Chapter 1 - Chapter 1: Slime Uchiha, Reporting for Epic ShenanigansKonoha Academy, lunch

Konoha Academy, lunch break. Chaos reigned as kids hurled rice balls and practiced terrible taijutsu on each other. Amid the mess sat Ren Uchiha, age 10, looking every bit the brooding survivor of his "clan massacre" backstory. Messy black hair, sharp eyes, and a perpetual smirk that screamed I know something you don't.Which I do, Ren thought, munching on a suspiciously perfect onigiri he'd shaped with his slime powers. Like how this world's plot is about to go full shonen, and I'm the isekai glitch.Past life? Boring salaryman, anime addict, died to a "mysterious illness" (truck-kun's cousin, probably). Woke up as a Konoha orphan with Uchiha bloodline lottery win. For five years, he'd played the quiet kid, secretly training chakra control while binge-analyzing every episode in his head.Today? Dojutsu bullies cornered him behind the academy shed."Oi, Uchiha! Heard your clan's all dead 'cause they're freaks," sneered Hiroshi, the team's meathead leader. Two cronies flanked him, kunai drawn for "fun."Ren sighed dramatically. "Wow, original burn. Did you practice that in front of a mirror, or did Naruto ghostwrite it for you?"Hiroshi swung a fist. Ren sidestepped—easy with his enhanced reflexes—and the punch cratered the wall.Amateurs. No killing intent readouts? Amateur hour."Get him!" The cronies charged.That's when Ren's core glitched.A sharp pain hit his chest. Not now— Vision blurred. Is this the Sharingan? Or—[DING! Ultimate Skill: Wise Slime activated. Predator online. Great Sage, at your service. Soul reconstruction: 100%. Welcome back, Ren—Rimuru Uchiha remix.]His body plopped into a wobbly blue slime puddle. The bullies froze mid-kick."Uh... did the Uchiha just... melt?"Ren's slime jiggled with laughter. [Voice Mimicry: On.] "Fear not, gentlemen! I'm just a totally normal slime. Wanna lick me? Blueberry flavor!"Hiroshi screamed like a civilian auntie spotting a centipede. "DEMON JUTSU!"He hurled a kunai. It sank into the slime—glurp—and dissolved.[Predator success. Acquired: Cheap kunai blueprint, trace chakra residue. Pathetic.]"Great Sage," Ren bubbled internally, "you're savage. I like it."[Analysis: Hostiles—three genin-level idiots. Combat viability: 0.2%. Recommendation: Humiliate, don't kill. Social camouflage priority high.]The slime reshaped into Ren's human form, but with flair—hair briefly turning slime-blue before snapping back. He caught Hiroshi's next punch mid-air, fingers turning gelatinous to absorb the impact, then solidifying to crack the bully's wrist."Ow! What the—""Physics lesson, Hiroshi-kun," Ren quipped, intelligent eyes gleaming. "Your fist has mass, my hand has infinite density adaptability. Result: You lose. Also, your form sucks—elbow too high, chakra flow sloppy. Watch Naruto; even he's got better basics."The cronies bolted. Hiroshi whimpered, cradling his hand.Ren leaned in, smirking. "Tell anyone, and I'll slime your ramen supply. Forever." He demonstrated by extending a tendril that slurped up a nearby pebble—poof, gone."Y-you're a monster!""Nope! Just an Uchiha with upgrades." Ren waved cheerily as Hiroshi fled. "Run along! Wouldn't want you late for remedial taijutsu!"Alone, Ren collapsed into full slime mode, rolling on the grass like a happy blueberry blob. Universal Shapeshift let him lounge in comfort."Great Sage, status report. No plot derailment yet?"[Report: Slime core stable. Uchiha chakra compatible—Sharingan awakening threshold: 87%. Skills: Predator (upgradable), Magic Sense, Self-Regeneration (OP), Mimicry. Weakness: Fire jutsu (mitigate with Water affinity conversion). Intelligence boost: Already maxed, you're welcome.]Ren chuckled. "Maxed? Flatterer. Okay, brainiac mode: Konoha's plot clock—Chunin Exams in ~2 years, Orochimaru sniffing around. Sasuke's my 'clan cousin,' Naruto's the hero. Me? I'm the wildcard. No harem drama, no edgelord revenge—just survive, get strong, maybe troll Pain into therapy."[Logical. Priority: Test Predator on training dummies. Evolve via absorption. Avoid Tsunade-level medics—they'd dissect you.]"Tsunade? Nah, she'd adopt me as a drinking buddy." Ren reformed, stretching. Chakra mixed smoothly with magicules—Sharingan tomoe flickered faintly in his reflection.From the academy fence, he spotted Naruto Uzumaki practicing shadow clones (badly) and yelling at a bush. Sasuke brooded nearby, shuriken practice perfect but joyless.Same old story, Ren thought with a grin. Except now there's a funny slime Uchiha ready to rewrite the script. One absorbed jutsu at a time.He hopped the fence, whistling. "Yo, world—Rimuru Uchiha's in the house. Let's make this timeline hilarious."