment, where I shouldn't be getting into trouble. I should never have come to find Corbin. If he left me, it was for a reason. If he decided to distance himself from me, it was because he felt there was no way forward for us.
Yet the question that torments my mind is: why am I still here? Why don't I leave it behind and move on with my life? The answer is simple, yet heartbreaking: because I can't. I can't pretend that nothing happened between us, as if my secret doesn't weigh on my soul. Despite everything, I love him with every beat of my heart, and the thought of needing him tears me apart. Corbin is no longer the boy I knew. Although the neighborhood saw him as a bad influence, the bad boy, I knew the sweet protective boy who showed me his love through small gestures, who cared for me even in the darkest moments.
But now, that boy is gone. Acknowledging it is like tearing open the scars on my soul, a wound that won't stop bleeding. I have to leave him behind, even if it hurts. I've done everything possible for the well-being of our child. I came looking for answers, to see what kind of man he had become, to find out if it was safe for him to know about his existence. But now, a shadow of doubt looms over me... should I move on or stay to face the inevitable?
(####)
I spend the entire afternoon with Ian in the kitchen, trapped in a prison of pans and Ian's orders. I avoid stepping out or running into Corbin at all costs. Ian, for his part, understands my state and doesn't pressure me, simply giving me orders with a kind smile. I appreciate his tenderness, but my mind is far away; I just want the day to end, for the hours to fade away so I can curl up under my blanket, cry, and release all the weight that suffocates me.
By six in the evening, everything is cleaned up. I say goodbye to Ian, take a breath, and step out of the kitchen. Luckily, I haven't seen Corbin all day, and that is, at least, a small victory. I heard one of the girls murmur that he stormed out during lunch and didn't even stay to eat. It doesn't surprise me; his temper has always been unpredictable. I walk towards the parking lot, keys in hand, with the sanctuary of my car awaiting me, ready to take me home.
It's a delight to shed the tensions of the day, sink into the warmth of my bed, enjoy a hot shower, and sip on a steaming cup of hot chocolate with cookies. I need to relax, think clearly about what I will do from now on. I don't think Corbin knows it's me, much less that the kiss betrayed me. But I can't deny the truth; I miss him. I miss his lips, the passion with which he held me, the warm brush of his mouth exploring my body every night.
The need to distance myself from him grows like an oppressive shadow, an ominous sign that something bad is about to happen if I don't act soon.
(####)
—Good morning, Ian —I greet him as I walk into the staff room.
—Hey, are you feeling better today?
—I guess so. I have to apologize to the boss for yesterday —I lie. My real plan is to resign.
—Well, I think that will have to wait —I turn and lock my locker, feeling a pang of confusion—. He hasn't arrived yet. But don't worry; he'll be here any minute. —the fierce Corbin never kept anyone waiting.
—If he's not here, who opened the place?
—Oh, John did it. And Tara is already giving orders —he replies with a mocking smile.
—Great. Well, time to work.
Ian focuses on cooking, and I focus on cleaning his work area, helping him as much as I can. Sweat begins to trickle down my forehead as I try to dissolve the unsettling feeling that chaos is approaching.
The staff comes in and out, the kitchen buzzing like a beehive. Suddenly, a shrill voice resonates, cutting through the confusion.
—Maddie!
My eyes meet Ian's, who encourages me to face the inevitable with a look of boredom. I sigh, turning to confront my walking nightmare. There she is, with her Barbie figure, wearing her tight skirt and pristine shirt. God, give me strength!
—Yes?
—Move it, I need you at the bar with Tony. We don't have enough staff, and I want you to help him —she looks at me with disdain before turning on her heel and leaving.
—Ian, I'm sorry. I...
—You're sorry about nothing. Just go, I'll handle things here... I just hope that when Corbin finds out what she's doing, he doesn't blow up.
—What?
—Nothing. Don't mind me, just go.
I walk out of the kitchen disoriented, crossing the hallway. As I approach Corbin's office, I hear voices. Curiosity pulls me in, and I stop, glancing both ways down the hallway. I creep closer to the door, holding my breath as a knot of anxiety forms in my stomach.
—Dammit, John! You know how things are.
The echo of his words reverberates in my mind. Something is looming in the air, like the dark premonition I can't ignore.