The former Lord of Heaven woke up to whispers.
Not the cosmic kind. Not the "laws gossiping about entropy" kind.
Mortal whispers.
Hushed. Reverent. Terrified.
"…this is the house."
"…don't look directly."
"They say even breathing wrong is disrespectful."
He lay very still in his cradle, eyes closed, practicing the ancient and difficult art of pretending to be asleep.
I am a baby, he reminded himself. Babies are allowed to ignore reality.
Outside, his mother sighed heavily.
"For the last time," she said, tired but sharp, "there is nothing special about my child."
There was a pause.
Then an elderly voice spoke, trembling with sincerity.
"Honored Lady," said Elder Qiu, "your humility is… profound."
The former Lord of Heaven felt something inside him crack.
Why are you still here.
Morning — The Unwanted Consequences of Kindness
Elder Qiu knelt outside the house, posture ramrod straight despite his age. Behind him stood the middle-aged woman and the young man from yesterday, along with three new cultivators who definitely had not been invited.
All of them were sweating.
All of them were suppressing their auras so hard it looked physically painful.
"I broke through last night," Elder Qiu said reverently. "Thanks to Senior's guidance."
His mother blinked.
"…You were struck by lightning in my field."
"Yes," Elder Qiu agreed fervently. "A merciful warning."
She stared at him.
"That was my cabbage patch."
"A sacred trial ground," he corrected immediately.
Inside the cradle, the former Lord of Heaven slowly turned his face into the blanket.
I'm going to start throwing people into reincarnation cycles manually.
Heaven's POV — PROUD BUT CONCERNED
Heaven hovered above the scene, hands folded neatly.
"Hmm," she murmured. "They're lingering."
Lingering was bad.
Lingering led to expectations.
Expectations led to responsibility.
Responsibility made Master tired.
She frowned.
"I should redirect them."
Her gaze flicked toward Elder Qiu.
Ah.
An elder.
Perfect.
Elders loved responsibility.
Heaven smiled.
The Scapegoat Plan (Unintentional)
The former Lord of Heaven felt it before it happened.
A familiar tug.
A shift in fate that was just a little too enthusiastic.
Heaven, what did you—
Elder Qiu suddenly stiffened.
His eyes widened.
His aura surged.
"E-Elder?" the woman gasped. "What's happening?"
Elder Qiu clutched his chest.
"I—Senior—!" he cried. "This pressure… this understanding…!"
The sky darkened.
The tribulation clouds perked up immediately.
Inside the cradle, the former Lord of Heaven opened one eye.
"No," he muttered. "No no no."
The clouds rumbled eagerly.
Sit, he thought reflexively.
They froze.
The sky held its breath.
Elder Qiu trembled violently, then collapsed to his knees, laughing and crying at the same time.
"I see it!" he shouted. "The flaw in my foundation! Senior has pointed it out!"
Lightning struck.
Not him.
The other field.
Again.
Perfectly spaced.
Perfectly controlled.
The villagers screamed.
The cultivators stared in awe.
The former Lord of Heaven closed his eye again.
"…I hate everyone."
Heaven's POV — TASK SUCCESS (TECHNICALLY)
Heaven clapped her hands softly.
"Excellent," she said. "Master redirected the burden."
She made a note in the laws.
RESPONSIBILITY TRANSFERRED: ELDER QIU
She nodded, satisfied.
"If they focus on him," she reasoned, "Master will be left alone."
The tribulation clouds rumbled approvingly.
They liked Elder Qiu.
He screamed in an entertaining way.
Aftermath — Elder Qiu Is Doomed
By noon, Elder Qiu was a legend.
Not just any legend.
A Chosen Intermediary.
"He was acknowledged!"
"The hidden senior used him as a mouthpiece!"
"He broke through on the doorstep—on the doorstep!"
The Flowing Cloud Sect erupted.
The sect master personally descended, robes fluttering, aura blazing—then immediately suppressed it and bowed.
"Junior greets Elder Qiu," he said solemnly.
Elder Qiu stared.
"…Sect Master?"
The sect master smiled beatifically.
"Congratulations on your promotion."
Elder Qiu felt his soul leave his body.
Back at the House — Brief Hope
For a glorious half-hour, no one came near the house.
They were all too busy congratulating Elder Qiu.
The former Lord of Heaven felt tension drain from his tiny mortal frame.
Yes, he thought. Focus on him. Elevate him. Argue over him.
Leave me alone.
His mother hummed while folding cloth.
Peace.
Actual peace.
He almost smiled.
Then—
"Honored Lady!"
She flinched.
Another cultivator stood at the edge of the yard. Younger. Nervous. Carrying a gift box.
"We—we brought this for Elder Qiu," he said quickly. "As thanks."
His eyes flicked toward the house.
"…Also," he added, voice dropping, "we were told not to disturb Senior."
Good.
That was good.
The former Lord of Heaven relaxed again.
His mother nodded.
"Leave it there," she said. "And go."
The cultivator bowed deeply, set the box down… and hesitated.
"…May I ask," he ventured, "does Senior prefer tea… or wine?"
The former Lord of Heaven's eye twitched.
Heaven's POV — COURSE CORRECTION
Heaven grimaced.
"…They're still thinking about Master."
That wouldn't do.
She needed to fully shift attention.
She looked at Elder Qiu again.
Her smile returned.
"Let's help him shine."
She adjusted fate.
Just a bit.
Elder Qiu sneezed.
Thunder rolled.
Lightning danced happily.
The cultivator outside screamed.
"He sneezed too!"
Instantly, word spread.
Escalation — Scapegoat Ascends
By sunset, Elder Qiu had:
Broken through again
Been declared an "Acting Pillar Elder"
Acquired three personal disciples
And been blamed for the weather
Elder Qiu sat in the sect hall, staring at his hands.
"I only went to apologize," he whispered.
The sect master patted his shoulder.
"Senior chose you."
Elder Qiu began to cry.
Back at the Cradle — The Calm Before Worse
The former Lord of Heaven slept.
Deeply.
The tribulation clouds dozed.
Heaven watched, finally relaxed.
"Good," she murmured. "Master is resting."
She glanced at the mortal realm overview.
INFLUENCE STATUS:
Village: Reverent avoidance
Sect: Focus diverted
Master: Asleep
Heaven smiled.
"This time, I did it right."
The heavens cracked ominously.
Heaven frowned.
"…Why does that keep happening?"
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That night, Elder Qiu dreamed.
In the dream, a vast, indistinct figure patted his shoulder.
"You'll do," the figure said lazily.
Elder Qiu woke up screaming—and broke through again.
Far away, the former Lord of Heaven rolled over in his sleep.
And whispered, utterly exhausted:
"…I blame Elder Qiu."