Season 3 chapter 92
The Interrogation Loop
"Hey, you dickhead!" Shuntesh roared, stepping directly into the thief's personal space. "Where the hell are you going with that bag along with the alloy in it?!"
"Sir... sir, please!" the technician stammered, frantically gripping the bag as his knees practically buckled. "Actually... the thing is that—"
"I am not asking you for a fucking speech!" Shuntesh aggressively interrupted, cutting him off completely. "Are you absolutely deaf?! I am asking where the hell you were going with that stuff!"
"Sir, if you just listen to me for one single second—" the thief pleaded, tears welling in his eyes.
"I don't want to listen to you!" Shuntesh barked back instantly, completely ignoring the guy. "Answer the direct logistical question! What were you doing with the pipe?!"
"Sir, sir, my situation is—" the guy tried again, practically hyperventilating.
"I don't give a single fuck about your situation!" Shuntesh yelled directly into his face. "What were you doing?!"
"But sir, I am just—" the thief squeaked out desperately.
"Shut the fuck up and answer the question!" Shuntesh roared, closing the four-part loop of absolute interrogation.
Legendary Shit Forces - Unit 34
Right at that exact moment, the heavy, reinforced double doors at the front of the laboratory swung open. Kniya and Malesh strolled into the room. They stopped just inside the doorway, entirely unnoticed by the screaming head researcher and the terrified thief.
For a few solid seconds, the two corporate warlords just stood there in silence, quietly witnessing the intense, highly aggressive standoff taking place in the middle of their R&D department.
Suddenly, a brilliant, completely unhinged idea sparked in Kniya's mind. A massive, theatrical smirk spread across his face. In one seamless motion, Kniya whipped out his custom-made, solid gold pistol, ANYTHING, and racked the slide.
Malesh didn't even ask questions. Smoothly and silently, he drew his own heavy black revolver from his tailored coat, entirely committed to whatever psychotic roleplay his best friend was about to initiate.
"What the fuck is actually happening right now?!" Kniya suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs, aggressively sweeping the golden barrel across the room like a highly unhinged tactical operative. "Surrender! Surrender! Make your hands up! Surrender, everyone, you fucking idiots! I know that there is fucking drug smuggling going on here!"
Malesh immediately stepped forward, pointing his revolver with absolute, deadpan theatrical authority.
"Yeah, yeah, surrender everyone!" Malesh yelled flawlessly, his dark eyes sweeping the terrified laboratory staff. "You are all asked to surrender right now! We are the Legendary Shit Forces - Unit 34, and you are asked to comply! Fuck your hands up! Get down immediately!"
The entire laboratory went deathly silent. The welders dropped their torches in sheer panic, throwing their hands in the air, completely convinced that an elite, highly aggressive federal strike force had just raided the building.
Shuntesh stood next to the trembling thief, staring at his two billionaire bosses in pure, unfiltered bewilderment. He slowly lowered his Stone Assault Rifle, completely unamused by the acting.
"Sir..." Shuntesh asked, entirely deadpan. "What are you doing here? Can I get to know what you are actually doing?"
Kniya kept his golden pistol aimed squarely at the ceiling, puffing his chest out as he completely embraced his heroic cop persona.
"We stood there and witnessed this for a few seconds, Shuntesh!" Kniya explained passionately, gesturing broadly with his free hand. "And you two were looking exactly like drug smugglers! I thought that you were some kind of elite drug smuggling persons making a cartel drop, and so I had to intervene! It was the explicit wish of God himself that I had to intervene and bring you people to justice! People always say that the police don't arrive on time, and that is exactly why I had to do it! It is required for me to provide justice to everyone!"
Shuntesh stared at Kniya, letting out a long, deeply exhausted sigh.
"Sir... what the fuck is that?" Shuntesh muttered, rubbing his forehead. "First of all, the name of your task force was quite weird, don't you think so? And secondly, the situation is quite different."
The Tactical Nomenclature
Kniya immediately lowered his golden pistol, looking deeply offended by his head researcher's absolute lack of appreciation.
"That is a quite great name, Shuntesh!" Kniya argued passionately, pressing a hand to his chest like he was genuinely hurt. "Legendary Shit Forces Unit 34! I literally just came up with that instantly! It possesses raw, unfiltered tactical energy! How can you say something like that to my precious creative property?"
Shuntesh stared at him, entirely deadpan, his soul completely exhausted. "Sir, I genuinely do not think it was a great name after all. What the fuck is actually happening around here?"
Malesh smoothly adjusted his tailored sleeves, sliding his heavy revolver back into his coat.
"Well, whatever it is, you guys simply cannot understand the true essence of this kind of nomenclature," Malesh deadpanned, defending the fake police force with absolute, unshakeable seriousness. "You have no idea how hard it is to create that kind of authoritative aura on the spot. Anyway, Shuntesh, can you tell us what the fuck was actually going on here?"
"Sir, the actual scenario was that this guy—" Shuntesh started, aggressively pointing at the trembling technician. "You can see this motherfucker right here, this guy was actively trying to—"
"Stealing your underwear?!" Kniya gasped dramatically, cutting him off with wide, horrified eyes.
Shuntesh completely froze. "No, sir. That was absolutely not the case."
The Biological Impossibility
"So what was happening?" Kniya pressed, waving his hands urgently. "Let me guess! He was basically trying to make condoms out of the metal pipes?!"
The entire R&D laboratory came to a screeching, violently awkward halt.
A senior welder in the back row literally dropped his heavy blowtorch onto the concrete floor with a loud clang. Another engineer, who was drinking from a thermal flask, violently choked and spat water across his workstation. The terrified thief just stood there, his jaw slacked open in pure, unadulterated horror, looking down at the heavy iron pipe in his canvas bag and trying to mentally calculate the sheer anatomical nightmare Kniya had just suggested.
Shuntesh's brain completely stalled out. He stared at the Managing Director of the company like he had just grown a second head. Kniya had absolutely zero filter, but this was a completely new tier of corporate absurdity.
"No, sir! What the actual fuck?!" Shuntesh roared, completely losing his patience, his voice echoing over the silent room. "He was never going to do that! That defies basic human biology! That would be a literal medical catastrophe! He was stealing the fucking metal pipes! He was packing our expensive alloys into his bag to sell on the black market!"
Kniya blinked, absorbing the actual logistical reality of the situation. Suddenly, a massive, theatrical spark lit up his eyes. He spun around, absolutely vibrating with chaotic energy.
The Lab Court is in Session
"Wait... wait a second!" Kniya yelled, jumping up and pointing his golden pistol at the ceiling like a gavel. "Malesh! I think we need to act like literal judges here! Yes! We are the ultimate judicial authority of the lab! We need to properly decide who is guilty and who is not! Order in the fucking court!"
Kniya aggressively slammed his hand onto a nearby workbench, fully consumed by the dramatic roleplay. "Now that we have officially heard the statement of the victim, it is time for the accused to speak! What are your actual sayings?!"
Malesh instantly mirrored the insane, super-charged energy. He slammed his own hand onto a metal crate with an explosive, highly uncharacteristic roar.
"Hell yes, Kniya! The court is officially in session!" Malesh shouted, pointing fiercely at the terrified technician with an intense, theatrical fury. "You need to take a massive stand for yourself right now! Speak up! It is a really necessary, fundamental pillar for democracy! Let the absolute truth echo through this room!"
The technician swallowed hard, tears freely streaming down his pale, soot-covered face as he looked at the two hyperactive Managing Directors.
"Sir... actually the scenario is that I am thoroughly buried into my loan," the guy wept, his voice cracking with pure human desperation. "I had taken a huge loan because one of my daughters fell really sick, and I didn't have any kind of money to afford the medical bills. A huge amount of liquid cash was required. Eventually, we even had to sell our family land just to try and repay that loan, but it is still not fully paid. My salary here is not enough to cover the compounding interest, and we are continuously getting indebted to various money lenders. That is why I had to resort to this. I am really sorry. I know that I am doing wrong, but I am begging you... please don't fire me from this company! This job is really necessary for my family's survival!"