The first thing I felt was the weight.
It was a sensation of density that spread through my entire body, as if I were submerged in pitch. My eyelids felt sealed; my limbs, distant. I tried to move my fingers, and they barely responded.
How much time...?
My mind struggled to emerge from a thick fog. Memory fragments floated without connection: the bamboo, the blood on my hand, Xiao Yue's golden eyes filled with terror.
After that, nothing.
I tried to open my eyes. The light filtered in gradually, diffuse and golden. The ceiling I saw was different from the one in my room; it had dark wood beams and delicate carvings that I recognized vaguely.
The Silent Bamboo Pavilion.
I was in Xiao Yue's pavilion.
I turned my head with effort. The room was spacious, decorated with the same elegant minimalism that characterized my lady's entire space. The rice paper walls let in a soft light. Beside me was a low table with water jars, empty bowls, and clean cloths.
And two figures.
Liling was sitting on the floor, her head resting against the edge of the futon where I lay. Her hair, usually impeccable, was disheveled. Her eyes were closed, but her face showed tension even in sleep. One of her hands rested near mine, as if she had been holding it before falling asleep.
Xiao Yue was further away, sitting with a straight back on a cushion by the window. Her golden eyes looked out toward the garden, but there was something lost in that gaze. Her hands rested in her lap, but I saw how her fingers tensed and relaxed in a repetitive pattern.
She had dark circles under her eyes. Xiao Yue, who always looked flawless, had pronounced dark circles.
I tried to speak, but my throat was so dry that only a raspy sound came out. It was enough.
Liling woke up with a start. Her eyes went wide. She looked at me for a full second, as if she couldn't process what she was seeing. Then she began to cry.
"Kenji." Her voice broke on the first syllable. "Kenji, you are awake."
She lunged forward; her hands found my shoulders, my face, my neck, as if she needed to confirm I was real. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she let out small, ragged sobs.
"I thought... I thought you weren't going to wake up. The doctor said it could be days, or weeks, or that maybe..." She didn't finish the sentence. Instead, she hugged me carefully, as if she feared I might break.
Xiao Yue had stood up suddenly. She remained motionless by the window, her face a mask of iron control. But I saw how her hands trembled. I saw how she blinked rapidly, fighting against tears she refused to shed.
"Liling," I said hoarsely, "I can't... breathe well."
She pulled away immediately, wiping her tears with the back of her hand while laughing through her sobs.
"I am sorry, I am sorry. It is just... two days, Kenji. Two days have passed."
Two days.
"Water," I managed to say.
Liling moved with professional speed, recovering part of her composure. She helped me sit up enough to drink. The cool liquid went down my throat like a gift.
While I drank, my eyes found Xiao Yue. She was still standing by the window, but now she was looking directly at me. There was something devastating in that look: guilt, fear, relief. Everything mixed in an emotional storm she was struggling to contain.
"Young Mistress," I said, my voice still weak but clearer. "Are you alright?"
It was the wrong question.
Something broke in her expression. Her eyes filled with tears that she fought furiously to hold back. Her hands clenched into fists so tight that her knuckles turned white.
"If I am alright?" Her voice came out shaky, somewhere between controlled and on the verge of collapse. "You ask me if I am alright?"
She turned around abruptly, looking toward the garden. I saw how her shoulders tensed and how her back arched slightly.
"The doctor is going to come," she said finally, her voice regaining some of its usual control, though it was still fragile. "Liling, go find him."
"But, Young Mistress..."
"Now."
The tone admitted no reply. Liling gave me a worried look before getting up and leaving the room. Her footsteps moved quickly down the corridor. We were left alone.
The silence stretched for a moment. Xiao Yue remained with her back to me, motionless as a statue. But I could see the tension in every line of her body.
"Young Mistress," I tried again.
"No." Her voice sounded broken. "Do not say anything until the doctor arrives... Please."
It was rare for Xiao Yue to say please. She never showed vulnerability like that. I lay back down, respecting her request. My body protested with a dull but manageable pain. Worse was the feeling of emptiness in my chest, as if something fundamental was missing.
The minutes passed with torturous slowness.
Finally, I heard multiple footsteps approaching. Liling entered first, followed by an older man with a gray beard and a physician's robe. He carried a worn leather case and had the serious expression of someone accustomed to bad news.
"Doctor Chen," Liling said, "he is awake."
The doctor approached and placed his case beside the futon. He examined me with efficient movements: he took my pulse, observed my eyes, and asked questions about how I felt. Xiao Yue finally approached, standing on the other side of the room. Her face had regained its mask of ice, but her eyes betrayed her.
"The symptoms are stable," the doctor declared finally. "The Qi collapse was severe, but there is no permanent damage to the vital organs. Full recovery will take weeks, but..."
He stopped, exchanging a look with Xiao Yue.
"There is something else," I continued for him, my voice calm.
The doctor nodded slowly.
"Young Kenji, during your unconsciousness, I performed an exhaustive examination of your meridian system." He paused. "The results are... conclusive."
My chest tightened. I already knew what he was going to say.
"Your meridians are severely blocked. It is not a temporary blockage or something that can be overcome with time. It is a congenital condition. Your channels never formed correctly." His voice was professional. "You cannot cultivate... You will never be able to do so."
The words fell in the room like stones in a still lake. I received them with a strange calm. Part of me had already suspected it: all those times I tried to feel Qi and found nothing; the way my body rejected the exposure to Xiao Yue's Qi during the experiment.
"I understand," I said simply.
It was Xiao Yue who reacted.
"No!" Her voice cut through the air. "You cannot simply accept it like that."
I turned to look at her. Her golden eyes burned with a fierce intensity. The tears she had been holding back finally threatened to overflow.
"Young Mistress..."
"I have demanded you train," she said, her voice trembling between fury and pain. "For days... I have made you fight until your muscles screamed. Liling has hit you over and over again."
Her hands were trembling openly now.
"And for what? For nothing. Because your body never could... because you never..."
Her voice broke completely. She turned away again, but not before I saw the tears finally escape down her cheeks.
"It is my fault," she whispered. "I hurt you. You fainted because I... my Qi wounded you. And now I discover that everything I have made you suffer has been useless from the beginning."
Liling had started to cry again, more silently this time, wiping her cheeks as she looked between Xiao Yue and me. Doctor Chen cleared his throat.
"There is more you must know. Exposure to cultivated Qi, especially in large amounts, will cause adverse reactions in your body: pain, nausea, and potential collapse if prolonged." He looked at me directly. "You must maintain your distance when cultivators use their abilities actively."
"How much distance?" I asked.
"Ten steps as a minimum during combat or intense practice. In normal situations, casual proximity is fine. You can be near cultivators, you can touch them, and interact normally. But when they channel Qi deliberately, especially in large amounts, you must move away."
Xiao Yue let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob.
"Perfect," she said with bitterness. "Not only can you not cultivate; you cannot even be near when others do it. Everything I have tried to build with you... every plan, every technique you designed..."
"Young Mistress," my voice came out firmer than I felt. "Look at me."
She did not move.
"Please."
Slowly, Xiao Yue turned. Her face was stained with tears she no longer tried to hide. Seeing this woman, always so controlled and cold in appearance, crying openly for me, did something to my chest.
"It was not your fault," I said clearly. "The technique was experimental. We both knew it. I accepted the risk."
"But I..."
"No," I interrupted her. "And this," I made a vague gesture toward my body, "does not change anything fundamental."
"How can you say that?" Her voice rose in pitch. "I have trained you for days. For what? So that you die in the first real encounter with a hostile cultivator? You are vulnerable, Kenji. Completely vulnerable in a place where strength is everything."
She finally approached, falling to her knees beside the futon. Her hands found mine, holding them with an almost desperate intensity.
"I cannot protect you if you cannot cultivate. I cannot... I cannot lose you."
The last part came out as a broken whisper. Liling sobbed audibly behind her, covering her mouth with both hands.
"Young Mistress," I said softly, squeezing her hands, "I do not need to cultivate to be useful. My value was never in my physical strength."
"Your technique," she whispered. "It worked perfectly. You are brilliant, Kenji. And now you are trapped in a body that will never be able to realize your own genius."
There was a devastating sadness in those words.
"The techniques I created work because I understand the principles," I replied. "I can keep designing. My mind is not blocked."
"But you will be in danger. Always. And I..." her voice broke again. "I cannot bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me again."
I sat up with effort, ignoring the protests of my body. Doctor Chen made a noise of disapproval but did not intervene. Once sitting, I could look Xiao Yue directly in the eyes.
"Then I will make you a promise," I said. "I will be more careful. I will maintain my distance when you practice. I will learn to read the warning signs. I will not collapse like this again."
"Kenji..."
"But I am not going to leave you. I am not going to go away just because my body has limitations. We will find a way to make it work."
Xiao Yue looked at me for a long moment. Then, to my complete surprise, she leaned forward and rested her forehead against mine. Her tears fell onto our intertwined hands.
"You are an idiot," she whispered. "A stubborn and frustrating idiot."
"Probably."
"And I do not know what I would do without you."
Liling, unable to contain herself any longer, lunged forward and wrapped us both in a desperate embrace. She sobbed openly against Xiao Yue's shoulder.
"I love you both so much," she said through tears. "I do not want anything bad to happen to you. Ever."
We stayed like that for a moment, the three of us intertwined in that small space. It was chaotic and emotional and completely out of Xiao Yue's normal character. But it was also real.
Doctor Chen eventually cleared his throat.
"I must insist that young Kenji rests. His body has gone through significant trauma. He needs weeks of proper recovery."
Xiao Yue pulled away slowly, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"Kenji will stay here," she declared with an authority that admitted no discussion. "In the pavilion. Where Liling and I can watch over him properly."
"Young Mistress, it is not necessary..."
"Yes, it is." Her tone was final. "I am not going to let you out of my sight. Not after this."
The doctor nodded.
"It is a sensible decision. He will need constant supervision during the first week." He stood up, picking up his case. "I will come daily to check his progress. Meanwhile, absolute rest. No physical effort, no intense activity."
"Understood," I replied.
The doctor bowed slightly toward Xiao Yue.
"Young Mistress, a word in private before I leave."
Xiao Yue followed him toward the door. They spoke in low voices, but I caught fragments: something about adjustments to my diet, herbs to strengthen my weakened body, and long term precautions.
When the doctor finally left, Xiao Yue returned and sat beside me. Her composure had mostly returned, but vulnerability still peeked through the edges of her expression.
"I have something else to tell you," she began, her voice more controlled but still trembling. "And I need you to understand that I mean it completely seriously."
"I am listening."
"During these two days, while you were unconscious, I have had a lot of time to think." Her hands intertwined in her lap. "About what it means that you cannot cultivate. About the dangers that represents. And about my responsibility in all of this."
"Young Mistress..."
"Let me finish." Her voice hardened slightly. "I have reached a conclusion. You cannot cultivate, but that does not mean you must be defenseless. I am going to find other ways to protect you. Defensive artifacts. Talismans. Protective formations. Whatever is necessary, once I prove my worth in the clan..."
"That is expensive..."
"I do not care about the cost." Her golden eyes shone with fierce determination. "I am going to make sure you are safe."
Liling, who had been silently wiping her tears, finally spoke.
"The Young Mistress is right. Between the two of us, we can keep you protected. You can keep doing your work, keep helping us. We will just have to be more careful about where and when."
I felt overwhelmed by their genuine concern.
"There is something else," Xiao Yue continued, her voice dropping almost to a whisper. "These two days... seeing you there, so still, not knowing if you would wake up..." Her hands trembled. "I realized something I have been denying."
She stopped, as if the next words were physically difficult to say.
"I care about you. Much more than I should care about a servant. More than is appropriate or sensible." She looked up to meet my eyes. "And the idea of losing you, of my Qi killing you because of my carelessness... that terrified me more than anything I have ever felt before."
"I care about you too," I said finally, with simple honesty. "Both of you... you are important to me."
Liling let out another sob, but this time she smiled through her tears.
"We are a strange family, aren't we? An ignored young lady, an overly emotional bodyguard, and a servant who cannot cultivate but designs master-level techniques."
In spite of everything, I laughed.
"The most dysfunctional family in the Silver Cloud Clan."
Xiao Yue let out a small laugh. My last thoughts before falling asleep again were simple:
I cannot cultivate. That is fine. I will find another way to be valuable, and I will find a cure for my condition... and for that, I need Xiu Mei.
********
Clicking the like button is the easiest way to tell me you want more.
I'll be picking this story back up in the next few days. Having so many projects on my plate at once has left me with almost no free time! In the meantime, if you want to read ahead, you can find up to Chapter 35 at Patreon.com/shurazero.