Chapter 15: The Vodka Antidote
Penny turned her head.
David pointed at Raj with his chin. "Why don't you ask him? Raj can help you too."
Penny immediately put on an "Are you kidding me?" expression, pointing at Raj. "David, I need someone who can actually talk to me and run lines! Not someone who's gonna freeze up like a deer in headlights! Raj can't talk to women! How's that supposed to help?"
Raj himself cooperatively let out an even louder, helpless whimper, shaking his head frantically, indicating absolutely not.
In David's mind, that vague memory from his previous life resurfaced—alcohol seemed to be the only key to temporarily unlocking Raj's selective mutism.
He wasn't sure if it would still work in this reality, but it was worth a shot.
He looked at Penny, then at Raj, and said, "I've heard of a method that might work... alcohol. Maybe you could try it?"
Penny's eyes lit up; she seemed to think the idea, though odd, was worth trying. "Alcohol? Really? I think I have a bottle of vodka someone left at my place—strong enough!"
With that, she immediately turned and ran back to her apartment across the hall.
The moment Penny's back disappeared into her apartment, Leonard turned to David. "We should head to the lab now."
"Okay, let's go. Raj, I hope the alcohol works for you."
Less than a minute after David and Leonard left, Penny returned with a half-full bottle of brightly labeled vodka.
She poured a small glass and handed it to Raj, who was huddled on the couch, saying encouragingly, "Come on, Raj, give it a try?"
Raj looked at the clear liquid. He looked at Penny, then at Howard, who was watching with amusement, and Sheldon, who was expressionless. Finally, as if facing a firing squad, he closed his eyes, took the glass, and gulped it down with a loud gulp.
The burning sensation in his throat made him instantly grimace and cough.
The apartment fell silent. Penny, Howard, and Sheldon—all three pairs of eyes fixed on Raj, holding their breath.
Raj finished coughing, his face even redder. He blinked, seemingly unchanged, still looking at everyone nervously.
After several seconds of suffocating silence, Penny couldn't help but whisper, "...So? What happens now?"
Howard stroked his chin, wearing a scientist's excited smile, like someone observing a lab rat. "Hmm! David and Leonard are doing their physics experiments in the lab, and here—isn't this also an experiment? With Raj as the subject, studying alcohol's intervention effect on social anxiety. According to protocol, all we need to do now is patiently observe and record..."
"Ridiculous!" Sheldon immediately interrupted him, his face filled with disdain for Howard's imprecise wording.
"What kind of experiment is this? Howard, your description is full of unscientific emotional bias! If we were truly conducting a formal experiment titled 'The Therapeutic Effect of Alcohol on Rajesh Koothrappali's Selective Mutism,' then, following basic scientific principles,
we would at least need: first, clear control and experimental groups—for example, having Raj consume equal amounts of water, low-proof alcohol, and high-proof alcohol for comparison; second,
standardized stimuli, such as fixed-duration interaction with Raj by the same female using a standardized script and tone; third, objective quantitative assessment metrics, such as recording word count, response latency, and vocal amplitude, instead of merely relying on subjective assumptions like 'it seems effective'; fourth, a rigorous double-blind design..."
Howard retorted defiantly, "Oh, come on, Sheldon! Who cares about all that? We're not publishing a paper! We just need to see if it works! If you ask me, we should give him another drink, increase the dosage, and observe the critical threshold! That's the simple and effective method!"
"Uncontrolled incremental dosing will only introduce confounding variables that can't be analyzed!"
"But your method won't get results until sunrise!"
Just as the two were locked in debate, almost arguing about experimental design, a voice abruptly interjected, clear and steady:
"Why don't you listen to the subject's opinion?"
The voice wasn't loud, but it struck the apartment like a thunderbolt.
Howard and Sheldon's argument ceased instantly. Penny gasped, covering her mouth.
The three of them, as if frozen, slowly and incredulously turned their heads toward the source—Rajesh Koothrappali.
Raj himself didn't seem to fully realize what had happened; he just felt irritated by their argument and spoke instinctively.
He looked at their astonished expressions, somewhat puzzled, even with a hint of annoyance at the interruption, and continued, "My opinion is that this single, small-dose intake—its effect is more psychological suggestion and transient neural inhibition rather than true physiological treatment.
To establish long-term efficacy, one would need to consider..." He was getting animated, even gesturing, but as he spoke, he gradually trailed off because he noticed everyone's eyes widening as if they'd seen an extraterrestrial.
"Why are you all staring like that?" Raj asked, confused, his voice unusually clear in the quiet apartment. "If you think I'm wrong, you can challenge me; science requires debate..."
Howard's trembling finger slowly and cautiously pointed at Penny, who was standing directly in front of Raj, also wide-eyed and incredulous.
Raj followed Howard's finger and saw Penny. His gaze met Penny's shocked eyes in midair.
Time seemed to freeze.
One second.
Two seconds.
Suddenly, Raj jumped up from the couch as if electrocuted!
He looked down at his hands in disbelief, then abruptly looked up at Penny, his mouth wide enough to catch flies.
"I... I..." he stammered, trying to speak, only to find words flowing out smoothly. "I'm talking! I'm talking to... to Penny! Oh my God! The alcohol! It's the alcohol! It actually worked!" After the immense shock, an overwhelming wave of euphoria instantly engulfed him.
"Yes! Yes! Hahaha!" Raj gesticulated wildly with excitement. "I can talk! Penny! Did you hear that? I can talk to you!" He spun around excitedly like a kid.
Then he abruptly stopped, rushed to the table, grabbed the vodka bottle, poured himself another full glass, and before Penny could stop him, downed it again! This time he didn't choke as badly, his face glowing with an unprecedented flush—a mix of alcohol and extreme excitement.
He placed the glass on the table with a thud, took a deep breath, turned to Penny, and said in a voice that was slightly trembling but incredibly clear, even with theatrical flair, "Penny! I think... I can help you with your lines now! Please give me the script! Whether it's Shakespeare or a cheerleader, I can handle it!"
Penny was stunned by this sudden transformation, then couldn't help but laugh. "Wow! This... this is truly incredible! Okay! Raj! This is awesome! Let's start right away!" She quickly retrieved the script.
Howard whistled from the sidelines and pulled out his phone, apparently wanting to record this historic moment.
Sheldon, meanwhile, frowned, seemingly deep in thought, muttering, "Fascinating... Although the experimental design lacks rigor, the result itself is indeed worth documenting. The mechanism of ethanol molecules on GABA receptors might partially explain..."
The apartment immediately descended into a strange and lively chaos.