I glided as fast as I could through the halls towards the North wing of the palace, where the King had his residence. My presence in the dining hall had long gone overdue and I was expecting to be scolded like always.
"Have all of them arrived already?" I asked Clara who stalked behind me.
"Yes, Your Highness. I think so. Considering that we are fifteen minutes late." She replied hastily.
"Oh, great god. I cannot fathom with my indiscipline."
Soon enough I managed to traipse infront of the doors and steadied myself before gesturing any guards. I exhaled, "Something cannot get more...disappointing, can it?" And I nodded before I could get any response.
The doors opened up giving me a grand entrance to my family members seated before me. "Amber! You took your time." The Queen commented.
"It's been fifteen minutes since we've been waiting. We were contemplating to start without you." The King said in his grave voice.
"I apologise, Your Majesty." I curtesied. "I was preoccupied. Should we start?"
"Sure enough we can, now that the least important person is here." Wilius shifted in his seat. I could only do my best and ignore him.
I sat down at my designated position at the table which was infront of Ruby. Various different conversations went adrift as we prepared for the dinner. Salmon was being served as the starting dish when His Majesty finally got around to discussing the main reason we were here.
"So," he started. "The celebration for my Silver Jubilee should be the greatest feat that this Nation has ever seen. I do not wish for a single stone to be left unturned. To the celebration." He raised his glass for a toast. For his jubilee, for his anniversary, for himself.
'Hear hear' and 'To the celebration' were the replies that came rather swiftly upon his word.
"The ceremony will be held at the Grand court, ofcourse. Let me explain to you what all I expect for the day. I was also considering all your ideas for it. It certainly makes it better to have the family together." The King said, looking around at all of us.
I had some tinkering of creative ideas that might help, so I spoke up. "Well, I think that-"
"Woah, woah, Amber. Taking your ideas for anything at all might just be Father's biggest mistake." Wilius sniggered through his wine. "Right, John?"
My nose flared with angst and exhaustion. I had had enough of Wilius actually tormenting me with his words. "A mistake is something that you are committing by having too much wine." I started at the grimace of both the King and Queen. "Perhaps stopping now might remind you that I am way elder than you, and you should be paying me some respect."
"We should switch-" Ruby tired to speak.
"Amber, if you think your words matter at this table, you're solely mistaken." Wilius replied.
"Maybe you should remember I was the one who taught you your first alphabet, so I am the very reason why you can actually speak!" I retorted quite angrily.
"Whatever..." Wilius rolled his eyes.
"And I am very regretting that at this moment because you certainly," the Queen tried to interrupt. "Don't hold any regard or respect for your own sister!"
The temperarture had become very heated in the dining room, everyone was silent and awkward except for the King.
"Amber, you manage to ruin the environment everytime you come around." He irated. "Why do wish to eradicate all the peace from our family? I expected much better from you of all people."
Our family? Much more like yours only.
It was in my best interest to not cross His Majesty, I wanted to weep very much but....I simply couldn't.
"Apologies, Your Majesty. I got carried away." I said wearily. "Sorry, Wilius. Shouldn't you all get discussing about the ceremony?"
Everyone instantly manage to pick something else to talk about, giving out there pieces of mind and debating which options could be adopted for the ceremony while all I did was fiddle with my untouched salmon. I breathed out exhaustively, tempted too much to leave the room.
"Wilius will be heading down towards me as my heir ofcourse," the King beamed happily. "And then he would be followed by John and Charley. After you two, Ruby would be carrying my sword towards me-"
The fork fell off my hands upon hearing the last bit of the sentence, especially after hearing Ruby's name. "Ruby will be carrying your sword? Isn't that supposed to me. Since-"
"Sister," Ruby interrupted. "Do you have any problem if I carry the sword? Does this make you jealous?"
I looked at her who had a eagerful meaning on her face, perhaps accompanied by some irritation. "No, no, Ruby. I don't. It's just that I am elder than you and..." I explained while looking at all of them. "Well, shouldn't it be me?"
Everyone had a sour expression on their face upon my indication. The Queen spoke up a few seconds later with anger laced into her words, "Amber, Ruby is the Crown Princess. She is closer to the throne than you are, so it would be her that would carry His Majesty's sword."
"Yes, but-" I started, trying to get them to understand but words failed to form clear sentences. Yes, Ruby was the Crown Princess. Accepted. But since I was almost a decade older than her, shouldn't I be the one....?
"Ain't I older?" I asked in a small voice, looking down at my plate.
The King exhaled out, "According to the law of Asnovitch, the Crown Princess is the legitimate heir only after the Princes. So it's not a big deal as you make it."
"I understand but....I-" My sentence was cut off midway. "I do not require any further speculation from your side."
I nodded as I was some pet dog and returned my attention back to the already destroyed salmon. And soon enough, the only salmon that succumbed to me was taken away and some kind of meat was added in front of me with some heavy gravy and over buttered vegetables. My throat constricted which made me gulp nothing but air at the moment. Oh god, was I even a part of this family? I had never felt so miserable.
The rest of the dinner was absolutely perfect, curtesy to my silence actung as if I was dead. The entire time, I only managed to put liquor in my mouth, all the courses came and went, and I had gone completely foxed.
The entire ceremony was finalised while everyone was tipsy and drunk. These people were so careless about their own nation's grandest event. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
And soon enough, each one of them had completed their ices and had headed outside the room, completely out of their minds. Their laughter faded into the distance as I swiveled the ice into liquid. It was only me and King in the dining room, who was probably waiting for me to leave. However, I had no intention of leaving anytime soon. The liquor had gotten over in my senses.
"Your Majesty," I started. "Might I have a word?"
The King looked as if I had asked him a part of his life. And he was only overcome with sleep. "Is it midnight. I wish to retire. We can talk about this in the morrow and-"
"I insist." I barked, clearly not in my senses. "I do not wish to delay this conversation."
He nodded reluctantly. "Why am I not the Crown Princess? Why is it Ruby?"
"Amber-"
"I need to know!" I shouted out loudly, not taking any care of my tone.
He looked agast at the demeanor I had adopted. The servers at the far end of the room froze, uncertain whether to retreat or remain. His Majesty continued to remain silent.
"Oh, suddenly words fail you? The great King of Asnovitch cannot find any words?" I blamed, overcome with years of frustration and feeling like I was the biggest obstacle of their lives. "Why wouldn't they? Because it is so questionable to even think that the elder daughter and not to mention the eldest child to the monarch doesn't have a title but the youngest does?"
"You have-"
"And now please, do go on and brandish your authority on me yet again!" I vexed, tears welling up in my eyes. "Wilius is your heir, that I understand. But I still cannot understand your obsession with jeweling Ruby so much! You've made me jealous of my own sister, for god's sake!!"
The King kept mum, not caring to even look into my eyes and give a furtive response. That's the importance I have in this family. No worry. No care. No matter. There was always a question in my mind, lingering and bothering me. And I couldn't stop myself from asking it at the moment.
I looked down, a bit ashamed before bracing for the possible reply. "Am I of dubious parentage?"
That made him tilt his head and finally meet my eyes. "Amber, you have royalty coursing through you. You are very legitimate for that matter."
"Then why! Why, why, why?!" I screamed, my head caught up in a hurricane. "Why do I have to fight for my place in this family! Why am I always reminded of it as if I am something shameful and unworthy!?"
I stopped, tried to calm myself down and steady myself. I never had such a breakdown and emotional upheavel. But I couldn't help it. I tried. Every single time, I tried to shut down the disrespect, keep mum and gulp down everything. But one cannot keep eating the same food everyday, can they?
"Ever since I have gained consiousness of myself, I have worked tirelessly to mold myself into whatver shape you wanted to. Took care of all the siblings when they were literally in their leading strings, thinking that if I did that, I would finally have your attention, compassion and care. I even consented to marry the first suitor because I thought I could finally be happy," I laughed bitterly, the sound cracked and hollow. "And yet, nothing changed after I told you that he forced himself upon me. Nothing ever does."
I lowered my head down and did as the Queen told me to, but clearly, you still did not seem to care. And so, I stopped as well. You very well know Your Majesty that I have no intention of marrying at all but..." I lingered. "You have forced me against my will. I step one toe out of the line, you act as if I made the biggest treason and when the others do so much more, you don't even blink an eye. Why is that so? Why is it that I was instructed to address you only as the monarch and not as a parent while the rest of them were taught otherwise?"
The Monarch had finally found back his ability to speak, his voice heavy with a truth he refused to carry. "You are to set an example to your sibling as their elder sister. You are their Princess as well and you have to guide them-"
"I wanted to be your daughter first!!" I agonised so boistrously, I was sure it could be heard two floors below. Tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face, blurringmy vision while my voice trembling and struggling.
"And then every other person." I whispered, the word fragile, insisting heavy on my hollow chest. "A daughter."
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