"Listen, Uncle Drac."
Vic stood with his hands on his hips, radiating the confidence of a love guru.
"Those Shakespearean sonnets about 'eyes like blood moons drowning my soul' might have been panty-droppers a hundred years ago, but now? It's too vintage. It's giving 'creepy stalker.'"
Dracula frowned, elegantly adjusting his cuffs with the stubbornness typical of vampire nobility. "True emotion lies in sincerity. A heartfelt sentiment is the only thing that truly moves the soul."
Vic shook his head, wearing a look that said, 'Oh, you sweet summer child.'
"Emotion is key, sure! But the packaging needs a software update!"
Vic snapped his fingers, eyes darting as he decided to give a live demonstration.
He turned to Wednesday. His playful expression vanished instantly, replaced by a gaze so intense and focused it threatened to swallow her whole.
"Wednesday, do you know? Every time I look at you, it's like staring into the deepest, most comforting midnight. My restless, chaotic heart finally finds its only quiet grave."
"I would rather be lost forever in your darkness than burn in the boring, mundane sun."
Wednesday, who had been watching coldly with her arms crossed, froze for a fraction of a second. A blush, so faint it was almost invisible, ghosted across her pale cheeks.
She looked away somewhat unnaturally and scoffed lightly. "Manipulative flattery."
But the tight line of her mouth softened by exactly one pixel.
Vic immediately pivoted to Enid. His smile transformed into something sunny and warm, dripping with unhidden affection.
"Enid, my little wolf. Your smile is brighter than the fullest moon."
"Every time you're near, I feel like I'm wrapped in moonlight. It makes me want to turn into a puppy and just roll around in your arms, never wanting to leave."
Enid's face turned tomato red. Her blue eyes rippled with shy, sugary delight. She lightly punched Vic on the shoulder, her voice soft and mushy.
"Vic! Don't... don't just say stuff like that!"
But her body honestly leaned just a little closer to him.
Dracula watched, dumbfounded.
It wasn't because the lines were particularly clever. It was because he could clearly feel that every word Vic spoke came from the gut.
That intense, pure emotion was almost tangible, overflowing from his surprisingly bright eyes. It was a sincerity that was impossible to resist.
Vic mentally high-fived himself. Did people think that Succubus Seduction Guide Mavis snagged years ago was a bootleg copy?
No way. That was the authentic, limited edition Han Dynasty Succubus Manual.
We're talking ancient Eastern charm techniques here.
The core principle? "Strike the heart with truth."
Although Vic only learned the basics—mostly to act cute and flirt with his girlfriend—the effect was critical hit after critical hit when combined with his natural talent.
"See that, Uncle Drac?"
Vic winked at Dracula triumphantly.
"Emotion is the kernel, but the delivery needs technique and modern packaging. To handle a modern, independent woman like Captain Ericka, you need to switch up your game!"
Jade watched from the side, eyes shining. She had produced a small notebook and a pencil stub from the void and was furiously scribbling notes.
"Keywords: Midnight, Quiet, Grave... Target: Goth/Cold type... Keywords: Full Moon, Sunshine, Puppy... Target: Cute type... Oh my god, this is gold!"
Dracula looked at Vic's textbook success, then down at his own parchment filled with archaic poetry. He fell into deep contemplation.
Maybe... the boy had a point? Had times truly changed?
After Vic hurriedly crammed a few more tips into Dracula's head—"Listen more, speak less," "Smile at appropriate intervals," "Compliments must be specific"—he checked the time. He then physically pushed the nervous, uncoordinated vampire toward the meeting spot.
"You got this, Uncle Drac! Remember, you are an elegant Vampire Count!"
Vic slapped him on the back to pump him up.
"Yes... yes, I can do this. I can do this..."
Dracula took a deep breath. He forced a stiff smile onto his pale face, muttering the affirmation under his breath like a spell.
Vic quickly grabbed Enid and Wednesday, tucked Jade under his arm, and dove behind a massive coral pillar to spy on the proceedings.
At first, the scene was picture-perfect.
Captain Ericka walked over, the soft moonlight catching her silver-white hair and outlining her elegant profile.
She saw Dracula and flashed a bright, welcoming smile.
Dracula walked over with a steady gait and pulled out her chair. Every movement screamed 'millennia-old aristocrat.' His pale, handsome features held a mysterious allure under the ambient lighting.
Captain Ericka's eyes held genuine appreciation.
"We're in business!" Vic whispered, high-fiving Enid.
However, the moment Dracula sat down and delivered his first carefully prepared "modern compliment," the genre shifted from Romance to Cringe Comedy.
He tried to recall Vic's advice, staring sincerely into Ericka's eyes, attempting to compliment them.
"Captain Ericka, your eyes... uh... are like... two perfectly circular navigational compasses! Very... very precise and... directional!"
Captain Ericka's smile froze instantly. She blinked involuntarily. "Compasses?"
She had likely never heard anyone compare her eyes to nautical instruments.
Dracula sensed the atmosphere tanking. Panicked, he tried to pivot to a new topic to save the sinking ship.
"The weather is... adequate today?"
Captain Ericka blinked again. She looked out at the star-filled night sky, then back at Dracula's face, which screamed 'I am trying to human.' She smiled politely.
"Is it? I suppose... it is?"
The conversation that followed was a disaster site.
Ericka talked about funny sailing stories; Dracula tried to relate but ended up discussing the Black Plague in medieval Europe.
Ericka mentioned modern technology; Dracula started reminiscing about the romantic era before electricity...
It was a complete communication breakdown. They were on different radio frequencies.
Hiding behind the pillar, Vic covered his face in agony. "Oh... sweet baby Jesus..."
It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
Enid turned her head away, unable to watch. "Uncle Drac looks... even more nervous now."
Wednesday summarized coldly: "It's like trying to teach a mummy to perform ballet. The effort is there, but the anatomy is all wrong."
Dracula was sweating bullets. The more he tried to use Vic's "modern techniques," the more he fumbled his words. His elegant demeanor was rapidly disintegrating into awkward chatter.
"Hey, wait!"
Enid suddenly tugged on Vic's arm, her voice suppressed but excited.
"Captain Ericka is feeding Uncle Drac! By hand!"
Her blue eyes were wide as saucers as she pointed toward the corner of the bar.
Captain Ericka had speared a small piece of golden nachos with a fork. With a gentle smile, she held it up to Dracula's lips.
Dracula's pale face flushed a suspicious shade of red. His eyes darted around, but he opened his mouth slightly, looking both nervous and expectant.
"What?" Wednesday's brow furrowed immediately, a sharp glint in her eyes. "That is illogical. Given her experience, she shouldn't..."
Her gaze locked onto Captain Ericka's hand, her tone turning icy.
"Wait! What is she putting on those nachos?"
Vic squinted to get a better look.
Before feeding him, Captain Ericka seemed to casually pick up a small bottle and sprinkle a few drops of clear liquid onto the chip.
"Oh, it's fine." Vic waved his hand dismissively after identifying it. "Just garlic oil. For flavor."
"Garlic oil?!"
Enid gasped, her voice pitching up.
"Isn't that, like, lethal poison to vampires?! Uncle Drac is gonna..."
"Eh... it's not that dramatic. For normal vampires, yeah, sure. But for Uncle Drac..."
Vic scratched his head, explaining.
"Actually, Uncle Drac loves garlic. He's just... 'garlic intolerant.'"
"Garlic intolerant?" Wednesday asked, just as the meaning of the phrase became clear—
PRRRRRPBT—
A loud, long, and oddly melodic fart noise erupted clearly from the direction of the elegant Vampire Count.
In the relatively quiet corner, the sound was violently conspicuous.
The air froze instantly.
Vic slapped his own face in pain.
"And that's what happens. Uh oh... this is gonna be awkward."
Dracula went rigid. His pale face turned beet red, the color spreading all the way to his ears.
He looked helplessly at the stunned Captain Ericka. He forced a smile that was uglier than crying and, in a dry voice, attempted to deflect:
"Did... did you do that?"
Captain Ericka's gentle smile vanished completely. It was replaced by a mix of shock, disbelief, and a hint of offended anger.
She looked at Dracula as if seeing the legendary Vampire Count for the first time.
"Dammit!" Vic stomped his foot behind the pillar. "Uncle Drac, do you not have a brain filter?! How can you ask that right now?!"
It was social suicide!
However, amidst the chaos and embarrassment, only Wednesday remained absolutely calm.
Arms crossed, brow furrowed, she scrutinized Captain Ericka like a hawk. She whispered to Vic:
"Feeding concentrated garlic extract to a known vampire? That does not look like a gesture of kindness. Something feels... wrong."
Her intuition told her that this enthusiastic, capable female captain was not as simple as she appeared.