"Ugh, when's dinner gonna be ready? I'm starving over here, Namikaze!"
"Oh, calm your tits, Kiryu." Haru snorted as he helped Tamamo set the plates. "You should be lucky I even let you stay for dinner since you helped set up Asia's room."
"Ouch, so cold!" Aika said in mock hurt, hands over her chest. "Jeanne-san, do you hear this?"
The saint giggled into her hand. "I think Haru would have let you stay for dinner regardless of your contribution. After all, you two are friends, right?"
The male redhead gagged. "Not on your life."
"We're not friends, just acquaintances." the female pervert replied. "Though I wouldn't mind getting to know Namikaze here a bit better. At the very least, I want details on the night he and Tamamo consumate their marriage!" She paused, then looked up at the ceiling. "You know, I never realized this, but I just asked you what sex with a goddess is like. What the hell has my life become?"
"I've been asking that question since the day Tama-chan came into my life." Haru deadpanned. "And no sex talk at the table! Especially around Asia!"
"Oho~ Getting into the big brother role already, eh?"
Asia pouted. "I-I know what sex is." she said. "I'm sixteen, not twelve!"
Aika grinned at this and leaned forward. Haru already heard the warning bells go off in his head. "Kiryuu Aika, don't you fucking—"
"If you know what sex is, then you gotta know how it's done right? Like, the fishing hook dangling between a guy's legs goes—"
"Miss Aika." Jeanne's smile turned frigid. The girl shuddered and felt as if the scythe of the grim reaper was pressing against her throat. "Finish that sentence, and mark my words, we will be discussing what is appropriate and what is not. Am I clear?"
"... crystal." she mumbled. Satisfied, Jeanne went back to helping Tamamo with the finishing touches. Watching the blonde-haired woman go, Aika looked at Haru in wonder. "You know, I already pegged you for a beast, but goddamn Namikaze. Where in the heck did you find an ojou like that?"
"Long story."
A very long one indeed. He was still shocked by the fact that he brought Jeanne d'Arc back to life. Granted, his knowledge on the French Revolution and all things Catholic were a bit rusty and nearly non-existent, but he did remember that the woman was technically revered as a saint. Actually, now that he thought about it, meeting Jeanne must have been like a dream come true for Asia, since she was a believer of god and a nun. Meeting a Saint in the flesh was the same as a fan meeting their favorite idol in person.
That said, Haru felt like he should stay on his toes around her. That smile, he swore it was the smile of the angel of death.
"Dinner's ready~"
Tamamo came out of the kitchen, a bounce in her step. One by one, she filled everyone's plates. The aroma was enough to make Haru's mouth water. Asia herself looked like she couldn't wait to dig in. Neither could Aika, as she practically salivated over the steaming hot slab of stake before her.
The former nun put her hands together and bowed her head. "Oh, Lord, thank you for—ouch!" Asia yelped and cradled her head, weeping at the painful reminder that she could not say any prayers. One would think she would learn after several dozen attempts and headaches. Jeanne rubbed her back in comfort.
"Eh? Asia-chan, what's the matter?"
"Oh, right. You can't pray anymore because you're a Devil." Tamamo recalled. "Ooh, you poor thing—ah!" The vixen yelped as a white blur leaped up to the table and snatched up one of the pieces of food she was just ready to put into her mouth. "W-Why you thieving little furball! I was gonna feed that to my darling Haru!"
"Fhough!" Fou jeered, a piece of meat in his mouth. With a battle cry, Tamamo leaped out of her seat and over the table while Fou sprinted off into a run.
It was truly a crazy day for the Namikaze household, but it was also one of the best days Haru could ask for.
In the midst of all the craziness and insanity that had been his life, from dealing with Fallen Angels and rogue exorcists and to trying to help Asia get back on her feet, Haru had completely forgotten about the four-day holiday that was Golden Week. It had practically snuck up on him out of nowhere a mere day before the holidays began, with Aika asking him what his plans were. Last minute though they were, Haru had ultimately decided that, after helping Asia out, it was time to help Jeanne acclimate to Kuoh.
The saint had been meaning to explore the town and familiarize herself with the city, though both he and her had agreed that helping Asia took priority. Tamamo was disappointed, but he had promised to make it up to her by taking her out on a date. The idea of taking a girl out brought back chilling memories of his time with Yuuma, but Haru forced them down. She was out of his life for the forseeable future, and for her sake, it had better stay that way. While he had forgiven her, he had not forgotten her actions and was going to make sure she remembered what would happen if they crossed paths again. There had been another reason why Haru wanted to take her out on a date. Two, actually.
The first was simple. While neither had a ring on their person, Tamamo had declared them to be married. Haru liked to think they were dating, but kept his opinion to himself. After all, he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't be interested in marrying a girl like her, especially since she matched everything he could have ever wanted in a wife, and then some. If they were married, it was only right he take her out to dinner every once in a while.
The second reason was that it would be a good way to have an opportunity to ask her if she could teach him how to fight, or maybe teach him how to use magic. He had been completely useless in trying to defend Asia. He barely managed to win against Freed and almost died again. He didn't want to be weak and helpless again and have someone come and try to save him. He wanted to get stronger.
Though danger was nowhere on the horizon, given his track record and the fact that he was now involved in a world that was way over his head, Haru thought it was better to be safe than sorry and learn how to defend himself.
For now, however, Haru would focus on the present. And that was, namely, shopping for groceries.
"Sorry to ask you to come with me, Haru." Jeanne apologized. The two were walking side by side, carrying plastic bags filled with all sorts of food stuffs. "I tried asking Tamamo, but she was busy helping Asia with something. I'm not entirely sure what it was, though."
"It's fine." he told her. "Plus, it's a good way for me to show you around the city. How're you doing so far? I mean, it took Tama-chan a while to get used to this place."
"Oh, it's going well so far. Granted, the layout of this city is much different than the ones I'm used to. But I think I'm starting to understand it better." She smiled.
Haru smiled in turn. That was good. He was afraid that Jeanne would experience culture shock, given how vastly different modern cities are compared to villages and towns of France back in her time period. At least she was adjusting well. She was even wearing some modern day clothes given to her by Tamamo.
He would never voice it out loud, out of fear of divine punishment, but he had to admit that Jeanne looked good. She was dressed in a pair of navy shorts and thigh high socks of the same shade. She wore a blue jacket over a white, sleeveless buttoned blouse with a navy tie. In all honesty, it suited her well and emphasized her curves.
Of course, Jeanne was a beauty already. Haru wondered if this whole Heaven's Feel thing just resurrected beautiful women, and if so, thanked the high heavens for it.
"Speaking of Asia, though, I noticed she's been calling you Angel-sama." Haru grinned. "What's that about?"
Jeanne's cheeks turned red. "She thinks I'm an angel. Honestly, I'm very flattered that she thinks of me as such, but I'm definitely human. I don't understand why she calls me that."
"From what I heard, you were the one who gave her the courage to accept Rias' offer, saying God would still love her and all. That, and you look like an angel."
"Careful, Haru. Tamamo may get jealous."
The boy froze mid-step as the realization struck him like a thunderbolt. A chill went down his spine as his mind conjured up the image of an envious Tamamo. "... You're right… I'm sorry. But it's kinda the truth… not that I mean it in a different way!"
Jeanne smiled at him, a smile that nearly made his heart stop. She really did look angelic. No wonder Asia called her "Angel-sama".
"Well, either way, thank you for the compliment. By the way, what are you thinking about doing for dinner?"
"Oh, well I was thinking—"
He didn't finish, namely because he suddenly found himself being lifted off the ground and carried into the air at a rapid pace. He let out a scream of terror and dropped the bags of groceries. He frantically flailed in the hopes that whatever force had nabbed him would let him go, but immediately dropped the idea when he saw how far away the ground was becoming. He was almost afraid to look and see what even grabbed him, but his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly, he looked up and gawked, finding a man in blue robes with gray wings behind his back, face exactly like that of a certain mask shops were known to sell during a festival.
"Y-You gotta be kidding me..." he whimpered. "I knew Devils and Angels were real, but come on! Even Tengu?!"
"Sorry 'bout this." the Tengu apologized to him. "We'll return you back to your home after everything is over."
"THAT DOES NOT ASSURE ME IN THE LEAST!"
Jeanne stared blankly, rapidly blinking and watching as the Tengu drove out of sight. After her brain caught up with what had just happened, she sighed. "Tamamo is going to be so angry..." She grabbed the discarded bag of groceries that Haru had dropped and set them off to the side of the road before she took out the cell phone that Azazel was happy enough to provide her, quickly calling up a number. "Hello? Asia? Sorry, but could you tell Tamamo that I'll be late getting home? Haru was kidnapped by a Tengu and... What? N-No, no! Don't cry! I'll be back with him shortly!"
And thus, this was how Namikaze Haru had found himself in the clutches of a Tengu that came out of nowhere and wasn't so much fearing for his life, but more tired about finding himself in this sort of situation. He was definitely going to get training after this was said and done.
Still, at least the Tengu was polite.
"So, um… where are we going, exactly?" Haru asked. "I-I'm not going to be unceremoniously sacrificed in some kind of ritual, eaten by youkai or sold into slavery, right?"
"Oh no, nothing like that. Yasaka-sama simply wishes to speak with you." the Tengu assured him. "You stirred up quite the hornet's nest, Namikaze-shounen. If I may ask, is it true you summoned Tamamo-no-Mae-sama?"
The human opened his mouth to answer, but couldn't say a word as the Tengu let out a scream of pain. Something had pierced his chest, a cackling spear made entirely of thunder. The Tengu's grip slackened and Haru paled.
A second later, he was falling through the air, flailing and screaming.
"Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit-OSHIIIIIIIIIIIIII—!"
His panic reached an all-time high when he realized he was diving head-first towards a roof. He shielded his arms and hoped to every god in existence that this Heaven's Feel thing was still going to make him a new body if he turned to paste. He braced for impact and welcomed death. Fortunately, the rate at which he was falling and the roof's weak structure worked in his favor and the roof shattered, though it caused him a great deal of pain as wood snapped and splinters cut into his body. He fell further into the building, smashing through floors before he came to his last stop, splashing straight into a pool of water.
Water filled his lungs, screaming and flailing. The pool wasn't too deep as he soon broke free to the surface, hacking up a lung. "Hack-gagh! Holy shit this water's hot! Fucking hell! If this is the kind of crap sky divers go through, leave me the hell out of it!"
"... Namikaze?"
The redhead paused. Was that...? No, surely, that couldn't have been...
He turned his head. There she was, in all of her naked and surprisingly beautiful glory Kiryuu Aika, staring at him and blinking.
"... Aika? What the fuck are you doing here?"
"That's what I wanna know." she shot back. "How in the flying hell did you come crashing down through the roof? And why are you here in Kyoto?"
Haru stared at her for a few more seconds before he registered what she just said, then recalled what the Tengu told him.
Kyoto. Youkai. Yasaka. Tamamo.
He sunk back into the hot springs. This couldn't possibly get any worse.
The ground shook before something else came crashing down through the roof of the building they were in. Aika let out a surprised yelp as water splashed all over her, spluttering in disbelief while rubbing her eyes to get the water out. When she looked up, she paled. Haru looked behind him.
A giant monster with blue skin and long hair stood there, easily ten feet tall and wielding a giant spiked metal club. The most defining feature was the giant horn sticking out in the middle of its forehead.
"Alright, you jabronies!" the oni spoke like a thug and sneered at the two humans. "Which one of ya is that damned onmyouji who dares claim he resurrected Tamamo-no-Mae-sama?!"
There was really one thing he could say to that.
Fuck. My. Life.