…
Why?
Why?
WHY?!
WHY?!?
What have I done to deserve this?
Did I not sacrifice everything for you?
We almost became parents.
We talked about having a family.
You gave me something I had always desired with all my heart:
a future.
I loved you with all my heart.
I was not perfect, but I tried.
You never gave me the chance to even show it to you.
You just got up
and left.
I forgave you a million times.
I suffered, but I stayed.
Again
and again
and again
and again
and AGAIN.
Why were you deluding me with talks about a family?!
Why did you want me to marry you?!
Why did you accept all the gifts I gave you?
Gifts made by sacrificing myself,
neglecting even myself.
I loved you more than myself.
…
I hate you.
I hate you.
I HATE YOU.
At least,
I tell myself to.
Like a never-ending whisper,
I scream it inside rooms that still smell like us.
I repeat it until the word loses shape.
Like I'm trying to condition my mind into believing it.
Because it's easier.
Because it's familiar.
I lived my whole life with rage.
My whole identity was carved out of it.
But you challenge this vision.
You challenge the structure I built to survive.
I can't hate you.
I can't forget you.
I can only face it.
I feel it morphing into grief.
Into longing.
Into this unbearable quiet,
disturbed only by the soft splatter of raindrops
hitting my still body.
I love you.
I'll miss you.
I'm sorry..
"Cla..riss..a"