It's been a week, and I don't know when 'see you soon' was going to hit me. I am not even sure whether I am whining or relieved. Dante hasn't contacted me yet; no messages, no calls, and I didn't know how to react to that. Well, it's a good thing he didn't show up, or else I would have flipped at him for the stunts he pulled.
The kiss has stuck in my mind, passionately haunting, especially at night. Every second of our kiss is preserved and keeps rewinding, wherever I am, irrespective of the situation I will be in. I couldn't concentrate most of the time; the kiss has become a leech, consuming me slowly. I feel hot whenever the kiss pops up in my mind; I can't get rid of the feeling that follows. I regret kissing him; I regret it deeply. His aim was perfect, and I fell for his provocation. If I had only thought for a few seconds, I could have gained control over the situation, and things would have turned however I wanted. Instead, Dante was successful; he turned everything how he wanted, how he planned. I groaned at that; I had to react and give him complete access. How can I always end up this way? Why can't the kiss leave me alone? For F's sake, the person who I kissed has left me alone for good; for the whole damn week. Once again, I don't know what I am feeling right now.
"Are you done?" Davis asked, squinting his eyes. "With your groans." Of course, he rolled his eyes as he said that. "Your dad kept asking something; at last he was annoyed and walked out." Good. I leaned on the couch. "Is everything ok? Did you meet her?" I closed my eyes at that. Don't react, Rowan, don't. "Why do you want Eddie so badly?" It was eating me, but not in a bad or possessive way over Davis. "You are still hanging on to that. Rowan, please, I didn't want to create a problem in our friendship, so I hid it from you." His voice shivered a little. "Hey, I don't care anymore. You can hang on anyone you want. Just tell me why." I elaborated so that he wouldn't think something else about my question. "When I met him for the first time, I couldn't think of anyone else but him." I coughed at that cliché thing, and Davis chuckled. "After having sex, things turned deeper, and I don't know how deep I am right now, but I am unable to move on." He was sad as he spoke those words. "Did you even try to move on?" He wasn't serious – never with anyone – always fucking, that's it. "Yeah, once or twice." That was a lie I can bet on, but I didn't point it out. "This whole thing is crazy, you know that." He chuckled at that. "You were also once crazy about someone, Rowan." I hummed at that. "Yeah, but you are too crazy," I stated the fact. "We can't control things sometimes." I sighed at that; of course, he was so right. I am the prime example of that.
"Your dad wanted to confirm the new project proposal." I sighed at that. Of course, he wanted to know about that. Always about the damn company and its progress. Rowan, do that; Rowan, do this; have you prepared the project? Have you thoroughly gone through it? Once again, revise; you better get this project, Rowan; you better see to it that the investor comes in terms of their investment. Always about these damn things. He is making sure that I am engaged and invested in running the company. I huffed at that. "Yeah, I have," I replied to him. "He also informed to check the project twice and revise it. It's a big project and a huge investment." He copied and pasted my dad's words. I nodded, getting up from the couch. "I am feeling sleepy," I informed him. "Ok, I will get going. Lock the door." I nodded and followed him to the door.
It's been 10 minutes, and I couldn't get a wink of sleep. I swear I felt sleepy when I was on the damn couch, and now it's just gone somewhere. I don't know where. I moaned into the pillow, exhausted from everything. I hate him; I hate him so much because of all this. He messed up my mind completely. I don't know with whom I should discuss or complain about this. He fucking left me after pushing me to a confused state. Don't have the courtesy to know how I was doing at present. I whimpered when the kiss assaulted me. I am fucked, thanks completely to him.
I walked to the cabin to give my full effort at the meeting today. I looked drained, and I knew when my dad squinted his eyes as he saw me. "Good morning." I ignored his look and sat on the chair, opening the project. "I have gone through this project and revised it too. Please cross-verify, Dad." By placing the file in front of him, I stated. "Are you ok? Didn't sleep last night?" "I slept, only for a few hours," I answered honestly, and he nodded at that.
Once he was done studying the file. We discussed the possible questions, how we need to approach this project, and everything related to the project. I nodded as much as possible. We started walking towards the room when my dad stopped me. "I almost forgot to inform you. We are partnering on this project with Morris; actually, we have to because it's huge, and without Morris, we won't get this project." My breath hitched at that, and inwardly I gritted my teeth without making a noise. I wanted to ask him more, but he already entered the room. 'It better be Thomas,' I prayed, and I knew these days I was not lucky in anything.
Whenever a meeting was held, my dad would usually sit on the chair that was in the centre, and I would sit beside him. As complete control was given, my dad automatically shifted his position. Before, he was forced; now he was not obligated, but he was delighted to shift beside me.
Dante smirked as our eyes met, and I groaned at that. Danial started explaining details related to the project; Thomas would raise the question whenever he wanted clarification, and Danial or I would answer it. Dante didn't speak, not even once, but the authority was reeking in the room. The directors didn't utter a word; investors seemed satisfied, and we were on the edge until the meeting ended.
Dante stood up, and the silence got heavy. He started walking towards the door; Thomas followed him. My eyes followed till his figure disappeared, and I sighed when the environment returned to normal. "What do you think? Are investors satisfied with our presentation?" My dad spoke slowly as the directors were still present and the investors walked out behind Dante. I didn't answer my dad immediately; we are partnering with Morris, for god's sake, and my dad is stupid to even ask whether we get the project or not. Of course, we will.
From the time I entered, I was on edge, thinking that I would be cornered in the meeting, but it didn't happen. He didn't even talk or utter a word in the room, and everything was done by Thomas. I started chewing on my lip, more worried about the whole thing than the project.
After a week, we met, and he has the nerve to show a cold shoulder. So much happened on that day that I am still digesting it, and he can be calm as hell. How is that even possible? He didn't utter a word, a word after the shit happened that day.
I got up from the seat, as my dad was engaged with the directors and others, and walked out of the room. A few curses left as I walked towards my cabin, and I slammed the door as hard as possible as I entered. I heard a chuckle, and I huffed at that annoying voice. "Someone looks pissed," Dante whispered in my ear, and I hated the smugness in his voice. "When are you going to stop sneaking like this?" With a groan, I put some distance between us. Everything about him is too much recently; it's twisting my mind. "When you agree to date me." He retorts in a heartbeat. I sighed at that. "That's not going to happen," I stressed each word; in return, he just shrugged. "Why not?" I don't know what all I want to wipe from him, especially that confidence. "Because things don't work out between us." I gritted my teeth as I spoke. "It worked just fine before." He spoke too casually and sounded like everything was too easy. "Because it was fake," I stated the obvious, and it was the damn fact. As it was fake, things were easy.
Dante had an amused expression on his face and chuckled as he heard the words. "Give me a chance to prove you wrong." I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. "Things were fake, I agree, but it wasn't easy because of that." I stared at him as the sentence left his lips. I tried to argue, but I was out of words, so I just stood, pondering. "No." I dragged the word. "I am straight." I don't know how many times I have told him this, and I am worried that he makes me forget that I was ever straight before. "Well, we tested that theory." He mocked, and I groaned as I watched his face. "Hey, listen, asshole, no means no, got it." He rolled his eyes at that. "Investors have agreed, and tomorrow we need to check out the site. Shall I pick you up?" "No, I have a car." He coughed at that, and I glared at him. "Thomas will share the location with you." "Whatever." I brushed his words off, and I wanted him out of my space as soon as possible. So, I can act like a jerk as long as I care about nothing else. "I want a chance, Rowan, and you are going to give me one. I am going to make sure of it; then have a good day. See you soon." He walked out of the cabin, and I exhaled a sharp breath.
I love chasing; I mean, who doesn't? Before, the relationship was fake, so it felt good. That's beside the point; he didn't do anything, but in front of the media, it looked like he was chasing me. Now, he was chasing me for real; oh boy, it felt too intense. I do not like his persistence, pressure, force, and that confidence, but at the same time, I feel all sorts of other things. I feel anxious; my breath hitches in his presence. I feel hard, my breath shudders, and my heartbeat is a roller coaster these days. I want to run; I want him out of my space, but at the same time, all the dirty things enter my mind. I am not able to get rid of anything that happened the other day, and sometimes, I feel like I want more. More, more, and more, non-stop, that scares me like hell. There should be some solution to this, whatever is happening; this needs to stop, and I am not getting how I should stop my mind from wandering to Dante or the South Zone, which always gets hard with a glimpse of our kissing scene.
"You are late." As Dante came out of the car, I stated the fact. "Sorry for being five minutes late." He rolled his eyes. "You both should stop acting like kids," Thomas said as he joined us. "So, this whole 100 acres for the amusement park. We need to acquire more land, so start acting like adults." Thomas huffed and started explaining details about the land.
It took 30 minutes; the investor arrived, and Thomas took the initiative to explain further to them about the project, and I leaned on the car. Dante was beside me, and I tried to control my breath. It took another 30 minutes; while nodding, Thomas and the investors started walking toward us. "Dante, I will get going along with the investor." Thomas walked to the car, and I don't know why I stayed. "I will get going too." Danial, after giving the pen drive, was already walking toward the car; even now, I didn't budge from the place.
I plugged the drive into my laptop and started studying the project. I need a damn distraction. The weather was damn hot; the wind was blowing, but it was of no use. We were in a secluded place; nothing was around us. Standing here in the middle of nowhere, where the sun set on top of our heads, is making me boil more.
"Rowan," Dante muttered. "Shut up." I don't want to hear the same shit. "Common." He whined, and I almost wanted to chuckle at that. "Go away," I groaned. "Rowan, please." It was damn tempting to hear my name this way. "No," I replied to him. "For a few months, Rowan, please. Let's see how things work if we are really dating." He spoke,almost begging; I swear he is desperate. "It messes up everything." I am really worried about that; things will be ruined for real between us. The tiny threat would be destroyed. "We dated before, Rowan, and look at us, still in contact." "Because we had a mutual understanding about the relationship, Dante." "Now, we are mutually entering into a relationship, and this time it's for real." "And that scares me; reality changes everything." "Can't you be a bit more positive?" I sighed at that. "And as I said, your terms and conditions, but we should date like real couples. Let's give it a try, please." I huffed at his persistence. "Shit doesn't work," I grunted. "Let's not think about what if before entering into the relationship. Besides, the perks—you don't get pregnant." "Excuse me." I abruptly faced him, boiling with anger. "What's that supposed to mean? Why won't you get pregnant?"
Dante went silent at my words and started biting his lip, clearly confused. "You are not only gambling with my sexuality; you have already decided my bloody position?" I roared the words, and he was taken aback by that. He started clearing his throat but didn't utter a word for a few seconds.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. For you, I don't mind my position." The wind left me hearing his words, and I was somewhat ok. Yeah, he knocked on the door of death because of the damn position, being so dominant, so yeah, he thought I would play along with his shit. He can keep dreaming. "So, is it a yes?" I sighed at that, completely forgetting about the main topic. What the hell was I going to lose? Nothing, right? So, it is a yes. I repeated the question, and I groaned when I was not able to say no immediately. "Rowan." I sighed at that, leaning toward the voice a bit. "Probationary period," he added. I started chewing my lip. "You can always back off; I don't stop you nor disturb you, I promise." He added earnestly, and I groaned at that. "But I am..." "Rowan, as I said, let's see where this leads us. I won't force or pressure in this relationship, but I want this to be real. We should work on this like a real couple, everything included." He added the last part slowly, and I gulped as my mind drifted to the kiss. "Nothing will be done against your wish." He immediately added as he saw my face, and I huffed, leaning on the car.
"Rowan, I won't stop pursuing you. There is something between us, and you have felt it too. Prove me wrong, and I will be out of your air. I have an effect on you; my touches make you feel so many things. You can deny it, but I am not giving up until you prove to me that I am wrong and you were right. I want to date you for real, like a real couple. Please give this a chance; give us a chance."
I felt drained, and my throat felt dry as he finished the sentence. Because of the humidity, I want to think that way. I removed my blazer, threw it on the car, and started winding myself by using the shirt. "Common, let's go from here." I nodded at that and occupied the passenger seat. "Your car will be picked up by guards." I didn't respond to that, and the car started moving.
As the air hit my face, I sighed in contentment. I leaned on the seat; silence filled the ride. What am I going to lose? Once again, the question popped into my mind. It's not about winning or losing; it's gambling. We were gambling with each other's feelings, at least I was, as he was so persistent and optimistic.
Things will change and will be so real. I have to witness and embrace so many things, and I can't brush it off like before. The whisper, the glares, the hostility that only targets me, and the anger—I would witness everything will be real with my yes. I would be the main target like before, and I don't know how I am going to overcome the same. Dante would ignore everything easily, never mind, especially when it comes to his sexuality. I don't know how he does that, but he could silence anyone or even the crowd so easily.
My yes is like giving hope to Dante and leading him on. If I said yes, then I should be ready for everything without turning back. If I am going to gamble, then I should not hold back anything and give my fullest into this. The outcome may be anything, and I should be prepared, but effort matters the most. I sighed as I felt a slight headache.
This would be a different path for me, a completely different journey. Every relationship would have ups and downs, the darkest and finest days, but this one is new, and I am scared. My eyes fell on Dante, who had his focus on the road. He could handle every bit of shit that would be thrown at him, or better, he would ignore it like your existence doesn't matter to him at all.
It's a long road, Rowan; I sighed as I watched the road ahead of me. You can opt to say no and back off when you have a chance, or you can travel along with Dante. It'd better be worthy, I grunted the words in my head. Let me accept the fact that I want to try this journey with Dante. I want to swim in it, embracing everything. The only problem was I didn't know how to face my family, especially my dad.