Part I:
Caelan stood by the window, arms crossed, staring out at the academy grounds with absolutely no expression on his face. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows, and students were beginning to leave campus in small groups.
Rias sat at her desk, fidgeting with papers she wasn't actually reading.
Akeno stood near the tea service, pouring cups that no one had asked for.
Kiba leaned against the wall with practiced casualness that didn't hide his tension.
Koneko sat on the sofa, eating cookies with mechanical precision.
Asia perched nervously on the edge of a chair, hands clasped in her lap.
And Issei—
Issei was staring at Caelan with an expression that suggested his entire worldview had been fundamentally shaken.
"So," the Red Dragon Emperor said finally, "you're really a dude."
"We established this," Caelan replied without turning.
"But you're so—"
"Pretty. Yes. You mentioned."
"It's just—I mean—how do you—do you use special shampoo or—"
"Issei," Rias said sharply. "Stop."
"I'm just saying! If I looked like that, I'd have girls all over me! Instead, I get called a pervert and—"
"You ARE a pervert," Koneko said flatly.
"That's beside the point!"
Caelan finally turned, his silver eyes settling on Issei with the kind of look a scientist might give a particularly disappointing lab result. "Tomorrow. 6 AM. We'll see if your enthusiasm translates to actual work ethic."
"I'll be there!" Issei said immediately. "I'll show you! I'll—"
A knock on the door interrupted him.
"Come in," Rias called.
The door opened to reveal Sona Sitri—short black hair, glasses, an expression of cool calculation—and her Queen, Tsubaki Shinra, tall and elegant with long dark hair.
"Apologies for the interruption," Sona said, adjusting her glasses. "But we heard that Lord Lucifuge was visiting and thought we should introduce ourselves formally."
Caelan inclined his head slightly. "Sona Sitri. Tsubaki Shinra. I'm aware of who you are."
Sona's eyebrow raised. "You've done research."
"I do research on everyone."
"Thorough. I appreciate that." Sona stepped fully into the room, Tsubaki following. "I have a proposition for you."
"I'm not interested in political alliances."
"Not that kind of proposition." Sona smiled slightly. "Kuoh Academy is in need of a mathematics teacher. The previous one retired rather suddenly, and we're short-staffed. Given your... reputation for analytical brilliance, I thought you might be interested in a temporary position."
Caelan stared at her. "You want me to teach high school mathematics."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you'll be working with Rias's peerage anyway. Because having you on campus officially makes everything simpler. And—" Her smile sharpened. "—because I'm curious to see if your intelligence translates to pedagogy."
"I'm not a babysitter."
"You're consulting for my rival's Rating Game preparation. This is essentially the same thing, just with more students and less combat training."
Caelan considered this. "Payment?"
"Standard teacher salary plus discretionary funds for any 'special projects' you might need."
"Autonomy in my classroom?"
"Within reason."
"Define 'reason.'"
"Don't freeze the students. Don't traumatize them more than the standard educational system already does. Don't turn the classroom into an ice palace."
"The last one isn't a promise I can make."
Sona's lips twitched. "We'll work around it. Do we have a deal?"
Caelan looked at Rias, who was watching this exchange with barely contained excitement. "You planned this."
"I may have suggested to Sona that having you on campus would be beneficial," Rias admitted.
"You're conspiring."
"We're cooperating," Sona corrected. "There's a difference."
Caelan sighed. A long, heavy sound that suggested he was already regretting this entire endeavour. "Fine. But I'm teaching my way. No interference."
"Agreed."
They shook hands—Sona's grip was firm, professional—and the deal was sealed.
"Excellent," Sona said. "You start Monday. Third-year mathematics. That's—"
"Rias's year. I know." Caelan's expression suggested this was absolutely not a coincidence.
"Indeed." Sona's smile was downright catlike. "Welcome to Kuoh Academy, Sensei."
Part II:
"So, you're gonna be our teacher?!" Issei bounded to his feet, grinning. "That's awesome! We can—"
He stopped mid-sentence because he'd done something monumentally stupid.
In his excitement, Issei had walked right up to Caelan and—in what he probably thought was a friendly gesture—reached out and poked the silver-haired devil in the chest.
"Don't worry! Your chest is pretty flat, but that's okay! Some guys are into that! You'll still—"
The temperature dropped so fast that everyone's breath became visible.
Ice exploded across the floor, the walls, the ceiling. Frost crept up Issei's arm where he'd made contact. The windows frosted over. The tea Akeno had poured froze solid in the cups.
Khione's mist manifested visibly, wrapping around Issei's throat like a noose made of frozen fog.
Issei's eyes went wide. "I—I was just—"
Caelan's expression hadn't changed. But his eyes—those silver eyes—were absolutely murderous.
"You," he said quietly, "just touched me without permission. Commented on my body. And implied—" His voice dropped to a whisper that was somehow more terrifying than shouting. "—that I should be grateful for male attention."
"I didn't mean—"
"Remove. Your hand. Now."
Issei yanked his hand back like he'd been burned. Which, given the frost spreading up his arm, wasn't far from the truth.
"CAELAN, WAIT!" Rias jumped from her desk, putting herself between them. "He's an idiot! He doesn't think! Please don't—"
"Kill him?" Caelan's smile was razor-sharp. "I'm not going to kill him."
Everyone relaxed slightly.
"I'm just going to freeze his testicles until they're inoperable. Permanently."
Everyone tensed again.
"NONONONONO—" Issei dove behind the sofa.
"Caelan, please!" Asia's voice was small but earnest. "He's just—he's very tactile! He doesn't understand boundaries! It's not—"
"That's not an excuse."
"I know! But—but you agreed to train him! You can't train him if you freeze his—"
"Watch me."
"LORD LUCIFUGE!" Akeno stepped forward, her smile strained. "Perhaps a punishment less... permanent? We do need him functional for the Rating Game."
Caelan looked at her. Then at Rias, who was giving him the most pathetic pleading eyes he'd ever seen.
Then at Issei, who was literally trembling behind the sofa.
He sighed.
The temperature returned to normal. The ice retracted. Khione's mist disappeared.
"Fine. But—" He pointed at Issei. "—you touch me again without permission, and I will freeze something important. Understood?"
"UNDERSTOOD!" Issei's voice was approximately three octaves higher than normal. "Very understood! Crystal clear! Won't happen again!"
"Good."
Koneko, from her spot on the remaining sofa, spoke up: "I like him."
Kiba was trying very hard not to laugh.
Akeno had given up and was giggling into her hand.
Sona adjusted her glasses. "Well. This will be an interesting semester."
Part III:
By the time evening rolled around, most of the peerage had left. Kiba had training. Asia had church-related duties (complicated, given she was a devil now, but she made it work). Koneko had disappeared to wherever Koneko went when not eating sweets.
And Issei had fled the moment he was dismissed, probably to change his underwear.
That left five people in the Occult Research Club:
Rias, still at her desk, now actually reviewing paperwork.
Akeno, preparing fresh tea since the previous batch had been frozen solid.
Sona and Tsubaki, who'd stayed to discuss the finer details of Caelan's temporary employment.
And Caelan himself, sitting in an armchair by the window, Hoarfrost the Fenris Pup curled at his feet.
(The pup had appeared via teleportation circle an hour ago, whining pitifully until Caelan let him stay. Now the massive wolf-thing was snoring softly, occasionally twitching as he dreamed of whatever dire wolves dreamed about.)
"So," Sona said, reviewing a document, "your schedule will be third-year mathematics, five days a week. You'll have a homeroom assignment—"
"No."
"—which you will share with the existing faculty—"
"Absolutely not."
"—and you'll be expected to attend faculty meetings—"
"I'd rather freeze my own tongue off."
Sona looked up, expression flat. "You're very difficult."
"You hired me knowing that."
"Fair point." She made a note. "Fine. Mathematics only. No homeroom. No meetings unless absolutely necessary. But—" Her eyes sharpened. "—you will maintain professional standards. No showing favouritism to Rias's peerage. No using your position to gather intelligence on other students. And definitely no freezing students, no matter how much they might deserve it."
"The last one is negotiable."
"It's really not."
Caelan shrugged. "I'll do my best."
"That's not reassuring."
"It wasn't meant to be."
Tsubaki spoke up, her voice calm: "What about living arrangements? Will you be commuting from the Eastern Marches daily?"
"That was the plan."
"That's inefficient," Rias said suddenly. She'd been quiet, but now she stood, her expression determined. "You should stay here. In the human world. At my residence."
Caelan raised an eyebrow. "Your residence."
"Yes. I have a large house in the residential district. Plenty of room. It would make everything easier—training, teaching, the Rating Game preparation."
"And it has nothing to do with you wanting to keep an eye on me."
"Well..." Rias smiled sheepishly. "Maybe a little?"
"No."
"Please? Just—just for the duration of the training. Once the Rating Game is over, you can go back to your territory and never talk to us again if you want. But for now—it makes sense. Logistically."
Caelan looked at her. Really looked at her.
Saw the hope. The nervousness. The desperate desire to... what? Connect? Make up for lost time? Prove something?
"She wants you close, little king," Khione whispered. "She's lonely."
"Everyone's lonely."
"Yes. But she's asking for help. From you. Specifically, you."
He closed his eyes. "Fine. But I'm taking the most isolated room in the house. And your peerage stays out of my space."
Rias's face lit up like he'd just given her the best present ever. "Deal! Thank you! You won't regret—"
"I'm already regretting it."
Akeno set down tea cups for everyone, her smile turning mischievous. "This will be fun. The Ice King living with the Crimson Princess. It's like a fairy tale."
"It's like a disaster waiting to happen," Caelan corrected.
"Those are the best kind of fairy tales," Sona murmured, accepting her tea.
They spent the next hour discussing logistics. Training schedules. Curriculum planning. Rating Game strategy. The conversation was professional, efficient, and gave absolutely no indication of the chaos that was about to unfold.
Outside, night fell over Kuoh.
And Caelan Lucifuge, the King of Winter, realized he'd just agreed to live with his aunt.
This is going to be a nightmare.