"Once you go out and see other people, my words will become more clear. But, while we are on this topic..."
"What is it ?"
She gave a faint sigh "Huu... Remember, Ty. Everyone in this world is a sinner. It's just that the way people commit sins and the size of those sins are different. Those are the matrices that Differentiates an innocent sinner from a Guilty Sinner."
"...I see."
"What do you think happens in a judgement trial ? Who judges who ?" she asked a sudden question.
"Well.... The innocent judges the sinner ?"
"Haa... Wrong. Were you even listening to me, son ?"
"Then ?"
"It's the smaller sinners judging the bigger sinner."
"Okay... But why tell me all this ?" I asked her confusingly, The order of our conversation is quite weird. It's like she's forcing some teachings or moral into me.
"....And I vow to guide my nation, my people towards the Dawn of a prosperous Future." The king finally finished his speech.
We all stood up.
"Well... There's only one reason behind me telling you all these."
The king stayed standing there at the podium.
"Everyone is a sinner. So, never regret or be ashamed of your own Sins, Ty. Never." She bestowed her last bit of wisdom upon me.
All people in the praying hall including the priests and us started to clap.
"...I don't think that's something a mother should teach her child..."
"Normally ? Yes. A mother should indeed not but.... You're different, Ty. I know-no, I believe you will never commit a sin worth regretting or be ashamed of."
"Then why the heavy talk? So suddenly?" I asked, my voice perhaps slightly sharper than I intended
"Just because. no reason really. ....I just felt like ....You needed to hear it, You needed to hear those words. if someday.... Someday I'm not there to tell you this, when you truly need them to hear." she leaned back, the silver embroidery of her gown shimmering in the dim light.
'when I'm not there'... That phrase is not light. And definitely not something I'd like to hear.
"Don't talk like that." I snapped at her in a rather rude way.
"What ?"
All the rituals were done and we started leaving the church following behind the king.
But our chit chat did not stop.
"Don't talk like you'll be gone or something"
I hate that kind of talk. Even if it's just a little joke. Especially when it comes from someone close.
I am done with that.
A heavy silence fell between us. The only sound was the rhythmic clack-clack of the horses' hooves on the cobblestones. The carriages and knight were coming for us.
After a long minute, Mother finally spoke, her voice soft and apologetic. "Oh ...I didn't mean anything like that. Sorry. I just meant.... When you're away from me, from us... From the palace."
"I shall remember those words, then." those were my last words before getting on the carriage and we began the two-hour journey back to the Royal Palace.
*******
We boarded the carriage and started our way back home journey.
It's been about half an hour but Ty hasn't said a single word to me.
It was understandable when we were going to church, since maybe he was just a little nervous as this was his first time going there. But...
On our way back ? This is unusual.
I looked at Ty who was looking out the window, at the people just like he was doing when we were on our way to church.
...But, unlike back then, right now, he doesn't have a shred of curiosity or interest for what he is looking at. He was looking out the window with a gaze so hollow it was as if the people outside didn't exist at all.
Did I upset him that much by saying what I said ?
my hand are fidgeting with a silk handkerchief.
But then again maybe I babbled a bit too much.
But... I can't help it!
He's gonna be an adventurer in two years.
And That means he's gonna face off against situations like those. He will have deal with both Monsters and Men. It is unavoidable, especially for him.
I don't want him to go through the same troubles I did.
The same conflict that I had to go through.
Maybe it's just needless worry and anxiety on my part, a mother's part.
But, so what if it is just my gut feeling ? My gut feelings are the very reason that I am even alive and sitting here, in the carriage, with my son right now.
And that very gut feeling is telling me to drill this mindset, this one thought into Ty's mind. Survival is of utmost importance.
And I have no intention of avoiding this feeling.
"Ty" So, I called out to him.
"yes ?" He responded without looking at me and still looking out of the window.
I know, I'm just being an annoying mother to him right now but...
But it's not like I have any prior experience in parenting. This is my first time being a mother too.
I just... I just don't know any other way, other than words or stories to convey my words to him.
I looked at him.
So, i will just do it my way.
"Do you want to hear a story ?" I asked.
"Is this story gonna be just an extension of what you taught me ? What we were talking about. Sins ? Responsibility ?" He asked with a bored expression.
Guess he's not really interested, huh...
I took a breath and nodded, "Well... Yes, it is." I told him the truth.
I blinked. Sometimes, the intensity in his eyes made it impossible to see him as just a mere child. He was so sharp.
He let out a long, weary sigh.
I thought he would refuse but....
"Huu... I don't know why you're so adamant about it. But... Fine. Out with it." He said in a flat voice.
"Oh... Oh!" I am surprised. But it's a pleasant surprise.
Did the word 'Story' convince him ? He's still a kid at heart, after all.
"Alright, Now imagine..."
"Stories are meant to be imagined, though." he interrupted me, a tiny, mischievous glint finally returning to his eyes.
I looked at him "it's bad manners to interrupt your mother, Ty." I chided, though I was probably smiling.
"Oh. Alright. My apologies. Continue."
"So, Once upon a time, there was a village. The villagers of that village didn't have any way to be self-reliant. They couldn't farm, they couldn't hunt, and they were surrounded by a harsh, unforgiving wilderness."
"Why though ? Was the soil not good ?"
"It just is. Don't think too much." I looked at him, I could feel my brow twitching.
"I see"
I looked at his mischievous expression.
Is this his way of having fun ?
Huu... Well... As long as he's having fun.