Anger took control of me, but sanity never left.
That is the difference between monsters and men. Monsters lose themselves. I never do.
I felt it rising the moment I saw the way you looked at him again. That softness. That unguarded steadiness. The kind of gaze that says I am safe here. Safe. With him. It burned. But I did not shout. I did not rush. I did not make mistakes. I went to the station myself. Calm...Measured...Professional.
I brought a "concern." A pattern observation. A quiet suggestion that perhaps the recent incidents were not random after all. That perhaps someone close to the case might be unknowingly influencing its direction. A warning. Subtle. Intelligent. Plausible.
I even phrased it in a way that would circle gently around him. No accusations. Just seeds. I thought you'd appreciate it. I thought maybe you'd see what I was doing for you. But I never imagined what would follow.
You didn't grow suspicious of him. You grew closer. You and Noah in late-night discussions. You and Noah reviewing files shoulder to shoulder. You and Noah arguing theories like equals. You stopped looking at me with desperation. You started looking at him with certainty.
Noah Knox.
Say his name slowly and it feels almost harmless. He was my first friend. The first person who laughed at my dry humor instead of staring. The first who trusted my conclusions without needing proof. The first who said, "You've got me." And I believed him. We walked into scenes together. We shared coffee between autopsies. We solved cases like Holmes. I let him in in my world. I do not let people in. And now...he stands in the space that belongs to me.
Why is it you? Why are you the one pulling him away? Why are you the one he chooses to protect? You were never supposed to intersect. You were supposed to orbit me. Both of you. But now the lines cross where they shouldn't. And I see it clearly. He steadies you. You humanize him. And I am outside the circle.
No. No, I will not accept that. I watched you both from across the bullpen today. You leaned in when he spoke. You didn't flinch when he touched your arm. You trusted him. You never trusted anyone like that. Not even when I offered you calm. Not even when I listened to your panic without judgment. You don't look at me that way. You look at him like he's solid ground. And something inside me shifted from irritation to decision.
Noah Knox. I need you gone. Out of the station. Out of the investigation. Out of his life. Out of this world.
You were my first friend. You don't get to betray me like this. You don't get to take what is mine. You don't get to stand in my way and smile as if we are still allies. You once told me, "Whatever happens, we handle it together." You meant criminals. You never imagined I would be the storm. But I am still sane. That's the part you'll never understand.
Every move I make is deliberate. Every escalation justified. Every removal necessary. You think you're protecting him. But you are only delaying the inevitable. If you step aside, you live. If you don't...then you become part of the story too. And I am very good at writing endings.
Evan. You don't see it yet. But you will.
When the ground beneath you cracks again. When the one you trust falters. When certainty turns fragile. You will look around for something constant. And I will be there. I have always been there. You just never knew my name.
Kai.
My name is...
Dr Kai Varun.
And I surely do not lose what belongs to me.