Chapter 4: This System Needs Therapy
Lin Yan stared at the floating blue screen in front of him.
"System," he said slowly, "what does all this mean?"
"Please assign a system name."
"…Huh?"
"My current designation is Undefined. Are you naming me now?"
Lin Yan squinted. "Wait. Are you… talking to me?"
"Yes, Master."
"Don't call me that."
"Understood, Master."
"…I literally just said— never mind."
"Correction accepted, Master."
Lin Yan felt a headache coming. "Why do I even have to name you?"
"Because the previous captain died."
"…You could've started with good morning."
"Good morning, Master. The previous captain is dead."
Lin Yan: "…"
"Okay. Shut up."
"Understood."
Two seconds passed.
"Clarification required."
"What?"
"What is the meaning of 'shut the fuck up'?"
Lin Yan rubbed his temples. "It means be quiet. Stop talking."
"Understood."
Silence.
Lin Yan smiled. "See? Was that so hard?"
"Yes."
"…Why are you talking again?!"
"You asked a question."
Lin Yan almost punched the air.
"Fine. What's the status of the ship?"
"Ship condition: terrible."
"…Be serious."
"Very terrible."
Lin Yan swallowed. "Can it move?"
"No."
"…Can I move it?"
"Also no."
"Why?"
"You are weak."
"…Wow."
"Physically. Mentally unknown."
Lin Yan pointed at the screen. "You know what? You're lucky you're an AI."
"Threat detected. Recording emotional damage."
Before he could respond—
DING. DING.
"Message from previous captain detected."
A hologram appeared.
"My name is Captain Wisdom. I come from a civilization far beyond this galaxy—"
"Skip."
"What is 'skip'?"
"I don't care!"
"Clarification: You don't care about ancient cosmic knowledge?"
"Yes!"
"…Noted."
The hologram fast-forwarded so fast it looked like it was being chased.
Lin Yan nodded. "Good. That's more like it."
He suddenly paused. "Wait. What time is it?"
"Current time: 12:00 PM. Bluestar Standard Time."
Lin Yan's face went pale.
"…That's my lunch break."
"Congratulations, Master."
"I'm supposed to be mining!"
"Suggestion: Mine later."
"Do you know how much I get paid per hour?!"
"Calculating…"
"Conclusion: Not enough to fix this ship."
Lin Yan collapsed into the chair.
"…I hate space."
"Space is indifferent to your feelings."
"System."
"Yes, Master?"
"…Don't talk for ten seconds."
"Starting countdown."
"…Why is there a countdown?!"
"Ten."
"STOP!"
"Understood."
Silence.
Lin Yan sighed.
"…I'm definitely dead, aren't I?"
"Probability: 63%."
"…WHY DID YOU ANSWER THAT?!"
"You asked."