In the far distance Zhong Fu Yaoi stood in solitude on the snowy peak of a mountain reaching far above the sea of clouds. His face was relaxed, his expression serene. Anyone could tell at a glance he was deeply at peace.
"To think I found something so special."
Meanwhile in the forest, Dave was at his wit's end.
"This stupid cock is fucking me up the ass! I'm gonna die out here, starving to death. What a pitiful end for someone so great. Destined to change the world. In fact I actually sent myself into another world, do you have any idea what that means?! This has to be the greatest discovery in the history of science, Nobel prize worthy to say the least. I'm a peerless genius... A genius!"
He stumbled through bushes and trees, aimlessly wandering in the direction the last arrow had pointed while talking to himself. He pushed his way out of the thicket and into a clearing.
"You have got to be shitting me..."
In front of him stood a grand monolith. Carved out of rock, it was shaped like a penis, with intricate details such as veins.
"All this for a dick joke? There's no way." He walked up to the monolith and touched it. To Dave's surprise the rock cock was warm, and felt strangely soft. He retracted his hand in disgust.
"Eugh... I gotta do it... For science." He touched it once more, sliding his palm across it. The areas he touched lit up with a faint pink glow that faded rapidly. He swiped his hand back and forth, speeding up as he noticed the glow growing brighter. After reaching a peak it began expanding outwards on the surface of the monolith. He started using both hands, rubbing it furiously. After a while the whole monolith was like a pink glowstick standing as a beacon in the middle of the forest. A testament to both Dave's perseverance and the perversion of its creator.
"Huff, huff, ough..."
Dave couldn't keep it up anymore and fell to his knees with his tired arms hanging limply by his sides.
[System activated.]
[New owner identified: Archer, Dave.]
[Rank: 0]
[Path: Ghetto Shaman]
[Skills: Hood Attitude, Petty Theft,]
[Current objective: Locate a futanari ghetto.]
Zhong Fu Yaoi's voice echoed in his head. "Welcome to da mothafuckin Ghetto Futanari System!"
"Oh my god... What is this shit. I'm a ghetto shaman? ... I have a petty theft skill?! Come on man... Did I actually just die in that explosion and end up in hell? I want this nightmare to end so I can go back home. I'll even forgive my dad for being the village idiot of the house."
Dave fell over on the ground, utterly defeated. His will to live was nearing its end, dim like the setting sun, his consciousness faded and he drifted to sleep.
After a night of horrible nightmares Dave woke up in a cold sweat, curled up next to the monolith. The morning dew had soaked into his clothes, but luckily it was warm outside so he didn't turn into a popsicle and freeze to death.
Something poked him in the side and he flinched.
"Die you wretched goblin!" a woman's voice rang, signaling the beginning of a thrashing of which Dave was the recipient.
"Kyaaaa~!! Stop! I'm not a goblin! I'm Dave!"
"W-what? You're not a goblin?"
"No I'm not a goblin you stupid bitch. Do I look like a goblin?"
"Yeah you do actually."
"Uwah, that's so mean... I don't feel bad about calling you a fat stupid ugly bitch at all."
Wack.
She smacked Dave with a stick.
"Ough... please, no more violence, my fair lady."
The woman looming over dave held her stick out like a sword. She was tall, taller than Dave, who was somewhat of a manlet truth be told. She had striking red hair with crimson eyes to match, wearing a martial garb, she was quite the beauty.
Hehe, I still have an ace up my sleeve.
"I'll have you know I'm the disciple of Zhong Fu Yaoi."
"EEEEEHHH? That disgusting old pervert? Gross..."
"..."
She lifted the stick, ready to thrash Dave once more.
"Nonono! I-I lied. I'm not his disciple. I'm an otherworlder. From earth. I blew myself up and got isekaid here."
"You talk like you got hit in the head."
"Grrgh, YOU just hit me in the head! But more importantly, that evil wizard Zhong Fu Yaoi tricked me. He gave me a cursed artifact and lead me on a wild goose chase out here to that piece of shit." He gestured towards the monolith.
"P-p-piece of shit!? That's a holy monument of the futanari you mongrel!"
"I don't know what futanari is. But if it's important to you, then fuck you lady! Take this! Petty Theft go!" Dave slammed his palm into the monolith and it instantly disappeared.
"HAHAHAHA! Taste the true power of a Ghetto Shaman!" Dave's manic cackling was a short lived affair as he felt an immeasurable weight pushing down on him.
[Inventory weight limit exceed. You are over encumbered.]