Yammy grabbed the now beaten and wounded Ichigo by the face and lifted him to his eye level, wondering how the boy suddenly became so weak. The orange haired bastard had been able to cut his hand without him even noticing as soon as his Bankai was released!
His energy had been fluctuating like crazy after they revealed themselves as Arrancars.
"Is this all?" the tall Arrancar asked smugly, squeezing Ichigo's head between the palms of his left hand with a wide grin. The other three humans had escaped before he could get his hands on them, even though they had been reluctant to leave the orange haired boy.
"Wohoo! We are here Naru, now let's start our picnic!" a loud voice sounded from behind them.
Ulquiorra and Yammy turned around and saw two blonds, a rather tall and muscular man with some interesting facial features and a beautifully voluptuous blonde woman sitting on the man's shoulder, a large picnic basket in their hands.
Ulquiorra gave the two blonds a disinterested glance, dismissing them as mere trash foolish enough to intrude upon their battle. Yammy was going to kill them just for that.
"What! What the hell are you guys doing here? This is my place." Haru shouted and pointed a finger at the two Arrancars accusingly, while Naru nonchalantly jumped down from her spot atop Haru's shoulder.
"Who the hell are you?!" Yammy asked angrily.
"Why none other the Great and noble Haru-sama!" the blond Juubi replied grandly, a massive grin on his face as he performed his sage dance.
"Well, how would the 'Great Haru-sama' like being blown to bits!" the Arrancar grunted angrily.
This human was getting on his nerves!
"Hey fatso, did you just threaten me?"
Haru grinned widely when the Arrancars eyebrow twitched and a large tic mark pulsed on his forehead. Guess, he hit a sensitive nerve with the fatso comment!
"What did you just call me?!" Yammy asked ominously, his eyes concealed in shadows, his hands clenched into tight fists as he let go of Ichigo.
Ulquiorra shook his head at the stupidity of this particularly lowly creature, finding it absurd that a human would intentionally insult someone who could obliterate him in an instant.
"I called you a flabby, lard-ass fatso!" Haru repeated with a scowl. "What? You gonna do something about it, fatso? I doubt it cause I don't think you'll be able to carry that flabby ass fast enough to catch me!"
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU PUNY LITTLE BUG!" Yammy roared and dashed towards a freaked out Haru who hid behind the busty blonde.
Before he could unleash the full might of his fist upon the insolent human, the voluptuous blonde appeared in front of him and stopped his punch like it was nothing! That shouldn't be even possible!
Ulquiorra, on the other hand, was now quite intrigued, knowing that anyone able to withstand Yammy's brute strength was worth observing.
"Thanks Naru, this guy is nuts! I mean I was just talking about him being fatso and not able to carry that lard ass fast enough… you know all that honest stuff and he went ballistic!" Haru explained in relief. His "honest" explanation of the situation didn't exactly help matters any.
"Quit calling me fatso, you bastard!" the giant Arrancar shouted and lifted his hand for another punch, only to be stopped again! It was one thing stopping it once, but preventing a second punch from connecting was just outrageous!
"Lay a finger on my husband, you worm, and I will squish you like a bug!" Naru announced with a cold scowl.
His eye widened in shock and pain when the woman merely flicked him in the forehead and sent him flying like an insect.
"Wow, look at him go! Nice!" Haru commented with a large grin.
"Thanks!" Naru replied with an equally large grin.
He of course knew who and what they were. He was well aware that these two were sent here as mere scouts and would no doubt report their findings to Aizen, thus exposing his secrets before the time was right. He had to play the naïve blond part for now and leave the fighting to Naru.
Even though it wouldn't make much of a difference if they knew about his secrets and power beforehand, they would die anyway. Then again, it's not like he would let Aizen see anything the Arrancars witnessed here.
Sure, he would miss the opportunity of a good battle but he had to improvise! And it's not like it was all for nothing. In the meantime, he would be able to see Naru plump "assets" jiggle with every simple twitch of movement!
Naru, if I tell you what he is thinking right now, you would probably blast his ass to countless pieces. Haru commented amusingly, hearing the cursing and profanities the man was thinking right now.
If it wasn't about keeping our secrets, I would've blasted his ass regardless of his thoughts. she sent back with a smirk Oh and darling, stop staring at my ass.
Hey if I can't fight, the least you can do is let me watch those plump cheeks jiggle like water balloons!
I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted that you compared my derriere with a water balloon of all things!
Just fight and let me enjoy the show in peace! Oh and try to put a little extra sway into them if you don't mind!' Haru retorted with a large perverted grin. A guy has to pass his time by something, ya know, and what better way to pass your time than by watching a pair of plumps cheeks jiggle like crazy!'
Sometimes, I think you only love me because of my rear. she sent back dryly.
And sometimes I think you only love because of my long co—
Shut up!
Amidst a graveyard of destroyed trees and bushes, a groaning Yammy ran a large hand over his forehead and widened his eyes in shock as he stood from his "comfy" position. There was blood! He was bleeding from a simple flick on his forehead?!
What the hell?! Granted his Hierro was not the strongest in his current level, still it should've been more than enough to withstand a Zanpakuto attack let alone a simple finger flick from a human no less!
Yammy emerged from the plucked out bushes and destroyed trees, an enraged look on his face as he charged at them again.
Naru stopped his giant fist with a finger and delivered a devastating punch to his exposed torso, making sure to comply with Haru's strange and perverted wish as she purposely gave an exaggerated and provocative sway to her wide hips, causing Haru to give a loud whoop and a perverted giggle.
The ground around Yammy blasted away from the sheer force of the punch, sending the brutish Arrancar flying away with a geyser of blood erupting from his mouth, his eyes wide like saucers as he flew deeper and deeper into the surrounding forest until he came to a stop near a decimated clearing in an unconscious heap.
"What!" Ulquiorra exclaimed in a rare moment of shock, his eyes wide in disbelief as he witnessed the devastating punch of the human… a punch strong enough to render an Espada unconscious!
A human shouldn't be able to wield that much strength! They were Arrancars with an innate ability of having tough skin… tough enough to withstand blades. Yet this busty woman effortlessly bypassed that ability and rendered an Espada unconscious with a single punch!
It seems they would have to retreat and deliver this report to Lord Aizen.
"Ha, take that fatso!" Haru exclaimed in a loud voice, pointing towards the direction of Yammy's un-ceremonial flight. "Now you with the constipated look on your face! Take your fatso buddy and get the hell out of here before my wife kick your ass as well."
Ulquiorra simply observed the two humans with a calculative gaze, taking into account every single detail so that Lord Aizen could see it later. He had to admit being confused; Lord Aizen had warned him about a blond haired man with red eyes, red whisker marks on his cheeks… not a blonde woman.
Aizen had said that the man was unpredictable, if he thought someone as unpredictable then that man really must be something.
The physical similarities matched perfectly, yet the power description did not. If he had to go according to the description of the report from Lord Aizen, then the blond should be the one with the powers not the woman, considering Aizen hadn't mentioned anything regarding a human woman in possession of such monstrous strength.
Then again, he may be acting idiotic to just throw him off the loop, so to speak. On a side note, he wondered why the blond man seemed to have a bloody nose when he hadn't even fought Yammy let alone received an injury.
Just what is your game, human? he mused curiously and eyed the grinning man, who, for some unknown reason, seemed to have trouble averting his red gaze from the blonde woman's back. He had seen the woman's back as well and knew there was nothing outstanding about it, so then why did the blond man seem to be hell-bent on gazing a hole through it and smiling widely while wiggling his eyebrows.
He would never understand humans!
"Oi asshole, didn't ya hear what I just said, get the hell out of here before my wife kick the crap out of you!" Haru said in mock irritation as he wiped away his bloody nose. Man, he really should let Naru fight more often if this was the kind of show he would receive!
Shoving the perverted thoughts to the back of his head, he pinned the green-eyed Arrancar with his crimson gaze and observed with a raised eyebrow. Judging from the thought swirling around his head, he was confused. It seems Aizen had warned the two to be cautious around a blond man considering that the former Captain was expecting him to be strong, not Naru.
He grinned in amusement, pleased that he had chosen Naru to fight them since he was now even more confused and was questioning the validity of their leader's warning. Seeing every Arrancar, not to mention Aizen's reaction when they see nothing about them would be hilarious! If only he could see them when they realized this!
Naru, it seems Aizen has informed them of my power already, but it seems he had dismissed you as a weakling. Haru sent cheekily through the link.
Is that so? Well, not surprising, he is a cautious man after all. Now I'm glad I kicked that brute's butt for underestimating me simply because I'm a woman
I'm going to enjoy his reaction when he realizes that the Arrancars recorded nothing about us.
Likewise, Love.
Taking every detail into account, Ulquiorra used a flawless Sonido and appeared in front of the unconscious Yammy, picking him up as he opened up a Garganta to Hueco Mundo, intent on delivering his urgent report as soon as possible. Fighting these human trash would have to wait.
With one last look at the two blonds, he stepped into the Garganta and disappeared.
Haru lost his naïve façade and walked towards the wounded Ichigo before placing his hand on the boy's back. A green glow emitted from his hand and entered the orange haired boy causing him to stir awake.
"Hey there Pinhead, whatcha doing laying there on the ground? Did your dad kick you out of the house or something?" Haru asked with a grin, causing Ichigo to develop a tic mark on his forehead.
"Why do I have to see your ugly mug every time I regain consciousness?" Ichigo asked with a twitching eye brow.
Haru simply smirked in response. "So you got your ass kicked by the Arrancars? Man what's with you getting your ass kicked by everyone every time you fight?"
Ichigo ignored his insulting comment, too deep in thought to even think of a comeback.
His inner demon had sprung up once again during his fight, prompting him to lose to that brutish Arrancar. It brought home the point that he was still weak… weak to protect his friends… weak to even control his inner demon.
It seems he would have to take that blond Vizard's offer of joining their little club after all.
"Okay, you can sit there all day moping around, but we are outta here."
Ichigo barely gave them a glance when the two blonds walked out of the destroyed clearing into the dense forest, no doubt towards their Mansion. Now that he was actually paying attention to his surrounding, the place looked destroyed as if a major battle had taken place.
As far as he could remember, only he had actually fought with the Arrancars, excluding Orihime and Chad.
So then, how did the clearing and the tress got destroyed? Not to mention the alarming amount of blood littered around the area. That wasn't Chad's blood since he was healed as soon as he was hurt. It wasn't his since he was only rendered unconscious without any significant wounds and it definitely wasn't Orihime's since she wasn't hurt at all except maybe a few bruises.
So that begged the question, whose blood was it? Was it the Arrancars? Or was it the two blonds?
"Dammit!"