Chapter 370: If You Don't Find a Match, I'm Tearing Off Your Bedding
On the other side of the city, within a residential block of the reconstruction
zone.
Fourth floor, end of the hallway, the innermost unit.
The curtains were drawn tight, leaving the room illuminated only by the sterile,
pale glow of a computer monitor. The staccato rhythm of
typing—clack-clack-clack—was the only sound in the gloom.
On the screen was a page from the Imperial Forums, specifically the sub-board
titled: [Cross-Planar Biological Encyclopedia – Unofficial Community Edition].
A user with the ID "Steel-Reinforced Otaku" was currently scrolling through the
latest threads:
- "High-Definition Gallery: The Elven Tribes of the Empire (Reprinted from
Evernight Daily Tourism Edition)"
- "A Day in the Life of a Dwarf Blacksmith: Do They Really Hit Everything with
Hammers? [Vlog]"
- "[Discussion] Why are Dragon-men so massive? How do they handle public
transit?"
The young man sitting at the desk was named Gu Mu, twenty-six years old.
Before the Empire arrived, he was a structural technology specialist. After the
Empire arrived, he was still a structural technology specialist—the only
difference being that his job description had shifted to "Blue-print Translation
& Coordination with the Skeleton Construction Corps."
His job followed a strict eight-hour protocol. He clocked out exactly on time.
To Gu Mu, the Empire's Labor Protection Regulations were a divine gift. Back
under the Federation, twelve-hour shifts on-site were the standard, and no one
dared to report a "Logic Error." Now, things were different. When the shift
ended, you manifested your exit immediately. Not a single minute of unpaid
overtime was required.
The problem was that with all this surplus time, he had no idea what to do with
himself.
As a result, he invested all his non-working hours into the Imperial Forums,
researching the data logs of various races with obsessive glee. The forum had
been established by the State Army to facilitate "Planar Integration," hosting
threads on cross-planar cultural exchange, Elven history, Dwarven forging
techniques, and Dragon-man flight-training curricula.
Gu Mu had been soaking in this data for two months. He could now fluently recite
the names, physiological traits, and dietary habits of the seventeen primary
Imperial races.
Despite this, he had never actually met a non-human in person.
And he had no intention of doing so. Manifesting outdoors requires too much
effort.
Clack-clack-clack.
Gu Mu was deep into a thread about Elven acoustics when his door was suddenly
hammered with enough force to suggest a structural breach. BAM-BAM-BAM!
"GU MU! OPEN THIS DOOR!"
His fingers froze on the keyboard. This voice. This volume. This specific aura
of impending demolition.
It was his mother.
Gu Mu remained motionless. "Mom, I'm processing data."
"Processing my foot! You sit in that dark room staring at that glowing box all
day! What data are you processing?!"
"I am studying Cross-Planar Cultural Theory of the Evernight Empire."
"What use is that?! You've studied all those 'aliens,' yet you haven't even seen
the silhouette of one in the real world!"
Gu Mu reached for his headphones.
CRASH.
The door was kicked open. His mother stood on the threshold, hands on her hips.
Gu Mu's mother, Zhou Fang, was fifty-three years old, 1.58 meters tall, weight:
[Redacted], and her combat power was immeasurable. Before the Empire, she worked
in Federation Logistics. After the Empire, she retired and focused all her
remaining processing power on her son.
"Remove those headphones."
Gu Mu simulated a failure to hear. Zhou Fang marched over and yanked the power
cable from the wall.
"MOM!!"
"Listen to me." Zhou Fang dragged a stool over and sat down, initiating a
face-to-face audit with her son. "When the Scourge was ravaging the city, I
didn't pressure you to find a partner. Survival was the priority then. No one
had the mana to spare for romance."
Gu Mu already foresaw the developmental vector of this conversation.
"But now, parameters have shifted. The Empire is here. We are safe. We have
social security. You have a job, savings, and a house—even if it's a public
rental unit, it's a den." Zhou Fang looked at her son. "You are twenty-six years
old."
"I am aware of the date."
"If you don't find a partner soon, I'll be an antique before I see a
grandchild."
"Mom, you're already an antique."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. Logic Error."
Zhou Fang took a deep breath. "I'm setting a new protocol today. If you continue
this 'Shut-in' lifestyle, tomorrow I am tearing off your bedding, confiscating
your PC, and unhinging your bedroom door."
Gu Mu looked at his mother. Twenty-six years of data told him this woman's
threats were 100% likely to manifest.
"Fine… whatever." Gu Mu entered negotiation mode. "State your conditions."
"Simple. You are going on a blind date."
"A blind date?" Gu Mu's brow furrowed. "With who?"
"I'll handle the recruitment. There's a new bureau in the East District called
Fate-Link. Word on the street is their success rate is calibrated perfectly."
Gu Mu blinked. He had seen that shop mentioned on the forums. "That place… isn't
that for matching humans with Anomalies?"
"They handle all demographics. Human, ghost, whatever," Zhou Fang waved it off.
"I've already done the recon."
Gu Mu decided to troll her to end the conversation. "Fine. Then I have
requirements."
Zhou Fang didn't speak, maintaining a "Proceed" posture.
"First: No one shorter than me. I'm 1.8 meters, so they must be at least 1.65
meters."
"Agreed."
"Second: Good personality. Quiet. Low noise-pollution."
"Agreed."
Gu Mu raised an eyebrow. She was agreeing too fast. He increased the difficulty
parameters.
"Third: No Anomalies. I can't process that variable. And no Skeletons. I'm not
into bone-density."
"Zero problem."
"Fourth..." Gu Mu thought for a moment, searching for a terminal hurdle. "They
must have pointed ears."
Zhou Fang narrowed her eyes. "Pointed ears?"
"Correct." Gu Mu's tone became arrogant. "I want a girl with pointed ears, pale
skin, who is several hundred years older than me but looks younger than me."
Finished, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. Manifestation
impossible. There wasn't a human on Earth who fit those parameters. As long as
his mother couldn't fulfill the criteria, he could stall this indefinitely and
return to his forums.
Zhou Fang stared at him for three seconds. Then, she slapped her thigh.
"Granted!"
"...What?"
"An Elf! You're describing an Elf!"
Gu Mu nearly fell out of his chair. Zhou Fang stood up and brushed nonexistent
dust from her clothes.
"I met an Elven girl at the market the other day. She was asking me which vendor
had the freshest radishes. She was impossibly beautiful—pointed ears, white
skin—exactly like your description."
"The Empire encourages cross-species cultural exchange! As your mother, my
ideological awareness is higher than yours."
Gu Mu's jaw hung open, unable to manifest a single word. Since when had his
mother become so "Planar-Integrated"?
"But… why would an Elf ever agree to..."
"Whether she agrees is for the matchmaker to solve! You just show up!" Zhou Fang
grabbed her bag and headed for the door. "I'm going to register you at that
bureau tomorrow. Humans and Elves? What's the issue? Imperial law doesn't
prohibit it."
"Wait! Wait! I didn't agree!"
"You literally just stated your conditions! I've satisfied them all, and now you
want to roll back the update?"
Gu Mu's brain worked at high speed. He had set those conditions specifically to
make the task impossible! Who knew his mother would jump straight to Elves?!
"Mom! Elves are a high-tier Imperial race! Why would they look at me? It'll be a
total 'Air Force' (failure)!"
Zhou Fang turned back at the door. "My son is 1.8 meters tall, has a stable job,
savings, and is an expert in Cross-Planar Culture—don't you spend all day on
those forums?"
"Finally, that useless hobby has a function." Zhou Fang smirked. "I'm going
tomorrow. Shave that beard and wash your clothes. You look like a level-one
bandit."
With that, she exited.
Gu Mu sat in his chair, unmoving. After a long while, he turned back to the
screen and looked at the thread about Elven acoustics. Below the post, there was
a top-rated comment:
"The Elven race is recognized by the Empire as being the most focused on
'Soul-Synchronization.' They do not choose partners based on superficial
aesthetics or race, but on the resonance of the Od."
Gu Mu stared at that line for a long time. Then, he silently reached for the
razor on his desk.
☆☆☆
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