The car finally jolted to a stop in the driveway, but for Jay, the journey was far from over. She stared at their front door with intense, glazed-eyed seriousness, convinced the structure wasn't a home at all.
"Don't you see it, Keifer?" she whispered, gesturing wildly at the porch lights. "It's a bamboo forest! And the pandas are waiting for their queen!"
Before Keifer could even unbuckle his seatbelt, Jay had scrambled out of the car. Instead of walking, she dropped to her hands and knees, beginning a slow, dramatic crawl across the driveway. "Quietly," she hissed at Keifer, who was hovering over her like a frantic bodyguard. "We must enter the forest without alerting the predators!"
Keifer sighed, his hand hovering behind her back to make sure she didn't face-plant into the concrete. "Jay, please, just stand up. You're scaring the neighbors."
"Shhh!" she shushed him, crawling toward their children, Keira and Jayden, who were asleep in the living room. As she reached them, her eyes lit up. "Look! Baby pandas!" She lunged, gently picking up a sleepy Keira and tucking her under her arm like a furry football. "I have found the cubs! They are soft and round and perfect!"
Keira let out a confused, sleepy whimper, but Jay just started humming a lullaby that sounded vaguely like a jungle chant. Jayden, stirred by the commotion, blinked awake, only to have his mother start petting his hair with aggressive tenderness. "Yes, little panda, your fur is so thick. Where is the bamboo? You must be hungry!"
Keifer stood in the doorway, burying his face in his hands, trying to suppress a hysterical laugh as his wife attempted to "feed" Jayden a stray throw pillow because she decided it looked like a giant leaf.
Suddenly, Jay stopped. She spun around on her hands and knees, her gaze locking onto Keifer with hungry, wide-eyed fascination. She crawled toward him, her nose twitching.
"Wait a minute," she murmured, sniffing the air around his legs. "You... you aren't a normal dog. You smell like... cocoa butter and mystery." She looked up at him, her lips parting as she tilted her head. "You're a chocolate-covered dog! A giant, delicious, walking truffle!"
Keifer backed up until he hit the wall, his eyes widening. "Jay, don't you dare—"
"I need to know," she giggled, leaning in closer. "Are you dark chocolate or milk chocolate?" Before he could stop her, she took a playful, open-mouthed nip at his arm, followed by a series of frantic, wet kisses all over his shoulder. "Yum! Definitely dark chocolate! So rich! I think I need to start with your ear!"
She tried to reach for his ear, laughing hysterically while Keifer did a clumsy, frantic dance to evade her "cannibalistic" love. "Jay! I am not a snack!" he pleaded, though his voice was thick with amusement.
"Everything in the forest is edible!" she declared, trying to pounce on him again. She ended up tripping over her own feet, collapsing into a heap of giggles on the rug, Keira and Jayden watching the entire spectacle with utter confusion.
Keifer flopped down next to her, defeated, rubbing his arm where she'd tried to take a bite. "You are officially the most dangerous panda-lover in the Philippines," he muttered, shaking his head as she tried to use his shirt as a napkin for her imaginary chocolate.