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"Ahhh~ Ran-chan's outfit is too much of a foul, it's... it's exactly like the games I play. Tsk, this guy's head is full of dirty thoughts... No, I can't act like a total creep. I need to change the subject, just reply with anything. I can't take it, with Ran looking like this, I'm the one being conquered!"
In the dim, crowded living room of the Lost Home, Satori Komeiji stood completely still, her third eye glowing with an eerie, pulsing pink light. She glanced through the Gap at Leo, violently twisting her own body into an awkward, flustered pretzel shape while flawlessly mimicking his exact voice and panicked vocal inflections. His private, hyper-speed inner thoughts, heavily mixed with her own snarky, deadpan commentary, burst out for the entire room to hear.
After seamlessly finishing the humiliating vocal performance, she instantly stopped twisting and returned to her usual, perfectly expressionless self. The sudden, unnatural transition between frantic movement and absolute, doll-like stillness was deeply eerie.
"Phew, that's a massive relief. I genuinely didn't expect the little brother to actually be this kind of... normal person. At least his frantic mental activity explicitly proves our 'Young Wife' outfit strategy is mathematically right. Continue! Have Yakumo Ran aggressively hold his hand on the way to the beach. We absolutely must make him confess first!"
Kaguya Houraisan breathed a massive, dramatic sigh of relief, sinking back into her beanbag chair. She had been genuinely terrified that Satori Komeiji would overhear some outrageous, route-ruining mental activity, like 'I actually only like men' or 'I actually prefer much more mature, older women like Yukari Yakumo or Eirin Yagokoro.' If the protagonist's target demographic was wrong, the entire galgame strategy would crumble!
On the other side.
In front of the massive Spring Island farmhouse lay wide, sweeping agricultural fields, and beyond that, the sparkling blue expanse of the tropical sea. Because absolutely no one had manually looked after or tilled them for decades, the fields were full of uneven pits and massive mounds of dirt, and the wild, overgrown crops were so chaotic and messy they'd drive anyone with even mild OCD completely crazy.
The incredibly good news was that there were all sorts of exotic, valuable crops hidden in the weeds, which could greatly enrich the main farm's seed variety and future output.
The terrible, agonizing bad news was that it was simply too physically messy. Without a magical, RPG-style 'one-click inventory sort' function, manually clearing and organizing this jungle would drive a sane farmer completely insane.
"Alright, Miss Koishi Komeiji, it's your tactical turn. Actively pretend to be a small rock on the path and trip Yakumo Ran, maliciously making her fall directly into Mr. Leo's arms. Appropriate, sudden accidents and accidental physical contact make it mathematically easier to close the romantic distance between people."
Kaguya pushed up her non-existent anime glasses, acting exactly like a brilliant, untouchable tactical big shot and absolutely enjoying the admiring, wide-eyed gazes of these eternal single dogs surrounding her. But in her gaming arrogance, she seemed to have completely, tragically forgotten one crucial biological detail...
"I'm a little pebble, la la la la~"
Deep in the tropical grass of Spring Island, Koishi Komeiji cheerfully mimicked Remilia's famous crouching skill. She squatted down directly on Yakumo Ran's walking path, wrapping her arms tightly over her green hat. Thanks to her terrifying, passive subconscious manipulation, she literally, conceptually became nothing more than a boring, unnoticeable stone on the roadside to anyone walking by.
According to her flawless plan, Miss Ran would inevitably lose her balance on the 'rock' and fall beautifully into Mr. Leo's waiting arms.
But... walking down the path, Yakumo Ran suddenly felt her leather boot toe bump against something solid. Completely, subconsciously thinking it was just a stubborn, annoying little roadside pebble blocking the dirt path, she casually, subconsciously pulled her leg back and tried to kick it away into the bushes.
Her body, being that of an ancient, terrifyingly powerful Great Fox Youkai, instinctively provided more than enough raw kinetic strength to effortlessly kick a solid boulder across a football field, even if that specific 'rock' happened to be our cute Koishi-chan...
BAM!
"What a hateful feeeeeeeeling!"
"I'll definitely be baaaaack... ding!"
"Hmm? Was that a sound?"
Her golden fox ears twitched violently in the sea breeze. Ran Yakumo stopped and seemed to hear something rapidly fading into the stratosphere, but she looked around the empty grass and found absolutely nothing but a small dust trail. Shrugging her shoulders indifferently, she took two quick steps to catch up with Leo.
"Dammit! We've tragically lost an excellent soldier!"
Kaguya violently slumped face-first onto the wooden table in the Lost Home. Because of her massive strategic blunder regarding Youkai strength scaling, the planning team had instantly lost a vital stealth soldier who came free with a 50-dollar tactical power armor purchase. The already desperately short-handed romance team was now in even worse shape.
"Private Second Class Aya Shameimaru, it's your turn! Use your elite, paparazzi skills for capturing gossip news to silently follow them. As long as you absolutely aren't discovered by Leo, all your past grievances and debts will be entirely wiped clean!"
Left with absolutely no other choice, Princess Kaguya aggressively sent out Aya Shameimaru, the undisputed best at aerial stealth operations in the entire team, even desperately promising to wipe the Tengu's criminal slate clean. After seeing absolutely everyone in the room nod in solemn agreement, Aya Shameimaru gave a crisp, serious military salute. Betting heavily on her proud title as the fastest in the sky, she absolutely could not fail this reconnaissance mission!
Opening the glowing passage to Stardew Valley, Aya quickly flew out and visually found Leo and Ran walking along the sand. She tightly tucked her black wings and dove silently, hiding perfectly in the dense, thorny bushes bordering the beach.
"Reporting to headquarters, the target has successfully reached the beach and is currently picking up seashells."
"Headquarters copies. We are communicating with Yakumo Ran directly via telepathy to have her 'accidentally' and tragically cut her delicate finger on a sharp shell while picking them up to rapidly gain his masculine sympathy."
??
Aya Shameimaru, lying flat on her stomach in the itchy bushes, had a face completely full of virtual question marks. Had this NEET shut-in girl completely gone crazy from playing too many video games in her room?! A legendary Great Youkai getting her finger cut by a fragile, calcium-carbonate seashell?! Are you absolutely kidding me?! Without deliberately using high-tier magic, even violently slashing a Great Youkai's bare skin with a sharpened steel kitchen knife is just a mild, tickling scratch. And you're telling me to use a brittle sea shell?!
Meanwhile, Ran Yakumo, having just received the bizarre, mandatory instructions through the Shikigami channel, also looked incredibly, deeply helpless. She sighed, looked up at Leo, who had his back completely turned and was happily bent over digging in the wet sand, and then dutifully picked up an incredibly sharp, jagged oyster shell.
Gritting her teeth, she aggressively, violently rubbed the jagged edge back and forth hard against her soft-looking index finger like a saw.
Grind... grind... crunch.
But even after the sharp shell was completely, violently ground down into fine, white calcium powder between her fingers, there wasn't even a single, microscopic red mark or indent on her pristine skin.
Mission failed!
SNAP! Kaguya violently snapped an expensive Nintendo Switch game cartridge in half with her bare hands.
Galgame logic and tropes explicitly made for soft, fragile, ordinary humans simply didn't apply biologically to Great Youkai! Many classic, romantic scenarios in those games looked completely, utterly hilarious and physically impossible when forcefully applied to these world-destroying, immortal monsters. She physically couldn't use her previous gaming experience anymore!
"Redeploy for combat! We need to artificially create a heart-pounding event significant and dangerous enough to actually affect a Youkai!"
Kaguya frantically scanned absolutely everyone present in the living room, her desperate gaze finally landing on the trembling lunar rabbit, Reisen Udongein Inaba. The next dangerous mission could absolutely only be completed by Reisen.
On the other side, Stardew Valley, Spring Island beach.
"Ho ho, there's so much incredible stuff on this pristine beach. I can literally find so much premium seafood on my very first visit!"
Leo happily swung his glowing Iridium Hoe, continuously, greedily digging up massive, squirt-happy razor clams from the wet sand. Back at the depressing supermarkets in his old world, pathetic, stringy razor clams the size of a pinky finger easily sold for 9 yuan a pound. Now, these massive, meaty, palm-length razor clams were absolutely everywhere for the free digging. He was so incredibly happy his capitalist heart was singing!
"Um... big brother, would you like to kindly buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers for the pretty lady over there?"
Leo, who was completely, financially hyper-focused on aggressively digging up razor clams, didn't notice someone silently standing nearby on the sand at all. If the terrified Reisen hadn't shakily spoken up, Leo would have almost violently hammered her foot directly into the ground with his heavy Iridium hoe.
THWACK!
"Huh? Miss Reisen, what did you say?"
Looking down at the massive, glowing purple hoe buried deeply in the wet sand, literally less than ten centimeters from her white rabbit-ear shoes, Reisen swallowed hard, cold sweat pouring down her face, and tremblingly repeated her rehearsed words. This time Leo heard her clearly over the crashing waves, but his face was completely full of genuine confusion.
"You're... actually selling flowers here? On a deserted tropical island? Is there literally anyone else here to buy them?!"
Things were genuinely getting stranger and stranger today. First, Flandre, Kogasa, and the cats had completely, mysteriously disappeared into the jungle, then Ran had suddenly changed into a domestic outfit that perfectly, terrifyingly matched his specific anime fetishes, and now Reisen Udongein Inaba suddenly appeared out of thin air selling flowers on a deserted beach. A very eerie, horror-movie atmosphere surrounded Leo's heart.
"Um... please just quickly buy a bouquet, otherwise... otherwise I'll be forcefully sent to see my great-grandmother in the afterlife!"
The beautiful, vibrant bouquet she held was generously, menacingly provided by Yuuka Kazami as a 'favor', but when the Flower Master handed it over in the Lost Home, she had smiled darkly and said that if the bouquet didn't successfully serve its romantic purpose, she would personally, violently plant Reisen deep in the soil to act as fertilizer to grow new flowers.
"What, are you cosplaying the Little Match Girl but with actual nuclear launch codes?" Leo muttered, rubbing his eyes.
It was just a random bouquet, and he honestly didn't know how much it actually cost in Gensokyo currency. Leo sighed, took out a few gold Stardew coins from his pocket, dropped them heavily into the woven basket Reisen was trembling carrying, and carefully took the flowers. He was actually a bit morbidly curious who Reisen's terrifying great-grandmother was. Was it the pure embodiment of lunar rage, Junko?
"Thank you! I genuinely wish you and your beautiful girlfriend a happy, long life! Goodbye!"
Having successfully completed her terrifying, life-threatening mission, Reisen quickly bowed a full ninety degrees, and then ran away incredibly fast across the sand with her empty basket, her long rabbit legs moving exactly like a cartoon blur.
"Girlfriend?"
Leo, the notoriously iron-willed, dense straight man, completely froze, the ocean breeze ruffling his hair. He was suddenly, violently reminded by Reisen's panicked words that he and Ran Yakumo were technically, socially now a couple who slept intimately in the exact same bed holding hands. He hadn't actively given Ran a single, proper romantic gift in all this time; it really, truly was his fault as a dense bachelor.