If wearing the name tag had only been social death behind closed doors,
then having that title bellowed out by name over a loudspeaker, in front of thousands of people, was something else entirely.
For Kiana, it felt like being tied to a cross, doused in gasoline, and set alight for the whole crowd to watch!
But the pink elf clearly thought the fire wasn't hot enough yet.
Her giggle drifted out of the microphone.
"Wow~ Everyone, look over here."
"This young mom with the lovely white hair seems to be a little too shy today~"
"Oh dear, whatever shall we do? She's even walking... with the same hand and foot~"
"Just like a cute little wind-up puppet ♪"
Her most striking feature had been called out, and even the most humiliating secret of all, the same-hand-same-foot walk, had been laid bare to every teacher, student, and parent in the school.
Around the Class 2, Grade 5 formation, parents who hadn't been paying attention to this corner swung around at once, following the broadcast.
Their eyes landed on the white-haired girl marching in lockstep with herself, and on the dazzling [Griseo's Mom] name tag on her chest.
Laughter suddenly erupted across the field.
"Oh my, look at that girl over there! She really is walking with the same hand and foot! Too funny."
An auntie holding a bottle of mineral water laughed so hard she couldn't stand straight, and nudged her husband with her elbow.
"She's probably a first-time mom, maybe in her early twenties? Nervous wreck at a parent-child event like this."
"That young couple is really good-looking, too."
Another uncle stroked the stubble on his chin and clucked in amazement as he watched Su Yu and Kiana's backs.
"Handsome guy, pretty girl. Shame the little white-haired mom seems to have social anxiety. Look at that face, red as a monkey's butt."
"Eh, young people, thin skin. But they're clearly very close. Look how tightly the man's holding her hand, like he's afraid his wife will trip over her own feet on this field."
…
Kiana felt that "red-hot branding iron" no longer described her face.
It was more like a rock fresh out of a volcano, still spewing magma.
She bit her lower lip hard and didn't dare turn her head even a millimeter, afraid she'd meet a row of eyes straining to hold back their laughter.
A moment ago she'd thought Su Yu's hand was wide and warm. Now it felt like the shackle nailing her to the pillory of shame.
"S-Su Yu..."
Her voice shook so badly she couldn't even put a full sentence together.
"Is that pink-haired menace in the broadcast room?!"
She took a deep breath and clenched the hand in hers.
"Can I... draw the Cleaver of Shamash right now and blast the roof off that building?"
Su Yu looked down.
This was the girl who had so fiercely staked her claim only moments ago, and now wanted nothing more than to dig herself a three-bedroom apartment in the ground and hide in it: his "temporary mom."
If he hadn't been mindful that the young lady was teetering on the edge of a breakdown, he would have burst out laughing without a shred of restraint.
When it came to messing with people's heads, Elysia, that pink elf, was operating in the stratosphere.
He didn't even need to look. He could picture her in the broadcast room, doubled over and rolling around with laughter.
Come to think of it, this wasn't the first time. Back at the amusement park, Elysia had needed only a few sentences to get him and Kiana publicly executed.
Pink Piggy-Cat, you're despicable!
Still, people grow. Facing the same setup again, Su Yu showed no panic at all.
Panicking wouldn't help anyway.
"Calm down."
He turned to Kiana.
"Isn't this the perfect time to show off your authority as head of the household? Don't forget, you swore just now that you wouldn't let even a female mosquito within half a step of me."
Not only was he refusing to help, he was rubbing salt in the wound. Kiana nearly ground her teeth to powder, and turned to give him a ferocious warning glare.
Just then,
at the edge of the Class 2, Grade 5 parents' section, a young man holding a telephoto DSLR had been aimlessly scanning his own class's lineup for shots.
His lens swept across Class 2, and in the viewfinder it suddenly froze on the "young parents" the crowd was teasing.
His finger stopped on the shutter button, his eyes glued to the face in the frame.
Two seconds later,
he lowered the camera, rubbed his eyes hard, raised it again, and zoomed all the way in.
Under the crisp high-definition lens, there was not only a face that perfectly recreated a famous anime character.
Beside her stood a man in a black trench coat, with a helpless gaze and a sharp jawline.
The man's hand jerked, and he nearly dropped his expensive DSLR on the ground.
"Holy crap!"
Forgetting all about looking like a respectable parent, the man scrambled down the steps, one hand pointing at Su Yu, the other shakily holding up his phone.
"Th-that's the real Kiana, isn't it?! That white hair! That ahoge!"
His voice cracked with extreme excitement and fury, and in the end he was practically shouting with his finger in Su Yu's face.
"And the guy next to her! I'd know him even if he were burned to ashes! That's the miHoYo guy! The one who sends out blades without even blinking, that damned Old Thief Su Yu!!!"
One second earlier, the field had been applauding and cheering for the young parents. Now it fell into a terrifying silence that lasted a full three seconds.
Many parents at Skyward Elementary were in their twenties and thirties, in the prime of life, and they had naturally played a big part in spreading Honkai Impact 3rd far and wide.
Many of those young parents were anime-loving Office Slaves, people who got screamed at by their bosses at the Company all day, then hid under their blankets at night playing Honkai Impact 3rd and got stabbed half to death by the story.
The instant they heard "Old Thief Su Yu" and "the real Kiana,"
memories that had never died came roaring back.
The tears Himeko's Final Lesson had cheated out of them. The humiliation of being beaten senseless by the Herrscher of the Void.
The grief and pity of seeing Kiana left to wander the streets.
And the Old Thief's classic line: "healthy, sunny, and positive."
In that moment, all of it turned into a raging fire of vengeance!!
"It's really him! I watched his press conference! That black-hearted capitalist!"
"Holy crap! He actually dared to show his face in public?! And that really is Kiana next to him!"
The crowd surged like a kicked beehive.
It was supposed to be a sports day, but now a mob of parents with red-glowing eyes looked ready to hunt down the final boss in real life.
"I knew it! No wonder the female lead in the game is so lovable. She's your real-life girlfriend, you Old Thief! Romance on company funds! Smuggling in your personal preferences!"
A father in glasses and a plaid shirt waved his glow stick, eyes practically bulging out of his head.
Then an even angrier woman's voice cut straight to the heart of it.
"Old Thief Su Yu! You damned bastard, how could you bear to torture her so badly in the game?"
"Yeah! Heartless! Give us back Teacher Himeko, Old Thief!"
"Wait, aren't you longtime fans of Brother Su? Brother Su has been living together with Little Junior Sister Kiana for ages!"
"And now there's a Senior Brother and Junior Sister segment? 6666!!"
The ring of people began to close in.
Countless hands holding phones rose over their heads, flashes going off one after another, as if to nail this "shameless couple" to the pillory of history.
Within a few short minutes,
the Miyoushe forums, every major game Tieba, and Weibo's hot searches were flooded.
"[Nuclear-Grade Melon] miHoYo's Old Thief Caught Offline! Real Kiana Exposed! Shocking! They're Actually in THIS Kind of Relationship!"
Countless posts with in-your-face high-definition video and photos from the scene swept across the whole cyber world like snowflakes.
The frenzied flood of traffic even made the servers of several major social platforms stutter for a moment.
The whole field was seething with outrage.
"Old Thief! Say something! You had plenty to say when you were sending out the blades!"
"Where's the healthy sunshine? Where's the positivity?"
"Think about how you treated Kiana! You bastard!"
The clamor around them grew louder with every wave.
Kiana stood at Su Yu's side.
The roars, the flashes, and even the angry shouts of "Mrs. Su" pounded down on her like a rainstorm.
Her first instinct, out of shame, was to yank her hand back and find a crack in the ground to crawl into.
Just then,
someone shouted first: "Protect Kiana! Don't let that damned Old Thief bully her anymore!"
The slogan "Protect Kiana!" struck a chord, and the people around them took it up.
Kiana snuck a glance at Su Yu and saw the wry smile on his face, as if to say he'd run out of options.
She came up with a flawless excuse for herself:
"Su Yu, that idiot, has no idea what to do!"
"If I don't step in, this mob of crazed players will tear him to pieces today!"
"I'm only doing this for the bigger picture! It's only because of this stupid [Mom] sign hanging around my neck! Yes! That's all it is!"
But there was something she herself refused to admit.
Hearing the parents around her call out "Mrs. Su" one after another, a sweet warmth bloomed in her chest.
Under the gaze of thousands of eyes and countless phone cameras streaming live,
Kiana sucked in a huge breath, took a big step forward, and planted herself right in front of Su Yu!
She tipped her head back like a proud little lioness guarding her only treasure, and faced the crowd that looked ready to devour them.
"Y-you all shut up! Stop insulting him!"
Her mismatched eyes glared fiercely, but her hand gripped Su Yu's even tighter.
"He's a big villain in the game, thinking up ways to torture people every day! I know that! But... but in real life, he wouldn't dare bully me!"
"At home, what groceries to buy, where to go to have fun, it's all... it's all him listening to me!"
She thrust their tightly interlaced fingers high into the air, as if they were some magnificent trophy or an undefeated banner.
"So..."
She gritted her teeth, forced down the shame in her chest, and declared loudly,
"The game is the game! But in real life, we... we're doing just fine!"
"I-I'm grateful to all of you, but, but my business with him doesn't need you lot worrying about it here!"
After Kiana roared out that fiercely protective claim, the field fell into a terrifying silence, as if the air had been sucked out of it, for one full second.
You could hear every leaf the wind blew loose.
Then,
a cheer ten times louder than before erupted, enough to nearly lift the roof off the school building.
"Holy crap holy crap holy crap!!! The female lead came down to defend her husband herself!!!"
"What did she just say?! It's all him listening to her! Household hierarchy established! That's a one-hit kill, brothers!!!"
"Don't be fooled by how gleefully the Old Thief stabs us. I bet he's kneeling on a washboard at home!"
"Old Thief! You lucky bastard!!!"
Amid the deafening roar,
Kiana dropped her head and buried her smoking-red face completely, not daring to look at anyone's expression.
But.
In the shadow where no one could see, the corners of her mouth curled upward, completely out of her control.
"Hehe."
She thought happily to herself:
"It's not like I did anything. They're the ones who insisted on getting the wrong idea... and since they all say so, this young lady will reluctantly enjoy it for a moment."
Su Yu raised his head and looked past the bustling crowd toward the broadcast room.
Even from this far away, his spiritual sense could clearly make out Elysia sitting in her chair, laughing so hard she tipped backward and nearly passed out.
Looking at the blushing girl holding his hand, Su Yu sighed softly to himself.
He had actually suspected Elysia's purpose from the start. The Pink Piggy-Cat loved to tease him, or else swing her inflatable hammer and deliver the punishment of the Goddess of Love with perfect confidence.
But Elysia was Elysia. Her care for her friends, and her [Ego] that wished happiness and joy for everyone, had never changed.
Granted, her methods were over the top, no better than roasting someone over an open fire.
Still,
feeling the strength with which Kiana held his hand, Su Yu gave a quiet laugh.
Fine.
I'll let you off this time, Elysia.
Meanwhile,
inside the miHoYo Studio building,
with Bronie's technical support, a giant holographic melon-eating screen was broadcasting the scene on the field in real time.
Bronie let out a whistle. "Tsk tsk tsk, look at those two, completely oblivious to everyone else. Honestly, Griseo looks like a third wheel stuck between them."
Nuwa nodded in hearty agreement. "So this is what they mean by 'the parents are true love, and the child is an accident'?"
Fu Hua pushed up her glasses. Gossip didn't interest her much, but Nuwa had pestered and coaxed her until she had no choice but to join the melon-eating crowd.
"To be honest, I'm curious what Blanka and Ato would say if they saw this."
Kevin was standing in front of the screen holding a cup of instant noodles.
When he saw Kiana on the video, face red, raising those two hands locked finger to finger,
the hand holding the noodles froze in midair.
Steam curled up from the cup.
A full five seconds passed.
He set down the noodles, picked up his phone, and pressed the voice button in the top-secret group chat named "Three Guys and a Dog."
"Who was it that kept mocking me in the group chat for my low standing at home? Looks to me like a certain someone isn't much to brag about either."
He hit send in one smooth motion. It felt incredible.
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