December twenty-fourth, morning.
Inside Shimizu Nayotake's home.
Shimizu Nayotake was standing in front of a small full-length mirror, the corners of her mouth curling up slightly at her own reflection.
At that moment she was wearing the new set of winter clothes that Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku had bought for her last time.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she suddenly, as if guilty of some crime, began to slowly roll the hem of her long skirt up into her waistband.
The brown plaid skirt grew gradually shorter, taking on the shape of a half-skirt from that day, while at the same time revealing more of the black tights on her calves.
Then she studied herself in the mirror again, hesitated for a moment, and once more rolled the skirt shorter.
Little by little the black tights hugging her plump thighs were exposed above the knee, until they nearly reached the line of her hips.
Only then did Shimizu Nayotake stop.
She looked again at her reflection, now as though she were wearing an ultra-mini skirt.
Boys all seem to like this kind of thing, don't they.
I don't know what's so good about it.
Would Kagami like it too?
The moment that thought crossed her mind, two blushing spots bloomed on her cheeks, and she hurriedly let her skirt back down.
Finally she carefully peeled off the clothes one by one, and changed back into her usual school uniform.
After tidying herself up in the mirror once more and finding herself satisfied.
Only then did she walk to the entryway.
She gripped the door handle and pulled the door open…
"Nayotake, you're here!"
Yukinoshita Shizuku opened the door and, seeing Shimizu Nayotake standing at the entrance, laughed happily.
Then she stepped aside from the doorway to let Shimizu Nayotake hurry inside.
Shimizu Nayotake smiled and nodded again and again.
"Pardon the intrusion."
She took off her shoes, slipped into a pair of fluffy rabbit slippers Yukinoshita Shizuku had prepared long ago, and followed her into the living room.
In the living room, Yukino, who had been lying on the sofa swishing her tail to pass the time, noticed Shimizu Nayotake's arrival.
Puzzled, she got up and trotted over to Shimizu Nayotake's side.
She circled around her, looking and sniffing.
In the end Shimizu Nayotake crouched down and, scratching under her chin, said with a smile.
"Yukino, don't you recognize me anymore?"
"Meow~"
Yukino, seeming to have completely remembered Nayotake now, began to nuzzle affectionately against her hands and feet.
At that moment Yukinoshita Shizuku also came over carrying a cup of hot tea and handed it to Shimizu Nayotake.
Shimizu Nayotake stood up, took the hot tea, sat down on a chair at the dining table nearby, and took a small sip.
Then she looked around at her surroundings.
This was her first time coming to the new home Shizuku and Kagami had moved into.
Although she had come here together with everyone last time, on that occasion the group had only sat for a while at the home of that Miss Hayase downstairs before leaving.
"By the way."
"Where's Kagami?"
At this point Shimizu Nayotake asked about Tsushima Kagami, whom she hadn't seen.
Yukinoshita Shizuku gave a helpless little laugh, then opened the door beside the sofa.
Then she opened the room on the right-hand side.
"Still sleeping in."
"When I got up this morning he was still reading manga."
Curious, Shimizu Nayotake set down the teacup in her hand, walked over to Yukinoshita Shizuku's side, and looked into the room at Tsushima Kagami still fast asleep.
"Isn't his sleeping posture terrible?"
Yukinoshita Shizuku asked with a smile.
"He sleeps like a little kid."
Listening to Yukinoshita Shizuku's words, looking at Tsushima Kagami sleeping soundly while clutching his blanket.
Shimizu Nayotake nodded with a faint smile.
"Mm-hm."
"Ah well, let's just leave him be."
"Come help me pick out some clothes."
Yukinoshita Shizuku pulled Shimizu Nayotake into her own room.
She took out several of her favorite outfits.
Then she began trying them on one by one.
"How's this one?"
"That one's pretty nice."
"Then what about this one?"
"That one's very nice too."
Yukinoshita Shizuku set down the clothes in her hands and looked at Shimizu Nayotake.
"Nayotake, at this rate I'll never be able to decide, will I?"
Shimizu Nayotake sat on the edge of Yukinoshita Shizuku's bed and said with a smile.
"No matter what you wear, Kagami will think you look pretty."
"Is… is that so?"
Yukinoshita Shizuku looked at Shimizu Nayotake a little uncertainly.
Shimizu Nayotake nodded once again.
"Don't worry."
Yukinoshita Shizuku thought for a moment, then set down the clothes in her hands, walked over in front of Shimizu Nayotake, took her hand, and said.
"But today is a little different."
Shimizu Nayotake tilted her head and looked at her.
"Different how?"
Yukinoshita Shizuku leaned close to Shimizu Nayotake's ear and whispered softly.
"I… I want to confess to Kagami tonight, on Christmas Eve."
Shimizu Nayotake was stunned for a while.
"Nayotake, what's wrong?"
"Is it really that surprising?"
Shimizu Nayotake came back to herself and shook her head with a smile.
"Try on another outfit, and I'll help you look again."
"So this is the thing you're selling for tonight's collab?"
Tsushima Kagami stood in front of Shimizu Nayotake, toying with the reindeer plush in his hands.
Shimizu Nayotake nodded.
"Want to buy one to help us hit our sales quota?"
Beside them, another girl—one long familiar, who was often seen working part-time alongside Shizuku and Nayotake—said with a smile.
Tsushima Kagami nodded and was just about to pull out his wallet.
When Shimizu Nayotake stopped him.
"You're still going out to have fun with Shizuku later, aren't you."
"It'd be a hassle to carry around."
Tsushima Kagami nodded.
"Then set one aside for me for later."
"I'll buy it when I get back."
Shimizu Nayotake nodded.
"Then I'll head in first."
"Mm."
After Tsushima Kagami went inside.
Shimizu Nayotake took out a small purse from her person, drew out two 500-yen coins from inside, and dropped them into the cash box beside her.
Then, right in front of the other girl, she picked out the most appealing one and slipped it into her own pocket.
"See you later."
"Bye."
Shimizu Nayotake waved as she watched the retreating figures of Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku.
Before long the store manager suddenly came out from inside the shop.
"Nayotake, there's a phone call for you."
Bunkyo Ward, the University of Tokyo Hospital, Faculty of Medicine.
The cardiac surgery department of the University of Tokyo Hospital's Faculty of Medicine could be said to be the finest in all of Japan.
Her mother's long-term convalescence had also been here before.
So in the end Shimizu Nayotake still had her mother admitted here.
Shimizu Nayotake stood at the door of the attending physician's office in the inpatient ward and bowed deeply.
Only then, utterly disheartened, did she head toward her mother's ward.
Just now she had learned from the doctor that her mother had suddenly begun vomiting blood in the afternoon.
After the doctors and nurses had dealt with it in an emergency, they carried out further examinations.
The preliminary judgment was heart failure—and it had already reached its late stage.
The intervention surgery plan they had drawn up earlier was basically useless now; the only hope at this point was a heart transplant.
But the matter of a heart transplant was far more difficult in present-day Japan than one might imagine.
Strict organ donation laws, scarce donor resources, endless waiting times.
These factors piled together meant that the vast majority of patients in need of a heart transplant ultimately passed away amid a hopeless wait.
When she returned to the ward.
After the doctors and nurses had changed her mother's medication and injections earlier, temporarily easing her condition.
Her mother, lying in bed now, looked a little better in the face than when she had first arrived.
She stepped forward and took her mother's palm in hers.
Mrs. Shimizu also looked at her, smiling weakly, and laid her other hand—the one without the IV drip—over hers.
"Nayotake, don't worry too much."
"Didn't the doctor say they can maintain treatment with medication for now."
Shimizu Nayotake stayed silent, saying nothing.
Looking at her mother's slightly cracked, dry lips.
It was a long while before she finally spoke.
"There's no more hot water. I'll go get you some."
Before Mrs. Shimizu could say much more.
She walked out of the ward.
She was supposed to be heading to the hot-water room, but for some reason, her heart felt stifled and heavy.
She suddenly wanted so badly to go outside for some air.
She wanted so badly to flee this place at once.
She didn't want to smell the scent of disinfectant anymore.
She didn't want to hear the pained groans of patients drifting from the other wards anymore.
She clutched her chest tightly, leaned against a wall, and gasped for breath in great heaving gulps.
"Miss, are you alright?"
A nurse passing by came over with concern.
Shimizu Nayotake shook her head.
"Thank you, I'm fine."
"I'm going out for some air."
With that, she brushed aside the nurse's hand that had reached out to support her.
And walked slowly toward the elevator.
After she took the elevator down to the first floor, she made her way little by little toward the main entrance.
Tsushima Kagami and Yukinoshita Shizuku came out from the entrance of the inpatient ward.
Tsushima Kagami's brow was tightly furrowed, and Yukinoshita Shizuku's face was full of anxiety.
The two of them made their way to the subway station.
He turned his head to look at Yukinoshita Shizuku.
"You head back to Shinjuku first, and search around the convenience stores and near the subway station."
"Nayotake used to like to stay near Shinjuku Station—maybe she ran off there again."
"I'll go check her home."
"Be careful on the way."
"Stay in touch."
Tsushima Kagami added.
Yukinoshita Shizuku nodded.
"Mm."
Then she stepped into the train that had just arrived at the platform.
Tsushima Kagami also waited a while before boarding the train bound for Adachi Ward.
By the time the train pulled into the station, Shimizu Nayotake's home was still quite a distance from it.
Just then a taxi happened to pass by.
Tsushima Kagami flagged it down at once.
Tsushima Kagami sat in the back, leaning against the window, watching the night scenery outside race backward.
He thought of Shimizu Nayotake.
That girl who always sat quietly in the corner, who spoke in a soft, gentle voice, who would tilt her head down slightly when she smiled.
That girl who had given the hair tie her mother had given her to him while he was hospitalized, yet had always left her own hair down.
That girl who worked diligently behind the convenience store register, arranging every single item neatly.
That girl who, just a few days ago, had finally seen hope—only to be told this afternoon that her mother might have no hope left.
"Sir, we've arrived."
The taxi driver's voice came from the front seat.
Tsushima Kagami came back to himself, paid the fare, and pushed open the car door.
Cold wind poured in, and he instinctively hunched his neck.
He stood at the foot of that old, run-down apartment building.
The streetlamp was a dim yellow, casting the whole building in half-light and half-shadow.
The few potted plants on the open ground in front of the building were still there.
But their leaves had already withered yellow, drooping over the edges of the pots, looking as though no one had tended them in a long time.
Tsushima Kagami raised his head and looked up at the windows of Shimizu Nayotake's home.
No light, not the slightest movement.
The whole building was silent, with only the occasional sound of a car driving past on the distant street.
He stood in front of the Shimizu home's door and pressed the doorbell.
Ding-dong—ding-dong—
No one answered.
He knocked on the door again.
"Nayotake? Are you inside?"
Silence.
He tilted his ear to listen—there was no sound at all from within.
He hesitated for a moment, then knocked on the next-door neighbor's door.
After a while, the door opened a crack.
An old woman with graying hair poked her head out, sizing him up with a wary gaze.
"Excuse me, sorry to bother you."
Tsushima Kagami bowed slightly.
"Did you happen to see the Shimizu girl next door come home this evening?"
Perhaps because Tsushima Kagami looked like a student.
The old woman shook her head, her expression softening a bit.
"Ah, little Nayotake."
"Haven't seen her come home tonight."
"What's happened to her? Are you a friend of hers?"
"Nothing, really."
"She left something at my place."
"I was planning to return it to her."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
The old woman closed her door.
Tsushima Kagami stood in the corridor and glanced once more at that tightly shut door of the Shimizu home.
She hadn't come back?
He turned and left the apartment building.
He came to a nearby park.
These were a few of the places Mrs. Shimizu had mentioned that Nayotake liked to go as a child.
A small park nearby, and a riverside path she used to walk often.
The park was about a ten-minute walk north of the apartment—a very small community park.
When Tsushima Kagami walked in, the park was completely empty.
A few streetlamps stood lonely on either side of the walking path.
A thin layer of frost had settled on the slide and swings, ice-cold and biting to the touch.
In the sandbox stood a few plastic shovels and buckets left behind by children during the day, tilting crookedly as the wind blew them.
He walked a full circle through the park, carefully checking every corner.
Under the slide, beside the swings, the bench behind the shrubs.
No sign of Shimizu Nayotake.
He then went to that little riverside path.
It was a walkway built along the river, lined on both sides with cherry blossom trees—beautiful in spring.
But now, the cherry trees' leaves had all fallen, and the bare branches swayed faintly in the night wind.
The light of the streetlamps reflected on the river's surface, shattered into pieces by the wind.
There wasn't a single person on the walkway.
Only a stray cat crouched on the railing by the river.
Seeing him approach, it warily raised its tail, then leapt nimbly down from the railing and vanished into the darkness.
He walked a stretch along the walkway.
Still he hadn't found Nayotake.
He stood by the river and exhaled a puff of white breath.
Nayotake, where on earth could you be hiding?
She couldn't really be thinking of doing something drastic, could she?
Tsushima Kagami shook his head.
As if trying to fling the bad thoughts out of his mind at once.
His phone rang.
It was Yukinoshita Shizuku.
"How's it going?"
Yukinoshita Shizuku's voice over the phone carried a trace of urgency, as if she were walking quickly.
"She's not home."
"I checked the park and the riverside too—nothing."
"What about your end?"
"I searched all around Shinjuku Station, didn't see her."
"I asked at the convenience store too—they said after she took sudden leave this afternoon, she never came back."
Yukinoshita Shizuku paused.
"I also went back to the school."
"The school?"
"Mm, I had Komoe-sensei and Yan-sensei take me in."
"We're still in the school building with the security guards, checking to see if she might have secretly snuck back to school."
"Moe-sensei said some students who run away from home have hidden secretly at the school before."
Tsushima Kagami was silent for a while.
Yukinoshita Shizuku continued.
"Miss Hayase said she'd go check a few of the nearby stations."
"Let's all stay in touch."
"Okay."
After hanging up, Tsushima Kagami checked the time.
It was already past midnight.
In other words, Christmas Eve was already over—it was now the following day, Christmas itself.
He walked along the riverside path toward the main road, thinking all the while about what other places Shimizu Nayotake might go.
He racked his brain for a long time but truly couldn't think of any.
Now with no idea where to go next, Tsushima Kagami thought he might as well head back first to the University of Tokyo Hospital in Bunkyo Ward.
To see whether Shimizu Nayotake's mother could offer a few more locations.
He checked the time.
The last train was already gone.
He sighed, walked to the middle of the road, waited a while, and finally flagged down a taxi.
"To the University of Tokyo Hospital."
The car began to drive faster and faster.
Just as Tsushima Kagami was leaning back in his seat, resting with his eyes closed.
His eyes suddenly snapped open.
"Sorry, change of plans—go instead to…"
Tsushima Kagami arrived at his destination.
He stood by the roadside, watching the taxi's taillights gradually recede.
Only then did he turn to look at the familiar apartment building before him.
A few months ago, he had still been living here with Shizuku.
That convenience store downstairs he went to nearly every day—buying coffee, buying rice balls, buying manga magazines.
The park across the way they had visited together many times.
The cherry blossoms in spring, the shade in summer, the ginkgo in autumn.
Every season's scenery was different.
Returning to this old haunt stirred up many feelings.
But now was not the time for sentiment.
There was no sign of Shimizu Nayotake at the foot of the apartment building.
Tsushima Kagami's gaze shifted to the park across the way.
It was a very large park, planted full of ginkgo trees.
In summer, the entire grove was green, and walking through it you could hear the cries of cicadas and birds.
In autumn, the ginkgo leaves turned golden yellow, blanketing the whole walkway, rustling underfoot when you stepped on them.
Yukinoshita Shizuku used to love coming here for walks, saying the ginkgoes here were the most beautiful in Tokyo.
And now, the ginkgo trees' leaves had all fallen.
The bare trunks reached toward the night sky, like so many gray fingers.
There weren't many streetlamps in the park, and the light was dim.
Looking in from outside, all one could see was a mass of pitch-black tree shadows and the occasional outline of a walkway.
Tsushima Kagami stepped inside.
The park entrance was a stone-paved path, the ginkgo trees on both sides interlacing overhead to form an arched corridor.
The stone path was covered in a thick layer of fallen leaves, rustling underfoot as he walked.
In the air was a mingled scent of dead leaves and earth.
Carrying a faint, almost imperceptible earthy dampness.
He walked straight in along the stone path.
Then he saw a fairly large artificial lake.
In summer, water lilies would bloom, and now and then you could see a few ducks paddling about on its surface.
But now, the lake's surface held only a black, deathly stillness.
And beneath a streetlamp by the lake, there stood a bench.
On the bench sat a person.
He walked a little closer and confirmed that it was indeed Shimizu Nayotake.
First he took out his phone to tell Yukinoshita Shizuku that he'd found Shimizu Nayotake, along with the address.
Only then did he soften his footsteps and slowly approach.
He walked up beside the bench and stopped in front of her.
Still that same set of school winter uniform, her hair hanging loose, both hands resting on her knees.
In her hands she cradled that reindeer plush.
Shimizu Nayotake did not look up at him.
She still faced the lake, staring fixedly and motionlessly at that pitch-black water.
Tsushima Kagami said nothing more either, simply sitting down beside her.
And gazing together with her at that pitch-black lake water.
The light of the streetlamp shone in from the side.
It cast the two of them's shadows together, one long and one short, drawn very close.
Time passed minute by minute, second by second.
No one knew how long it went on.
Perhaps five minutes, perhaps fifteen, perhaps half a century.
Shimizu Nayotake finally spoke.
"Kagami-kun."
Her voice made Tsushima Kagami start slightly.
Not because she had called his name.
But because of her tone.
That was not the Shimizu Nayotake he knew.
The Shimizu Nayotake he knew always spoke in a soft, gentle voice, with a hint of shyness and timidity.
As if afraid her own voice might disturb others.
But now, her voice had no warmth, no rise and fall, no emotion whatsoever.
Not sorrow, not anger, not despair.
But something far more terrifying than any of those.
It was numbness, it was indifference, it was mockery.
"Tell me, why did I have to work myself to the bone at a part-time job all through high school?"
Her eyes still fixed on the lake, her voice drifting as if from somewhere very far away.
"Tell me, why was I born into a poor family?"
"Tell me, why did my dad have to abandon Mom and me?"
"Tell me, why do I have to be this exhausted?"
"Tell me…"
Tsushima Kagami could not answer these questions.
But Shimizu Nayotake went on talking to herself all the same.
"I've asked myself this question many times."
The corners of her mouth curled up slightly, but that curve was not a smile.
It was more like a kind of self-mockery.
"I thought about it for a long time, and the conclusion I finally reached was—there's no why. It's just bad luck."
Her fingers rubbed lightly against the reindeer plush, one stroke after another, very rhythmically.
"Bad luck, so I was born into a poor family."
"Bad luck, so Dad didn't want us anymore."
"Bad luck, so Mom got sick."
"Bad luck, so…"
Her voice suddenly dropped, so soft it was almost inaudible.
"So even the last shred of hope is gone."
Shimizu Nayotake continued.
Her tone was still very calm, as if she were narrating something that had nothing to do with herself.
She said.
"I really used to believe that if you just tried hard, you'd get good results."
"From a young age I studied hard, worked hard, saved money hard, took care of Mom hard."
"I thought that as long as I tried hard enough, life would always get better."
"That one day, Mom's illness would be cured."
"That we'd move to a slightly bigger place, and never have to worry about next month's rent, never have to eye the discount tags at the supermarket."
She lowered her head and hugged the reindeer plush to her chest.
"But today the doctor told me that trying hard is useless."
"Can you imagine that feeling?"
She turned her head and looked at Tsushima Kagami for the first time.
The streetlamp's light fell on her face, illuminating her expression with unusual clarity.
Her expression too was very calm—cold, even.
As if something had been hollowed out from within, leaving only an empty shell.
After a moment of silence.
Shimizu Nayotake instead began to speak with a smile.
"You know what?"
"Back when the hospital notified me that my mom had attempted suicide."
"I actually… for one moment, truly felt relieved."
"That feeling of, finally, I don't have to try so hard anymore."
The corners of her mouth curled up slightly, the arc a little wider than before.
"I thought, if Mom were gone."
"Then I could follow after her too."
"No more working part-time, no more living in fear, no more suffering."
"Everything would be over. How nice."
She lifted the reindeer plush before her eyes and looked at it.
"Later, when I got home and took out the charcoal stove."
"At that moment I really did feel a sliver of anticipation."
"Anticipating that Mom would really light the charcoal, and then we'd fall asleep together."
"And never wake up again."
"You know?"
"After all, I've already tried my best, right?"
"After all, it can't be helped, right?"
She lowered the reindeer and hugged it tightly to her chest once more.
Tsushima Kagami had been sitting beside her the whole time, silently letting her pour it all out.
He simply listened quietly.
Another long silence.
The wind blew across the lake, carrying water vapor and cold, sending her hair scattering wildly.
A few strands clung to her cheeks, and she didn't brush them away, just let them flutter in the wind.
"I'm so tired."
She finally spoke those words, the trailing note like a sigh.
"So, so tired."
Tsushima Kagami sat beside her, not knowing how to console her.
Or perhaps he shouldn't console her at all.
After all, having not lived another's life, one shouldn't lecture them on virtue.
All he could do was sit here.
Listening to her speak, one sentence at a time, those words she'd hoarded up for who knew how long.
The park fell quiet again.
The wind stopped.
The whole world seemed to have been put on pause, leaving only the faint glow of the streetlamp and the shadows of two people sitting shoulder to shoulder.
Shimizu Nayotake turned her head and looked at Tsushima Kagami.
"Kagami-kun."
The arc at the corners of her mouth curled a few degrees wider.
Wearing an expression Tsushima Kagami had never seen on her face before.
She looked at Tsushima Kagami with a face full of mockery.
"Don't you think I'll do something drastic?"
Tsushima Kagami looked at her.
After a moment of silence, he nodded.
"I originally thought you weren't that kind of person."
"But then I figured you can never be sure about these things."
"Sometimes people who are usually very strong suddenly have one taut string snap, and then they think of doing something drastic."
Tsushima Kagami said honestly.
After hearing these words, Shimizu Nayotake suddenly laughed.
Not that usual polite, bashful, faint smile with the corners barely turned up.
The corners of her mouth curved upward, baring her white teeth, her eyes narrowing into two crescent moons.
Then the laughter spilled out of her mouth.
At first softly, like the babble of a brook.
Then louder and louder, more and more resounding.
Until it became a bent-over, belly-clutching burst of laughter.
"Hahahahaha!"
Her laughter echoed through the empty park.
Startling a few crows roosting in the trees, which cawed and flew off.
She bent at the waist, both hands clutching her belly.
The reindeer plush was clamped under her arm, trembling along with her laughter.
Her hair fell scattered before her, covering her face, but it couldn't cover that unrestrained, wanton, utterly uninhibited laughter.
Tsushima Kagami had never seen a Shimizu Nayotake like this.
Like someone who had been locked away for a long time and had finally opened a door through which she could escape.
She laughed for a long time.
Long enough that Tsushima Kagami began to worry about her heart condition.
Finally, the laughter gradually died down.
Shimizu Nayotake straightened up and wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand.
She drew in a deep breath, then slowly let it out.
Like someone who had held their breath underwater for a long time finally surfacing.
"So much for being strong, so much for being independent."
"In the end, it turns out I'm just a selfish person after all."
She lowered her head and looked at the reindeer plush in her hands.
"I didn't want Mom to leave me all alone, so I made her endure the pain and stay by my side."
"Even though I knew how much it hurt her to keep living, I still didn't want to let her go."
"Because I don't want to be alone."
"Because I'm scared of being alone."
Her fingers gently pinched the reindeer's red nose.
She raised her head and looked at Tsushima Kagami.
"What do you think?"
"Am I a very selfish person?"
Tsushima Kagami looked at her.
And said with a smile.
"There's an old saying at the University of Tokyo: a gentleman is judged by his deeds, not his heart."
"All these years of your devotion and effort for Auntie Shimizu—those are real and solid."
"You can't negate all those things that truly existed just because a few stray thoughts flickered through your mind."
Shimizu Nayotake said nothing, only looking at him.
"You've just fallen into your own moral dilemma."
"But those are all shackles you've placed on yourself."
He paused.
"So."
"Nayotake, you are not a selfish person."
He looked into her eyes and said, word by word.
The wind blew across the lake, and the water made a faint sound.
The streetlamp's glow drew a small halo between the two of them, wrapping them within it.
Shimizu Nayotake looked at Tsushima Kagami for a long time.
Then she looked away, lowered her head, and looked at the reindeer plush in her hands.
"So, do you still intend to keep seeking death?"
Tsushima Kagami at this point also suddenly raised this sensitive subject.
Shimizu Nayotake did not answer right away.
She raised the reindeer plush and swayed it before her eyes, watching the metal bell on its neck glint in the light.
"If I jumped in right now, would you come save me?"
Tsushima Kagami glanced at the pitch-black lake surface.
"Of course I would."
Shimizu Nayotake also gazed blankly at the lake, then shook her head.
"The water's too cold. I'll pass."
"Besides, your swimming grade is dead last in the class."
Tsushima Kagami was taken aback for a moment, then he laughed too.
"If you hadn't mentioned it, I'd have almost forgotten."
Shimizu Nayotake hugged the reindeer plush back to her chest.
The two of them both let out soft laughs at the lake.
"Can I ask why you came here?"
Tsushima Kagami asked.
Shimizu Nayotake rested her chin against the reindeer's forehead and said.
"During summer break, when you all went back to Chiba."
"Every time I finished feeding Yukino and headed back, I liked to sit here for a while."
"Listening to the ginkgo trees swayed by the breeze, the rustling sound of the ginkgo leaves brushing and colliding."
"That kind of sound gives a person a feeling of tranquility."
So after leaving the hospital, without realizing it, she had walked here.
Shimizu Nayotake flicked a finger over the reindeer's ear.
Another cold gust of wind blew past.
Sending Shimizu Nayotake's long hair scattering wildly once again.
She still didn't tidy it, just let the wind tousle her hair.
Still quietly watching the lake, as if nothing had happened.
Tsushima Kagami looked at her wind-tousled hair and suddenly remembered something.
He took his backpack off his shoulder, unzipped it, and rummaged inside for a while.
Then he took out the Christmas gift he'd prepared earlier.
He opened the box and drew out that red ribbon, with a black stripe at each of its two ends.
Then he stood up and walked behind Shimizu Nayotake.
She sensed his movement, but did not move, nor did she speak.
Tsushima Kagami stood behind her, looking down at her hair.
Her hair was of fine quality, black and glossy.
But because it hadn't been properly cared for, it was a little frizzy.
Combined with the cold wind that had kept blowing just now, several strands had tangled together.
He reached out and, with his fingers, combed those tangled strands apart one lock at a time.
His movements were gentle.
Each time he combed out a lock, he would smooth that lock flat with his palm.
Shimizu Nayotake sat perfectly still, letting him handle her hair.
After Tsushima Kagami had combed all of her hair smooth.
He began to gather all of it together with his fingers.
Parting her long bangs from her forehead, leaving those bright eyes exposed.
Running along her scalp toward the back, gathering in the hair from both sides and top and bottom, until it was all held in his hand.
Like a single ponytail.
Her hair was longer than he'd thought, hanging heavy in his hand, like a bolt of soft, fine silk.
Then he used the included elastic band to bind the ponytail tight, then folded it over twice more and fastened it in place.
Finally, he laid that red ribbon over the spot where the elastic was and tied a beautiful butterfly bow.
Once the bow was tied, he stepped back and took a look.
He nodded in satisfaction, then walked back to the bench and sat down again.
"Does it look good?"
"Of course it looks good."
"After all, I picked it out."
Shimizu Nayotake let out a soft laugh.
"Want to go back and check the mirror right now?"
Tsushima Kagami asked, joking as well.
Shimizu Nayotake was silent for a while, then nodded.
She stood up, held the reindeer plush in her arms, and turned to leave.
"You're going already?"
Tsushima Kagami hadn't expected her to leave so decisively all of a sudden.
"Mm."
"I've been willful enough. Time to go back to the hospital."
"Do you want to wait for Shizuku? She should be arriving any moment."
"She's been very worried about you too."
"No need."
"Apologize to Shizuku for me, for making her worry."
"And I won't be able to spend the evening with her either."
"Then I'll walk you back."
"No need for that either."
"I want to walk by myself for a bit."
In the end Tsushima Kagami just sat on the bench and nodded.
Then, with his back to Shimizu Nayotake, he waved his hand as a goodbye.
"Then be careful on the way."
"Mm."
Shimizu Nayotake turned and walked toward the park exit.
She took a few steps.
Then she turned around and walked back.
With his back to her, Tsushima Kagami heard the sound of her footsteps coming back, and felt a little puzzled.
He was just about to turn his head and ask why she'd come back.
When suddenly Tsushima Kagami felt something soft lightly touch his cheek.
After a moment of bewilderment, he finally turned to look.
Shimizu Nayotake stood behind him.
She had brought the reindeer plush's long snout up to his face.
Gently, tenderly, pressing it against Tsushima Kagami's cheek.
Tsushima Kagami froze.
Only then did he feel that the sensation of the reindeer's plush against his cheek was very strange.
Soft, ticklish, and carrying a bit of the warmth from where she'd held it against her chest.
The streetlamp overlapped the two of their shadows together.
After a long while.
Shimizu Nayotake pulled the reindeer plush away from Tsushima Kagami's cheek.
And held it out in front of him.
"Thank you for your gift."
"For now, take this as a gift in return."
Tsushima Kagami came back to himself and reached out to take the reindeer plush.
"Ah… thank you…"
Shimizu Nayotake looked at the somewhat dazed expression on his face as he took the plush, and suddenly smiled.
She bent down and cupped Tsushima Kagami's face in both hands.
Her fingertips were very cold, but her palms were warm.
Shimizu Nayotake lowered her head, gazing down at the upturned face of Tsushima Kagami.
The two of them met each other's eyes.
"Disappointed?"
The corners of her mouth curled up slightly.
Before Tsushima Kagami could answer.
She lightly pressed her index finger against Tsushima Kagami's lips.
"You're not allowed to be disappointed."
"Because Shizuku would be unhappy."
After saying this, she looked at him for another second.
Then she let go of his face and stepped back.
"Goodbye."
She turned around and walked once more into the night.
This time she did not look back again.
The park fell quiet once more.
Leaving only Tsushima Kagami sitting alone on the bench, cradling a silly-looking reindeer plush in his hands.
He lowered his head and looked at it.
Reddish-brown plush, a golden bell, black plastic eyes, a bright red nose.
Its face was drawn with a smiling expression, mouth grinning wide, looking very happy.
Tsushima Kagami lifted it up and swayed it before his eyes.
The bell made a crisp jingle, ring-a-ling, ring-a-ling, echoing through the empty park.
At that moment, he heard the rustle-rustle of footsteps treading on fallen leaves.
He turned his head and saw Yukinoshita Shizuku walking toward him from the park's other entrance.
Tsushima Kagami stood up and said with a smile.
"Nayotake just left. Do you want to catch up with her?"
"You should still be able to."
Yukinoshita Shizuku stopped in her tracks and shook her head.
"As long as she's found and she's okay, that's enough."
"Let her have some time alone."
She turned her head and looked at the reindeer plush in Tsushima Kagami's hands.
"What's that?"
"A gift in return."
Tsushima Kagami swayed the reindeer and continued.
"She said thanks for my ribbon, and gave this as a return gift."
Yukinoshita Shizuku looked at that reindeer plush and was silent for a while.
Then the corners of her mouth curled up slightly, revealing a faint smile.
"Pretty cute."
"I think so too."
"I was even thinking of buying you one this afternoon."
Tsushima Kagami said with a smile.
"Let's go."
Yukinoshita Shizuku didn't take up his words.
She simply said.
"I want to go back."
"Okay."
Tsushima Kagami extended his right hand, palm facing up.
"Hold on tight."
"It's hard to see in the park—don't trip."
Yukinoshita Shizuku looked at his outstretched hand and was silent for a second.
Then she placed her own hand upon it.
Her hand was very cold.
But once held by him, it slowly began to warm.
The two of them walked side by side toward the park exit.
The fallen leaves on the stone path rustled beneath their feet, as if someone were murmuring in a low voice.
As the two of them stepped out through the park gate, Tsushima Kagami suddenly stopped.
Yukinoshita Shizuku stopped along with him and looked in the direction of his gaze…
In the sky, something was drifting down.
As if someone up high had torn something white into shreds and then scattered it down.
One flake, two flakes, three flakes…
More and more, denser and denser.
Under the glow of the streetlamps, like a swarm of glowing fireflies.
Yukinoshita Shizuku raised her head, watching the snowflakes dancing all across the sky.
"It's snowing."
She said softly.
"Mm."
Tsushima Kagami raised his head too.
The two of them stood beneath the streetlamp, shoulder to shoulder, watching the snow drift down from the night sky.
A snowflake landed in the palm of Tsushima Kagami's hand, and before he could make out its shape, it melted into a tiny droplet of water.
He drew his hand back.
Yukinoshita Shizuku's hand still remained where it was, suspended in midair, as if waiting for something.
Tsushima Kagami glanced at her, then extended his hand again and clasped her hand.
"Let's go."
"Mm."
The two of them turned, and along the way they had come, walked slowly into the snow.
____
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