The scratchy, dark mask is removed from my eyes, ash rains from the sky as my vision adjusts to scenery surrounding me. It's still dark, eerily dark, and eerily still. Wind whistles in the background, reminiscent of distant screams and forgotten promises. Abandoned memories. Burnt flesh and hair reeks as it penetrates my nostrils, fusing with lighter fluid, smoke, and sparking oak. Blood and piss ladens my tongue, clumping up within my cheeks and gums, impossible to swallow. My body is bound to a hard seat, rope and chains keeping me in place, tight, tight enough to cut off blood flow and force numbness. I can see my face in view, splotchy and swollen, cheeks puffed up like a squirrel who just found a jackpot of food.
My stomach rumbles.
Except I have no food.
The ash raining from above continues to grow more heavy, my neck cranes to find the origin of this heated snowfall.
My heart leaps to my throat, nerves locked in place, bones glued together, and once flowing blood now frozen in time. My breath hitches, and I choke as my dry, aching eyes lock on what's left of my lover. Antonio, his skin and bones melting, essence burning to ash in a vibrant, pale white light. His body is gray, mouth forever bolted in place in the shape of a blood-curdling scream, not rageful nor calculated as I've grown to love him, but terrified. Truly, and painfully, terrified. His eyes are scorched, impossibly burnt to a deep black as the skin surrounding them have since melted away, likely have already fallen past me and joined this pool of ash.
I want to look away, need to look away as my eyes burn, body locked, but I can't. Just like with how Antonio's body has been melted to this stone ceiling, it's like my own neck has melted to my shoulders, keeping me in place. Forced to watch as this pale light continues to engulf the man that I've been traveling next to for a year with. The man I've stuck beside. The man I'd take a bullet for if the opportunity ever presented itself.
Except, I've never once taken a bullet for him; he's only ever been shot for me.
Why couldn't I stop this fate for him? Why didn't I? I owe him my life, my love, my wellbeing, and I couldn't even protect him from a fate worse than death. As his heart still beats through his smoldering, flaking chest.
I let out a choked sob. Please. Please just let me look away. Don't force me to see this sight any longer. Please put him out of his misery. Put me out of my misery. I don't care if my neck ends up snapped in the process, just please let him go, let me go. Kill us already. Please.
But our hearts continue to beat, our eyes remain locked, both void of life, both still containing our restless souls.
We're never going to find peace. But the least I can do is beg for his.
"Please! Please! Just let him die! Stop making him suffer! Please!"
My saliva gets stuck in my throat and I cough and choke, still unable to move my neck, still forced to watch as Antonio's body whittles away, crackling like a burning log. How is fire able to burn him anyway? Isn't blue hotter than white, hotter than purple, hotter than red? It is quite literally impossible for Antonio to get hurt by fire, or even phased. My flames feel like ice to him for fucks sake!
"Let him go!"
But nobody arrives, nobody acknowledges us, nobody hears my pleas.
Above me, where I am forced to sit and stare, smelling the stench of his burning body, Antonio coughs, thick red escaping his mouth, dying the ash as it falls. My body tenses further, face scrunching up as my skin begins to soak. His words come out dry, like an elderly saying their final words, "You will join me here."
I can't help but scream, struggling within my bounds, but I find myself melted in place. I clench my eyes tight, feeling a heavy burning shifting its way through me, far hotter than any flame I've conjured in my meaningless life. Upon reopening them, the floor appears far below me, a body of ash covering the sandstone, with more continuing to drift down.
I cry out, scream out, but my jaw fails to move. The slow spread of the fire appears all over my body, but I receive none of the satisfaction of bleeding out. My body is unable to move as well, my entire back end melted in place.
My lungs and heart and mind attempt to fend off the strange curse that appears to have been placed upon me, but it only fuels the flames, not making them spread faster, but instead making them hotter, reach deeper, and turn even my blood to ash.
My eyes are no longer wet, far more than dry as well. Something gets caught in my throat, like a cloud of smoke consumed by a child. I try with all my might to cough it out, but it instead burns me from the inside, consuming me.
I force my eyes shut despite them begging to remain open, too pained to remain closed.
But when the outer lids melt off, all I'm met with is black.
Yet the slow, excruciating, neverending pain still remains.
"She's getting far too soft, and have you heard of her ideals? Sacrifice herself for others? Not being meant for this lifestyle anymore? Constantly thinking about running away? No, she must be killed."
"We will not skill one of our top assassins. We-"
"I don't see a top assassin. All I see is a liability, one that must be taken out immediately."
"Listen, Karma," A male and a female voice, the female is Karma, but I've never heard of this man before. "We will reset her like we have before, it seems we only need to do this once every three to five years."
"I hate it when you talk down to me like we're not equals. We own this whole operation together! I'm telling you, resets may have worked on this girl before, but it sure as hell won't work now! We need to dispose of her before people begin to catch on."
"Look. I understand that the way I talk can at times feel as though I'm just shutting you out, so I get it, and I'm grateful for your grace. Can we please at least go the route that has been working out so well for us? Perhaps not rushing it this time will lead to it lasting longer, or even remaining permanently."
"And the man?"
"Her lover? He should be fine, he's already been force reset after his little meltdown, he will be of no threat to us any longer."
"I just feel like it would be best to remove him from her life, don't worry about the aftermath of prolonging this mission even just a bit further, the stress will be good for her. We can find another if it takes a bit for her to complete the mission on her own. It'd only take her three days according to you."
"Look, we will give her a slow reset, neutralize her to the sight of torture again, numb her, retrain her and send her back out there. We will not have to worry about her becoming emotional towards her life again until it becomes time to prepare for children."
"And what if she regains her humanity again far too quickly?"
"Then we'll begin removing her, but until then, we at least need to try the reset method, slowly this time around, ensure we're thorough and nothing is rushed."
"Fine, but I require that we start immediately, tear her down until she can reemerge as the top assassin she once was."
"Deal."
The battleground before me emerges, simulated like a deep, dark forest. This exam is quite possibly the most important test I'll ever take in my life. This is my opportunity to rise from an acolyte back up to a disciple.
And I will rise.
I've been watching those around me, copying their training and schedules and dedication to our craft. I was lazy before, cocky due to my title, but not anymore. I've spent my nights without sleep, forced my body to withstand the torture, antagonizing those inflicting pain onto me so then they'd deal more until it no longer hurt. I've taken my time in the nations I was sent to, completing missions quickly and without missing a step, then stopping and forcing my body to push through their most harsh conditions. I've forced myself to learn to breathe underwater; sat out during the burning desert storms; undressed and meditated during the blizzardous winter nights; allowed various insects and venomous creatures share their deathly ichor with my bloodstream; climbed atop the highest buildings in Sortirid and sat there for hours until breathing became second nature.
It was like being reborn.
And now, I need to prove that I have been.
It's a simple exam, redo the mission that led to my title dropping and do it completely alone, following the original instruction with utmost precision.
The buzzer starts, and I begin to run.