Gilbert fended off every fish bold enough to step into his range, sluggishly hacking at them. Luckily, he had enough momentum in his swings to cut through the fish-men's scales, albeit sloppily.
Yet, this was not enough to deter the other fish-men from trying to strike at him when his attention was focused in front, leaving his back completely exposed. Gilbert was aware enough to know, but did not worry.
"Oooohhh, the things I do for love!" Courage's eyes literally popped out of his skull on two bloody stalks before snapping back into his head with a wet shhhhluck.
He didn't just fight; he became a vibrating pink blur of pure, unadulterated terror. Gripping a jagged, rusty bone-cleaver in his trembling paws, Courage butchered the flanking fish-men in a frantic, high-speed cartoon frenzy.
Viscera and dark blood sprayed the apartment walls as Courage severed a scaly limb, paused mid-air to bite his own fingernails in panic, and then dropped down to decapitate another. He was a shivering, whimpering meat-grinder, covering Gilbert's massive, exposed back.
Gilbert had placed his trust in Courage to fill that void, and he smirked.
As the minutes passed, the onslaught showed no signs of slowing down. This was a massive concern, as Gilbert could feel his grip loosening, his body aching all over. Looking behind, it was obvious Courage was also nearing his limit given his intense, hoarse breathing and shaking cute arms.
'Shit. We're both exhausted. They're not slowing down either. Fuck! What do I do?!'
A Fish-man lunged toward him upon noticing he was busy thinking.
"Oh shit!"
Gilbert, in desperation, used the flat side of his weapon to fend off the lunge. This caused the Fish-man to lose its balance. Its spear was now unable to pierce Gilbert, leaving the creature unprepared. Without moving, Gilbert remained in his stance and cut diagonally to ensure the first strike was all he needed to offer.
As the body hit the floor, headless and bleeding, an idea crossed Gilbert's mind. He smirked.
Gilbert proceeded to taunt all the Fish-men in front of him by breathing in and spitting out heavy rounds of greenish-yellow phlegm while gesturing for them to come at him.
The result was predictable. An enormous group of Fish-men became enraged by the mockery of a lowly, obese creature. Eyes filled with rage and fists clenched around their weaponry, they charged forward.
'Deflect and drag, deflect and drag, just deflect.'
"Courage!"
Courage's ears flipped up upon hearing his name called before he turned his attention to Gilbert.
"When it hits, you go under."
Courage let out a high-pitched, vibrating whimper—a pathetic, rattling sound somewhere between a crushed squeak toy and a dying siren.
His over sized eyes practically bulged out of his pink skull, snapping frantically back and forth between the tidal wave of scaly, spear-wielding fish-men and Gilbert's sweaty, heaving mass. His tiny knees visibly knocked together, teeth chattering like a set of frantic castanets as the absolute, suicidal lunacy of Gilbert's plan crashed into his tiny canine brain.
As the hoard entered Gilbert's arm length, one pike, two, five, then nine pikes were jabbed in Gilbert's direction.
The pikes were inches away from Gilbert's throat, but before their sharp bone ends could penetrate his oily, porous skin, Gilbert managed to parry the first jab to the right. He didn't escape without sustaining damage to his shoulder and side abdomen, as he was still a second too slow in redirecting their approach.
As the pikes continued penetrating deeper into him, Gilbert's adrenaline kicked in, allowing him to put the last remaining strength he had reserved into moving toward the parried fish-man and boding it, pushing the entire hoard to the right.
This move was something Gilbert himself was unsure would be successful, but if he was going to d1e, then he would at least do what he could to slow them down for Courage.
With vigor, Gilbert pushed with all his might while his sword was occupied with the fish-man's pike, deterring it from pushing him away.
"AAAAARGH!"
Gilbert screamed in agony as the pain tolerance from the adrenaline slowly died down.
'Where the hell is the doorway again?!'
Gilbert pushed and pushed as much as he could. Every now and then, a Fish-man got lucky and struck at Gilbert's arms and legs, but to little effect as Gilbert clenched his teeth against the accumulating sharp pain.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
xXThunderCkXx: LMAO bro just weaponized his BMI! SNORLAX USE BODY SLAM!
BunnyYummi: Wait... is the gross guy actually tanking for the dog? Holy shit.
GamerGoo: I give it two minutes before his heart explodes from the cholesterol alone.
chat_mod: DO NOT SPAM 'F' YET. THE LARD IS STILL BREATHING.
toesucker_prime: Malenia is just watching him bleed... God I wish that was me getting skewered for her.
broken_physics: RIP Gilbert. He died as he lived: sweaty and screaming.
At some point, Gilbert could no longer push back, so he stepped backward before swinging his sword violently while blinded by desperation, thinking these frantic moments were his last.
"AAR! C'mon you fucker!"
Swing, swipe, and thud. Gilbert's exhaustion reached a critical level for the first time in his life. He dropped everything before collapsing to the ground with a bitter sense of acceptance that he had tried his best as his eyes closed.
Feeling the solid floor, Gilbert did nothing as the bl00d sprayed about and lightly covered his motionless body. With his eyes closed, Gilbert could hear Courage close by—moving, jumping, and maneuvering around him, cutting, slashing, and dismantling their enemy.
Eventually, Gilbert lost consciousness and drifted.
When he awoke, he found himself sitting up on a soft bed. Around the bed was a bl00d-covered floor and the gruesome evidence of a struggle against the Fish-men.
"Damn. This is Heaven? This is shit."
Looking downward at his large, rounded hands, Gilbert covered his face and reminisced about all the terrible things he had done and inflicted on the people around him.
"I wish I had apologized to all those that I insulted and harmed before dying. Fuck."
Tears ran down Gilbert's face as he quietly wept in bed, his salty tears mixing with the metallic stench of fish blood.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
salty_spitter: Is... is he actually crying? I thought his tear ducts only produced grease.
broken_physics: Bro thinks he's in heaven LMAOOOO
bloom_enjoyer: ngl... that's actually kind of sad. He knows he's a piece of shit.
cope_and_seethe: STFU he's just leaking Mountain Dew out of his eyes. Don't fall for it!
Malenia_Toes: WAKE UP FATTY, YOU STILL HAVE TO SIMP!
BunnyYummi: Honestly? Character development.
As Gilbert continued his sorrows, a sudden tap behind him caught him off-guard. He turned to see Courage smiling and comforting him.
"Bababa-boo-boo-baba-roo!" Courage babbled frantically, his little pink arms waving like windmills as he hopped up onto the blood-soaked mattress.
Through Courage's talking, Gilbert was too busy grasping the fact that he did not d1e, that he still had a chance, but most importantly, that Courage, his friend, was alive and well.
Reaching into empty space and completely violating the laws of physics, Courage pulled out an impossibly large, cartoonish handkerchief covered in blue polka dots. He stood on his tiptoes and began vigorously scrubbing the pathetic mixture of salty tears, sweat, and crusty fish-blood from Gilbert's oily face.
"Raa-roo-ree-roo-raaaah!" Courage continued, his jaw stretching down to his chest in a panicked exaggeration before snapping shut. He mimed throwing something over his shoulder.
Overcome with relief, Gilbert grabbed hold of Courage and hugged him tight.
Courage was caught off-guard but accepted the action, patting Gilbert's sweat-slicked back.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
Utah_Mod: Did... did the ince just show human emotion?
xX_GamerGod_Xx: Bro is hugging a dog in a puddle of gore. I'm vomiting and crying rn.
Salty_Spitter: Don't fall for it chat, his boner is just confused.
Gilbert freed Courage from his grip and tried to play off what he just did.
"Ahem. Anyway, it's good to see you're alive. Where's Malenia?"
Just as Courage pointed toward the door, a loud, crystalline ping echoed from Gilbert's phone lying on the bed. A glowing blue screen flashed across his vision, and an abnormal, refreshing warmth flooded his torn muscles, instantly healing the agonizing pain.
[WAVE 2 SUMMARY: THE ABYSSAL DELUGE]
Status: Survive 24 hours — COMPLETE
Hidden Objective: "The Weeping Meat-Shield" — TRIGGERED
Hidden Degeneracy: "Fish-man Fucker" — COMPLETE...
Sector Difficulty: Nightmare ---> ABYSSAL
Viewer's Rating: 9.4/10 (Trending: #SnorlaxBodySlam, #CourageCarry, #MommyMalenia)
Reward: Full Recovery
Bonus Reward: Global Top Leaderboard for being the first to achieve hidden degeneracy
Gilbert stared at the glowing blue text floating above his sweaty, blood-stained lap. His lip quivered.
"You're fucking with me right? Man … now I wish I was dead."
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
xXThunderCkXx: LMAOOOOOO BRO GOT EXPOSED BY THE SYSTEM!!!
BunnyYummi: Wait… what exactly was he doing at the bottom of that pile of fish-men?! 🤢
fish_fry: SNORLAX USED STRUGGLE! IT WAS SUPER EFF3CTIVE!
chat_mod: Reminder: Do not attempt to replicate the Utah Representative's s3ggsual combat tactics at home.
malenia_toes: World First Degenerate. I am crying. He is literally the grossest human alive and he's top of the leaderboard.
cope_and_seethe: I bet he liked it. Look at him weeping. Those are tears of joy.
broken_physics: 9.4 rating! WE ARE WITNESSING S-TIER TRASH IN REAL TIME BOYS
[Other Participants Reactions]
Halfway across the globe, in the ruined skyscrapers of the New York Sector, a sleek, handsome Korean swordsman wiped the glistening blood of a shadow-beast from his katana. He was panting, looking heroic, expecting his perfectly executed survival to grant him the World First title.
Suddenly, the golden global banner flashed across the sky for all remaining participants to see:
GLOBAL ANNOUNCEMENT: The Representative of Utah has claimed the World First Title for [Hidden Degeneracy].
The swordsman's jaw dropped. He stared at the sub-text that faintly detailed the 'Fish-man' achievement.
"What... what kind of monstrous, depraved training are they doing in Utah?" the swordsman whispered in absolute h0rror. "Is he conquering the monsters through... forced mating?"
A shiver of genuine terror ran down his spine. The Utah representative was a beast beyond human comprehension.
[Home State Reaction]
Deep within a fortified emergency bunker beneath Salt Lake City, the silence was deafening. Hundreds of terrified, conservative suburban families sat huddled around the massive projector screen, watching their lone champion.
The Governor of Utah slowly removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. Mothers frantically covered the eyes of their children, though it was too late. The glowing words "Fish-man Fucker" were burned into the retinas of the entire congregation.
"He's... he's our only hope," a local bishop muttered, his voice trembling as he stared at Gilbert's massive, jiggling backside on the screen. "May the Lord have mercy on our souls. The boy is utterly irredeemable."
Gilbert buried his face in his chubby hands, the metallic stench of fish guts mixing with his salty tears. He was a global laughingstock. An incel who couldn't even d1e without the universe mocking his lack of a sex life.
Then, he heard the soft, metallic clink of a prosthetic footstep.
He flinched, expecting Malenia to finally sever his head in pure disgust. Instead, a cool, metal hand rested gently onto his trembling, sweat-slicked shoulder.
Gilbert froze. The chat froze.
Malenia stood over him, her golden helmet reflecting the dim light of the pawrn shop. She did not look at the glowing, mocking system screen. She looked down at his bruised, battered, utterly pathetic mass of blubber.
"You lack grace," her voice rang clear and pristine through the stench of the room. "You reek of fermented bile, fear, and stagnant despair."
Gilbert sniffled, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against his ribcage. 'Oh god, she's going to k1ll me. She smelled my boner.'
"But," Malenia continued, her grip on his shoulder tightening just enough to be grounding. "You did not break. When the horde pressed in, you did not flee. You shielded your smaller comrade with your own flesh. You offered your life to the blades so that he might live."
She withdrew her hand, standing tall, the aura of the Goddess of Rot filling the cramped room not with dread, but with solemn acknowledgment.
"You are a vile, wretched creature. But today, you were a warrior. Stand proud, Gilbert. You have earned my blade."
Gilbert felt a sudden surge of unearned confidence and honor as he turned to face her.
"Does that mean I can get a sloppy blowy?"
The solemn, golden aura of the room instantly vanished, replaced by a suffocating, murderous intent that made Gilbert's freshly-healed spine turn to ice. Malenia slowly raised her prosthetic blade.