Houshou's suggestion paid off big time, Saratoga now feeling rather relaxed as she walked along the harbor while taking in a breath of the fresh ocean air, feeling at ease as her heels clacked on the hard concrete.
She stopped in her tracks as she looked up at the moon, now appreciating how her new body allowed her to observe the moon in vivid detail, since in her previous life as a warship, the moon was something which didn't even register in her simple warship mind.
But now, she was entranced by the celestial satellite which her countrymen had reached before anyone else, a seemingly impossible task which they had accomplished, making her feel even prouder of her own country.
But upon realizing that she was probably never going to return to America anytime soon...
"Did you have the same nightmare?"
Saratoga whipped her head around to spot Nagato approaching her, in a loose-fitting pair of white shirt and pants that reached down to her knees, likely her pajamas which covered up far more than what her usual uniform did.
Saratoga blinked in surprise upon seeing that Houshou's intuition was correct, and was slightly surprised upon seeing the Nagato-Class battleship locating her so easily, but realized that she would likely have visited Houshou's bar to find her, before asking where she went and Houshou would answer her honestly.
She looked away and gave her the silent treatment, not out of spite, but because she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about such things, even if it was to another ship girl who participated in Operation Crossroads.
But Nagato audibly sighed as she sat herself down besides Saratoga on the harbor and looked up at the moon, which was almost entirely illuminated by the sun, Saratoga pausing for a moment before sitting down with her.
They sat there for approximately three minutes and twenty-two seconds without saying anything.
Nagato started the conversation first, simply asking.
"Able or Baker?"
Saratoga held her breath, looking away sullenly as she tried to gather up the will to answer the battleship's question, a period of time passing by again before she silently responded,
"Baker."
Nagato nodded as she was being understanding and patient with her, similar to, but also strangely different from her normal, public persona as she remarked in a non-confrontational voice as though she were stating the facts.
"It'll almost always hurt every time you experience it. But most of the time, we…"
Taking the time to clarify herself.
"Those of us who were in Crossroads…
The pain becomes easier for us to endure, and this nightmare will occur less and less as time goes by."
Saratoga quietly asked, confirming the reason why Nagato was also up at this time of night.
"Am I right to assume that you had the same nightmare about Operation Crossroads?"
She heard an affirmative grunt beside her, and Nagato, being the older ship girl who was undoubtedly more well-versed in knowledge about these things, stated.
"Most theoreticians accept the fact that for us ship girls who experienced Crossroads, it is a traumatic experience that is embedded in our very souls when we sank all those years ago, and will be present in every modern incarnation."
Saratoga's interest was piqued as she asked, cautiously curious about this new subject.
"So when you say 'souls', are you referring to a mystical source of power or driving force?"
She turned to find Nagato facing her and shaking her head as she corrected.
"Oh, no. Do not fall under the impression that we are created with anything other than advanced technology that is light-years ahead of anything humans can replicate so far. The Fairies will be quite annoyed and will hastily correct you when you even attempt to hand-wave their super-technology away as 'magic', 'sorcery' or anything along those lines. For a race who prides themselves on their engineering, that is one of their few berserk buttons that you do not want to touch with a ten-foot pole."
Saratoga nodded and looked away awkwardly, unsure of what to talk about after this, spending a majority of the time listening to the waves gently lapping on the concrete and sand, the trees rustling around them as the night winds were subdued at night, Saratoga breathing in the salty sea air and allowing it to calm her down while Nagato provided silent company so as not to leave her alone on the harbor with her thoughts.
And finally, Saratoga heard Nagato speak up, although it was now in a far more subdued, personal tone compared to the authoritative and commanding voice that she normally heard, immediately shifting her attention to Nagato sharing something so close to her heart with her.
"I think you might remember Sakawa as one of the ship girls who was in Operation Crossroads…"
Saratoga nodded, distinctly remembering the second Japanese warship who was present at Bikini Atoll, an Agano-Class light cruiser amongst the foreign trio with Prinz Eugen as the Kriegsmarine heavy cruiser.
"... Yes."
Nagato nodded as she shared the reason why the light cruiser was previously in this base, but Saratoga wasn't going to meet her anytime soon.
"We got Sakawa as a rare drop, much like how we got you, and I was so elated to be reunited with her. I suppose I saw her as a little sister whom I had to protect, since she was there with me at Operation Crossroads. And despite my best attempts, I suppose there was a fair bit of favoritism going on since if I was off-duty and wasn't with Admiral Haru in a… romantic sense, I'd spend all my time with Sakawa, since her sisters weren't present then."
Saratoga furrowed her brows as she searched her memory archives, before remembering that the female Admiral of this base had many girlfriends.
"Oh, right. You're in a relationship with Admiral Haru along with, if I remember correctly, eight other ship girls…?"
Scrunching up her face, Saratoga politely asked the Nagato-Class battleship about how their relationship worked.
"Pray tell, how exactly do you make it work with so many people?"
Nagato gave a satisfied smirk as she exhaled through her nose, responding patiently.
"With everyone's consent, mutual love, and a lot of understanding minds. We're very blessed in that regard, and I'm not ashamed to admit our relationship to everyone and defend it. But then again, no one would dare question a relationship with two Yamato-Class and a Nagato-Class battleship, amongst others in the list of lovers, right?"
Saratoga lifted an eyebrow to concede the point, Nagato's smile drooped into a frown as she continued with sharing her past.
"And after a few easy sorties in order to get her acquainted with how we fought battles in this day and age, I was confident enough to allow her into the backup fleet as we prepared to fight with an Abyssal known as the Armored Carrier Princess. The Admiral made all the preparations to ensure that none of us would sink, like making sure we got enough training and had access to good equipment. However, no amount of preparations can stop a shell to the heart, as I soon found out the hard way. In the midst of the boss battle, despite my best attempts to remain focused, I tried to body-block every shell that was aimed at Sakawa, perhaps as a subconscious way of protecting her since I saw her much like one would a delicate flower that needed to be protected. That was perhaps the greatest mistake of my life."
Saratoga listened silently as she was now rather invested in the story and wanted to learn how Nagato, despite being a proud member of the Big Seven and was at one time the face of the Imperial Japanese Navy and was by far the strongest ship girl Saratoga had the honor of meeting, failed to protect Sakawa.
Nagato's shoulders drooped as she continued on, looking more and more depressed as she revealed.
"The Armored Carrier Princess must've picked up on my subconscious tic, because she directed all her bomber planes in my direction, distracting me while she pointed both her 16 Inch cannons in my direction. My survival instinct overrode my protective instincts, and I physically strafed in order to evade the incoming shells while shouting for Sakawa to duck.
But here's the first thing to note about fighting someone who has a cannon or firearm pointed at your team. It's best not to block your teammates' view of the shooter."
Saratoga's breath stopped as she now understood why Nagato would feel extremely guilty about causing Sakawa to sink, because most of the responsibility and blame rested on her.
"It was mostly because of my inexperience in combat situations at that point of time, since I spent more time commanding from the sidelines than fight on the ocean back then because we didn't have as many fleets and as much of a surplus in resources as we do now. And as a result, I overestimated my ability to protect her.
And…"
Nagato audibly gulped, Saratoga reading the mood as she braced herself for what the Nagato-Class battleship was about to reveal, because if it someone as stoic as Nagato was uncomfortable with sharing this next bit of the story, it had to be bad.
It also surprised her, and made her a little elated that a Japanese ship was trusting her to such an extent despite being on different sides of a World War in the past.
Nagato now sounded unlike the commanding ship girl whom she normally was, and more like a woman, as fallible as anyone else, confessing her sins to Saratoga.
"When I defeated the Armored Carrier Princess, I… I dragged the dying Abyssal off of her dead Beast, put her in a headlock, and… I snapped her neck with a vengeance, and emptied a large-caliber shell in her temple out of anger."
Saratoga froze up from the brutality of the move as that happy feeling immediately abandoned her, mentally grateful that she was no longer at war with the Japanese and wouldn't be facing Nagato's wrath anytime soon, almost feeling the regret in Nagato's voice as she elaborated.
"I know that it was entirely unprofessional of me to do so, and I've learnt to control my temper so as not to allow my emotions to dictate my actions like it did that day.
Because, and I've only told Admiral Haru and Mutsu about this, but… Holding the Armored Carrier Princess's life in my hands, and killing her for the sake of revenge… I actually liked it."
Nagato turned to face a horrified Saratoga as her expression was crestfallen, expressing shame, regret and even fear at what she felt.
"I-I've never felt anything like it, and I'm thoroughly ashamed about feeling so good about myself after executing someone like that for the sake of a fallen comrade. And despite living for so long, I've never been able to forget about how dangerously addictive it felt to kill someone like that, and it haunts me even to this day…
I've tried to come to terms with Sakawa's death after I avenged her, but…
Even after the paid leave, Yahagi-san forgiving me several times over for my blunder and crying into Admiral Haru's arms as she comforted me in more ways than one…"
Nagato exhaled tiredly, Saratoga's cheeks coloring a little as she asked.
"I hope I'm not destroying the mood, but why tell me this? It's understandable that you would talk to me about Crossroads, but why share your past with Sakawa and your personal turmoil with me? I really mean no offense by asking this, but I'm an outsider, so why me?"
Nagato's tone shifted into more of a conspiratorial one as she added, lowering her head and looking down at the shifting ocean as she did so.
"I feel bad for being the one to betray Admiral Haru's request for confidentiality, but I think that what comes next involves you in some way, because of Crossroads."
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Saratoga's worst fears were confirmed as the battleship revealed.
"Sakawa is alive. As a high-ranking Abyssal."
Saratoga grimaced as she warily asked.
"And you want me to watch out for her?"
Nagato nodded as Saratoga opened her eyes to look at the imperfect reflection of the moon in the ocean, hearing Nagato explain.
"The smarter, higher-ranking Abyssals sometimes play mind games with us, since they're said to harbor our resentments and regrets in our past lives. No doubt Sakawa will have me in her sights and will use Operation Crossroads and the circumstances of her death to manipulate me emotionally, but now that you're here, I can't guarantee that she won't drag you into this."
Nagato sighed as she looked as if she were considering how to phrase her words without revealing too much, but Saratoga made some assumptions of her own as she asked.
"And is Sakawa's possible appearance linked to the worsening situation which Admiral Felix talked about, and was why I had to stay here in order to bolster Yokosuka's air-power?"
A nod from the silent Nagato was all that was needed for Saratoga to sigh as well, hugging her knees and causing her bosom to compress, making it rather difficult for her to lean forward very far, lowering her face into her knees as she commented.
"That's all I need to know. I appreciate you sharing your past with me and revealing such confidential information in order to give me a heads-up. It must have been hard for you."
Strangely enough, Nagato revealed,
"Actually, I suppose after experiencing Operation Crossroads together, much like how I felt a bond with Sakawa, I felt as if I had to talk to you about this.
I understand that you feel lonely here, and I would never in good conscience allow you to go through this nightmare phrase alone."
"Because you did?"
Nagato flinching was all Saratoga needed to know that she had committed a faux pas, hastily adding.
"I'm sorry."
But Nagato shook her head slowly, allowing the tension to flow from her body as she remarked.
"You're right in that regard, so I can't fault you for that."
The "You still shouldn't have said that, though." went unsaid.
Saratoga meekly nodded before the atmosphere became heavy again, lapsing into silence as Saratoga allowed the chirping of crickets to fill the silence, before Saratoga felt that the tension between them was too much for her to bear.
Ah, why couldn't she be out on the ocean right now, sinking some Abyssals?
"I-I have something to confess, since we're having this heart-to-heart session."
Nagato looked interested in what she had to say, her expression now shifting into one of gentleness and patience as she waited for the Lexington-Class carrier to continue at her own pace.
"You know, on the day of the Able and Baker Tests, I couldn't help but feel differing emotions from everyone, despite being made of steel. Some accepted their fate and faced death with dignity, others were crying, or at least feeling extremely sad since as warships, we didn't have the necessary organs to shed tears. Others were angry, like they'd been betrayed, and…"
Saratoga's throat now felt sore, like there was some sort of strange lump there, and her eyes were watering despite her attempts to remain emotionally neutral about her past.
" … And that we were being thrown away like used tissue paper, now deemed useless after serving our intended purpose, and… *Hic* And…"
Saratoga felt that she was losing control of her shaking body as she tried to bring her breathing under control and attempted to blink away her tears in vain, bitterly finishing her sentence.
"... And… And despite everything we did for them, it didn't stop us from dying like dogs at the hands of our own people… *Hic* That hurt more than anything else!"
Nagato was silent as Saratoga leaned over and rested her head on the battleship's left shoulder, softly crying and wetting Nagato's shirt as she sobbed, feeling her heart ache painfully.
She softly asked, phrase by phrase in between sobs.
"I'm… I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the humans will discard us again when this war's over, like they did before… And I know that it's wrong for me not to trust my own countrymen, but when I remember how I died…"
Shuddering in genuine fear, she asked Nagato.
"Nagato-san, is there a future for us after the war?"
Nagato contemplated the question while Saratoga did her best to bring her left hand up and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as she swallowed the lump in her throat.
And Nagato finally answered to the best of her ability, trying to give her own, honest opinion on things as she raised her left hand to reach behind Saratoga, bringing her in closer for a hug.
"Although I do wish for us to live in peace with humanity, I admit that there is always the off chance that we could be seen as a threat to their way of life, or even their survival despite having protected them against the Abyssal threat for two decades. And although I also understand that a majority of both populations, human and ship girl alike, would rather live in peace than fight another war, there will always exist extremists on both sides who will always have the loudest voice and garner the most attention by playing on everyone's fears and saying that the other side is responsible for their people's woes, attempt to draw first blood and allow mass hysteria to do the rest. After all, that's pretty much how wars start, no?"
Nodding sadly, Saratoga's spirit was now in the dumps as she lowered her head, understanding that Nagato had something else to add so as not to cause this conversation on an even more depressing note than when they first started.
"But there is hope. The Soviets and Americans understood that dropping nukes on everyone is, and if I'll use a rather uncharacteristic but accurate word to describe it, absolutely stupid since it's a no-win situation where the only thing everyone stands to gain is radiation sickness from the fallout and a slow death.
The Cold War never escalated into the next World War, so I think our sacrifices might have meant something in the grand scheme of things in showing the destructiveness of those dreaded weapons."
Nagato then looked down at Saratoga, and she could see that the Japanese battleship had been through quite a lot in her time on Earth in the 21st century, and knew that despite humanity's capability of making great mistakes, they could also accomplish wonders.
"As to whether we can live peacefully after the war, the best words that describe my own feelings for our safety till the end of days is 'cautious faith'. No doubt mankind is capable of extreme xenophobia, but that is because they only see the differences between them and us, not the similarities.
If we were to actively pursue peace while keeping the horrors of war in mind, I do believe we can live in peace with them."
Saratoga nodded, understanding Nagato's beliefs a little better now and deciding to put her faith in Nagato's words, that there was a happy ending for them all at the end of this war.
A girl could dream.