I can still feel it, Inspector.
The softness against my palms. Ella's weight in my arms. The cold seeping through her back. Her voice. Her eyes. That split second when everything looked fragile enough to shatter. The moon hiding behind a curtain of clouds.
I remember exactly what I felt that night.
Wrapped in the dress Mom bought for me, I stepped out of the car. My heels hit the pavement with a sharp tuk the first time they touched the ground, the sound echoing along the paved path that cut through the garden, straight to the school's front lobby. Mom walked between us, guiding us like it was our first day of elementary school.
Anastasia kept her head down. Her long hair covered the sides of her face. With the makeup Mom had carefully done for her, the usual bookworm actually looked pretty. Really pretty. But there was doubt in her eyes. Fear. As we moved deeper into the corridor, I knew she didn't dare look back at the gossip girls throwing her those nasty side glances.
I wasn't surprised. That's just who Anastasia is.
But me? I can't stand people looking at me like that. If they stare, I stare back. Chin up. Shoulders back. Try me.
"Why is that old lady even here?"
"They came with their mom, hahaha!"
"This is prom, you know. Not some kid's birthday party."
Whispers. Whispers. Whispers. That's all they had the guts for. Hiding behind their hands, laughing in their own little bubble. Idiots. They were laughing at Mom. At her love. At the fact that she cared enough to walk us in.
I swear my fists stayed clenched the whole way down that hallway, Inspector. I was ready to explode.
But when we reached the main hall where the dance was being held, I realized I'd forgotten something.
Ella was partnered with Prince.
I hadn't told Anastasia.
Can you imagine her face when she saw it, Inspector? Ella dancing with Prince. That was probably her worst nightmare made real.
I saw it happen. The second Anastasia's pupils widened. The tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Her trembling lips. The tiny shake of her head, like she was trying to deny what she was seeing. Then she turned and ran out of the hall. Mom chased after her.
What did I do?
I ran too. Behind Mom, trying to catch up to Anastasia. But with this big body of mine, I fell behind fast. They were too quick. I stumbled more than once. My heels and the long dress didn't help.
Eventually, I stopped.
Mom was with Anastasia. She'd be fine. I didn't need to worry.
Ella.
For some reason, all my anger zeroed in on her. I knew she planned it. Dancing with Prince on purpose. Becoming his partner just to make Anastasia jealous.
You think so too, don't you, Inspector?
So I went back to the main hall. I walked fast down the corridor. The same sneers came my way, but I didn't care. My eyes were locked on one target. Ella. I wanted to shove her in the middle of the floor. Knock her down. Make that shameless girl bleed.
But she wasn't there.
Her big sky blue dress had vanished. Just like that. Gone. I asked around, but no one knew anything. Except…
"Ella left with Prince."
"You already stole her dinner portion. What, you want her partner too?"
"Maybe she does. She doesn't have a date, after all."
"I heard she was going to dance with her own mom. Hahaha!"
I didn't even need to turn around. I knew exactly who it was. That shrill voice. That annoying tone. Jokes that weren't funny in the slightest. I felt them getting closer.
"Hey!" Alice's small palm smacked my back. "Want some cake?"
I turned. Alice and Fairy stood behind me, each holding a plate of cake. Only Alice offered hers to me, of course, with that smug grin she never drops.
"Where's Ella?" I didn't have time for their nonsense.
"At least take the cake first."
"Alice went through so much trouble to get it for you, you know."
I didn't care about the stupid cake. "Where is Ella?"
I knew they knew something. They just wanted to watch me squirm. Asking them was pointless. I knew that too.
I turned to leave. Fairy grabbed my arm. Then Alice… that tiny brat dropped her cake.
It landed right on my dress. The dress Mom bought me. Ruined.
"Oops. Sorry."
Yeah. Sorry my foot. She was holding back laughter. Fairy too, hiding her grin behind her hand. Somehow I'd known something like this would happen.
For a moment, I just stared at the fallen cake. At the trail of peanut cream staining the fabric. Two seconds. Three. I don't know. I froze. It felt like something climbed straight up into my skull. Boiling.
I couldn't hold it in anymore, Inspector. My fists clenched so tight my nails dug into my palms.
Then I moved.
I lunged at Alice. No way I was letting that slide. But she dodged easily.
Damn it. My heels slipped. I lost balance and crashed into a table stacked with cakes and drinks. Everything fell. Me included. Food all over my dress.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
What was I supposed to say to Mom if she saw me like that?
She'd be disappointed. The dress she bought me was stained. The makeup she carefully put on my face, ruined.
I didn't know what to do anymore, Inspector.
I stood up and left the hall as fast as I could. I didn't care about the dance. I didn't care about the people staring at me. I wanted to find Mom, but I couldn't face her like that. Not in a dress covered in cake. No way.
I stopped in the hallway and just… looked down. For a long time. Maybe half an hour. I leaned against the wall. Prom posters were taped everywhere. Flyers with silhouettes of dancing couples were scattered on the floor. I stepped on one. Hard.
I was so done with prom.
Alice and Fairy came again. They and their little gossip squad circled me, playing with my hair, throwing stupid jokes. I… I don't even know why I stayed quiet, Inspector. Usually I'd snap back. Insult them harder. But I was just… tired.
Mom arrived not long after. She drove them away like sunrise chasing off the night. I was glad she came. Glad when she looked me over from head to toe, saw the mess, and pulled me into a hug.
She wasn't angry.
"Where's Ella?" she asked.
I shrugged. Shook my head. I didn't know.
Mom looked at me with an expression I'd never seen before. The emotion in her eyes… I couldn't read it. Sadness. Despair. Hatred. Disappointment. Sweat rolled down the side of her face.
I wanted to ask where Anastasia was, but I didn't. Mom had already turned and was walking fast toward the main hall.
"Ella's not there anymore, Mom."
I should've said it louder. I should've followed her.
But instead, like an idiot, I walked the other way. I headed to the back area, up to the second floor. The restroom where Anastasia usually hid when things got too much. I don't know why my feet led me there.
That's where I found Ella.
On the staircase bathed in moonlight, Ella was crying.
***