Welcome to yet another chapter of Glitches saga
Enjoy
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The stairs of the Azure Cloud Sect were designed for one purpose: to make mortals feel small.
There were three thousand of them, each carved from white jade that shimmered with a faint, rhythmic pulse of spiritual energy.
To a normal cultivator, this was the Path of Testing, a trial to measure one's lung capacity and spiritual fortitude.
To Han's System, it was something else entirely.
[NOTIFICATION: Escalator Out of Service.]
[Status: Maintenance is currently Indisposed.
Please use the Manual Stair-Climbing Treadmill to continue your Morning Workout.]
[Bonus: Reach the top in under 10 minutes to earn a Protein Shake!]
"I don't want a protein shake," Han hissed, his legs feeling like they had been replaced by lead pipes.
"I want a wheelchair. Or a new life. Preferably one without 'Gary' breathing down my neck."
The lead guard..whose name was almost certainly not Gary, but Han couldn't get the System's label out of his head glanced back. "Stop muttering, boy.
We are entering the presence of the Outer Hall Elders.
If you speak to them with that lack of respect, they won't just take your purple treasure, they'll take your tongue."
Han looked at the guard's hand.
He was still clutching the neon-purple yoga pants like they were a sacred relic.
It was an absurd image , a battle-hardened warrior in leather armor carrying spandex, but no one dared to laugh.
As they reached the summit, the air grew thin and cold, scented with incense and the metallic tang of high-altitude lightning.
A massive courtyard opened up, filled with hundreds of youths lined up in neat rows.
At the front stood a stone pillar engraved with a dragon that seemed to track Han's every move.
[OBJECTIVE DETECTED: The Self-Checkout Kiosk.]
[System Insight: Please scan your Membership Card at the Dragon Pillar to verify your Premium Status.]
"That's the Spirit-Testing Pillar," Han whispered.
He had heard stories of these in his previous life's novels.
You put your hand on it, it glows, and everyone either cheers because you're a genius or beats you up because you're trash.
[Warning: Your Membership Card (Soul) is currently Expired.]
[Suggested Action: Perform a Manual Override by striking the Kiosk with Customer Feedback.]
"Customer feedback?" Han felt a bead of sweat roll down his neck.
"System, be specific. What is Customer Feedback in this context?"
[Instruction: Deliver a high-velocity physical impact to the center of the Dragon's nose. This will force the System to reboot into VIP Mode.]
"You want me to punch the holy testing pillar of a major cultivation sect," Han clarified.
"In front of three Elders and five hundred disciples."
[System Note: The Manager appreciates a proactive attitude!]
Han looked at the Elders sitting on a raised dais.
They were ancient men with beards so long they could probably use them as blankets. One of them, a man with eyebrows that looked like aggressive caterpillars, stood up.
"Next!" the Elder roared.
"Han of... wherever you came from! Step forward!"
The guards pushed Han toward the pillar. The crowd of youths parted, whispering. They had seen his blood-soaked clothes and the strange, shimmering purple fabric the guard was carrying.
"Is that a new type of Silk-Worm treasure?" one girl whispered.
"He looks like he fought a demon and won," a boy replied, his voice full of envy.
Han reached the pillar.
The dragon's stone eyes seemed to glow with a judgmental light.
"Place your hand upon the stone," the Elder commanded.
"Let the Azure Dragon measure the depth of your Qi Sea.
If the light reaches the dragon's horns, you are an Inner Disciple.
If it reaches the tail, you are a servant. If it does not light at all..." The Elder didn't finish, but he tapped the hilt of his sword.
Han stood before the pillar.
He didn't have a Qi Sea.
He didn't even have a Qi Puddle.
He was a regular guy from Earth who had been drop-kicked into a nightmare.
[NOTIFICATION: Kiosk is Not Responding.]
[Would you like to Force Quit?]
"If I quit, I die," Han muttered.
He looked at the Elder.
Then he looked at the pillar.
Then he looked at the blue screen that was currently flashing a giant red button labeled
[PUNCH HERE TO SPEAK TO A REPRESENTATIVE]
If the System is an AI from the future, Han thought, maybe its logic can actually interfere with the magic of this world.
Or maybe I'm just about to commit suicide in the most embarrassing way possible.
Han took a deep breath.
He didn't gently place his hand on the stone.
He pulled back his fist.
The crowd gasped.
The Elders leaned forward, their eyes widening.
"Wait, what is he...."
BAM!
Han's knuckles collided with the stone dragon's nose.
A sharp pain shot up his arm, and for a second, he was sure he had broken every bone in his hand.
But then, the System reacted.
[ERROR: Unauthorized Access detected!]
[Emergency Protocol: The Customer is Always Right initiated.]
[Injecting High-Speed Wi-Fi into Local Hardware...]
The pillar didn't just glow.
It screamed.
A beam of blinding, neon-blue light, not the soft white of the Sect's Qi....erupted from the dragon's nose.
It shot upward, past the tail, past the ribs, past the horns, and kept going until it pierced the clouds above.
The light wasn't shaped like a dragon; it was shaped like a giant, shimmering Loading Bar that reached 100% and then exploded into digital confetti.
The shockwave knocked the nearest disciples to the ground.
The Elder with the caterpillar eyebrows fell off his chair.
[NOTIFICATION: Success!]
[You have been upgraded to Platinum Member status.]
[Reward: 1x Company Car(Temporary).]
"Company car?" Han gasped, cradling his throbbing hand.
Suddenly, a cloud of white mist solidified beneath Han's feet.
It took the shape of a sleek, hovering platform made of condensed spirit energy but to Han's eyes, it looked like a hovering Segway with a cup holder.
"He... he broke the pillar!" a disciple screamed.
"The light... it didn't just reach the horns, it conquered the sky!"
The Elders scrambled to their feet, their faces pale.
They didn't see a Loading Bar.
They saw a talent so immense, so volatile, that the ancient stone of their ancestors couldn't contain it.
The Elder with the eyebrows rushed down the stairs, falling to his knees in front of Han. "Divine... Divine Talent! No, it is the Heaven-Piercing Pillar of Light! My boy... no, Young Master! Who was your teacher?
What ancient God birthed you?"
Han looked at the Elder.
Then he looked at the System.
[NOTIFICATION: The janitor is asking for your D.]
[Recommended Response: Tell him you are the Regional Manager.]
Han straightened his tattered, blood-stained robes.
He stood on his Company Car (the hovering mist platform) and looked down at the most powerful men in the region.
"I have no teacher," Han said, his voice surprisingly steady.
"I am... the Regional Manager of the Great Spandex Dynasty.
And I have come to perform a Safety Audit on your Sect."
The courtyard fell into a silence so profound you could hear a needle drop.
The Elder's eyes went wide.
"A... Safety Audit? Is that a new type of Tribulation?"
"The most dangerous kind," Han replied, while the System helpfully chimed in with a celebratory jingle.
[CHALLENGE ISSUED: Undercover Boss]
[Objective: Live in the Sect for 30 days without anyone realizing you are Broke.]
[Failure Condition: Being turned into Organic Compost.]
[Reward: Dental Insurance & 1,000 EXP.]
Han sighed.
He had his foot in the door.
Now he just had to make sure they didn't realize that their Divine Talent was actually just a guy who knew how to punch a Kiosk until it glitched.
"First," Han said, pointing at the guard holding his yoga pants.
"I believe you have my Internal-Armor.
Give it back. It is for... high-level meditation only."
The guard practically threw the pants at him, bowing so low his forehead hit the jade stairs.
"Welcome," the Elder whispered, trembling. "Welcome to the Azure Cloud Sect, Regional Manager Han."
AN:-
That's the end to chapter 2
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