Faced with the System's novice mission, what was Simon's choice?
Nigerundayo!
Run away!
Are you kidding me? Capturing Kiana's heart is impossible. In this life, it will never happen.
Besides, the mission description only said to "make a maiden's heart skip a beat." It didn't specify which maiden. Therefore, as the world's number one Raiden Mei simp, I, Simon, pledge my absolute loyalty to my wife!
Simon, the Deserter of Nagazora, reporting for duty!
Estimating that he had already accompanied Kiana for three hours—surely enough to satisfy her—Simon calmly pulled out his phone. He used a remote desktop app to trigger a fake work notification from his computer to his phone.
The phone buzzed. To Kiana, that vibration sounded like the death knell of her date.
"Sorry, Kiana."
Simon offered a helpless, apologetic smile.
"Speak of the devil. Something urgent just came up at work. I have to go back and deal with it immediately."
Crack.
The sound of something brittle snapping echoed in the air.
Kiana ignored the spiderweb fractures that had "suddenly" appeared on the teacup in her hand. She forced a bright, stiff smile onto her face.
"Ahahaha, it's fine, it's fine... work is important. It doesn't. Matter. At. All."
She tried her best to restrain herself, but the last few words were ground out through clenched teeth.
Aaaah!! Simon, you dog! I want to stab him! How was I blind enough to fall for this guy?!
Seeing Kiana puff out her cheeks, her face flushing red with suppressed heat, Simon felt a sudden urge to poke her cheek.
Cough. Absolutely not because he was curious about how soft it felt. He just wanted to complete the System's "Toxic" mission requirement.
However... she's already this angry, and the System still hasn't registered the "Toxic" task as complete? Do I really have to try something even worse?
Pondering this, Simon stood up and paid the bill.
"Well then, see you next time, Kiana."
He waved and strode away, leaving her in the dust.
Kiana stomped her foot in rage as she watched his retreating back.
Dog of a man! You better not let this lady catch you, or you're dead meat!
She snatched up her phone and dialed her best friend.
"Calling me this early? I assume the operation was a failure?"
A cool, mature voice—yet one that somehow still carried the scent of milk formula—came from the speaker. The tone made Kiana grind her silver teeth.
"Bronya! Check if Simon actually received a work notification just now!" Kiana demanded, unwilling to accept defeat.
"Oh? He used the work escape card? Sigh. The Bronya told you this wouldn't work. Simon is dishonest, yet strangely honest. The best strategy is to maintain the status quo and let him lower his guard."
The sound of rapid, fluid keyboard tapping came through the line.
"Search complete. There were no work messages sent to his ID. So, what is your plan now, Idiotka?"
Hearing the teasing note in Bronya's voice, Kiana's fist hardened.
"I! I'll handle it..."
She deflated instantly. Simon's work was entirely under Massive Electric (ME Corp), which had nothing to do with Schicksal. She had no authority to order him around. Under her best friend's mocking silence, she hung up the phone.
Damn you, Simon. Just you wait! Tomorrow I'm moving into your house! I'll sleep in the same bed as Mei! Don't you dare think about getting any action!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the city.
Mei hummed a soft tune as she bustled about the kitchen.
Earlier, Bronya had suddenly contacted her claiming she wanted to discuss "Anti-Entropy cooperation." Mei wasn't stupid; she knew exactly what her two best friends were plotting. Yet, she had confidently allowed Simon to go alone.
She had faith in Simon's loyalty. After all, they had dated for five years before officially tying the knot. During that time, Kiana and Bronya had made plenty of moves, but Simon had firmly chosen her in the end.
When she went to the meeting, Bronya naturally couldn't produce any real business proposals and kept changing the subject. Mei had easily brushed her off and returned home early to prepare dinner.
Hmm. If my timing is correct, Simon should be home right about now.
The thought of Kiana dressing up beautifully only to be ignored by Simon, while she herself only needed a light touch of makeup to make him fall at her feet, brought a smug, gentle smile to Mei's lips.
Suddenly, a pair of familiar, warm hands wrapped around her waist. Mei turned her head slightly to see the face she loved.
"Wifey, I love you~"
Simon hugged Mei from behind and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.
"Stop it, I'm cooking~"
She complained verbally, but the straightforward confession and the strength of the arms around her made the corners of her mouth rise uncontrollably.
"It's fine. You cook your rice; I'll just hold you."
Simon's hands began to wander quietly, attempting to migrate toward certain mysterious territories.
Slap.
Mei gently swatted Simon's wandering hand away, scolding him with a look that was more affectionate than angry.
"No messing around. save that sort of thing for tonight."
"Okay..."
Simon was chased out of the kitchen, looking slightly regretful. The territory of the Herrscher of the Kitchen was inviolable.
Mei glanced at the kitchen doorway, seeing Simon collapse onto the sofa to play on his phone. She turned back to focus on the stove.
It's strange. At the company, Simon is a mature man who commands respect and makes big decisions. But the moment he comes home, he acts like a big puppy begging for attention.
It really is a blissful sort of annoyance.
Thinking this, Mei found the idea of Kiana and Bronya trying to steal him even funnier. Her mood soared.
Tonight... Hmm, I already prepared oysters. Let's add a dish of garlic chives as well.
She decided to prepare a feast of stamina-boosting aphrodisiacs.
Unaware that his wife was planning to harvest his kidneys via exhaustion later that night, Simon sat on the sofa. To the outside world, he was playing a game. In reality, he had opened the System interface.
[Novice Mission Complete]
[Mission Requirement: Speak from the heart / Act Toxically. Make the maiden's heart skip a beat.]
[Evaluation: Seeing a beautiful girl and immediately shouting 'Wife' is disgusting behavior for an Otaku!]
Hey! What's wrong with calling my own wife 'Wife'?! You dog System!
[Reward: Unlocked Personal Panel and Dungeon Function.]
[Extra Reward: Free Attribute Points x2]
I can really farm double rewards?
Well then, don't mind if I do!
Simon rubbed his hands together, eagerly opening his Personal Panel.
[Name: Simon]
[Level: 1]
[Experience: 0/100]
[Attributes (Adult Male Average is 5):]
Strength: 7 (Weak!)
Constitution: 7 (Weak!)
Stamina: 18 (You possess an endless supply of brute endurance.)
Intelligence: 10 (Not bad. You have a bit of petty cleverness.)
Spirit: 15 (As a transmigrator, my mental power is invincible!)
Agility: 6 (Is your high stamina just because you move so slowly?)
Charm: 17 (Highly immersive.)
[Note: Charm and Intelligence caps are 20 and cannot be increased via points.]
[Skills:]
[Hokushin Itto-ryu Lv.1 (Apprentice)] (Proficiency: 114/200)
[Persuasion Lv.2 (Skilled)] (Proficiency: 514/1000)
[Inventory:]
Free Attribute Points x2
Simon: "?"
He didn't know where to start roasting this thing.
"Why are my Strength and Constitution rated as 'Weak' when they are clearly above the average adult male level?!" he questioned.
He worked out daily and maintained a healthy schedule. His physique was considered quite strong among ordinary people. How was this "Weak"?
[System evaluations are randomly generated. The System bears no responsibility.]