Chapter 10: The Beef of Shame and the Sauce Catastrophe part-1
Kurenai took a sip of water. She choked slightly. "It was... memorable. We have a very... creative team."
She glanced at me. I stared at the burning coals in the center of the table, willing myself to combust.
"Meat is here!" Choji announced as a waiter placed a mountain of raw beef on the table.
The war began. Chopsticks flew like kunai. Kiba and Choji were instantly locked in a battle for the prime cuts.
"That one is mine, Choji!" Kiba snarled, slapping Choji's chopsticks away.
"I saw it first!" Choji yelled, using a secret clan technique to expand his hand size slightly for better grip.
I sat frozen, holding my chopsticks. I just wanted one vegetable. Maybe a slice of onion.
(Just reach out, Hinata. Grab the onion. It is safe. It is just a vegetable.)
I reached out. My chopsticks hovered over the onion slice.
[Ding!]
[System Alert: The table is boring. Activating Rito Effect Level 2: "The Slippery Utensil."]
(No! Not the chopsticks!)
As I clamped down on the onion, the smooth wood of the chopsticks suddenly felt like it was coated in oil. The onion squirted out from my grip with the velocity of a bullet.
Zip.
The onion slice flew across the table. It did not hit the floor. It did not hit the wall.
It flew directly into Asuma's open mouth as he was exhaling smoke.
"Gack!"
Asuma coughed, the smoke going down the wrong pipe. He hacked loudly, thumping his chest.
"Asuma-sensei!" Ino shrieked. "Are you choking?!"
"I am... cough... fine..." Asuma wheezed, eyeing the onion that had assaulted him. He looked at me.
I turned pale. "I... I am so sorry! The onion... it jumped!"
"It is okay, Hinata," Asuma rasped. "Nice aim."
I shrank back into my seat.
(Okay. No more eating. I will just sit here and starve. Starvation is dignified.)
"Here, Hinata," Kiba said, grinning. He held up a piece of perfectly grilled beef with his chopsticks. "You have not eaten anything. Open up!"
He was trying to feed me. Like a child. Or a girlfriend.
My face heated up. "N-No, Kiba-kun, I can—"
"Come on! It is the best piece! Say ahhh!"
He leaned closer. He was very close. I could feel the heat radiating from him (or maybe it was the grill). The rest of the table went quiet, watching the interaction.
"Just eat it, Hinata," Shikamaru drawled from across the table. "He is not going to stop being troublesome until you do."
I panicked. The pressure was too much. I opened my mouth to say "No," but Kiba took that as an invitation. He shoved the meat into my mouth.
It was delicious. But the System was not satisfied with a simple feeding moment.
[Ding!]
[Opportunity Detected: "The Accidental Footsie." Target: Kiba Inuzuka.]
As I chewed, my foot under the table twitched. I tried to pull my legs back to give myself more space. However, my heel caught on the metal leg of the table.
My foot slipped. It shot forward.
My toes slid up the inside of Kiba's calf.
Kiba froze. His eyes went wide. He stopped chewing.
(Oh my god. I am playing footsie with Kiba. I am molesting my teammate under the BBQ table.)
I tried to retract my foot. But the fabric of my sandal hook got caught on his pants leg. I pulled. He pulled.
"Whoa!" Kiba yelped.
Because his leg was pulled, his upper body jerked forward. His elbow, which was resting on the table, slipped into the dipping sauce bowl.
Splash.
A tidal wave of soy-based BBQ sauce erupted from the bowl.
Physics took a holiday. The sauce did not just splash; it arced. It flew up into the air and rained down.
Most of it landed on Kiba's face. But a significant amount splashed onto my chest, soaking into the mesh shirt and the jacket instantly.
"Hot! Hot sauce!" Kiba yelled, wiping his eyes. "I am blind! I have been blinded by flavor!"
I gasped, looking down at my clothes. I was covered in sticky brown sauce.
"Here! Let me help!" Kiba shouted, blinded and panicking. He reached out with a napkin to wipe the sauce off me.
(Wait. He cannot see. He does not know where he is reaching!)
"Kiba-kun, wait!" I screamed.
It was too late. Kiba's hand, holding a wad of napkins, thrust forward to where he thought my face was.
He missed my face. His hand landed firmly on my chest.
Time stopped.
The restaurant chatter seemed to fade away.
Kiba was freezing, his hand pressing a napkin against my... anatomy.
I was frozen, my soul leaving my body to float into the ventilation hood.
Shino, sitting on the other side of me, adjusted his glasses. "Statistically, the probability of this hand placement being accidental is low. However, knowing Kiba, his stupidity is a factor."
"Kiba!" Kurenai barked, standing up.
Kiba ripped his hand back as if he had touched a hot stove. He finally wiped the sauce from his eyes and saw what he had done. His face turned a color that put the raw beef to shame.
"I... I didn't... I swear... the sauce... your chest... I mean, the napkin!" Kiba stammered, flailing his arms.
[Ding!]
[Critical Incident: "The Saucy Grope."]
[Achievement Unlocked: BBQ Molestation. You have turned a family dinner into an ecchi comedy sketch.]
[Reward: 800 Shy Points.]
[Note: You smell like teriyaki. It is surprisingly appealing to the male demographic.]
I could not take it anymore. The heat. The sauce. Asuma staring at me. Kiba's handprint on my jacket.
"I need to go to the restroom!" I squeaked.
I scrambled out of the booth. But, because the Lucky Pervert System never lets a getaway be clean, there was a patch of grease on the floor near the exit of the booth.
I stepped on it.
"Eep!"
My feet flew out from under me. I slid across the floor on my back like a hockey puck.
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