The edge of the sky had already been dyed a faint orange-red by the setting sun, gently blanketing the streets of Shinjuku.
As Shimizu Nayotake stepped off the bus.
The cold December wind, carrying the clamor of the city, swept between the tall buildings.
It set the scarf of her uniform fluttering lightly.
She stood at the exit of the platform and looked up at the inconspicuous little building in front of her.
Right next to it stood a nursery.
She gripped her bag strap and pushed open the glass door on the first floor.
After taking a deep breath, she slowly walked inside.
Even though she rarely had a day off from her part-time job like today, even though she should have gone straight home early.
But she still recalled the time when Tsushima Kagami had told her the address of this place.
"The processing office is right in Shinjuku. When you've got nothing to do, you can come here to ask about the progress of your application."
She truly hadn't held any expectations.
In all this time, she had never once come here to ask.
But at lunch today, while eating her bento, Kagami had asked her again—it had been so long, did she want to go check on the progress today?
And so today, with no part-time work.
Her feet, as if guided by some unseen force, had finally carried her here.
The inside of the building looked newer than the outside. The floor directory beside the elevator read "Specified Nonprofit Corporation, Future Support Association—3F."
She pressed the elevator button. The metal doors opened silently, then closed silently.
The warm white light inside the elevator made her feel a little uneasy.
She looked at her reflection in the mirrored wall.
The hem of her uniform skirt had been slightly rumpled by the wind, and her hair was a little disheveled from rushing.
She reached up to smooth the hair at her temples, then felt the gesture was too deliberate and withdrew her hand. Third floor.
The elevator doors opened to reveal a corridor lined with gray carpet.
At the end of the corridor hung a small sign, its lettering clean and crisp, without any excessive decoration.
She hesitated for a few seconds in front of the sign before raising her hand to knock.
"Come in."
A gentle female voice came from inside.
She pushed open the door, and a small office came into view.
The reception area held two desks, with folders and binders neatly stacked on them.
Against the wall stood a few folding chairs, and several posters were pasted on the wall, printed with slogans about management philosophy and the like.
The whole place was a little more deserted than Shimizu Nayotake had imagined.
There weren't as many people needing to apply for assistance lined up for consultation as she'd pictured at a ward office.
But the place was clean and tidy, and there was even a small pot of pothos on the windowsill, well cared for.
"Hello."
The staff member seated near the door stood up—a woman of around thirty.
Short hair, thin-framed glasses, fine lines at the corners of her eyes when she smiled.
"How may I help you?"
Somewhat awkwardly, Shimizu Nayotake walked up to the desk and pulled a neatly folded slip of paper from her bag—it was her and her mother's certificate of residence.
Present-day Japan did not yet have anything like an ID card.
For identity verification, people generally used the [Certificate of Residence], the [Driver's License], and [Health Insurance].
It wasn't until sixteen years later that something resembling an ID card—the [My Number Card]—came into being.
"Um... I'd like to check on the progress of an assistance application."
Shimizu Nayotake continued.
The staff member took the certificate of residence and nodded with a smile.
"Please wait a moment."
She turned and began searching through the filing cabinet behind her, cross-referencing the information.
Shimizu Nayotake stood where she was, her hands unconsciously clasped tightly together in front of her.
She watched the profile of the staff member earnestly searching for her progress file, and her heartbeat inexplicably quickened.
It surely wouldn't be this fast.
She thought.
Kagami had said this organization had been established in a rush and was short-staffed, so the approval process might take a while.
Yet even so, she didn't know why she had still come today.
"Found it."
The staff member's voice interrupted her thoughts.
Shimizu Nayotake was slightly startled.
"?"
"You're Miss Shimizu Nayotake, correct?"
The staff member turned her head, her smile a few shades brighter than before.
"Congratulations, your application has been approved."
"The review decision came out this morning. We tried to notify you by phone during the day, but it seems no one was home to answer."
"The written notification letter has already been mailed out as well."
Shimizu Nayotake froze.
She opened her mouth, wanting to say something.
But for a moment she didn't know what to say.
She wondered if she was hearing things.
Maybe even standing here now was just an illusion.
Maybe she had actually just fallen asleep on the subway home.
"Um..."
She finally came back to herself.
"Are you... sure it passed?"
The staff member nodded affirmatively.
"You've come at just the right time. Since you're already here, we can go ahead and take care of the relevant contracts and procedures."
"That way you won't have to make another trip later."
She took a stack of documents out of the drawer.
With practiced movements she flipped to the pages that needed filling in, explaining as she went and using a pencil to mark the places requiring signatures and seals.
Shimizu Nayotake looked at the dense terms and numbers.
She recognized every single character, but strung together they became blurry and incomprehensible.
"This is the recipient's certificate."
She didn't know how much time had passed.
In a daze, guided by this kindly lady, Shimizu Nayotake.
After signing all the relevant contracts.
The staff member handed her a stamped document.
"The surgery costs will be paid in installments to the applicant's designated account after the assistance recipient is hospitalized, according to the surgical plan's schedule."
"The subsequent hospitalization costs follow the same process."
"You just need to keep this certificate safe and present it when you're admitted."
Shimizu Nayotake mechanically took the certificate.
The paper was thick and slightly yellowed, rough to the touch, with a round red seal stamped at the edge.
"Here, please sign."
The staff member pointed to a line at the bottom of the form.
She picked up the pen and, with a slightly trembling hand, wrote her name.
The sensation of the pen tip gliding across the paper felt unreal and light, like stepping on clouds.
"Here too."
She signed again.
"Alright, that's everything done."
The staff member neatly gathered the documents, placed them into a kraft paper envelope, and handed them to her along with the recipient's certificate.
"Congratulations, and I wish your family member a speedy recovery."
Shimizu Nayotake took the envelope, her fingers gripping the corner tightly.
"Th... thank you."
She gave a slight bow to this lady and the other busy staff members.
Only then did she turn and walk toward the door, her steps much lighter than when she'd come.
Yet it was also like walking on cotton, each step carrying an unreal, floating sensation.
She was so afraid that the moment she stepped out of this little building, this unreal, beautiful dream would end.
The instant she pushed open the door, the cold air of the corridor hit her face, making her shiver.
Standing at the entrance of the building.
Shimizu Nayotake looked down at the kraft paper envelope in her hands, turning it over and over, examining it several times.
As if to confirm whether it truly existed.
"It passed..."
She murmured.
"Mother's illness can finally be treated."
She should have been happy.
She should have rushed home immediately to tell her mother the news.
Her foot had already taken half a step toward the station, but then suddenly stopped.
At that moment, a face surfaced in her mind.
Kagami...
The boy who ate bento with her every day at lunch.
The boy who walked her home every night.
The person who, in her most wretched moments, hadn't shown pity, but simply stood by her side in his own way and helped her.
She wanted him to be the first to know.
She wanted to thank him first.
She wanted to share this joy with him first.
Besides, when she'd left this morning, her mother had told her to wait until six in the evening to buy some discounted meat before coming home.
Even if she didn't go find Kagami, she'd have to wait around until six anyway.
Shimizu Nayotake looked up at the sky.
Counting from when she'd left school, it hadn't yet reached the time when club activities ended.
Kagami should still be at the Manga Research Club at this hour.
At lunch Kagami had also mentioned that after school he'd go to the Manga Research Club to check Sayuri's homework.
Shimizu Nayotake carefully tucked the envelope into the innermost compartment of her school bag.
She zipped it up and pressed it with her hand, confirming that it lay safely inside.
Then she took a deep breath, turned, and strode toward the station.
Her pace was much faster than before, almost jogging across the crosswalk.
By the time she got back to school, the setting sun had already sunk below the rooftop of the school building.
Only a streak of intense orange-red still lingered in the western sky.
The sounds of athletic club students training on the field drifted through the campus.
In the corridors of the school building, one could occasionally hear the distant practice of the brass band.
Shimizu Nayotake jogged all the way back into the club building.
Her breathing was a little ragged, the white puffs of her breath dispersing in clouds before her eyes.
On the third-floor corridor of the building, she remembered this was where Kagami and the others' Manga Research Club was.
On the floor above was Shizuku and Seika's Light Music Club.
These were all things Kagami had told her during their usual bento lunches.
Even though she had never come here before.
But from Kagami talking about these things with her every day, she had long since sketched a detailed picture in her mind.
The door of the Manga Research Club was at the end of the corridor.
She slowed her steps and steadied her breathing.
Then she walked in, until she stopped once more before a door left ajar.
Looking at the [Manga Research Club] nameplate hanging before her.
She gave a faint smile and unconsciously smoothed her hair.
When she reached out to knock.
She then heard voices coming from inside.
"Nayotake's application should come through today, right?"
It was Kosaka-senpai's voice.
Shimizu Nayotake's fingers halted before the door, not knocking.
The door wasn't fully closed, leaving a narrow gap.
A sliver of light from inside the Manga Research Club leaked through the gap.
Tearing open a bright opening for her, standing in the dim corridor.
She stood at the edge of that light, not knowing why she hadn't knocked, nor why she hadn't left.
It was as if something had nailed her feet in place.
"Mm, if nothing goes wrong, it should be today."
This was Kagami's voice.
Shimizu Nayotake unconsciously softened her breathing.
She knew eavesdropping was wrong.
But her feet seemed to have taken root, her ears seemed drawn by something, and her whole heart involuntarily turned toward that gap in the door.
As if her body and the world behind that gap were fiercely fighting over ownership of her heart.
She couldn't help but press a hand over her chest, where her heart was clearly beating faster.
"Come to think of it."
Kosaka Akane's voice sounded again.
"Kagami, to help Nayotake, you donated all the future royalties from your best-selling No Longer Human."
"And even set up a charity organization specifically for it."
"And you had to hide it from them so they wouldn't know this was actually your help."
"You really did go around in one big circle."
A soft chuckle came from inside—it was Tsushima Kagami.
"It's not that dramatic."
There was a trace of nonchalance in his voice.
"The royalties from No Longer Human aren't only used to help Nayotake and her mother."
"They can also help many more people in need."
"And besides, Nayotake and the others contributed their part too."
"As for going around in circles."
"Nayotake is my friend. I have the means to help them—I can't just watch them suffer through this, can I?"
Shimizu Nayotake stood outside the door, her fingers unconsciously tightening around her bag's shoulder strap.
The kraft paper envelope pressed against her back inside the bag—though separated by several layers of fabric, it felt as hot as if it were being roasted over a fire.
"But you're being way too considerate of her feelings."
Kosaka Akane's voice sounded again, carrying a hint of teasing.
"Isn't it perfectly normal for friends to be considerate of each other's feelings?"
Tsushima Kagami said with a smile.
"And it's not just Nayotake. Whether it's Sayuri, or Akane-senpai and Sonoko-senpai, or everyone in the Light Music Club—as friends, whenever anyone's in trouble, I'll do everything I can to help."
"But Kagami, you never consider MY feelings!"
Sayuri's voice came from the room.
"Sayuri's the cheerful-idiot type—no need to consider her feelings!"
Before Sayuri could retort further, Tsushima Kagami's voice came again.
"But Nayotake is someone with a very sensitive heart."
Inside the room, Kosaka Akane and Machida Sonoko nodded in agreement with Tsushima Kagami's words.
"Everyone has a different personality. Being considerate of a friend's feelings is only natural, isn't it?"
"Since the application's already come through, have you thought about telling Nayotake the truth afterward?"
This time it was Machida Sonoko's voice.
Tsushima Kagami shook his head.
"There's no need for her to know about this."
Sayuri's voice came through the gap in the door again.
"But doing it this way... isn't that deceiving Nayotake?"
"Good friends shouldn't be deceived, right?"
It went quiet inside for a few seconds.
Shimizu Nayotake stood outside, her heartbeat pounding against her eardrums like a drum.
She held her breath, waiting for the answer.
"I suppose this counts as a white lie."
Tsushima Kagami's voice sounded again.
"A white lie doesn't count as deceiving a friend."
"Besides."
His voice suddenly dropped a few notches.
"With Nayotake's personality, if she found out the truth, even if she accepted it, she'd definitely keep it in her heart."
"She'd feel she owed me an enormous debt of gratitude."
"I don't want her to feel she owes me anything."
"That way the friendship would no longer be equal, no longer pure."
"If we can't interact as normal friends, then we can't really call ourselves friends anymore."
"If I go bankrupt someday, Akane-senpai, would you help me?"
"I'd give you an interest-free loan."
"Why interest-free? Even close brothers keep clear accounts."
Tsushima Kagami asked.
"Because I don't need that bit of interest."
"Because you're a friend I acknowledge."
"Because this is help within my power to give."
Kosaka Akane said without a moment's thought.
"Then what if, after accepting, I felt inferior to you from then on?"
"Sometimes avoiding you, sometimes trying to please you."
"How would you feel about that?"
Kosaka Akane thought about it, as if putting herself in that situation, and her usual naive-sweet expression instantly shifted into a look of disgust, as if she were looking at garbage.
"Then I'd think you were truly disappointing."
"See? That way it'd be hard to go back to being friends the way we were before."
"We might even slowly drift apart."
Just as Tsushima Kagami finished, Kosaka Akane cut in.
"I'd drag your bedbug-like, worthless self back and put you through some proper special training!"
"And I wouldn't let you out until you turned back into the confident Tsushima Kagami you used to be!"
As she said this, Kosaka Akane grabbed Tsushima Kagami by the collar.
Tsushima Kagami: ?
"It's a simulation, just a simulation!"
Beside them, Sayuri hurriedly reached out to pull back Kosaka Akane's hand.
Only then did Kosaka Akane snap out of it, immediately blushing and returning to her Yamato nadeshiko demeanor.
"Ahem."
Tsushima Kagami straightened his collar.
And continued.
"Anyway, well..."
"What I mean is, friends shouldn't fuss over these things too much."
Sayuri, Kosaka Akane, and Machida Sonoko all nodded in understanding.
In the corridor outside the door, the orange-red sunset poured in through the window.
Casting Shimizu Nayotake's shadow on the floor, thin and slender.
Her fingers gripped the bag's shoulder strap tightly.
She felt something welling up in her eyes.
Hot and stinging, a sourness rising in her nose.
So that was it.
So all of this had been Kagami's help after all.
She'd thought she was working hard, thought she was struggling upward in her own way.
She'd thought that assistance application was her and her mother's last hope.
A lifeline given to them by that "charity organization" she'd never even met.
She'd thought...
She'd thought that this time, she'd finally troubled no one.
But it turned out that even this "not being a trouble" had been meticulously woven by someone else.
Her eyes rimmed red, her throat as if blocked by something, unable to make any sound.
Shimizu Nayotake's hand released from the door panel, and she silently stepped back.
She couldn't stay here any longer.
She was afraid she'd push open the door, burst into tears, and say things she shouldn't.
She turned and strode quickly toward the other end of the corridor.
Her steps grew faster and faster, until in the end she was almost running away.
Her shoes made rapid "tap-tap" sounds on the corridor floor, echoing through the empty hall.
She ran all the way down the stairs, across the first-floor lobby, and out the front door of the building.
The cold air of the December evening, carrying the scent of soil from the field, hit her face.
She ran all the way to the flowerbed beside the building before stopping, leaning against a bare ginkgo tree, gasping for breath.
Her exhaled breath formed little clouds under the streetlight.
Rising, dispersing, rising again, dispersing again.
Just like her mood right now.
She felt her heart beating so fast, so painfully, so hard to breathe.
It wasn't the kind of pain from her past heart attacks.
That dull ache spreading from deep within her chest.
As if something inside were slowly swelling, pressing against her lungs and heart.
This was a brand-new, unfamiliar pain that left her at a loss.
The soil in the flowerbed had frozen hard, and a few withered leaves blew to her feet, then spun away again.
The sounds of the track team training on the field, the shouts of the basketball team scoring in the gym across the way, the cries of the tennis club members with every swing of their rackets...
All poured into her mind, blending into a blur of noise.
Those sounds seemed so far away, as if from another world.
Shimizu Nayotake sat down on a bench.
She held her bag against her chest, pressing it tightly.
The kraft paper envelope was inside the bag—through the fabric, she could feel its presence.
She lowered her head and looked at her toes.
There was a small patch of mud on her left shoe, from stepping in something at some unknown moment.
After staring at her shoes for a long while, she finally unzipped the bag in her arms.
She took out the kraft paper envelope and stared at it in a daze.
Those words from the Manga Research Club replayed in her mind over and over.
"Nayotake is my friend. I have the means to help—I can't just watch them keep suffering like this."
"I don't want her to feel she owes me anything."
"A friendship shouldn't carry that kind of burden."
Every word felt carved into her heart, so clear it made her ache.
She suddenly found herself laughable.
She'd always thought she was independent, thought she relied on no one, thought her pride was an indestructible shield.
She'd used that shield to block everyone's goodwill, to block everyone from getting close, locking herself inside a small, safe shell.
But it turned out that wasn't any shield.
It was merely her selfish, stubborn, laughable disguise.
She'd thought she hadn't troubled anyone.
She'd thought she could hold on all by herself.
She'd thought that as long as she didn't ask for help, she could pretend to be strong.
But in the end, she'd still troubled someone.
Someone had still done so much for her, in places she couldn't see.
She held the bag a little tighter.
Feeling the heavy weight of a friend's care inside.
She recalled the silent understanding of walking beside Tsushima Kagami as he saw her home every night.
Recalled the knowing smiles when their eyes occasionally met.
Recalled their conversations during those brief moments alone in that apartment in Bunkyo Ward.
Recalled how, eating bento with her every day at lunch, he'd always deliberately tell some inexplicable jokes—really just wanting to see her burst out laughing.
Recalled the day the term began...
That day she'd been sitting by the window when someone stood up to close it, and the sound of the curtain being drawn jolted her awake.
She looked up and saw a tall boy standing by the window, backlit, his expression unclear.
She didn't know whether this new classmate, after the reshuffling for the new term, would be like her old classmates.
She instinctively wrapped her arms around her head and curled up in her chair.
Waiting for those familiar, all-too-accustomed things to descend upon her.
But nothing happened.
She waited a long time, so long her arms grew sore, so long she thought that person had already left.
Only then did she peek out through the gap between her arms.
Only then did she realize the boy was looking at her too.
Through the gap between her sheltering arms, she continued to secretly size him up.
A faint smile hung at the corners of his mouth, as warm as the April sunlight outside the window.
Yet somehow, between his brows, there was an unmeltable melancholy.
She saw a pair of clear, bright eyes.
In those eyes were a bit of surprise, a bit of contemplation—but of all things, no pity...
He saw her sneaking a look at him too, so he raised his hand again, this time really as if he were about to hit her.
Frightened, she shut her eyes again and curled up even tighter.
But that hand still didn't come down.
When she opened her eyes again and secretly looked at him.
He still wore that harmless faint smile at the corners of his mouth, and then slowly raised his hand again.
So scary!
I think he must have understood my situation by then.
But he still deliberately teased me like this, over and over!
Even though he never resorted to violence.
Nor any sharp, biting sarcasm.
But this counted as bullying, right?
She'd thought at the time.
What a nasty person.
Until she herself had been scared by him so many times that she'd grown desensitized.
Already able to ignore his antics and give no reaction at all.
He was still there doing his awkward stretching exercises.
She'd thought again at the time.
What a childish person.
Then, when she ran into that guy again while working part-time at the ramen shop.
He'd called her "Shimizu-san" right off the bat.
What an overly familiar person.
Later, when a customer at the convenience store gave her a hard time, he came to her rescue.
What a good person.
"So it wasn't heartache—it was my heart fluttering!"
She murmured these words.
The corners of her mouth curved—she didn't know whether she wanted to laugh or cry.
She lowered her head and buried her face in her bag.
The canvas fabric of the bag was cool against her burning cheeks, an indescribable comfort.
So back then, the seed named "love" had already been planted?
She asked herself inwardly.
She recalled every locked gaze, every side-by-side moment, every silent companionship of those days.
It had quietly sprouted where she couldn't see, quietly grown, quietly wound around her heart, and only today had it broken through the soil, catching her off guard.
Shimizu Nayotake bit down hard on her lower lip.
No good!
Shimizu Nayotake pressed hard against her chest, as if to quickly suppress something about to surface.
I'd long since suppressed this feeling before it could even bud.
Why, of all times, did it have to surface now?
Kagami said I'm his best friend.
Shizuku is also my best friend.
For the first time I have someone I love, and I've also gained a lifelong best friend.
Two joys overlapping together.
Shimizu Nayotake!
You're already the happiest, luckiest person in the world!
Shimizu Nayotake!
You mustn't wrong Shizuku, of all people!
Kagami and Shizuku have both helped you so much.
You can't...
Shimizu Nayotake, you can't keep being this insatiably greedy!
And besides, you don't have the right!
A gust of cold wind blew past, making her shiver involuntarily.
Only then did she snap out of it and tug at her collar.
Looking at the kraft paper envelope clutched tightly in her hand.
A few water stains had already spread across its surface.
"So this is the kind of feeling with which Shizuku has been in love with Kagami?"
"What a wonderfully wicked good person he is."
She stood up, put her bag back on, and patted at nonexistent dust on her skirt.
She wiped away the tears lingering at the corners of her eyes.
She turned to look back at the club building behind her.
As long as she buried this love deep in her heart, it would be fine.
Just being friends was already enough!
Just watching Kagami and Shizuku together was already happiness enough!
____
👻🔥Heey! Pat_reon: Walnut-chan for more chapters!🔥👻
🔥 New history: Zenless Zone Zero: Rewriting Fate in New Eridu — up now on The_Mikudayo
📚 40 chapters of early access waiting at Walnut-chan — that support is what makes the translations possible
Help us reach these goals:
🎯 100 Powerstones = +1 universal bonus chapter