Part I:
They sat in one of the colosseum's private lounges—just the two of them, a bottle of expensive devil wine between them that neither was drinking.
Lucien Gremory sat relaxed, his championship crown set aside, still in his armor. Caelan Lucifuge sat rigid, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.
"So," Lucien said after a long silence. "This is awkward."
"Yes."
"We could talk about the weather?"
"We live in the Underworld. There is no weather."
"Fair point." Lucien poured himself a glass. "The tournament then?"
"You won. Congratulations."
"You trained the person who gave me the hardest fight."
"Rias is a good student. She listens."
Another silence.
Lucien sighed. "Look, I'm not good at this either. The whole... brotherly bonding thing. I didn't even know you existed until I was ten. And by then—"
"By then I was already gone. I know." Caelan's silver eyes were unreadable. "You don't need to apologize for a childhood neither of us controlled."
"I'm not apologizing. I'm trying to—" Lucien struggled for words. "I'm trying to figure out where we go from here."
"Nowhere. We acknowledge each other exists. We're civil at family gatherings. That's sufficient."
"Is it though?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because you're my twin brother and I know nothing about you except that you built an economic empire in a frozen wasteland and everyone's terrified of you."
"That's more than most people know."
"That's depressing."
Caelan almost smiled. Almost. "Welcome to my existence."
Lucien studied him. "You have a daughter now."
"Yes."
"How's that going?"
"Chaotic. Exhausting. She has infinite energy and no concept of appropriate behavior."
"Sounds normal for a four-year-old."
"She's a manifested guardian spirit who sacrificed centuries of existence to become real."
"...Less normal."
"Indeed."
They sat in silence for another moment.
"Seekvaira wants to meet you properly," Lucien said. "She's fascinated by your economic models. Says your territory management is 'revolutionary' or something."
"It's efficient."
"It's impressive. You turned a worthless frozen wasteland into a profitable domain in less than two decades."
"I had motivation."
"Being forgotten by your family?"
"Being underestimated by everyone." Caelan's eyes hardened slightly. "They all thought I'd fail. Die. Disappear. Instead, I thrived."
"Out of spite?"
"Partially."
Lucien laughed. "That's the most Gremory thing I've ever heard."
"I'm a Lucifuge."
"You're both. Whether you like it or not." Lucien stood, extending his hand again. "Look, I'm not asking us to be best friends. I'm not asking you to move back to the manor and play happy family. I'm just asking... can we occasionally have conversations that aren't awkward silences punctuated by sarcasm?"
Caelan looked at the offered hand.
Then took it. Briefly.
"Fine. Occasionally."
"I'll take it."
"But if you try to hug me, I'll freeze your arms off."
"Noted."
They separated, both feeling like the conversation had been simultaneously productive and completely insufficient.
But it was a start.
Part II:
Three days after the tournament, the emergency council convened.
Not in the Underworld. Not in Heaven. But in neutral territory—a dimensional pocket created specifically for these meetings, existing outside normal space-time.
The chamber was massive, circular, with four distinct sections:
The Devil Delegation:
Sirzechs Lucifer (Crimson Satan)Serafall Leviathan (Leviathan Satan)Ajuka Beelzebub (Beelzebub Satan)Grayfia Lucifuge (Strongest Queen, administrative)
The Angel Delegation:
Michael (Leader of Heaven)Gabriel (Seraph)Raphael (Seraph)
The Fallen Angel Delegation:
Azazel (Governor-General of Grigori)Baraqiel (Cadre)Shemhazai (Vice-Governor)
The Norse Delegation:
Odin (Allfather, looking bored and drinking)Rossweisse (representative and liaison)Freya (because she invited herself and no one could say no)
And standing in the shadows, because apparently someone thought it was a good idea:
Caelan Lucifuge, listed as "consultant and security specialist."
He was not happy about this.
"Why am I here?" he asked Sirzechs quietly.
"Because you captured an entire Khaos Brigade cell single-handedly," Sirzechs replied.
"That's not a reason to drag me into diplomatic negotiations."
"It absolutely is."
Caelan crossed his arms and scowled.
Michael called the meeting to order. "Thank you all for attending. The Khaos Brigade has escalated from isolated incidents to direct attacks during sanctioned events. The attempted kidnapping during the tournament was an act of war against all our factions."
"Agreed," Sirzechs said. "They're not just targeting devils anymore. They want to destabilize the entire alliance."
"Which is why we called this meeting," Azazel added. "The four of us—devils, angels, fallen angels, and Norse—have maintained peaceful relations. But the Khaos Brigade is recruiting from other factions. Rogue gods. Displaced pantheons. Anyone with a grudge."
Odin took a long drink from his horn. "So, you want to expand the alliance. Bring in the other major pantheons."
"Exactly," Ajuka said, magical projections appearing. "Hindu, Shinto, Chinese, Egyptian, Greek. If we can get them on board, the Khaos Brigade becomes isolated."
"Big ask," Odin observed. "Those pantheons don't exactly trust each other. Or us."
"Which is why we need to visit them personally," Serafall said. "Show them we're serious."
Freya leaned forward with interest, her divine beauty making several people in the room forget how to breathe. "A diplomatic tour? Interesting. Who goes?"
"That's what we're deciding," Michael said.
Ajuka pulled up a list of target factions:
Hindu Pantheon (Mount Meru) - Indra and the DevasShinto Pantheon (Takamagahara) - Amaterasu and the KamiChinese Pantheon (Kunlun Mountains) - The Jade EmperorEgyptian Pantheon (Duat) - Ra and the EnneadGreek Pantheon (Olympus) - Zeus and the Olympians
"That's a lot of ground to cover," Baraqiel observed.
"We could split up—" Raphael started.
"No," Odin interrupted. "Bad idea. If you split up, you look weak. Divided. Like you can't even agree on who represents you."
"He's right," Caelan said from the shadows. "A unified delegation shows strength. One team, one message, all factions represented."
Everyone turned to look at him.
"You want us to send one team to visit all of them?" Serafall asked.
"Yes. High-level representatives from each faction. A show of unity."
"That's... actually brilliant," Ajuka said. "It's more work, but the message is stronger."
"Who goes?" Michael asked.
They debated for an hour.
Finally, the Diplomatic Unity Team was assembled:
From Devils:
Serafall Levaithan (Foreign Policy Head)Grayfia Lucifuge (Administrative Excellence)
From Angels:
Gabriel (diplomatic, beloved, symbolizes peace)Raphael (Seraph or Healing and Wisdom)
From Fallen Angels:
Azazel (experienced, knows everyone, impossible to intimidate)
From Norse:
Freya (divine authority, also impossible to say no to)
And as security consultant and coordinator:
Caelan Lucifuge (because apparently, his life wasn't complicated enough)
"Absolutely not," Caelan said immediately.
"You're the most qualified," Sirzechs said.
"I have a territory to manage. A daughter to raise."
"We'll compensate you."
"I don't want compensation. I want to be left alone."
"Caelan," Grayfia said quietly. "This is important."
He looked at his mother. At the genuine concern in her eyes.
Sighed.
"Fine. But I have conditions."
"Name them," Sirzechs said.
"First: Kino comes with me. I'm not leaving her for weeks."
"Agreed. She'll be safer with you anyway."
"Second: I coordinate logistics and security. No one questions my decisions in those areas."
"Done."
"Third: When this is over, I want six months of complete isolation. No missions. No emergencies. Nothing. And My Fees"
"Six months?"
"Non-negotiable."
The room was silent.
"Deal," Sirzechs said finally.
Part III:
That night, Caelan returned to his assigned quarters in the Underworld's diplomatic residence—a fancy term for "guest prison where they put people, they need to keep an eye on."
It was late. Nearly midnight.
Kino was already asleep in the adjoining room, exhausted from playing all day.
Caelan had just finished reviewing preliminary diplomatic protocols when he sensed something.
Movement outside his door.
Two distinct presences.
Powerful ones.
Oh no.
The door opened.
Gabriel stepped in first, wearing a white silk nightgown that was far too sheer to be appropriate. Her twelve wings were folded but visible, and her divine beauty was almost painful to look at.
"Caelan-san~" she said with that gentle smile. "I hope I'm not disturbing you?"
"You are. Please leave."
Then Freya walked in from the balcony—because apparently locked doors meant nothing to Norse goddesses. She wore a silver nightgown that somehow showed even more skin while technically covering everything.
"Good evening, Caelan," the goddess of love purred. "We need to talk."
"No, we don't."
"It's about Kino," Gabriel said, sitting on his bed uninvited.
Caelan's eyes narrowed. "What about her?"
"She needs a mother," Freya said, also sitting on the bed. On the other side. Trapping him.
"She has me."
"She needs a mother figure," Gabriel clarified. "Someone feminine. Nurturing. Loving."
"I can be nurturing—"
"You froze a man's arm off last week," Freya pointed out.
"He was a terrorist."
"Still."
Caelan tried to stand up. To escape.
Gabriel's hand pressed on his shoulder. Gently. But with divine strength that made movement impossible.
"Please sit, Caelan-san. We're not finished talking~"
"I am very finished with this conversation."
"We're not," Freya said, her hand on his other shoulder.
He was trapped between an Archangel and a Goddess.
This was, objectively, the worst possible situation.
"I know what you're both trying to do," Caelan said flatly. "And the answer is no."
"We haven't asked anything yet~" Gabriel smiled innocently.
"You're competing to be Kino's mother. Which means competing to be my... partner. Wife. Whatever." He tried to summon ice. Nothing happened—both women were suppressing his magic with their divine auras. "I'm not interested."
"Why not?" Freya asked, genuinely curious. "We're both beautiful, powerful, and genuinely fond of you."
"And your daughter is adorable!" Gabriel added. "I would love to be her mother!"
"She already has a mother figure—Grayfia visits regularly and—"
"Grayfia is her grandmother," Freya interrupted. "That's different."
"I don't need a wife. I don't want a relationship. I'm perfectly fine alone."
"Are you though?" Gabriel's expression turned serious. "You've been alone for twenty-three years, Caelan-san. Don't you want someone?"
"No."
"Liar," Freya said. "I'm the goddess of love. I can literally feel loneliness. And you're drowning in it."
Something in Caelan's chest twisted.
"That's not your concern."
"It is now," Gabriel said softly. She shifted closer—close enough that he could smell her scent, like spring flowers and divine grace. "You saved Asia-chan. You trained Rias-chan's team. You protected an entire tournament from terrorists. You're a good man, Caelan-san. You deserve happiness."
"I don't want happiness. I want peace."
"Same thing," Freya purred, also shifting closer. Close enough that her silver hair brushed his shoulder. "And we can give you both."
"By competing with each other? That's not peace. That's warfare."
"Then pick one of us," Gabriel suggested. "Problem solved~"
"I'm not picking anyone!"
"Why not?" Freya's hand traced his arm. Not seductively—well, not entirely seductively. Just... curious. Testing his reactions. "Are we not attractive enough?"
"That's not—" Caelan stopped himself. Because yes, objectively, both women were impossibly beautiful. Gabriel's divine radiance. Freya's dangerous allure. "That's not the point."
"Then what is?" Gabriel's hand touched his other arm.
He was very aware that he was sitting on a bed with two divine beings pressed against him from both sides.
This was fine.
Everything was fine.
This was a nightmare.
"I don't do relationships," he said firmly. "I don't do romance. I don't do any of this."
"Why not?" they asked in unison.
"Because everyone I've ever cared about has either ignored me, abandoned me, or forgotten I exist!" The words came out harsher than he intended. "I'm not interested in adding more people to that list."
Silence.
Gabriel and Freya looked at each other.
Then back at him.
"We wouldn't forget you," Gabriel said softly.
"We wouldn't abandon you," Freya added.
"And we certainly wouldn't ignore you," Gabriel continued, and there was something in her tone that made Caelan's survival instincts scream.
"What are you—"
Gabriel pushed him back onto the bed.
Not violently. Just... firmly.
And suddenly she was straddling him, her nightgown riding up enough to show white lace panties with small angel wing embroidery.
"G-Gabriel!"
"I've decided," the Seraph said with that serene smile, "that you need to be convinced. Properly."
"This is—"
Freya appeared on his other side, her silver nightgown similarly displaced, showing black lace that was almost scandalous.
"I agree with the angel," the Norse goddess said. "You need... persuasion."
"I DON'T NEED—"
Gabriel leaned down.
Her lips brushed his ear.
"If you really want us to stop," she whispered, "say the word. We'll leave. But I don't think you want that."
"I—"
"Do you?" Freya's hand traced his chest. "Really?"
Caelan's brain short-circuited.
Because the honest answer was no.
He didn't want them to leave.
And he hated himself for that.
"This is stupid," he managed.
"Probably," Gabriel agreed.
"Definitely," Freya added.
"But also fun~" they said together.
Part IV:
What followed was the most bizarre, awkward, and somehow comedic night of Caelan's life.
Because Gabriel and Freya weren't trying to seduce him.
They were competing with each other.
"I'm clearly the better choice," Gabriel said, adjusting her nightgown to show just a bit more shoulder. "I'm an Archangel. I have experience with children. And I'm very nurturing~"
"You literally spend most of your time in Heaven doing paperwork," Freya countered, her own dress somehow slipping to show more leg. "I'm a fertility goddess. I understand family. Intimacy. Connection."
"I can provide divine protection!"
"I can provide divine everything."
"What does that even mean?!"
"Wouldn't you like to know~"
Caelan tried to escape again.
Failed.
Both women had positioned themselves to block any route off the bed.
"This is insane," he said. "You're both insane."
"Probably," Gabriel admitted.
"But we're serious about Kino," Freya added. "She needs a mother figure. Someone who can teach her things you can't."
"Like what?"
"Fashion!" Gabriel said immediately.
"Beauty secrets!" Freya added.
"How to interact with other girls her age!"
"How to handle growing up as a young woman!"
"Emotional intelligence!"
"Social graces!"
"...All things I'm terrible at," Caelan admitted.
"Exactly!" they said in unison.
Then glared at each other.
"But I would be better at teaching her," Gabriel insisted.
"You're too pure. She needs someone who understands the real world," Freya countered.
"I understand the real world!"
"You're literally a divine virgin."
"THAT'S NOT RELEVANT!"
"It's extremely relevant!"
"How?!"
"Because children need to understand the full spectrum of existence! Including the... adult aspects!"
"SHE'S FOUR!"
"She won't always be!"
Caelan watched them argue, completely lost.
"I'm not sure what's happening anymore," he said.
"We're competing for your hand in marriage," Freya said casually.
"To become Kino's mother," Gabriel added.
"But also because you're attractive and interesting," Freya continued.
"And lonely and need someone," Gabriel finished.
"But mostly for Kino!"
"Yes, for Kino!"
They smiled at him.
Caelan's eye twitched.
"I hate everything about this situation."
"Hate is a strong word~" Gabriel said.
"Intensely dislike?" Freya suggested.
"Sure. That."
Part V:
The argument/competition/absolute insanity continued for another hour.
At some point, clothing became increasingly displaced.
Not intentionally.
Just... through sheer chaos.
Gabriel's nightgown strap slipped, showing her shoulder and the curve of her breast. She didn't seem to notice or care.
Freya's dress rode up high enough that Caelan could see she was wearing silver lace panties with Nordic runes embroidered on them.
At one point, they physically wrestled over who got to sit in his lap.
Gabriel won through divine authority.
Freya retaliated by draping herself over his shoulders from behind.
"This is ridiculous," Caelan said. "You're both ridiculous."
"Says the man who's currently being straddled by an Archangel while a Norse goddess gives him a shoulder massage," Freya pointed out.
"I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS!"
"But you're not pushing us away~" Gabriel noted.
She was right.
He wasn't.
Damn it.
"Fine," he said finally. "FINE. You want to be in Kino's life? Both of you can visit. Regularly. Help raise her. Whatever. But I'm not marrying either of you."
"Yet," they said in unison.
"Not yet. Not ever."
"We'll see~"
"That's not reassuring."
"It's not meant to be," Freya purred.
Gabriel leaned down, her face inches from his.
"We're patient, Caelan-san. We can wait."
"Wait for what?"
"For you to admit you need us."
"I don't need anyone."
"Everyone needs someone," Gabriel said softly. "Even the Ice King."
She kissed his cheek.
Gentle. Chaste. But somehow more intimate than anything else that had happened.
Then Freya kissed his other cheek.
"Sleep well, Caelan. We'll see you in the morning~"
They both stood, adjusting their nightgowns.
And walked out.
Leaving him sitting on the bed, completely bewildered.
Part VI:
The next morning, Kino burst into his room.
"PAPA! The pretty angel lady and the pretty goddess lady are making me breakfast!"
"...What."
"They're in the kitchen! Making pancakes! With faces! Come see!"
She dragged him downstairs.
In the diplomatic residence kitchen, Gabriel wore an apron over her white dress, flipping pancakes with divine precision.
Freya was adding berries and cream, making elaborate designs.
Both looked completely domestic.
Completely innocent.
Like last night hadn't happened.
"Good morning, Caelan-san~" Gabriel chirped.
"Morning," Freya added with a smile.
Kino was already eating, syrup everywhere. "Papa! The angel lady makes the BEST pancakes!"
"Goddess lady's berries are better!" she corrected herself after Freya mock-pouted.
"Both are good!"
Caelan stood in the doorway.
His life had officially spiraled out of control.
"Coffee," he said. "I need coffee."
"Already made~" Gabriel handed him a cup.
It was perfect. Exactly how he liked it.
He hadn't told her how he liked his coffee.
"How did you—"
"I'm very observant~"
Freya leaned close. "Get used to this, Ice King. We're not going anywhere."
"I regret every decision that led to this moment."
"No, you don't," they said together.
And the worst part?
They were right.
Part VII:
Over the next week, the Diplomatic Unity Team prepared for departure.
Their route was planned:
Hindu Pantheon (Mount Meru) - First stop, establishes pattern Shinto Pantheon (Takamagahara) - Close to devil territory Chinese Pantheon (Kunlun Mountains) - Central location Egyptian Pantheon (Duat) - Historical allies Greek Pantheon (Olympus) - Final stop, most unpredictable
Caelan coordinated everything—security, logistics, diplomatic protocols, emergency procedures.
Kino was excited beyond measure. "I'm going on an adventure! With Papa! And Angel Lady! And Goddess Lady! And everyone!"
Azazel was already half-drunk and they hadn't even left yet.
And Gabriel and Freya kept finding excuses to stand close to Caelan, much to everyone's amusement and his intense discomfort.
"We're a team now~" Gabriel said.
"We should coordinate outfits!" Freya suggested.
"We're not coordinating anything—"
"Too late! I already picked colors!"
"This mission is going to be a disaster," Caelan muttered.
"Probably!" Azazel agreed cheerfully. "That's what makes it fun!"
As they prepared to depart for Mount Meru, Caelan looked at his assembled team.
The Ice King with a four-year-old daughter and two divine women competing for his affection.
"This is fine," he said to no one.
Kino giggled. "Papa's lying again!"
"I'm not lying."
"You are! Your eye twitches when you lie!"
"...It does not."
"It just did!"
Everyone laughed.
And despite himself, Caelan felt something warm in his chest.
Maybe this wouldn't be a complete disaster.
Maybe.