But I'm still afraid that one day he'll see the real me—not the one who laughs and jokes, but the one who still carries the scars of the past. Afraid that it will scare him away. But for now, Max is here, looking at me as if I'm the most important thing in his life. And maybe that's enough.
Maybe this is the beginning of something new. Even though the end of that evening turned out to be disastrous for me—in the literal sense—the beginning was tense, and the middle... the middle was exhilarating. I was sure that from here, he'd definitely want to run away. After all, everything around us was so loud, so bright, so foreign to him. But he didn't run. He sat next to me, watched the performance, and in his eyes, there was something more than just curiosity. And then, unexpectedly, he offered me his little punishment for the drawing on his face. Maxim wanted me to dance for him on the pole.
It shocked me. Who was this guy? Was he really the same virgin bookworm I knew? Every time he surprised me, he got closer and closer to my heart. I looked at the girls dancing on stage and imagined myself in their place. Me, dancing for him. And... it turned me on. I felt a fire ignite inside me, and I wanted to get up there as fast as possible, to have him watch only me.
And when I started dancing, I drowned in his gaze. His eyes, usually so calm and reserved, now burned with desire. Nerd looked at me as if I were the only one in the world. And I felt it. Every glance—it was like it touched me, like it burned my skin. He wanted me. I wanted him. In that moment, there were no words, no doubts between us. There was only this—the tension in the air, the desire we were both trying to hold back but was too strong to resist.
And when I finished dancing, he came up to me. He said something I could barely hear, but the meaning was clear. He didn't want it to end. And neither did I. We both knew this was more than just a game. More than a bet or a punishment. This was the beginning of something new, something real.
I ruined it all myself. In a moment of fear and pain, I accused him of something he didn't do. All my words about trust, about closeness, about not being ready to open up, were meant for Yegor, not Max. I projected my old wounds and fears onto him, and he took it all upon himself.
I was afraid to tell him the truth. Afraid that Maxim would turn away, that he'd see me not as the person I was trying to be, but as the one I really was. And in the end, I hurt him. I almost kicked him out of my apartment, out of my life, just because I couldn't deal with my own fears. But he... somehow, with an inexplicable intuition, he understood that my fears weren't about him, but about my past. Nerd didn't push, didn't demand explanations. He was just there. And that's when I decided to trust him. To tell him everything.
I saw how he listened to me, how his eyes grew more serious, his lips pressing tightly together. He took my story to heart. It was clear he was angry—not at me, but at the one who had hurt me. If Yegor had been there, I'm sure Max would have killed him, just like he said. But in that moment, when I finished speaking, he didn't offer empty words of comfort. He just held me. His embrace was so warm, so strong, that I felt something inside me begin to let go. And that's when I realized that maybe he was the one I could trust. The one who wouldn't break me, but instead help me pick up the pieces.
But we made up. No, more accurately, he did everything to make sure we made up. Nerd didn't give up, didn't walk away, didn't leave me alone with my demons. He fought for us. For me. But our relationship didn't go back to what it was before. No, it jumped several steps forward in one evening. Now I was just as attached to him as he was to me.
This connection has grown deeper, stronger, but also more dangerous. Because now he is threatened by Ivan. The same Ivan who hasn't forgotten what Max did to him that night. Ivan, who is thirsty for revenge. And I know he won't stop until he hurts the person who has become dear to me. I can't allow that, and I must do everything to protect him. I'll do it today. I don't know what awaits me, I don't know how it will all end. But I know one thing—I won't let the past destroy my present anymore, I won't let fear control me. Max has become more to me than just a guy I spend time with. He's the one who made me feel alive, who showed me that I can trust, that I can love, that I can be weak without fearing I'll be broken. And I won't let anyone take that away from me. Not Ivan, not my fears, not the past. Today, I'll do everything to protect him. Because he's worth it. Because he's mine. And I'm his. And even if the world falls apart, even if everything goes wrong, I know we'll make it. Because now we are us. And that's stronger than anything else.
"Who is he to you? Don't try to sell me that he's just your friend. I've seen your friends, and I'm your friend too. And you don't look at them or act around them the way you do with him," Grandpa Vi tried to pry the truth out of me.
His gaze was piercing, as if he could see right through all my attempts to hide the truth. I sighed, feeling a mix of conflicting emotions swirling inside me. He cared. He had always been more than just an older friend to me—more like a mentor, someone who could see further and deeper.
"I don't even know yet. But we're drawn to each other, and for now, we're giving in to that desire. Where it will lead, I have no idea," I explained to the forty-year-old man who was like a father to me.
Vi nodded thoughtfully, his face a mix of concern and slight irony.
"Do you think we're not right for each other?" I lit another cigarette. The smoke curled softly in the air, like my own doubts.
"It's not that you're not right for each other. You're just a strange pair, living on different floors of the same house, if you know what I mean."
I laughed. Damn, he was right. We were that kind of pair. Our worlds were on different floors, and to meet, one of us had to either descend or ascend to the other's level. The question was, how long could we keep running like this?
"Do you think we'll last long together?"
I looked at the man. There was something paternal in his face, something that made me feel like a little girl asking an adult for advice about something she was afraid to understand herself. His answer wouldn't change anything, but I asked him as if seeking advice from a father. He paused, squinted thoughtfully, put out his cigarette, and spoke slowly, weighing every word. I leaned forward, as if ready to grasp something elusive.
"One of you will have to change to be with the other. But what's more important is this," he said, flicking the remains of his cigarette.
"And what's that?"
Vi looked straight into my eyes, his gaze piercing, as if he could see everything I was trying to hide. I stayed silent, feeling his words settle inside me, sprouting anxious thoughts in my mind.
"How different are you? Who will have to compromise their principles? And how much will you have to change, and will that person be happy with those changes later?"
His words sounded like a verdict, but there was truth in them. Vi lit another cigarette, and I, no longer smiling, began to think. His words touched something deep inside, something I had long been trying to ignore.
"But you know, I think both of you will have to change toward each other. Otherwise, one person will regret changing the other, and the other will regret deciding to change. I think I've answered your question."
"More questions to ponder than answers. But thank you, Vi, for that. As always, you've approached my problems with all your wisdom."
"Don't mention it, Katrinka," he hugged me, and in his embrace, I felt that paternal care I had been missing so much.
His arms were strong but gentle, and the smell of tobacco and something else, purely masculine, was soothing. In that moment, I realized his words weren't just advice. They were a warning. A warning that love isn't just joy and passion—it's also compromise, pain, and change. And I didn't know if I was ready for that. But one thing was clear—I could no longer ignore what was happening between me and Max. We were different, but maybe that's what made us stronger. Or maybe it was the beginning of the end. I didn't have the answers, but I knew one thing—I didn't want to run anymore."But don't forget to invite me to your wedding," he added with a slight smile.
"Wedding?" I had never thought about our relationship reaching that level. A wedding, kids, a routine life... Could I live like that? I didn't know the answer to that question, just like I didn't know the answers to many others at my age.
"Of course. I'm sure you'll end up together. If it comes to that, I want to walk you down the aisle."
"Alright. If I ever get married, whether it's to Max or not, you'll be the one to walk me to my future husband."
Vi laughed, and his laughter was as warm as his embrace. But deep down, I knew his words had made me think. About me and Max. About what awaited us. And about whether we were ready for those changes.