Kiana leaned against the wall, her hands with nowhere to go. Her palms were slick with sweat.
What on earth had happened?
Why was she in this room?
Could it have been Su Yu? No, wait. That guy had passed out cold from exhaustion yesterday. How would he have the time or the energy to sneak her over here!
And she'd been clinging to him like an octopus, too—
Kiana, oh, Kiana! Don't tell me your fuzzy little brain went sleepwalking and carried you straight to Su Yu's side?
The thought set her whole body prickling.
Kiana, Kiana, what are you so shy about?! It's just sleeping in his arms, right? It's not the first time. Back when you two were confined to a space barely over a meter wide, didn't you sleep pressed together just like this?
She tried to talk herself into it. Living together, sharing a blanket, she'd done all of that before. Why was she acting like it was her first time?
But the sight of the bite mark on Su Yu's shoulder dragged her right back into everything from that erotic dream.
That bite mark. She'd made it, hadn't she? She'd bitten him while she was dreaming? Which meant she had very likely ambushed Su Yu while he was still asleep—
Uwaaah! Kiana, Kiana, repent! How can you be so shameless!!
"I, you, uh, I—"
Kiana was suddenly at a loss for what to do with herself. Her cheeks felt ready to burst into flames, and for a moment she didn't dare meet Su Yu's eyes.
"Kiana... why are you standing there spaced out?"
The voice in front of her was the same as always, gentle, and carrying a concern that couldn't be plainer.
"Are you feeling unwell?"
It sounded like a perfectly ordinary question.
But to Kiana, the moment that voice drilled into her ears, her nerves, already tangled into a knot by last night's absurd dream, pulled taut.
Those images, which she had never experienced herself yet had been forcibly imprinted deep in her senses, began to spin before her eyes like a revolving lantern the instant the voice sounded.
Being bound, being demanded of, sinking completely into extreme shame. For a body that had never truly known such things, the memories were far too intense.
She felt the blood rush up into her face, her ears burning hot.
"I'm... not! Really, nothing's wrong! I'm fine, what could be wrong with me! I'm just, um, you know, a little too tired..."
She babbled out a whole string of words, her eyes wandering over the seams in the metal floor, never daring to lift even an inch toward where he stood.
Su Yu rubbed his shoulder, took in the suspicious flush on her face, and nodded. "All right. If you want to talk, I'm always happy to listen."
At those closing words, Kiana felt as if she'd been pardoned. She straightened up at once.
"Th-then, um, I'm going back to wash up... It's already late. If Elysia doesn't see you around again today, she might go after you with her inflatable hammer again."
Dropping that line, Kiana twisted the handle of the lounge door as if running for her life, strode out, and slammed the metal door shut behind her, sealing off everything.
Back in her own room, Kiana turned the faucet on full blast.
The rush of water echoed through the cramped space, striking the bottom of the ceramic basin and throwing up a fine spray of cold droplets.
Kiana bent over, caught a handful of icy tap water, and splashed it on her face without a second thought.
Droplets slid along her pale jawline and soaked the collar of her clothes.
She gulped down breath after breath, hands braced on either side of the sink.
She lifted her head, her gaze fixed straight on the slightly fogged mirror in front of her.
The girl in the mirror should have had clear, bright eyes. Right now they were full of panic.
The heat in her fair skin hadn't dropped at all under the cold water. Instead it had deepened into a cherry-blossom flush, as if scorched by flame, and it crept down her neck.
It was just too much.
For a body that had never truly known such things, the memories carried across through the spiritual sync were a tidal wave of sensation, enough to burn her sanity to ash.
The warmth, the touch, every twisting, demanding moment that had happened somewhere she couldn't see, all of it was copied onto her soul in sharp detail.
Her soul was already filled, while her body remained empty. That mismatch threw a girl who had always shown the world her sunny, cheerful side completely off balance.
"Ngh..."
She squeezed a low groan from deep in her throat, as vexed as a person could be.
She simply shut her eyes and knocked her forehead hard against the backs of her hands.
Idiot, big idiot!
I'm an idiot, and you're a big idiot! I, I, I, I—
What troubled Kiana even more, surfacing with those memories, was this: beyond the shame that could drown a person, there was a sourness and self-doubt growing wild like weeds.
So long before she'd known anything, the existence occupying the other side of her body had already become entangled with Su Yu this deeply.
She knew perfectly well that, given the special tie binding the Herrscher of the Void to her, Su Yu must have done it out of some necessity. Maybe even to pull that personality out of the Abyss of self-destruction.
She understood all of it.
But reason was fragile before a flood of emotion.
Those absurd yet utterly real memories lodged in her mind and refused to leave.
To her despair, what she truly minded wasn't even that Su Yu had gone to "save" her other self, but—
Why her?
Kiana looked at herself in the mirror.
The exact same face. The exact same body.
Yet when Su Yu faced the Herrscher of the Void, his eyes held an aggressive, dangerous pull, the kind that exists between grown men and women.
But when he looked at Kiana, it was always like looking at an idiot who needed looking after, a comrade to fight beside, or a glutton of a girl who could never eat her fill and never grew up.
Like an elder watching a junior who needed care.
Was it that, in Su Yu's eyes... she had no charm as a "woman" whatsoever?
"What do I want, really? What am I even hoping for?"
She looked at the girl in the mirror, and the ache and confusion welled up once more.
"What do I actually want to say to him...?"
For Kiana, love was something she had never thought about, never wondered what it felt like.
Her life had been a tragedy from the moment she was born, destined to run toward its end.
Her St. Freya comrades, Teacher Himeko's sacrifice. They had given everything to extend a life that should have ended.
Personal feelings seemed so small before mission and duty.
She told herself again and again: I have to return to the world ravaged by Honkai. I have to complete my mission.
I can't tie him down with this feeling. Parting will come sooner or later...
But was that really the whole reason?
Or was it only a fig leaf, something to cover her abject sense of inferiority and defeat?
Maybe, just maybe, she envied [Sirin] a little.
Even if it had been inside a dream the world had maliciously woven, she'd been able to belong to him without restraint. Even if the world was headed for its end, I'll walk with you until the last moment before—
How contradictory.
Kiana closed her eyes and let out a soft laugh.
"Heh. Kiana."
A low laugh sounded in the cramped bathroom.
The sound of the water seemed to recede into the distance.
The reflection in the mirror suddenly warped, and the half of the face that belonged to Kiana was slowly swallowed by shadow.
Without her noticing when, the phantom of the Herrscher of the Void had taken shape behind her.
A pale hand reached out from behind, slow and graceful, and its fingertips lightly lifted Kiana's chin, still faintly chilled from the cold water.
A mocking voice slid past her ear.
"How long do you intend to keep running away?"
There was no anger in the voice, only the amusement of someone watching prey struggle in vain.
"Can't you hear it? Your soul is craving his warmth."
"Ah... you're always letting worthless things trip you up. All that talk of duty, those crushing missions, forcing you to water down your own feelings until you don't dare look at your own weak heart."
The Herrscher of the Void's fingers slid down along the line of Kiana's cheek and came to rest at her collarbone.
"You always think that someday you'll have to part from him."
"You fear this Bond will get in the way when the parting comes, so you don't dare say it, and you can't say it."
The golden eyes in the mirror curved, cold.
"And yet, like a greedy beggar, you cling to the little warmth he gives you and won't let go."
"How contradictory. But don't you think 'mission' and 'duty' are nothing more than excuses? You're simply afraid."
Under this merciless dissection, Kiana's body tensed involuntarily.
"Shut up. What do you know?"
The Herrscher of the Void's voice turned suggestive, even touched with a cruel pride.
"In the spirit space, he gripped my throat, his breath landing on my earlobe. The way that man looked at me, full of the desire to conquer me completely... Ah, you felt the heartbeat and the touch of that moment perfectly clearly, didn't you?"
Kiana's body shuddered violently, and her cheeks, only just cooled, flushed red as if dripping blood.
"What you really fear isn't some damned parting or mission."
The Herrscher of the Void pressed her face close to the mirror and, word by word, tore away the last of the disguise in Kiana's heart.
"What you fear is this: the moment you tear off the righteous cloak of 'Valkyrie,' stand in front of him, and say, 'I like you'..."
"he'll only ruffle your hair, and smile, and tell you, 'Be good, stop messing around,' the way you'd brush off a little girl begging for candy."
"You'll realize, in despair, that though we share the same body and the same face..." Contempt filled the Herrscher of the Void's laughter. "only I am a 'woman' in his eyes. And you are just an idiot who'll never grow up and has no charm at all."
"You...!"
Kiana bit her lower lip hard, and tears finally welled up in her eyes beyond her control.
She forced down the retorts that were nearly out of her mouth, because she realized, to her sorrow, that she couldn't refute any of it.
The Herrscher of the Void seemed quite pleased with her wretched state.
"But never mind." Her words took on a seductive sweetness. "If you don't even have that much confidence, then hand everything over to me, this body included, completely."
The Herrscher of the Void's tone shifted.
"Heh heh... You had a chance to be rid of me for good, and yet because of your unbearably foolish pride, you let me return into your body."
The phantom pressed in a little closer.
"Ah... thinking back on it, that noble resolve of yours was a truly touching speech."
"What, do you want to settle things with me fair and square? Do you want to judge me with that laughable Strength of yours?"
The Herrscher of the Void's laughter echoed against the cold tiles of the bathroom.
"Fine... I'll be waiting at the end of that road for you to come before me, Kiana."
"But before that, you'd better use that not-very-clever little head of yours and think it over carefully—"
"What is it that you want? Don't keep me waiting too long. Even a god's patience has its limits..."
The phantom dissolved like smoke. Morning stillness settled over the room again, broken only by the water still rushing into the sink.
Kiana opened her eyes, scooped up a big handful of cold water, and slapped it hard against her face.
The bone-deep chill finally calmed her ragged breathing.
Meanwhile, in the consciousness space that no outsider could touch,
Yu Ducheng shone with a soft glow.
Fenghuang stood quietly in the void, watching that consciousness, which had withdrawn back into the Herrscher Core and wrapped itself in layer upon layer, and sighed softly.
"It seems that making you say the words 'thank you' out loud is truly a hurdle you can't clear."
"Heh. You've misunderstood something, old relic."
The Herrscher of the Void's voice came from deep within the core. Even in her weakened state, the loftiness carved into her bones had not diminished one bit.
"I have no obligation to express any gratitude to Kiana. We are mortal enemies to begin with. Would you shake hands and make peace with someone who killed your teacher with her own hands?"
"Even though Su Yu has already found a way to save Himeko for you?"
"You still don't understand."
A trace of loneliness and mockery crept into the Herrscher of the Void's tone.
"If Kiana is the foolish, naive remnant of Sirin, then I am the sum of Sirin's selfishness, greed, and boundless malice."
"Just like the good and evil sides of what you humans always call human nature."
She paused.
"Ordinary humans need to spend their whole lives learning to make peace with the unseemly parts of themselves."
"What do you think things are like between Kiana and me?"
Fenghuang felt that barbed consciousness, but she could tell there was no real malice in it.
"You really needn't pick at her wounds in such a cutting way. Your true aim isn't to make her despondent. I can feel that."
Fenghuang fell silent for a moment.
"And at least this time."
Her gaze passed through those hollow barriers and settled on the core.
"You didn't show any intention of wiping out Kiana's consciousness altogether and seizing the body by force."
"Hmph."
The Herrscher of the Void let out a disdainful snort.
"Don't flatter yourself. I haven't given up. I just think a weak Kiana who only knows how to hide in her shell behind her mission isn't worth defeating."
She seemed to feel she'd said too much today, and her tone chilled a few degrees.
"Enough. You and I are not close enough for idle chat. I'm going to rest, human."
As the last faint glimmer went out, the consciousness in the Herrscher Core sank into deep silence.
Fenghuang stood where she was and gave a wry, helpless smile.
The fifty-thousand-year-old relic shook her head slightly.
The Devil who had once slipped into every crack, itching to seize the body the instant Kiana showed even the slightest opening, was now saying things like "it wouldn't be a worthy victory."
And it had been only a short while ago that she and Kiana had fought each other bloody.
No matter how unwilling the consciousness inside that core was to admit it, no matter how much she armed herself with cruel words,
her every action declared an undeniable fact: the Queen, once consumed by violence, her mind filled with nothing but Destruction and vengeance, had been changed far too much by a certain person over these days of living side by side.
"Still..."
Fenghuang's awareness swept over the white-haired girl in the real world, who still stood at the sink with reddened eyes, dazed because her secret had been laid bare. A resigned smile crossed her face.
"This sort of girlish heart trouble is beyond me, I'm afraid, Kiana. I truly can't help."
She clasped her hands behind her back, and her gaze settled into calm once more.
"As Squad Monitor, all I can do is... look away from what isn't mine to see, I suppose?"
As her words faded, this ocean of consciousness returned to complete stillness.
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