ᕙ༼Keifer's༽ᕗPOV
The heavy silence was shattered by a sound I'll never forget. The second Jay Jay's eyes adjusted to the light and she saw the three looming figures in the kitchen, she let out a piercing, high-pitched scream that nearly shattered my eardrums.
"AAAAAAAHHHH!" she shrieked, jumping like a startled kitten and nearly climbing up my back.
"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Angelo and Aries screamed right back, jumping a foot in the air, their "Sigma" toughness evaporating instantly as they clutched each other in pure, unadulterated panic.
"Jay Jay! You almost gave me a heart attack!" Angelo gasped, his hand over his heart, his face going from 'deadly boss' to 'panicked pookie' in 0.5 seconds. "Why are you screaming?! We're the ones who should be screaming!"
"You're in the kitchen! At dawn! Staring like ghosts!" she yelled back, her face flushing as she realized she was standing there in nothing but my shirt. She immediately dived back behind me, peeking out from under my arm. "I sent the location so you'd feel better, not so you could stage a raid!"
Aries, who usually looks like he eats glass for breakfast, was now busy smoothing down his hair, looking incredibly embarrassed. "We weren't raiding! We were... hovering! With concern!"
Percy just started wheezing with laughter in the back. "Oh my god, the great Angelo Stone, terrified by a girl in a button-down. I'm telling everyone."
Angelo ignored him, his eyes going soft and shiny as he looked at Jay Jay. "Ja... I didn't know I was your shadow. I thought I was just the guy who gave you too many lectures."
He stepped forward, his 'strict' mask totally melted, and opened his arms. "Come here, you brat."
Jay Jay didn't hesitate. She ran from behind me—legs bare, my oversized sleeves flapping—and crashed into Angelo's chest. He scooped her up, rocking her while Aries hovered nearby, awkwardly patting her shoulder. The two scariest men in the city were now just two big brothers cooing over their sister.
"Fine," Angelo muttered into her hair, glancing at me with a look that said I'm watching you, but I'll allow it. "You can stay. But I'm sending a chef over. Keifer's pancakes look like hockey pucks."
"Hey!" I protested, though I was smiling.
"They're good hockey pucks, Kuya," Jay Jay giggled from the safety of her brothers' embrace.
The sentimental, "silly" atmosphere was suddenly punctured by the sound of the guest bathroom door swinging open with a violent bang. Percy marched out, his face pale, holding a small plastic stick he'd clearly scavenged from the back of my bathroom cabinet.
"Everyone, shut up!" Percy yelled, his voice cracking with high-pitched drama. "I have something to tell you! I'm pregnant!"
The entire room went dead silent. Angelo froze with Jay Jay still in his arms. Aries stopped patting her shoulder, his hand suspended in mid-air. I almost dropped the spatula.
"Percy..." Angelo said slowly, his voice vibrating with a mix of confusion and pure elder-brother disappointment. "You are a man. Biologically, that is—"
"Don't you dare 'logic' me right now, Angelo!" Percy shrieked, waving the stick in the air like a magic wand. "Look at the lines! Two lines! I felt nauseous after Keifer's bacon, and then I saw this! I'm having a bacon baby!"
I squinted at the stick from across the counter. My heart skipped a beat as I realized what he was holding. "Percy... that's not a pregnancy test. That's the high-sensitivity COVID test I bought last week when Jay Jay first got sick."
Aries let out a snort that turned into a full-blown, rib-shaking laugh. "So you're not pregnant, you're just... positive?"
"I'm—what?" Percy's dramatic face fell instantly. He looked at the stick, then at me, then at the three siblings staring at him like he was the family's biggest idiot. "Oh. Well. That explains why I can't taste the coffee."
"PERCY!" Angelo roared, his Sigma-boss energy returning for a split second as he realized his brother had just contaminated the entire 'healing sanctuary.' "Get away from her! You're going to get Jay Jay sick again!"
Percy immediately dived behind the sofa as Angelo started chasing him with a couch cushion. Jay Jay collapsed against the counter, her face turning red as she laughed so hard she couldn't breathe, her "silly" brothers now engaged in a full-blown living room brawl.
"Welcome to the family, Keifer," Jay Jay wheezed, wiping a tear of laughter. "It only gets weirder from here."
I watched for exactly three seconds as Angelo tried to tackle Percy over the back of my expensive Italian leather sofa, while Aries cheered him on like it was a gladiator match. The "Silly" brothers had officially lost their minds, and poor Percy was shrieking about his "bacon baby" rights while dodging a flying throw pillow.
"Alright, that's enough! I'm declaring a medical timeout!" I yelled, stepping into the fray.
I didn't do it because I'm a hero; I did it as a distraction. As Angelo lunged for Percy's legs, I intercepted him, catching him in a half-hug, half-wrestle that gave Percy enough time to scramble toward the balcony.
"Percy, go gargle some salt water! Angelo, stop trying to murder the father of a phantom bacon baby!" I barked, using every bit of the adrenaline left over from last night to hold them off.
While they were tangled in a heap of limbs and laughter on the rug, I spun around and scooped Jay Jay up before she could even protest. She was mid-laugh, her face flushed and her eyes bright with pure joy.
"Time for the patient to return to her ward," I whispered against her ear, ignoring the chorus of "Hey!" and "Bring her back!" from the living room floor.
I bolted for the master suite, kicked the heavy oak door shut, and turned the deadbolt with a satisfying click. I didn't stop there—I shoved the armchair in front of the door for good measure.
"Keifer!" Jay Jay giggled as I tossed her onto the bed, the oversized shirt flaring out around her bare legs. "You can't just kidnap me from my own brothers!"
"Watch me," I grumbled, diving under the silk sheets beside her and pulling the duvet over both our heads. "They're too loud, Percy is 'pregnant ' with a virus, and I'm pretty sure Aries is going to try to eat my breakfast. We're staying in this fortress until they leave."
The muffled sound of Angelo pounding on the door echoed through the room. "Keifer! Open this door! We're not done with the 'shadow' talk!"
Jay Jay crawled into my arms, tucking her head under my chin, her body shaking with quiet, happy laughter. "You're a very bad guardian, you know that?"
"I'm the best one you've got," I murmured, kissing the top of her head. "Now, stay quiet. Maybe if we don't move, they'll think we disappeared."
ᕙ༼Keifer's༽ᕗPOV
The pounding on the door was still going strong, with Angelo shouting about "family boundaries," when Jay Jay suddenly got that dangerous, glinting look in her eyes—the one that meant the "Ice Queen" was gone and the "Mischievous Kitten" had taken over.
Before I could stop her, she grabbed the smallest decorative pillow from the headboard and shoved it under my oversized white shirt, smoothing it over her stomach.She is looking really cute.She looked down at the fake bump, then up at me with a wicked grin.
"Watch this," she whispered.
Suddenly, she let out a blood-curdling, glass-shattering scream.
"AAAAAAAHHHH! KEIFER! IT'S TIME!" she wailed, throwing herself dramatically back against the pillows. She started panting like she was running a marathon. "THE PAIN! OH, THE AGONY! ANGELO! HELP ME!"
The pounding on the door stopped instantly. The silence in the hallway lasted exactly one second before the sounds of pure, unadulterated chaos erupted on the other side.
"WHAT?!" Angelo's voice hit a frequency only dogs could hear. "ALREADY?! IT'S ONLY BEEN TWELVE HOURS!"
"I KNEW IT!" Aries roared, and I heard the heavy thud of his shoulder hitting the door as he tried to break it down. "KEIFER, YOU FAST-FORWARDING BASTARD! OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I KILL YOU!"
"WAIT!" Percy shrieked from the background. "IS SHE HAVING A BACON BABY TOO?! WE CAN BE MOMS TOGETHER!"
Jay Jay was clutching her stomach, her face turning bright red as she tried to maintain the "labor" screams while actually dying of laughter.
"IT'S COMING!" she bellowed, kicking her legs under the sheets for extra dramatic effect. "HE HAS YOUR NOSE, ANGELO! I CAN SEE IT!"
I put my face in my hands, leaning my forehead against the headboard. "Jay Jay, you are going to get me murdered," I groaned, even as I started to shake with laughter. "They are going to break the door, and then they are going to bury me in the flowerbed."
"HELP ME..." she wheezed between fake contractions, tears of laughter streaming down her face. "Tell them... tell them it's TRIPPELEST!"
The situation outside the door had moved past comedy and straight into a potential homicide. Angelo wasn't just pounding anymore; I could hear him literally growling.
"KEIFER!" Angelo's voice was a terrifying, low vibration that made the doorframe rattle. "If you don't open this door in three seconds, I am going to get my gun and then I'm going to call a priest—for YOU. How is she in labor?! What did you do to the timeline?!"
"IT'S THE STRESS!" Jay Jay wailed, clutching her pillow-bump and arching her back like she was in the final throes of a Victorian tragedy. "HE'S COMING, ANGELO! LITTLE KEIFER JUNIOR IS COMING! AAAAAHHH!"
"I'LL KILL THAT KEIFER ,my pamangkin niece!,I will love them EVEN WHEN THEY'RE YOUR BLOOD FUCKING KEIFER WASTON"
Aries roared, and then I heard a massive CRACK as he threw his entire Sigma-boss weight against the armchair I'd used to block the door. "I'll kill him, then I'll bring him back to life just to kill him again! You've ruined her, you monster! safe my nephew and niece.KEIFER HELP HER"
"PUSH, JAY JAY! PUSH!" Percy was screaming, his face pressed against the keyhole. "Think of the bacon! Breathe like a dog! Hee-hee-hoo! Hee-hee-hoo!"
Jay Jay was vibrating with laughter, her face buried in a pillow to muffle the giggles that were threatening to ruin the performance. She looked at me, her eyes sparkling with pure evil, and mouthed: Tell them there's no time!
I realized then that if I didn't play along, they'd actually break the door down and I'd be dead before I could explain. I leaned toward the door, pitching my voice into a state of "controlled panic."
"Angelo! Aries!" I yelled. "I need you to stay calm! I... I see a head! But it's... it's wearing a tiny suit?! Angelo, I think he's already a CEO!"
"OH MY GOD!" Angelo's voice cracked. "He's a Stone! He's a natural leader! Aries, get the boiling water! Percy, find some silk swaddling! Keifer, if you drop that baby, I will end your bloodline!"
I looked at Jay Jay, who was now literally rolling on the bed, her fake bump shifting toward her ribcage. "You're a terrible person," I whispered, grinning as I grabbed her hand. "They're actually in the kitchen boiling water."
"It's... so... worth it," she wheezed, tears of joy leaking out.
ᕙ༼Keifer's༽ᕗPOV
I couldn't take the screaming anymore. My sides hurt from laughing, and the door was about to be splintered into toothpicks. I looked at Jay Jay, who was clutching her stomach and nodding at me with a mischievous "do it" look.
I grabbed a small, soft throw pillow and wrapped it tightly in a white towel, making it look like a bundled infant. I took a deep breath, unbolted the door, and shoved the armchair aside.
The door swung open, and there stood the Three Musketeers of Chaos. Angelo looked like he'd aged ten years, Aries was purple with rage, and Percy was holding a pot of lukewarm water like a sacred relic.
"GIVE HIM TO ME!" Angelo roared, his hands trembling as he reached out.
"Here!" I yelled, pitching the towel-wrapped pillow directly at his chest. "Meet your nephew, Angelo! Be careful—the niece is coming next! Jay Jay is still in the 'delivery room'!"
Angelo caught the "baby" with the reflexes of a pro-athlete, cradling the pillow to his chest with terrifying intensity. He looked down at the bundle, his face a mix of awe and lethal seriousness. He didn't even realize it was a pillow yet, his brain was completely fried by the drama.
"He... he's so light," Angelo whispered, his eyes welling up. Then, he snapped his head up to glare at me, his Sigma-boss aura returning at 100% power. "Keifer, I swear to the heavens, if I find a single scratch on this child—or on my sister—I will bury you under the floorboards of this penthouse! Why is he so squishy?! Is he premature?!"
Aries leaned in, squinting at the towel. "Wait... Angelo... why does the nephew have a 'Made in Italy' tag on his ear?"
Percy poked the bundle with a finger. "And why does he smell like Keifer's expensive fabric softener instead of baby powder?"
Jay Jay couldn't hold it back anymore. A loud, hysterical snort-laugh erupted from the bed behind me. She sat up, the "maternal bump" having migrated to her hip, and pointed at her brothers.
"It's a pillow, you idiots!" she shrieked, doubling over. "You were boiling water for a cushion!"
The silence that followed was the scariest thing I've ever heard. Angelo looked at the pillow. Then at me. Then at Jay Jay.
"You..." Angelo rumbled, his grip tightening until the pillow began to lose its shape. "You let me believe I was a Great-Uncle for thirty seconds... for a prank?"
ᕙ༼Keifer's༽ᕗPOV
The look in Angelo's eyes went from "doting uncle" to "serial killer" in less than a second. I didn't wait for him to drop the pillow. I turned on my heel and bolted toward the balcony like my life depended on it—because it absolutely did.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU PILLOW-TOSSING COWARD!" Angelo roared, the towel-wrapped cushion flying past my head and hitting the glass door with a dull thud.
I scrambled outside, pressing my back against the railing as Aries and Angelo charged the bedroom door. But before they could reach me, Jay Jay let out another blood-curdling scream that stopped them dead in their tracks.
"WAIT! STOP! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" she wailed, clutching her stomach and collapsing back onto the bed. She looked at Angelo with wide, teary eyes—the ultimate "pookie" weapon. "It's... it's the pregnancy brain! The doctor said... huff-huff... that fake labor is a symptom of extreme stress from loud brothers!"
"Jay Jay, you're not—" Aries started, but she cut him off with a dramatic gasp.
"THE REAL ONE! IT'S THE REAL ONE NOW!" she bellowed, pointing a shaking finger at her stomach where she'd shoved a second pillow. "Angelo! I'm giving birth for real this time! The first one was just a... a scout! A warning baby!"
Angelo froze, his hand inches from the balcony door handle. He looked at her stomach, then at her face, his brain short-circuiting for the tenth time that morning. "A scout baby? Jay, that's not how biology—"
"DON'T YOU DISAGREE WITH A WOMAN IN LABOR!" she shrieked, throwing a lamp (thankfully, a small one) toward the door. "Keifer, get back in here! My brothers are scaring the niece! She's shy! She won't come out if Aries is scowling!"
Percy, who was still holding the pot of lukewarm water, started nodding frantically. "She's right! The vibes are all wrong for a niece! Angelo, back off! Aries, smile or the baby will have a permanent grumpy face!"
I peeked through the glass, seeing the two scariest men in the city actually trying to force awkward, terrifying smiles while backing away from the bed.
"Is... is she serious this time?" Aries whispered, looking genuinely terrified.
"I don't know!" Angelo hissed back, clutching his chest. "I can't take the emotional rollercoaster! Keifer, get back in here and help her! But don't touch her! But also, don't let her be in pain!"
I slowly stepped back inside, holding my hands up in surrender. "See? This is what happens when you stress her out. Everyone, just... sit down. Let the 'scout baby' be a lesson."
"Keifer, get in here! Do something!" Angelo panicked, his face pale as he shoved me toward the bed. "Help her! Help the baby! Just... don't mess it up!"
I didn't need to be told twice. I lunged forward like a world-class surgeon, reached right under Jay Jay's shirt, and "delivered" the first one with a violent yank.
"IT'S OUT!" I yelled, and before Angelo could blink, I launched the pillow full-force at his chest.
"GAH!" Angelo let out a strangled yelp, fumbling and scrambling to catch it. He didn't even realize it was polyester; his brain was so fried he actually cradled the cushion to his chest, checking the corners like they were tiny limbs. "Is it okay? Is it breathing? Jay, the baby—it's very... soft?"
Aries took a step forward, his eyes wide with genuine, rare horror. "Is it supposed to be that square?"
"IT'S NOT OVER!" Jay Jay screamed, arching her back like she was in a Broadway play. "THERE'S MORE! IT'S TRIPLETS, KEIFER! GET THE OTHERS!"
I reached back in, grabbed the second pillow, and hove it straight at Aries' head. "CATCH THE SECOND BORN!"
Aries, a man who could dodge bullets, didn't move. He caught the pillow with shaking hands, holding it out at arm's length like it was a live bomb. He began inspecting the "baby" with terrifying intensity, looking for a heartbeat in the embroidery. "This one... this one has a high thread count. Is that a medical condition?"
The two most dangerous men in the city were now standing in the middle of the room, looking utterly traumatized while tenderly holding throw pillows.
Jay Jay peeked over her shoulder at me and winked, struggling to keep a straight face. "The third one is breech, Keifer! We need more 'medical' force!"
"THE THIRD ONE IS COMING IN HOT!" I yelled, reaching for the final "triplet."
With a grunt of effort, I launched the last pillow across the room. Percy, who was still holding that pot of lukewarm water, let out a squeak as the cushion smacked him right in the chest. He dropped the pot with a loud clatter and scrambled to catch the "baby," nearly tripping over his own feet.
"I got it! I got the youngest!" Percy cried, clutching the pillow to his heart. "He's so... velvet! He's the most beautiful of them all!"
The room was a circus. Angelo was rocking his pillow back and forth, whispering, "It's okay, little one," while Aries was squinting at his, trying to find where the "face" was.
Then, Jay Jay looked at me, her eyes sparkling with the absolute chaos we'd just created. The adrenaline of the prank was surging through both of us. I leaned over her on the bed, grabbing her face in my hands.
"You did it, Jay," I murmured, my voice thick with mock-heroics. "You brought our beautiful, fluffy children into this world."
I pulled her into a dramatic, sweeping kiss. It started as part of the act, but as I felt her laugh against my mouth, I deepened it, my hand sliding to the back of her neck. I kissed her like we'd just survived a war, losing ourselves in the moment while her brothers stood three feet away, still cradling home decor,my mouth tasted like her sweet, chocolate.
The silence that followed was heavy.
Slowly, Angelo's rocking motion stopped. He looked at the pillow in his arms. He felt the tag that said 100% Polyester. Then he looked at us—at me practically devouring his sister's face while they stood there like idiots.
His face went from pale to a very dangerous shade of purple. "Wait a minute," he croaked. "This baby... has a 'Made in China' tag on its butt."
Aries looked down at his pillow, then at us, his eyes turning into narrow slits of pure murder. "Keifer..."
As the kiss broke, Jay Jay's head lolled back onto the pillows. "Oh... the light... it's fading..." she gasped, her hand fluttering dramatically over her forehead. "The effort of three pillows... it was too much..." She let out a final, dainty sigh and went completely limp, "fainting" right there on the spot.
For three seconds, the room was pin-drop silent. Angelo and Aries stared at her "unconscious" body, the decorative cushions still tucked under their arms like precious cargo.
"Jay? Jay Jay!" Angelo yelled, his protective instinct warring with the growing realization that he'd been duped.
That was our window.
I grabbed Jay Jay's hand, and like she'd been hit by a bolt of electricity, she snapped her eyes open. "RUN!" she shrieked.
We scrambled off the bed, dodging Percy—who was still trying to find a heartbeat in his velvet pillow—and bolted for the door.
"GET BACK HERE!" Angelo's roar finally found its full volume as he realized he was holding a $20 throw from the living room. "I'M GOING TO TURN YOU BOTH INTO PILLOW FILLING!"
We tore down the hallway, our socks sliding on the hardwood floors as we took the corners like getaway drivers.
"Angelo, take it easy on me!" Jay Jay screamed over her shoulder, cackling as we leaped down the stairs. "I'm a delicate flower! I just gave birth! I need bed rest and expensive chocolate, not a beatdown!"
"YOU GAVE BIRTH TO A SOFA ACCESSORY!" Aries bellowed, his heavy footsteps thundering right behind us.
"They're triplets, Aries! Love your nephews!" I yelled, nearly tripping over a rug as we surged toward the front exit.