I fell back onto the dirt, the impact giving a sharp shiver across my spine. The ground was cold beneath me, damp from the night, the smell of soil sharp in my nose.
A voice came from behind me—melodious, soft, yet firm.
"What were you thinking? What is your life to you? Is it a game?
Don't throw it away. Respect it. Don't take it for granted."
I looked back.
A girl stood a few steps away, breathless, as if she had run to reach me. She wore a white shirt and blue shorts, clothes too clean for this village. Her eyes were blue, like sapphire, sparkling with a kind of life I didn't recognize. Her yellow hair caught the faint streetlight, glowing like the first hint of dawn.
She looked about my age.
I hadn't seen her here before.
Maybe she was new.
But it didn't matter.
Once she found out what these people thought of me, my past, she would also ignore my gaze. After all, no one can go against society. One has to live in it, want it or not, and follow its decision.
I pushed myself up, dust clinging to my hands, my head instinctively lowering. Still, I forced it upward, just enough to meet her shoulder. I turned and started walking away, not daring to look at her face.
As I passed, her voice came again—fragmented now, fading into the silent night.
"Tell me why. Why did you decide to die?
Isn't there someone waiting for you?
Don't you care how they would suffer?"
I stopped.
Slowly, I turned back.
I remembered their words. Their looks. The way they stepped away from me like I carried something contagious. A dry, hollow laugh escaped my throat before I could stop it.
"I don't," I said. "Not anymore."
Something heavy pressed against my chest. My hand curled into a fist.
"And you won't either. For me. Soon enough."
I looked past her. "Or maybe you'll stop caring like everyone else."
I turned away before she could answer.
The walk home felt longer than usual. My body dragged itself forward, step by step, until I reached the place I was supposed to call home.
I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Her voice clung to me. Every time I closed my eyes, her face surfaced again. Somewhere in the long, cold night, exhaustion finally pulled me under.
The alarm rang.
I woke up.
The walls were still stained with time, marks I couldn't scrub away, but the sunlight leaking through the window felt brighter than usual. I dressed in silence, brushed my teeth, and stepped outside.
School.
Why did I still go?
Because of one person.
Mrs. Kouya—our homeroom teacher. The only person in this village who acknowledged my existence. Maybe that was enough to keep the routine alive.
I slipped through the school gate and down the corridor, unnoticed—or perhaps already assumed dead.
Then I heard it.
"Hey… Shin… Shin Zetsu!"
Someone saying my name.
It was a rare event, someone mentioning my name on their lips.
I stopped for a suspended second and looked back.
It was her.
The girl from last night. The one who had dragged me back from the peace I could have had.
I clenched my fist and turned away, heading toward the classroom.
She caught up easily and slung her arm around my neck, half clinging to me. Her weight was light. Warm.
"Haaa… were ya ignoring me now?"
Every muscle in my body locked.
This warmth-I didn't understand it.
"Yes," I said coldly. "And it's for your own good. Stay away from me."
She frowned. "Don't tell me what's good for me and what's not."and walked ahead.
As she left, my body loosened. A breath slipped out without me realizing it.
A smile formed.
Natural.
Like a rose blooming on dead land
land where it shouldn't bloom,
because it would die again without rain.
I went to class and took my usual seat at the back, near the window. A lone desk in the corner. All the others were placed far away from it, far from even my shadow.
The bell rang.
Mrs. Kouya entered, and behind her stood the girl again.
She bowed slightly. "Hello everyone. I'm Tsukiakari. I recently transferred here from Tokyo. I hope we can all be friends."
The whispers started immediately.
"Isn't that the girl who was with that cursed brat?"
"Bet she's cursed too."
Reading the room, Mrs. Kouya hesitated, then gestured toward another seat, beside the class rep, Sayaka. One of the people who despised me the most.
Tsukiakari shook her head gently.
"Can I sit beside Shin? There's a lot of empty space there."
Mrs. Kouya's face lit up, hope flickering in her eyes. "Y-Yes. Of course."
Tsukiakari dragged the desk beside mine and sat down. The whispers exploded.
I didn't react. I stared at the eraser dust scattered across my desk as Mrs. Kouya began teaching and the room slowly quieted.
Recess came.
Tsukiakari tried to talk to me. I ignored her, building a wall—one I told myself was for her sake.
Eventually, she left for the canteen with the other girls.
Relief washed over me.
I didn't want her tangled in my life. That would only pull her into my problems. The rest of the day passed in a flicker.
I went home faster than usual, avoiding the main streets.
I lay on my bed, unmoving, until midnight.
Then I left.
The same street.
The same place.
To finish what I hadn't.
She was there.
Tsukiakari.
She smiled when she saw me.
"I knew I'd find ya here."