I was a head and a half taller than her, and looking at how she still held herself strongly, I acknowledged all her efforts in keeping me.
My father left us when I was ten, and I was and am the only child.
I always thought he would come back, so I stayed at the door, waiting for him to open the door, then I'd jump at him with laughter, and we'd go on to do something fun like always, but…that never came to pass.
My mother would only watch her exuberant child, whose face was always one of expectation, but she couldn't tell me the truth, that he wouldn't come back.
She would watch me in pain, and when I'd fall asleep, she'd carry me upstairs to my room. On some occasions when she'd try to carry me, I would wake up and sit up to wait again.
On such occasions, she'd sit with me, and when morning came, I'd once again wake up in my room.
The very first thing I'd do is go see him, but I only found disappointment, which was not enough to tell me that I was being stupid.
I didn't give up, and my good mind was kind enough to give me an excuse to dwell on.
I assumed he came in very late after I'd fallen asleep and left very early before I woke up.
I kept it going for a very long time until on my eleventh birthday, when I saw all the people around me wishing me well, and congratulating me, some of whom I had never even known.
I was drowned by the love shown to me by strangers, but where was my father?
I watched my mother as we sat in the car, and remembered those times when I'd ask her when I would again see my father, and she'd put on that smile of hers and skillfully bring something up as we spoke, changing the topic and pulling my mind from the question I so frequently dwelled on.
I'd only remember that my question remained unanswered later on, and at that moment, I wouldn't have the chance to ask her again. Even that didn't open my eyes to reality.
I had my chin supported by my palm as I stared out the window at the cars that whizzed past us as she drove.
It was all silent, save for the sound of the car's engine, and the cars that passed with all their speed, sending gusts of air blowing into my face.
Once we made our way onto the highway, she let out a heavy sigh, and I knew she was about to speak, so I perked up my ears.
"Yesterday..." She started and paused shortly to be sure I was listening before she continued.
"I had to come home for some files at that time. I arrived late, about an hour later, and was entering the house when I heard something fall in your room. I would have ignored it, but I heard you shout something, so I rushed in." She paused again, and a shiver ran down my spine.
"When I entered, I saw you on the ground with your chair thrown over. You just stared at me with wide eyes like you didn't expect me or that I was a stranger, I couldn't tell. You stretched out your arm to me, but..." She paused again, longer this time, and when she spoke, her voice wavered like she was holding back the emotions about to break the calm surface of the water.
"You pulled your hand back when I moved closer and curled yourself up into a ball. You kept groaning in pain, so I rushed to help you, but before I could, you twisted away from my touch and groaned louder as if I stabbed you."
I flinched, she glanced at me, and I felt my hair rise on my skin.
"Your body was hot, so hot I thought you were going to burn to death. You kept saying something, but I couldn't quite get you, so I rushed out to get help, and as I left, you were shouting louder then. I ran into Lily on my way out."
My chest burned slightly.
"She was just coming in panicked and in a hurry, just as I was. I didn't even tell her, but she knew you were..."
My mind lost focus on what she was saying and drifted off to something else.
Lily.
I couldn't sense her, no matter how hard I tried. I noticed I couldn't even sense her when she had earlier apparated into the hospital room.
I tried to contact her, but all I could feel was a void, a black wall that cut off all connection.
She should have been the first to meet when we stepped out of the hospital, but no reason came to mind as to why she didn't do as she'd always do.
We're connected.
I subconsciously touched my fingers to my lips. It was almost as if I could still taste her lips. I could even see her face right before mine, but where was she?
Where are you, Lily?
I would have remained in my trance if not for the low rumbling of thunder overhead. The rain came down like a curtain being dropped low over the city. It swept over the buildings and roads, making its way towards us.
A few drops touched my face before the glass came up, shielding me.
Little drops of rain snaked diagonally across the window, and my eyes followed them one after the other. They all moved at their own pace, with others joining others to form larger drops that moved faster to oblivion.
As I continued to watch, they seemed to form an image, a face.
I first noticed the white sclera, then the blue irises that stared back at me. They hid some emotions I could not yet figure out, which were the most interesting.
The carefully slanted nose and mouth came in later, then I noticed the outline of the whole face.
From the shape of the jaw and chin, I could tell it was a woman.
I could've noticed that if I'd taken into account the shape of the eyes and the mouth. The cheekbones themselves had slight depressions within them from the dimples that would appear if she smiled. I finally saw the hair colour, and a thought flashed through my mind.
I turned then to see my mother staring at me. It was her reflection in the glass I had been looking at all this time.
That's when I noticed she'd stopped the car. We weren't home yet, and I knew that was because of me.
Her lips parted slightly, and I knew what she was going to say: "You're spacing out again."
Even though she didn't say it this time, her eyes said it, and she knew I understood.
I looked away at the dashboard. She stared at me some more, and then she started the drive again.
My hands were clenched into tight fists on my lap, and I had no intention of concealing the fact that I was annoyed—Not at her, but at myself.
I did it again, I spaced out, and she's worried.
Before I knew it, we were pulling over at our home. It was a nice place to be in.
I got out before she did and made my way inside. I quickly went upstairs towards my room, but paused with my hand at the doorknob.
Why am I hesitating?
I don't know how long I stayed there before I heard my mother's steps coming up the stairs—the only thing that motivated me to open and enter.
I locked the door with a click and stared at it. I turned to see my chair on the floor, as it was previously.
The curtains were dropped over the window, and the lights were out, making the room dimly lit from the little light that came out in a thin line from between the curtains.
I moved into the bathroom and undressed, standing before the sink naked.
I turned the faucet on and washed my face with the water, holding onto both sides of the sink, and stared at the water that flowed down the drain.
I then raised my face to look in the mirror.
The mirror showed the same person as always.
Long, gray hair, dark skin, and blue eyes from my mother.
Everything else from a father I barely remembered.
I stared at my face a little longer, and I knew very well that I shouldn't have, but I still did so.
A different face was beginning to form in the mirror. I guess my mind was layering all my memories of my father to form his face, and instantly, I looked away, but the image formed lingered a while longer.
I moved into the shower and let the warm water fall over me.
What exactly happened yesterday?
It was just a past thing that was now only a blurred image. I mused over this as I showered, arriving at no answer in particular. I looked again in the mirror before leaving the bathroom to dress up.
I drew the curtains, and the light stabbed at my eyes. It took me a few seconds before my eyes finally adjusted to the brightness of the room.
It was a neat room, almost as if I were dead.