~There are words that do not kill you at once—but slowly lead you toward the edge of the abyss.~
1. A Confession That Came Too Late
I am not an empty space without will.
I know what I am capable of,
and what I cannot carry.
I have desires of my own—
I know what I want,
and what I must lock away
as a prohibition against myself.
I have liked many people.
Until one day… I realized:
liking someone is never the same as understanding them.
Because I am human.
I have something called limits.
If only Hiroshi had understood that.
That I, too, have boundaries.
That the world does not revolve solely
around his suffering.
But people like him only ever see from one angle:
the angle where they are always the center.
And I—
was merely a convenient shadow to sacrifice.
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2. The "If Only" That Never Arrives on Time
If time could rewind,
I would choose to say no from the beginning.
Not get involved.
Not care.
Not try to save anyone.
But life has never recognized "if only."
It only recognizes consequences.
And now each of those consequences lives in my body
like healed cuts
that still ache underneath.
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3. Misaki's Question
Misaki once asked, in a voice as calm as a freshly sharpened blade:
"Is there anything you regret?
Anything you still want?"
I did not answer right away.
Because in my head, the question spread
like a gentle poison.
Instead, I asked myself:
Did Hiroshi deserve to do all that to me?
And the more I think about his life now—
which they say is not much different from Suri's—
the clearer one truth becomes:
people like Hiroshi always get to walk home laughing,
even after ruining someone else's life.
He will keep walking the same road,
leaving marks without looking back,
never feeling the need to mend
the fractures he created between friends.
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4. The Mask Never Removed
That is who he is.
He wears despair like a coat.
He wears justification like skin.
Whatever he does—
as long as it benefits him—
he declares it absolutely right.
He is like a cat walking across broken glass:
appearing calm,
never caring about what shatters beneath his steps.
Because that cat is skilled in dressing itself with falsehood.
It can look sincere, look pure,
yet every attempt to be "right" comes with calculation:
as long as it protects him,
even wrongdoing is wrapped as truth.
And now, after seeing his dark side,
all I can do is stare from the bottom of hell
without the power to change anything.
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5. The Self in Confinement
I know I will never be able to restore my name.
I am no longer "the promising star."
I am just a coward
hiding behind walls I built myself.
I lock myself in.
Seal my future with an empty gaze.
Waiting day after day
without expecting anything to become whole again.
But when I think of Suri—
the possibility that she too could be destroyed by the same person—
a painful glimmer of light appears:
What if the truth finally reaches Hiroshi as well?
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6. Crooked Justice
It may sound distorted.
But sometimes justice must be distorted.
Otherwise,
we only allow the monster to grow safely
behind a human face.
And that thought slowly turns me
away from fear…
toward something more dangerous: justification.
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7. Misaki's First Sentence
"People can only save themselves."
That was the first sentence Misaki spoke
after hearing my entire story.
The air seemed to tremble when she said it.
"In reality, people can't even choose their birth,
can't choose their status.
Lamenting it is a waste of time.
Running away won't change anything either."
Her words were not comforting.
But they felt… true.
And cold truth
enters the mind more easily
when someone is already hopeless.
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8. Loneliness in a Crowd
Before Misaki,
I often sat alone in class—
even when surrounded by many people.
I had friends.
Yet I was alone.
Like standing in a crowd
with my head in another room.
Since the Hiroshi incident,
my heart closed like a rusted iron door.
I was afraid of being betrayed again.
Afraid to trust again.
And that fear is what kept me alive—
and slowly made me rot.
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9. The Knife Called Honesty
Misaki looked straight at me.
"You're afraid, aren't you?"
"Just say you're afraid to face him."
I fell silent.
"Just say you don't want to be hurt again.
Just say hatred is more honest
than the happiness you pretend to have."
I felt stripped bare without being touched.
"You know yourself better than anyone.
Stop wandering without direction like a lost child!"
That was how Misaki ended our conversation that day.
At first my chest felt tight, heavy with a burden that wouldn't fade.
But sharing my story with her became my first calming experience—
like a soft wind clearing the dark fog of my past.
And I knew, or at least felt,
that she was the only one who could truly understand me,
because she had walked a similar darkness,
felt what had been crushing my soul all this time.
Strangely…
I did not feel attacked.
I felt recognized.
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10. The Cage Called School
"This school is your cage now," she said, sharply, with confident pride,
as if each word were carved carefully
so I would be forced to accept it.
"You used to see your old school
the way Hiroshi sees this school now.
But your positions have been exchanged."
That was how she explained my relationship with school—
a reasoning that sounded disturbingly logical,
slowly opening my eyes to the truth that all this time,
I was the one who had shut the doors of my heart
to the surrounding world.
I stayed silent.
"You became the loser.
He became the star."
And her next sentence was crueler than any insult:
"People may see and hear you.
But if no one cares about you—
it's the same as if you never existed."
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11. The Seed of Retaliation
Only one sentence kept repeating in my head:
The one at fault is this world, not me.
And if I could expose all of Hiroshi's rot,
no one would misunderstand me anymore.
That was when I realized:
my thoughts had shifted
from wanting to be proven right
to wanting revenge.
And Misaki…
saw that shift clearly.
She knew my past.
And she was interested in helping.
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12. Debt and Hatred
"Why would you go through the trouble of helping me?" I asked.
Wasn't everything already over for her?
She had no obligation left
to touch what was solely my burden.
She gave a faint smile.
"Just consider that you owe me."
Then she added in an almost light tone:
"As long as we live, it's normal to hate someone.
And it feels good
when the person we hate
experiences what we once felt."
That was all.
No threats.
No explicit invitation.
But from that moment on,
I knew:
I was standing at the threshold of a door
I should not open.
And Misaki…
she didn't push me inside.
She only opened it slowly—
wide enough
for me to walk into the darkness on my own.