Anastasia killed herself?
When I first heard the news, of course I couldn't believe it, Inspector. I thought it's just a bullshit.
Yeah, I know Anastasia can be a crybaby. But she's smart. There's no way she would do something that stupid and reckless like suicide. No. She shouldn't have done something like that.
There's no way Anastasia would kill herself just because I turned her down.
"Please, be my partner for the dance, Prince." A day before the news spread, I remember she came to see me. With that signature lowered face of hers, the girl stood there, waiting in front of the locker where I usually keep my stuff.
"I can't," I answered, looking Anastasia up and down.
Maybe it was just my feeling or whatever, but at that time I thought Anastasia looked thinner than I remembered. Her hair was loose, slightly messy. There were eye bags hanging under her eyes, covered by eyeliner and makeup. She wasn't pale, but she really didn't look like a healthy person.
Yeah, I heard the gossip that lately Anastasia had been going through unpleasant things. She was bullied, pranked. But I never thought their stupid games could affect her that much.
"Sorry."
Even just a little, I could feel Anastasia lowering her head even more. Her shoulders dropped, like she had just let out a breath.
"Do you… already have a partner, Prince?"
I was planning to ask Ella to be my dance partner, but… "Not yet," I replied.
"That means I still have a chance, right?"
No. I shook my head. No matter how big my past feelings for Anastasia were, I still couldn't forgive her. She and her family had done something cruel to Ella. I didn't want to be close to her, let alone dance with a girl like that.
"That's impossible, Anastasia."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because… I already have a plan to ask another girl."
Suddenly everything felt silent. I could feel the dry wind brushing the back of my neck. While Anastasia kept her head down, the people who happened to be around us started throwing cynical glances and whispering without sound.
"Who?" Anastasia asked. Her voice was soft, almost too low for me to hear. "Who's the lucky girl that's going to be your partner?"
Ella. She's the one I'm going to ask. I wanted to answer that honestly, Inspector. But I couldn't. There was this uneasy feeling attacking me when I tried to think about it.
I was scared, Inspector.
What would happen if I just told Anastasia like that? That I was going to ask Ella. How would Anastasia react if I said it out loud?
I know Anastasia wouldn't just stay silent.
I imagined the girl getting angry. In her jealousy, she would definitely take it out on Ella. Of course I didn't want that to happen, Inspector. Ella might get tortured even worse. Beaten. Ordered to clean this and that. Not given dinner. Forced to sleep in the storage room. I couldn't even imagine what other cruelty they would do in that house.
No. She must not know that I was going to ask Ella to be my dance partner.
"Someone else." I turned my face away from Anastasia. "You don't need to know."
But Anastasia insisted. "That someone else… who?" she asked.
With a little force, I pushed Anastasia's shoulder so she would move away from my locker door. I quickly took my notebook and the things I needed for the next class, then closed and locked my locker again like usual. I never had any intention of answering Anastasia's question.
"Who?" She kept asking. Her voice was getting higher. "Why won't you tell me, Prince?"
I put the books I had taken into my bag, then turned around, showing my back to the girl. There was a sobbing sound. A sound I had almost forgotten. Anastasia's crying.
"Sorry." With a heavy heart, I decided to glance back for a second.
Anastasia looked at me. It felt like it had been a long time since I last saw those eyes. Watery, and lips trembling while holding back tears.
"Sorry," I said once again, before finally walking away.
***
The next day, that's when I heard the news, Inspector.
Anastasia was rushed to the hospital, losing blood. Why, what happened? I kept asking myself.
"They said it was a suicide attempt."
"She cut her own arm."
"Her body was found weak in the bathroom."
Who was the first one to spread something that horrifying?
That group of gossipers answered at the same time, "Ella. She's the one who told us."
Ella, huh. Is everything she said true? Anastasia committing suicide is the one thing I just can't believe, Inspector. Deep in my heart, I hoped that what came out of Ella's mouth was just a lie. Anastasia must still be fine, still healthy. Until I see it with my own eyes, I won't believe it.
With quick steps, I walked toward the cafeteria, hoping to find Ella among the crowd of people sitting and eating at their tables. But Ella wasn't there. The table in the middle, the one she usually used with Alice and Fairy, was occupied by someone else.
After making sure Ella really wasn't there, I decided to go straight to her class. Most likely she was there. There was nowhere else.
I hurried, walking in rushed steps again. And it turned out to be true. Just like I predicted, Ella was in the classroom. The girl was sitting down. Alice and Fairy were each beside her.
Without even asking permission or greeting anyone, I walked straight in. Some people glanced and stared at me curiously. But I didn't care.
"Ella, what happened?" I slammed my hand on her desk. Alice and Fairy complained, but there was no time to listen to their nagging. "What happened to Anastasia? Is she really…."
Ella didn't answer right away. There was a pause that felt way too long. She lowered her head, burying her face on the desk. I thought at that moment Ella was crying, Inspector. Even though I couldn't see her face or tears directly, I knew the girl was grieving.
"It's true," she whispered. Her voice was muffled.
I shook my head, refusing to believe it
.
"Anastasia is at the hospital right now. Her condition is critical."
That must be a lie. It's just a lie. Another bullshit.
Drizella. Where is she? Anastasia's sister….
"Drizella is absent today. She's taking care of Anastasia."
I looked around. Drizella really wasn't in that classroom. Her seat was empty, no bag or her belongings lying around. Just crumpled paper balls under her desk.
Does that mean what Ella said is true?
Anastasia is really in the hospital now?
I don't know, Inspector. It's so hard for me to believe it even when I know it's true. Especially in the middle of the panic attacking me at that time, Ella asked.
"Prince, you still love Anastasia, don't you?"
I… don't know.
"Who's going to be your dance partner later, Prince? Me, or Anastasia?"
I really… don't know anymore.
***