"I'll ask you again… where the hell will you guys be staying?! I sure as hell won't let you stay here because this is my room, not a hotel!" Ichigo declared in an irritated voice, his eye brows twitching and numerous tic marks pulsing on his forehead
The reason for his irritation was simple… okay not simple for him but for them! Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rukia, Rangiku and Toshiro had been assigned by the Head Captain to come to the World of the Living and deal with any invading Arrancars.
They had intercepted him in his School, caused an uproar since the bald Shinigami had chased a student across the school for calling him baldy, Yumichika had ranted about everyone being ugly, Renji had scared several students with his thuggish appearance and Rangiku had given several students massive nosebleeds due to her revealing choice of dress.
All in all, it was hell!
Even all that was heaven compared to the things they had done and were doing now. After school, they had appeared in his room through the roof… meaning they had created a hole in his roof and broken his ceiling light! And to think he thought his dad didn't know the difference between a window and a door!
They had proceeded to lounge in his room like they had owned it… explaining several useless stuff about Arrancars and Vasto something… and saying that they had been assigned by the old Captain to stay in Karakura Town for the duration of Aizen's potential invasion.
Rangiku had proceeded to beat the hell out of Kon for daring to "molest" her and was currently shoving a hand down his throat, apparently searching for the Soul Candy inside the stuffed animal. He couldn't exactly blame the Mod Soul for being unable to restrain himself!
And now, that the explanation was over, they were still staying there with no intention of leaving his room!
They turned towards him with a look that clearly said "are you stupid". His eyebrows twitched even harder at the looks they were giving him. It's not like he was wrong or anything! How was he supposed to sleep if all of them were confined in his medium sized room?!
"Hey guys, Do any of you know where my old coot and older sister lives?" Rangiku asked all of a sudden and released an almost purple Kon, causing the others to look at her in confusion "What?"
"Why are you calling him old coot? And you never did tell us how you know those two." Renji asked lazily.
"I'm calling him an old coot because he is an old coot. Trust me, he may look young, but he is nothing but an old fartm" the blonde woman replied fondly.
"What the hell is wrong with you, you old hag! I'm not old dammit!"
A loud indignant voice shouted from behind them, causing Toshiro–who was sitting in the sill of the window—to fall on his butt as the two blonds appeared out of the blue near the window.
Haru was twitching with irritation, his forehead full of tic marks as he entered the room through the window followed by Naru.
It was Rangiku's turn to twitch in anger when she heard the old hag comment. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, YOU OLD FART!"
The two blonds stood in front of each other and glared so hard, visible lightning could be seen flashing between their eyes.
"I CALLED YOU AN OLD HAG!"
"I AM ONLY 26, YOU OLD GEEZER!"
"I AM NOT AN OLD GEEZER, YOU LITTLE BRAT! I AM ONLY 20!"
"TWENTY MY ASS! YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY ANCESTOR!"
The rest of the occupants of the room looked on with perfect goldfish expressions on their faces until Renji asked the one question that was on everyone's mind? "Are they married or what?"
Naru simply sighed in resignation and rubbed her temple.
They had been simply "enjoying" their free time when Haru had suddenly sensed Rangiku's presence and had decided to give her a surprise visit only to hear her insult him. If it had been anyone else, she would have blasted their asses to kingdom come for daring to interrupt her fun, sadly it was Rangiku. She loved the little rascal too much to vent her anger on her!
Couldn't they just meet like normal people without first bickering with each other? Renji wasn't wrong about his question since they did look like an old married couple.
"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT, YOU WANNA GO!?" Haru shouted as he shook his fist in front of her face, a multitude of tic marks pulsing in his temple, his face red like a tomato.
"YOU BET YOUR WRINKLY OLD ASS I DO!" Rangiku shouted back with equal vigor.
Naru knew she had to interfere before they went any further. Why did it always have to be her who stopped their bickering?
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU TWO MORONS!"
Haru and Rangiku stopped in their path downstairs to get things settled when they heard Naru's shout, turning around with an owlish expression on their faces as they tried to get over the fact that the calm and kind Naru had actually shouted.
"Wow! Never saw that coming did you?" Rangiku leaned towards Haru and whispered quietly while he shook his head in negative. In the face of discovery of another mystery, they seemed to have forgotten their earlier less than pleasant argument.
"Nope! Do you think it's that time of the month for her?" he asked quietly, totally oblivious to the deathly quiet and frighteningly sweet visage of Naru cracking her knuckles.
"It could be." she replied cheekily, as oblivious as Haru.
"H-hey you two, y-you might want to turn around…" Ichigo stuttered, trying hard not to shiver from the aura of death and despair oozing off of Naru.
Seriously, what's with women and their sudden boost in power when they are angry?
Ichigo, Toshiro, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Kon and Rukia had deemed it best to hide behind several pillows and furniture to avoid the unavoidable potential disaster. Sure, they wouldn't emerge unscathed, but they would at least come out with their limbs attached to their bodies.
Yumichika was tempted to declare that their behavior was not beautiful at all, but kept his mouth shut, knowing it would cost him big time. He was in no mood to have his beautiful hair shaved clean like Ikkaku. He liked his hair present on his head, thank you very much!
That stuttering sentence seemed to have gained the attention of the two whispering due as they turned around almost robotically, now aware of the almost suffocating aura of death swirling in the room, nervous chuckles escaping from their mouths as they sweated bullets.
"H-hey there Naru/Big sister, w-what's up?" they stuttered with nervous chuckles and slowly edged towards the window, rubbing the back of their heads nervously.
Naru had to stop herself from laughing out loud when she saw the nearly identical expressions, sheepish grins and body language of the two blonds. It was adorable! Except these adorably innocent blonds had just insulted her!
Even though she was tempted to let them off the hook since they were sweating so badly and since she couldn't resist those adorable expressions for long, she wanted to make them sweat even longer so that they could learn their lesson to never ever insult her again.
"Oh I don't know, you tell me." she commented in a deceptively sweet voice and ominously cracked her knuckles. "I may be getting old, but I could've sworn I heard someone say something about me being on my period. Any idea who?"
"How many guesses do we get?" Haru asked warily with a nervous chuckle.
"One!"
"Ummmm, ahhh thing is we were… I was just, then she…" he trailed on, slowly edging towards the open window with Rangiku following his example. "Okay bye!"
With that said, both Rangiku and Haru jumped out of the room through the open window and ran away like lunatics, a huge dust cloud trailing behind them. Naru finally let a satisfied smirk appear on her face. "Oh no, you don't!"
And just like that, a third dust cloud joined the other two as they raced towards the forest of Karakura Town.
The others peered from their safe zones to assess the situation and the condition of the room, sighing in relief when there were no blonds bickering or threatening each other.
"Am I the only one who thinks those three are related?" Renji asked hesitantly and rubbed his head in confusion while the others gave him a look that clearly said "Are you stupid?".
Toshiro felt something sticky and protruding appear in his pants pocket. Curiosity got the better of him, he slowly reached for his pocket and pulled it out the protruding items. His eyebrows twitched uncontrollably, a multitude of tic marks pulsed on his forehead as he gazed at the three objects he had come to hate with every fiber of his being ever since he had met the blond.
He couldn't for the life of him figure out just how the blond seemed to make these things and place it in his pocket without him even noticing!
A lollipop, a binky and a small note. Wait! A note! That's new!
He opened the note with his eyebrows twitching madly.
Hey there kiddo, I know it must be hard to get lost from your mother and so, I took the liberty of providing you with some entertainment, you know to pass the time. Now don't be shy and enjoy. I'm sure your mommy will find you soon.
Your sincere caretaker, Haru Uzumaki-sama.
PS: if you're wondering how I'm doing these things out of the blue, don't bother. It will burn that pea size brain of yours!
"I HATE YOU HARU UZUMAKI!"