One week later. Ninja Academy Classroom.
Because of the "Flying Heart Incident" on the first day, Fuka Yamanaka was mentally unstable and took a three-week leave of absence.
Although Hiruzen Sarutobi had begun to doubt his own charm, this did not hinder his daily routine of acting like a lunatic.
He continued to disgust the female classmates with his winks and poses, as usual.
Danzo and Mizuna watched Hiruzen, who was currently winking at a girl, with speechless expressions.
After class, the three of them went to the playground. Mizuna and Danzo stepped aside to discuss how to make their friend normal again.
"Danzo... we have to find a way to make Hiruzen realize his situation."
"I think you're right, Mizuna. It's time to let Hiruzen know that reality is cruel."
The two plotted in secret.
Hiruzen, completely oblivious, was too busy throwing winks at girls on the playground to notice his friends conspiring against him.
Seeing Hiruzen's behavior, the duo became even more determined.
The Plan:
Danzo would distract Hiruzen for a while. Mizuna would stay behind and attract the attention of all the girls in class. When Hiruzen returned, he would be forced to face the harsh reality of the gap between them.
They exchanged a glance, looked at Hiruzen, and confirmed the plan with a nod. Execution: Today.
Inside the classroom.
Hana Kurama decided to do something big while her loud-mouthed best friend Fuka Yamanaka was absent. She was going to confess to her long-time crush.
She looked at Kagami Uchiha, who was quietly reading a book in his seat, and recalled their first meeting.
That day, she was picking flowers in the back hills to help Fuka with a new arrangement.
While she was focused on picking flowers, a wild boar suddenly appeared behind her. The boar charged at her like a madman. She scrambled to dodge, and the boar crashed into a tree stump, getting its tusks stuck. However, Hana twisted her ankle. When she tried to stand up, the pain made her fall again.
By then, the boar had freed its tusks.
Just as it turned to gore Hana, a figure flashed in front of her.
"Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!"
The boar squealed and was instantly turned into roast pork.
Kagami Uchiha walked out of the flames and extended a hand to her.
"Are you okay? Can you still move?"
Hana would never forget the boy's smile that day.
Since then, they met often and even went to the Lantern Festival together.
But Hana didn't know what Kagami thought of her. Did he like her back?
So, she decided to seize the opportunity while her blabbermouth bestie was away and confess.
She took out a paper airplane she had folded in advance and threw it toward Kagami.
Unexpectedly, a gust of evil wind blew through the window, sending the paper airplane off course. Hana watched in horror as it spiraled out of control.
The paper airplane landed perfectly on Hiruzen Sarutobi's desk.
Hana panicked. She couldn't find the plane, and the contents were extremely embarrassing. But she was more afraid of missing her chance.
So, she quickly wrote another note, placed it on Kagami's desk, and ran out.
Kagami saw her run out and wanted to chase her, but then he saw the note. He opened it curiously.
"Meet me in the small woods behind the school later."
Kagami blushed. He knew exactly why Hana ran away.
At that moment, Hiruzen and the boys returned to the classroom. Hiruzen found a paper airplane on his desk. He noticed writing on it and opened it.
"Meet me in the small woods later. I have something to tell you."
Hiruzen instantly leaped onto his desk, pointing at the paper in his hand, and shouted to Mizuna and Danzo:
"I told you my charm wasn't the problem! Look! Look! It's a love letter!" Hiruzen declared arrogantly.
Danzo wanted to tell Hiruzen it might be a misunderstanding, but Mizuna stopped him.
Mizuna pulled Danzo aside and whispered:
"This is the perfect opportunity. You take him there. When he finds out it's not for him, he'll be disappointed. Then, bring him back to class to face reality. That will wake him up completely."
Danzo thought about it and agreed.
Mizuna is our best friend. He wouldn't prank Hiruzen for no reason, right?
Actually, Mizuna was going to tell Hiruzen the truth, until he heard a voice in his head.
[Ding! Mission Issued: Help Hiruzen Sarutobi realize his true self! Reward will be determined by the degree of his realization!]
Mizuna looked at Hiruzen, who was hopping around on the desk like a monkey.
Forgive me, Hiruzen... This is the last time... Mizuna thought.
Hiruzen, unaware of his impending doom, shouted:
"Stop capping! Have you ever received one? This is a Konoha-certified Love Letter! You can only watch Brother Hiruzen accept it! GANA!" (Note: Likely meant "Jia Na" / See ya).
Hiruzen sprinted out.
"Hiruzen!"
Danzo chased after him.
Mizuna watched them leave with a helpless expression.
---
Scene Change: The Small Woods.
Hiruzen and Danzo were hiding in the bushes.
Hiruzen was excited, panting like a bull in heat.
Then, Hana Kurama walked into the clearing.
Seeing it was Hana, Hiruzen got even more excited.
"Should I play hard to get first? Or should I accept her feelings immediately?" Hiruzen debated internally.
Danzo saw Hiruzen's face and knew he wasn't thinking anything holy.
Seeing Hiruzen about to rush out, Danzo pulled him back.
"Wait, look. Someone else is coming."
Hiruzen got excited again. A threesome?
Then he saw Kagami Uchiha.
"What is he doing here?" Hiruzen was confused.
Danzo signaled for him to stay quiet and observe.
Kagami and Hana stood there, blushing and looking at each other without speaking.
After a while, Kagami spoke first.
"Um... Hana... what did you want to see me about?"
Hiruzen: ? Wasn't she looking for me?
Seeing Kagami speak, Hana dropped her reserve.
"Kagami-kun! I've liked you for a long time! Please go out with me! Ever since you saved me in the back mountain, I've liked you! I like you very, very much!"
Hana used all her courage to shout these words.
Hiruzen: ?? No? Bro!
Danzo was struggling desperately not to laugh.
No! I can't laugh! If I laugh, Hiruzen is finished! Danzo thought.
Hiruzen couldn't take it anymore. He rushed out of the bushes.
"OI! Wait! I..."
Before Hiruzen could finish, Kagami spoke.
"I'm sorry... not right now!"
Hana felt all her strength leave her body. She started crying and asked why.
Seeing Hana cry, Hiruzen lost it.
"Oi oi oi! A woman's tears are too spicy to be a side dish!" (Note: Baki / Yujiro Hanma meme).
Hiruzen charged forward to hit Kagami.
But Kagami spoke again.
"We're still too young. I think we should wait until we're older. Besides... how could I let a girl be the one to confess?"
Saying this, Kagami took Hana's hand.
Hana, with red, teary eyes, looked at Kagami's gentle gaze and smiled.
"I'll wait for you," Hana said softly.
Hiruzen stood there, stupefied. His eyes lost their light. He was frozen like a statue.
The couple finally noticed Hiruzen.
"Do you know him?" Kagami asked.
Hana, holding Kagami's hand, smiled and replied:
"He's irrelevant..." (Note: "Bu Xiang Gan" / Unrelated person).
Then, the two walked hand-in-hand back toward the classroom.
Hiruzen watched them walk away and muttered:
"The one time my heart beats for someone... and you make me lose so thoroughly! Hahahaha... F!"
Hiruzen smashed a jar (where did he get that?) onto the ground. Smash!
Suddenly, a red nose and strange makeup appeared on his face. Even his hair turned green.
He had become a living Joker.
Danzo walked up and was stunned by the sudden cosplay. He patted Hiruzen's shoulder, about to offer some comfort.
But Hiruzen interrupted him.
"Danzo... A true man forgives a woman's lies!" (Note: Sanji / One Piece quote).
Danzo thought Hiruzen had accepted reality. But then...
"Besides, I still have a pile of girls secretly in love with me. I'm going to find them to comfort me now."
Hiruzen wiped the makeup off his face, his hair turned black again, and he marched toward the classroom.
Danzo felt a sense of impending doom. He tried to stop Hiruzen, but the boy had already vanished. Danzo sprinted toward the classroom.
---
Inside the Classroom.
"Mizuna-kun! Do you want to come to my house over the break? My cat can do backflips!"
"My dog Wangcai can do it too!"
"That's nothing, my fish can do it!"
"Come to my house! My dad can do backflips!"
A crowd of girls surrounded Mizuna, making him very awkward.
"Everyone, please pause for a second, I..."
Before Mizuna could finish, a familiar Vocal Fry echoed through the room.
"Oi oi oi~ Ladies~ Don't trouble my friend~ I'm right here~ I'm currently hurt by love~ Who wants to~ com~fort~ me~?"
Hiruzen raised his arms as if offering hugs to everyone.
"Can you get lost?"
"Yeah! Seeing you makes me sick!"
"Who would comfort a horny baboon with a pervert face?"
"So disgusting~"
...
A barrage of insults hit Hiruzen like a machine gun.
He froze in place.
The smile remained on his face. His mouth was wide open. He stood there, motionless, maintaining that pose and expression like a statue.
Danzo walked in and saw this scene. He didn't need to ask to know what happened.
He walked up, patted Hiruzen on the shoulder, said nothing, and sighed.
Mizuna walked up and patted Hiruzen's shoulder too.
Suddenly, Kagami Uchiha and Hana Kurama arrived back at the classroom, fashionably late.
Hana saw Hiruzen's frozen posture and whispered to Kagami:
"Kagami-kun, look. He looks like a dog!"
Her voice wasn't loud, but Hiruzen heard it clearly.
The Joker makeup reappeared on his face. A single tear rolled down from his right eye.
For the rest of the day—class, dismissal, walking home, dinner, bath—Hiruzen kept that Joker makeup and frozen expression.
His mother, Biwako (Hanako), noticed her son's strange state and got worried. She asked Sasuke Sarutobi to check on him.
Sasuke opened the door to Hiruzen's room. He saw Hiruzen lying on the bed with his back to the door.
Sasuke walked over, patted Hiruzen's back gently, and said softly:
"Son, if you're upset, just cry it out... Dad is here..."
Hearing this, Hiruzen turned around and hugged his father, burying his face in Sasuke's chest.
Sasuke noticed Hiruzen's hair wasn't green anymore and asked:
"Son... what happened?"
Hiruzen shook his head and asked Sasuke:
"Father... am I really ugly...? Do I look like a perverted baboon...?"
After a while, Hiruzen didn't hear his father answer.
"Father?"
Finally, Sasuke Sarutobi spoke.
"Son... actually... Looks aren't that important."
After a moment, Sasuke didn't hear his son respond.
He looked down.
Hiruzen had transformed back into the Joker. He looked up at his father. Although there was a smile painted on his face, his eyes were filled with absolute despair, and tears streamed down his face.
Finally...
Hiruzen Sarutobi stopped thinking.
...
---