Sasuke stayed crouched at home, tormented by inner turmoil for days.
Sakura came to visit after hearing he was back, but he refused to open the door.
One day, Kakashi perched on the windowsill and tossed Sasuke a new Chūnin Exam application form.
"The Hidden Cloud is holding a Chūnin Exam. I already registered you, so go check it out. If you feel like it, you can drag Naruto back with you."
"..."
Sasuke stared at the paper, his heart unmoved.
He didn't give a shit whether he was a Genin, Chūnin, or Jonin.
He didn't want to disrupt Naruto's peaceful new life...
Just as Sasuke opened his mouth to refuse, Kakashi spoke up. "Sasuke, you don't actually think Naruto's living a good life over there, do you?"
"Huh?" Sasuke's brow furrowed.
'Isn't he?'
"Of course not. Naruto... he's in deep trouble."
Kakashi began recounting the "intelligence" he gathered.
In reality, Kakashi informed the Hidden Rain Village of Sasuke's mental state, prompting them to adjust their psychological warfare.
Before his "redemption," Sasuke was the edgy type who got beaten up on a whim.
But after his redemption, he got his ass kicked constantly.
One moment he's getting choked by prison guards, the next he's getting dropkicked by a huge octopus.
Compared to that, getting elbowed by an Otsusuki was the height of his prestige.
Normally, a villain's reputation improves after joining the good guys.
But Sasuke never catch a break.
As the saying goes: If I get my ass kicked as a villain, and I still get my ass kicked as a good guy, then what was the point of redeeming myself?
So Sasuke, you must never become a naive do-gooder like Naruto!
"While the Cloud treats Naruto well on the surface, they essentially view him as high-grade breeding stock. They even arranged for several kunoichi with 'exceptional physiques' to have a relationships with him." Kakashi sighed heavily.
"Isn't that a good thing? That idiot Naruto was always pulling those indecent stunts in the woods. He should be thrilled to have actual girls fawning over him," Sasuke deadpanned.
"That's true, but Sasuke, do you know who has the biggest 'physique' in the Hidden Cloud?" Kakashi countered.
"The Raikage?"
"He's a guy. As for the kunoichi..." Kakashi pulled out a stack of photos and tossed them on the floor.
"This is Anbu intel. Sasuke, you've heard the saying that the most beautiful women are the ones who can't see their toes when they look down, right? Well, this one fits the bill..."
Kakashi's cryptic tone piqued Sasuke's curiosity.
He picked up the photo.
'Holy shit, what a gut! That's a massive belly, there is no way in hell she can see her toes!'
"Is this someone from the Akimichi Clan?" Sasuke asked, his eye twitching.
Kakashi snapped his fingers. "Bingo! See the woman in the photo? That's Rianko Akimichi, the younger sister of the Akimichi kunoichi who went missing during the Third Shinobi World War."
Sasuke fell silent.
He assumed Naruto was living the high life as a stud, but he never imagined Naruto would face this kind of "blessing."
No wonder the Cloud pampered Naruto, even feeding him oysters to replenish his kidney deficiency.
If Naruto hadn't been restoring his stamina and jumped straight into bed with her, even his Uzumaki constitution would get crushed into paste!
If she uses the Human Boulder Technique in bed... NARUTO, YOU'RE IN SERIOUS DANGER!
"This Chūnin Exam is also a way for the Cloud to test Naruto's physical condition. Once his medical reports show he's recovered and his stamina is satisfactory, they'll..." Kakashi pushed the form across the table.
"Naruto isn't a total idiot," Sasuke argued. "If he doesn't want to breed, he just needs to enter Sage Mode his usual way every day to drain himself. What can the Cloud do about it?"
If the Cloud needed his vitality, couldn't Naruto just stall for time by jerking himself into Sage Mode every afternoon?
"Sasuke, you're still too naive," Kakashi sighed. "Do you really think the people who kidnap bloodlines for a living are benevolent?"
Kakashi produced another stack of cursed photographs.
They showed Naruto trying to use the restroom. In the photos, Naruto was locked in a heavy iron chastity device!
"This is the Cloud's restraint to prevent Naruto from further 'harming' his body. This shackle was crafted by the warden of Hozuki Castle and is equipped with Fire Release: Heavenly Prison jutsu. Any attempt to forcibly break it or... use it... will incinerate the shackle and his manhood with Fire Release."
"Naruto... he can't enter Sage Mode anymore."
Sasuke hesitated for a long moment, staring at the horror in the photos.
When he looked up, Kakashi was gone.
'Damn it.'
After isolating himself, he finally decided to let Naruto live peacefully.
But now this.
'Why couldn't Kakashi have shown me this sooner?!'
"Sigh."
"ALRIGHT, I'M GOING!" Sasuke yelled, grabbing the application form.
The Cloud's Chūnin Exam consisted of three formats: 1v1 singles, 2v2 tag teams, and 3v3 squad battles.
1v1 was straightforward. 2v2 was a Cloud specialty, inspired by the legendary AB duo.
3v3 was the standard, but without perfect synergy, few chose it.
The exam was a comprehensive assessment, like Shikamaru passing during the Konoha Crush despite surrendering.
As for which category to enter, 1v1 was the obvious choice.
Where would Sasuke find teammates anyway? In the original timeline, Sasuke declared, "We're no longer snakes; we're Team Hawk."
But that was the last time he ever did teamwork.
He was always a solo edgelord!
And so, Sasuke packed his bags and set off for the Hidden Cloud to save his rival's virginity.
...
Meanwhile, Sakura was heartbroken to learn Sasuke applied solo.
Ino was equally frustrated.
Shikamaru was already a Chūnin, and Chōji was too lazy to travel.
After discussing it, the two girls decided to team up for the 2v2 category.
They recently learned a combined secret technique from the Cloud, which they might just unleash during the exam.
...
Hidden Rain Village, Laboratory
"How's it going?"
"We need to wake her up prematurely, but we must ensure her healthy development. That's the promise I made to Sasuke-kun from the future."
"Alright, proceed."
In truth, Sasuke's 'abduction' wasn't just to manipulate Naruto into playing along with their script.
Orochimaru also extracted something from Sasuke—a crucial element for his ongoing research and the fulfillment of his twisted promise.
Orochimaru warned Sasuke against emulating Naruto's constant solo "training" in the woods, claiming it was to protect his eyesight.
In reality, it was to ensure the extracted genetic material remained in prime condition.
Now, he succeeded.
The newborn cultivated from Sasuke's cells and Ōtsutsuki DNA—the daughter he promised to create for the future Sasuke—Uchiha Sarada.
Both cloning and artificial human tech use accelerated growth.
During the Boruto era, Orochimaru's Mitsuki was artificially aged, while Amado's methods were even more unhinged.
Kashin Koji, despite being a teenager in actual age, looked like an elderly Jiraiya.
Such rapid development carries massive biological side effects.
The method for mitigating them was simple
In Mitsuki's case, the accelerated growth period was short.
Combined with a perfect Sage Body, the side effects were minimized.
Amado just relied on Ōtsutsuki cheat-code cells.
Orochimaru was using a similar approach now. But mere reduction wasn't enough. If he was going to do something, he wanted it done perfectly.
Based on his research, Orochimaru concluded humans are essentially premature births.
They're forced out early because further development in the womb leads to fatal complications.
A high-tech cultivation tank, however, eliminates this risk.
Therefore, he could just leave Sarada in a deep sleep for an extended period, letting her develop naturally to bypass the side effects.
But another bullshit problem arose.
Sarada was an Uchiha, destined to awaken the Sharingan, and eventually the Mangekyō.
The side effects of the Mangekyō were well-known: without ripping out a sibling's eyes, blindness was inevitable.
Could he really expect Sarada to drink fortified "adult milk" every day after she went blind?
Orochimaru promised the future Sasuke he'd never commit such a heinous act!
Therefore, he had to cultivate a spare pair of eyes as a substitute to unlock the Eternal Mangekyō for her.
The simplest method was to clone another kid and harvest their eyes.
But this approach carried massive risks and a lot of people would find it morally disgusting.
After all, for a clone to provide viable eyes, it would need self-awareness, emotions, and severe trauma to awaken the Mangekyō.
Only Mangekyō eyes worked as replacements.
To avoid moral condemnation, Orochimaru cultivated organs in isolated jars.
He suspected that even if a brain-dead clone lay in a tank, people would still complain about ethics.
So, rather than going the unethical route, his final proposal was to wake Sarada up early, traumatize her into unlocking the Mangekyō, and then toss her back into the tank to finish baking.
While ensuring her physical health, he could extract cells from her already awakened Mangekyō, tweak them, and grow a spare pair of eyes in a petri dish.
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