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"Psychological analyst, Satori Komeiji, securely in position."
"On-site stealth commentator, Koishi Komeiji, actively in position!"
"Physical memory eraser, Reimu Hakurei, aggressively in position."
"The legendary, undisputed romance master who has successfully conquered countless galgames, Kaguya Houraisan, comfortably in position."
"The absolute oldest person present, a priceless antique with rich, ancient life experience, Eirin Yagokoro, in position."
"Wait, why do I feel like you're specifically, maliciously throwing shade at me?"
Eirin Yagokoro's elegant brow furrowed deeply, her sharp eyes narrowing as she realized things weren't quite that simple. That scheming old thing, Yukari Yakumo, seemed to be openly, shamelessly mocking her true age during the roll call.
"Don't sweat the minor details! It's almost dawn. Let's immediately contact our on-site reporter to check the intimate situation. Koishi Komeiji, can you hear me?"
Inside the dimly lit, cozy living room of the Lost Home, absolutely all the bored, chaotic Great Youkai had excitedly gathered, sitting around a massive glowing Gap like it was a premium flat-screen TV. How could they possibly miss out on such prime, real-time romantic fun? Moreover, today they would actively participate as a live studio audience, democratically voting on every single dialogue and action choice to determine the absolute optimal dating path.
"I hear you loud and clear! Today's juicy on-site situation will be broadcast in high-definition real-time by the cutest Koishi-chan! It's currently 6 AM now. Mr. Leo briefly woke up, but closed his eyes again. He's probably lazily sleeping in."
Yukari's voyeuristic Gap absolutely wasn't opened too wide for fear of the magical fluctuation being discovered by Leo, so most of the granular, real-time situation was being verbally relayed by Koishi Komeiji.
This energetic Second Miss of the Chireiden had an incredibly extraordinary, terrifying ability. Originally, she had the exact same invasive, mind-reading ability as her older sister Satori Komeiji, but knowingly realizing that people absolutely hated having their private thoughts read, she violently, permanently closed her third eye. She lost the active ability to read thoughts, but unexpectedly gained the terrifying, passive ability to entirely manipulate the subconscious mind.
Thanks to this bizarre ability, even if Koishi Komeiji stood completely still right in front of someone's nose, they would subconsciously, entirely ignore her physical presence unless they specifically, intensely focused, naturally treating her exactly like an uninteresting pebble on the side of the road.
However, there was a tragic side effect: Koishi physically couldn't turn the stealth aura off, causing the entire underground Chireiden staff to frequently, accidentally ignore her existence. This psychological isolation was exactly why Koishi was always actively, chaotically trying to create big news just to be noticed.
"Everyone, the romantic war has officially begun! What is our absolute, primary goal today?!"
Yukari Yakumo aggressively slammed a teacher's pointer against the floor, looking around at the hyper-focused Youkai present. Gensokyo was completely full of terrifying, strategic talent; she absolutely didn't believe they couldn't successfully handle psychologically manipulating one dense little human brother!
"Date him and make him violently blush! Make the little brother fall hopelessly, desperately for Ran!"
The Youkai, who absolutely loved watching soapy, romantic drama more than anything else, cheered loudly, raising their teacups and snacks. This was simply too much fun; this was exactly the kind of high-stakes reality show they desperately wanted to see!
"Very well. Now we formally begin voting on today's primary date location. Teacher Eirin, please give us your three carefully calculated options!"
Eirin Yagokoro adjusted her lab coat, meticulously checked the glossy aerial photos of the island taken earlier by Aya Shameimaru, and then raised her hand to write three specific, strategic options in chalk on a large rolling blackboard.
A. Go deep into the humid forest to find wild, exotic crops to enrich the farm's future output. B. Go to the pristine Seaside for romantic beachcombing and make a handmade, intimate lunch that perfectly suits the little brother's taste. C. Go explore a dark, terrifying cave to make the little brother feel intensely scared and vulnerable.
"The selection officially begins!" Yukari announced.
"Choose A!"
Yuyuko Saigyouji immediately violently slammed her hands on the table and stood up, her eyes sparkling with drool. At the mere mention of finding food and exotic crops, Yuyuko absolutely didn't care about the romantic implications or anything else. If the main protagonist of these chapters weren't Ran, she would have aggressively rushed through the Gap to the island to feast hours ago, rather than patiently sitting here playing a massive, live-action galgame.
"Eat, eat, eat! All you ever know is eating! Clearly, C is the absolute best choice here! A vulnerable man and a beautiful woman entirely alone in a dark, confined environment, and then something terrifying suddenly appears—the little brother will instinctively, desperately hug Ran out of pure fear, and the physical relationship will heat up instantly!"
Yuugi Hoshiguma raised a loud, booming objection, flexing her muscles. She was incredibly familiar with the psychology of cave exploration. The small, timid Youkai of Gensokyo often intentionally visited the terrifying underground world where the Oni lived specifically when dating, strictly to trigger the psychological "suspension bridge effect." She had personally seen many such successful cases. If at all possible, she could even personally, violently arrange a thrilling, life-threatening adventure for Leo and Ran.
"Romance Master, what's your expert, professional opinion on this?"
Yukari Yakumo respectfully looked over at Kaguya Houraisan, who was currently sitting deeply in her beanbag chair, casually resting with her eyes closed and a gaming controller in her lap. Everyone else present was just there for the chaotic spectacle; when it came to the complex, branching mechanics of romance and dating sims, you absolutely had to look to this shut-in, immortal hikkikomori.
"Heh. A and C are mathematically okay choices, but they're both massive, amateur traps."
Kaguya Houraisan smirked, opening her eyes and dramatically pushing up a pair of non-existent glasses on her nose. "For choice A, physically crawling around in the humid, muddy woods gets you completely covered in sticky sweat, dirt, and bug bites—absolutely no romantic, pristine atmosphere at all. And choice C is an even more massive, tragic pitfall! While a sudden scare might successfully make him instinctively, physically hug Ran, remember his demographic: he's a human boy. Boys fundamentally value their masculine pride and ego most. If you violently scare him like that, how can he confidently hold his head high in front of Ran as a protector later? The resulting shame will ruin the route!"
Kaguya confidently crossed her arms like an undisputed grandmaster, her dark eyes reflecting a strange, analytical light.
"I have already seen the true, golden ending!"
"The absolute, correct answer is B. Let them go beachcombing in the sun. A delicious, handmade lunch resulting directly from their collective, cooperative labor is the absolute easiest, most natural way to bring people psychologically closer. Add some intimate, mutual hand-feeding on a blanket, and the hidden favorability meter will definitely, mathematically skyrocket past the threshold."
Applause if you understand!
Truly the legendary Katsuragi Kaguya who has mathematically conquered countless branching galgames and arrogantly claims she can even conquer a literal god for you if you give her the controller. Her flawless, logical analysis instantly convinced absolutely everyone in the room. Seeing no further objections from the peanut gallery, Yukari Yakumo closed her eyes and began telepathically calling Ran Yakumo directly through their deep, magical Shikigami connection.
Meanwhile, on Spring Island.
"Ran? Wake up! By the absolute, unanimous decision of the official Strategy Group, you are to strictly take the little brother beachcombing today and intimately feed him lunch."
Ran Yakumo, who had long since nervously woken up with the sunrise but was still physically, tightly being held by the hand by a sleeping Leo and completely didn't know whether she should pull away or stay in bed, was feeling incredibly conflicted.
Suddenly hearing her master's commanding voice booming directly inside her skull, she sat up in a sheer, terrified panic and looked wildly around the empty bedroom, only to slowly realize her master was speaking entirely on a secure, internal telepathic channel.
"Lady Yukari?! What 'Strategy Group'?!"
Ran Yakumo was completely, utterly full of panicked questions. Even with her immense, unparalleled mathematical wisdom and supercomputer brain, she couldn't immediately understand what a bizarre "Strategy Group" was doing in her head. What exactly happened back home after he fell asleep holding my hand last night?!
"Never mind the minor details, just execute the mission and do exactly as I say. I'm strictly warning you, from now on you absolutely cannot just eagerly give yourself away for free without making him work for it! You are my proud, beautiful fox; you absolutely must psychologically make the dense little brother verbally confess to you first. Follow our expert lead and make him fall desperately for you."
"Our?!"
Ran Yakumo keenly, terrifyingly caught the plural keyword. Just how incredibly, pathetically bored were these ancient Great Youkai?! What did her personal, blossoming romantic life have to do with them?! They had actually, literally formed a dedicated, live-action Strategy Group to micromanage her love life!
Looking nervously around the quiet, sunlit bedroom, although she physically saw no one, Ran vividly felt the prickling sensation like she was currently being intensely watched by a dozen people. Regardless of her hand still being warmly held by Leo, she gently but firmly pulled it out of his grasp, got out of the warm bed, and dressed quickly. Leaving the exhausted Leo to peacefully sleep in, she hurried downstairs with a burning red face to prepare breakfast.
"Lady Ran, good morning-mew!"
Downstairs, just as the energetic Chen raised a small paw to happily greet her in the kitchen, a dark, eye-filled Gap violently ripped open directly behind the cat-girl. One pale hand reached out and ruthlessly grabbed the scruff of Chen's neck, and the other hand aggressively grabbed Kogasa Tatara by her collar, seamlessly, instantly kidnapping them both on the spot with a loud POP.
Today was the incredibly important, high-stakes Date A Live operation. How could noisy, clingy children possibly be left here to interfere and act as third wheels? Even the four chaotic Flandres were currently being violently suppressed and kept strictly locked down at the Scarlet Devil Mansion by Remilia specifically to prevent them from ruining the romantic atmosphere.
Completely speechless, Ran Yakumo stood frozen with a spatula, simply not knowing what to say. Lady Yukari's administrative workload must be far, far too light lately. What sane, responsible person would aggressively gather a massive group of terrifying Great Youkai specifically to hyper-focus on such a trivial, personal romantic matter? Now she felt incredibly, deeply self-conscious about her every move.
However, while making breakfast, Ran sighed in relief. Since the clingy little ones had all been efficiently kidnapped and removed from the board, it was actually infinitely easier to quickly cook.
Otherwise, with absolutely everyone having radically different, picky tastes, she'd have to exhaustingly make many complex varieties of food every single time, which was a massive hassle. Especially Flandre—despite technically sharing the exact same vampiric brain, the four Flandre clones inexplicably each had a completely different, demanding culinary taste. It was truly absurd. Now, it was just breakfast for two.