The real world.
In the livestream room of a well-known Genshin Impact content creator on a certain platform — Tuji Isn't a Rabbit — countless bullet comments scrolled endlessly across the screen.
[Wait, why hasn't Fontaine opened yet? I can't stay in 3.7 for even one more second!]
[Have you collected all 76 Aranara yet? Finished the Forest Book, Desert Book, and Flower God Book grinds?]
[The constant formula: miss version n-1, hate version n, look forward to version n+1.]
[Isn't that our Teamfight Tactics formula? Remember to credit the source next time, alright.]
"Don't rush, don't rush, everyone," Tuji Isn't a Rabbit said, barely holding herself together as she watched the scrolling barrage, quickly cutting everyone off.
"First: TFT bros are one big family.
Second: Who says the Forest Book grind isn't real? Primogems have always been like this for years. Sometimes you should reflect on yourselves, okay? Genshin's been out for so many years — have you really been grinding properly, farming artifacts properly, huh?
Third: ..."
[So you're an 8u too, huh...]
[Everyone don't stir things up, the streamer will do that herself.]
[For a single Forest Book, I lost my time, my computer got confiscated — all just to get those few Primogems. What did I do wrong?!]
["Aren't you happy getting free Primogems?"]
[Happy my ass. I crawl through cursed caves all day and have to endure unvoiced dialogue. Happy my ass.]
["Ass" means...]
Seeing these comments, the corners of Tuji's lips lifted slightly.
Wasn't this exactly the kind of content effect she wanted? Fontaine was about to open soon, and the popularity of her stream had been skyrocketing.
She needed to maintain that momentum, so naturally she had to keep the show entertaining.
Still, netizens were getting more and more absurd these days.
They could latch onto any meme whatsoever. Even Tuji had to admit defeat.
"I wonder what kind of person the Hydro Archon, Focalors, will be," Tuji Isn't a Rabbit analyzed seriously. Even though she wasn't a hardcore lore expert, she could still draw on the collective wisdom of the chat.
"Mondstadt has a slacking Anemo Archon, Liyue has a retired Geo Archon, Inazuma has a shut-in Electro Archon, Sumeru had the imprisoned Dendro Archon… I wonder what kind of stunt Fontaine's Hydro Archon will pull."
LoveEatingRabbit: [Probably something related to prophecy. Fontaine's prophecy already looks like it's full of knives — just not sure who's getting stabbed.]
ThreePointFiveInchImmortal: [Relax. If Sumeru could imprison their Archon, why can't Fontaine assassinate theirs?]
VoidLawIsMyWife: [Only the Heavenly Principles cannot be opposed!]
FurinaDon'tSpookMe: [Louis XVI: "Hello."]
HowDoYouKnowIDoubleGoldInTenPulls: [I strongly disagree with your viewpoint. Personally, I believe this spaghetti should be mixed with No. 42 concrete, because this bolt…]
Tuji glanced at the barrage — as expected, the conversation had completely gone off the rails.
She motioned for the moderators to mute the user with the "double gold in ten pulls" ID for five minutes.
That ID was a bit too eye-catching. Not very funny anymore.
She guided her in-game character, flying straight toward the quest trigger point.
"Huh? Is this a new character? I've never seen them before," Tuji exclaimed in surprise when Elric suddenly appeared in the cutscene.
[Probably some new character HoYo added. With that look, don't tell me it's another 'Kaveh-style' questionable character.]
[No questionable characters, no questionable characters.]
[Bro… bro… you smell so good.]
[Bro, I want...]
Tuji didn't really care about that. She stared dreamily at Elric on the screen, practically drooling.
Black hair and black eyes — that was rare in Genshin Impact. That alone was a lovable trait.
Ah, 2D worlds really were wonderful.
PrivateHomeSteamedGooseHeart (disgusted face).
But the next part of the story completely broke Tuji.
"HAHAHAHA— I'm dying, is HoYo actually starting to meme now?"
Sitting in her chair, Tuji laughed so hard she nearly lost all composure.
So HoYo was starting to go abstract too, huh? Copying their neighbor Honkai: Star Rail?
Just don't end up ruining yourselves.
[Holy crap, the 'A-Luo Special Subsidy' — A-giao Teacher, is that you?!]
[I'm a grad student. Current monthly income: 20k (base salary 6k, expansion project subsidy 14k).]
[So Little A-Luo has a split personality now, huh.]
[Have you considered the possibility that he's actually from the Akademiya?]
"HAHAHA, Lumine actually went chasing him!"
Tuji could tell at a glance that Elric was definitely an Akademiya scholar.
So this was a comedic character setup? HoYo finally figured it out.
They'd learned to give players something fun to enjoy, instead of constantly stabbing everyone with their trademark emotional knives.
Advance Chapters available on Patreon
patreon.com/CrimsonHub