Monday morning. The atmosphere on campus was heavy. It was the day of MTH 204. Calculus.
This course was known as "The GPA Killer." The lecturer, Dr. Adebayo, did not smile. He did not laugh. He only failed people.
Outside the exam hall, students were panic-reading. Tobi was sweating so much his shirt was wet. He was holding three textbooks and reciting formulas like a madman.
"Stan!" Tobi cried, looking at Stan who was leaning against a pillar. "Did you study the integration by parts? The past questions? The leakage?"
Stan was wearing a crisp white shirt. He looked fresh. He looked like he was going to a wedding, not an execution.
"Tobi," Stan said, checking his fingernails. "I do not chase the numbers. The numbers chase me."
"Bro, this is Calculus! It chases nobody! It just kills!"
Stan didn't reply. He didn't have a textbook. He didn't even have a bag. He had one thing in his pocket: confidence. (And a handkerchief).
The doors opened. Dr. Adebayo stood there like a gatekeeper to hell. "Enter! No phones! No smartwatches! No hope!"
The students rushed in. The hall was silent, except for the sound of fear.
Stan walked in last. He walked slowly. Tap. Tap. Tap. His footsteps echoed.
He found his seat. It was right in the front row. Directly in front of Dr. Adebayo. A normal student would hide in the back. Stan sat in the front to establish dominance.
He sat down. He patted his pockets.
Problem.
Stan had forgotten a pen.
He had no bag. No pencil case. Just the Rizz.
He turned to the girl sitting to his right. It was Chioma, the class genius. She had five pens aligned perfectly on her desk.
Stan didn't whisper "Please can I borrow a pen?" That is begging.
He reached out and tapped her desk. She looked up, startled.
Stan locked eyes with her. He pointed to a blue pen. Then he pointed to himself.
"Invest in me," he whispered.
Chioma was confused. "What?"
"The pen," Stan whispered, his face serious. "Give it a purpose. Let it write history."
Chioma didn't know why, but she handed him the pen. She felt like she had just signed a treaty.
"Thank you," Stan nodded. "I won't forget this contribution."
Dr. Adebayo shouted. "Start!"
Papers flipped. The sound of aggressive writing filled the room. Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Stan opened his paper.
Question 1: Evaluate the triple integral of the region bounded by...
Stan stared at the paper. He had absolutely no idea what a triple integral was. To him, the symbols looked like ancient drawings.
He didn't panic. He didn't look around.
He picked up the pen. He wrote his name: STANLEY THE GREAT. (He erased 'The Great' and wrote his surname).
Then, he leaned back. He put the pen down. He crossed his arms and stared at Dr. Adebayo.
Dr. Adebayo looked up. He saw a student not writing. He saw a student staring at him.
The lecturer frowned. He walked over to Stan's desk. The whole class held its breath.
"Young man," Dr. Adebayo barked. "Why are you not writing? The exam is difficult, eh?"
Stan looked at the lecturer. He looked at the paper. Then he looked back at the lecturer.
"I am processing," Stan said calm.
"Processing?"
"The question," Stan said, tapping his temple. "The answer is already here. I am just deciding if the paper deserves it."
Dr. Adebayo was shocked. No student had ever been this arrogant. He looked at Stan's paper. It was blank.
"You have written nothing!"
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication," Stan quoted (he saw it on a t-shirt once). "But if you insist..."
Stan picked up the pen. He wrote two lines of calculation. They were completely wrong. He just added some x's and y's and a squiggly line. But he wrote it with such speed and aggression that it looked correct.
He slammed the pen down. Bam.
"Done," Stan whispered.
He looked at the clock. Only 15 minutes had passed. The exam was three hours long.
Stan stood up.
The whole hall stopped writing. Tobi looked up, terrified. Is Stan leaving? Already? Is he a genius?
Destiny, sitting three rows back, started sweating. If Stan is finished, the exam must be easy. Why am I struggling? Am I stupid?
Stan walked to the front. He handed his paper to Dr. Adebayo.
"You are submitting?" the lecturer asked, confused. "You have two hours and forty-five minutes left."
"Keep the change," Stan said.
He turned and walked out of the hall. The silence was heavy.
As he walked out, he saw Chioma staring at him. He stopped. He placed the pen gently on her desk.
"The ink has been blessed," he said.
He walked out into the sunshine.
The Reality: Stan knew he was going to fail. He wrote nonsense. He left early because he was hungry and bored.
The Effect: Inside the hall, panic erupted. Everyone thought the exam was easy because Stan left. Destiny started rushing and made mistakes. Tobi started crying because he thought Stan was a secret math god.
Stan bought a meat pie at the cafeteria. He took a bite.
"Calculus," he mumbled. "Easy."
Mission Status: Psychological Victory.