Two Days After Vault Discovery - r/TheEternalSoldier
u/SwissBankingAnon: Okay so remember how I said I couldn't access the vault contents?
I lied. Well, not lied. I didn't have access THEN.
But someone leaked the insurance inventory.
THE FULL INVENTORY.
You're not ready for this.
[Posted with 47-page PDF attachment]
[892.4k upvotes in 45 minutes]
u/DeepStateDigger: FORTY-SEVEN PAGES
u/SwissBankingAnon: Forty-seven pages of itemized contents. Catalogued. Dated. Insured. With estimated values and NOTES.
The notes are the best part.
Let me give you some highlights:
WEAPONS & ARMOR:
Item #0001: Sword, iron and bronze, approximately 3,000 years old
Origin: Ancient Greece Condition: Excellent (preserved) Estimated Value: €15-20 million Note from owner: "Used at Thermopylae. Kept for sentimental reasons. Please don't touch, still sharp."
u/HistoryBuff2000: HE HAS HIS SWORD FROM THERMOPYLAE
Item #0043: Sword, steel with gold inlay, approximately 1,500 years old
Origin: Britain, possibly 5th-6th century Condition: Exceptional (museum quality) Estimated Value: €50-75 million Note from owner: "Found this in a lake after Arthur died. Don't ask. Not saying it's Excalibur but I'm not saying it's NOT Excalibur either."
u/DeepStateDigger: EXCALIBUR
u/TinfoilTina: HE HAS EXCALIBUR
u/BritishHistorian: "Found this in a lake after Arthur died" I'M SCREAMING
Item #0089: Spear, iron tip with wooden shaft (replaced 3 times), approximately 2,000 years old
Origin: Roman Empire Condition: Good (tip original, shaft maintained) Estimated Value: €30-40 million Note from owner: "Got this from a Roman soldier who didn't need it anymore. Long story. Shaft rots so I replace it every few centuries. Tip is original."
Item #0234: Dagger, bronze with jeweled handle, approximately 4,000 years old
Origin: Mesopotamia/Babylonian Empire Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €25-35 million Note from owner: "Gift from a king whose name nobody remembers. The irony is not lost on me."
CROWNS & REGALIA:
Item #0456: Crown, gold with rubies and emeralds, approximately 1,200 years old
Origin: Carolingian Empire Condition: Pristine Estimated Value: €40-60 million Note from owner: "Charlemagne gave me this. I told him I didn't want it. He insisted. I wore it once to be polite. It's been in storage ever since. Too heavy."
u/MedievalHistorian: CHARLEMAGNE GAVE HIM A CROWN
Item #0523: Scepter, gold and ivory, approximately 800 years old
Origin: Holy Roman Empire Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €20-30 million Note from owner: "Payment for services rendered. Felt weird accepting it but the guy was insistent. Never used it. What do you even do with a scepter?"
Item #0687: Royal seal/ring, gold with sapphire, approximately 2,100 years old
Origin: Ptolemaic Egypt Condition: Perfect Estimated Value: €35-50 million Note from owner: "Cleopatra gave me this. Yes, THAT Cleopatra. No, we were not romantically involved. She was politically brilliant and I helped with some Greek translations. Friends only. Stop asking."
u/DeepStateDigger: CLEOPATRA
u/EgyptologyPhD: HE KNEW CLEOPATRA AND THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS
RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS:
Item #1043: Wooden chest, acacia wood with gold plating, approximately 3,000 years old
Origin: Ancient Israel/Temple of Solomon Condition: Unknown (sealed, never opened by current owner) Estimated Value: INCALCULABLE Note from owner: "Look, I KNOW what this is. You know what this is. I'm not opening it. Have you SEEN Raiders of the Lost Ark? I'm not risking face-melting. It stays sealed. The Vatican keeps asking. The answer is still no."
u/BiblicalScholar: THE ARK OF THE COVENANT
u/ReligiousHistorian: HE HAS THE ARK
u/SkepticalSam: AND HE WON'T OPEN IT BECAUSE OF AN INDIANA JONES MOVIE
Item #1087: Cup, simple clay/ceramic, approximately 2,000 years old
Origin: Judea/Jerusalem area Condition: Good (some wear) Estimated Value: Cannot be determined Note from owner: "Found this in Jerusalem around 33 AD. Might be nothing. Might be something. Not sure. Keeping it just in case. Vatican is VERY interested but hasn't asked directly yet."
u/CatholicScholar: IS THAT THE HOLY GRAIL
u/DeepStateDigger: "MIGHT BE NOTHING" HE SAYS CASUALLY
Item #1203: Fragments of stone tablets, ancient Hebrew inscriptions, approximately 3,400 years old
Origin: Mount Sinai region Condition: Fragile (climate-controlled storage) Estimated Value: INCALCULABLE Note from owner: "Found these near Mount Sinai. They're probably not THE tablets but they're from around the right time and place. Moses didn't sign them so I can't be sure. Keeping them safe regardless."
u/ReligiousHistorian: FRAGMENTS OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS MAYBE
DOCUMENTS & TEXTS:
Item #2034: Collection of papyrus scrolls, ancient Greek, approximately 2,300 years old
Origin: Library of Alexandria Condition: Fragile (special preservation) Estimated Value: INCALCULABLE Quantity: 47 scrolls Note from owner: "Borrowed these from the Library of Alexandria. Was going to return them but then there was that fire incident. Seemed rude to bring them back after that. Oops. They're safe though! Climate controlled! The library would be proud!"
u/ArchivistProfessional: HE "BORROWED" THEM FROM ALEXANDRIA
u/HistoryNerd_PhD: FORTY-SEVEN SCROLLS THAT SURVIVED THE FIRE
u/AncientHistorian: "OOPS" HE SAYS ABOUT SAVING IRREPLACEABLE TEXTS FROM HISTORY'S GREATEST LIBRARY
Item #2156: Notebook, paper with leather binding, approximately 500 years old
Origin: Italy/Florence Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €100-150 million Note from owner: "Leonardo's personal notebook. He gave it to me before he died. Cover has his Vitruvian Man sketch. Inside is mostly his rambling about flying machines and anatomy. Miss that guy. He was fun."
u/RenaissanceScholar: LEONARDO DA VINCI'S PERSONAL NOTEBOOK
Item #2189: Manuscript, vellum, Middle English, approximately 650 years old
Origin: England Condition: Good Estimated Value: €75-100 million Note from owner: "Early draft of Canterbury Tales. Chaucer let me read it before publication. Made some suggestions. He used about half of them. Good guy."
Item #2267: Play manuscripts, paper, approximately 425 years old
Origin: England/London Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €200+ million total Quantity: 7 original manuscripts Note from owner: "Shakespeare's originals. Hamlet, Romeo & Juliet, Macbeth, others. He based a lot of these on stories I told him. I knew a prince in Denmark, told Will about it, boom - Hamlet. Mentioned some star-crossed lovers, boom - Romeo & Juliet. Never got royalties. Still annoyed about that."
u/LiteraryScholar: SHAKESPEARE PLAGIARIZED THE ETERNAL SOLDIER
u/DeepStateDigger: "NEVER GOT ROYALTIES. STILL ANNOYED."
ARCHAEOLOGICAL ARTIFACTS:
Item #3045: Paving tile, lapis lazuli with silver inlay, approximately 2,600 years old
Origin: Babylon/Hanging Gardens Condition: Perfect Estimated Value: €40-60 million Note from owner: "Tile from the Hanging Gardens. Got it as a gift for helping with some engineering advice. Beautiful craftsmanship. One of my favorite pieces. Gardens were genuinely impressive before they fell apart."
u/ArchaeologistPhD: THE HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON
u/AncientHistorian: HE HELPED ENGINEER THEM
Item #3234: Marble fragment with inscription, Greek, approximately 2,450 years old
Origin: Parthenon, Athens Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €30-50 million Note from owner: "Piece from the Parthenon. Found it after some damage during a war. Kept it safe. Should probably give it back to Greece but I was there when it was built and I'm sentimental."
Item #4001: Gold death mask, Egyptian, approximately 3,300 years old
Origin: Egypt, New Kingdom period Condition: Perfect Estimated Value: €60-80 million Note from owner: "Not Tutankhamun's (that one's in a museum where it belongs). This was from a lesser-known pharaoh. Payment for helping with some tomb security designs. Ironically his tomb got robbed anyway. Mine is the only thing that survived."
MODERN ITEMS:
Item #5678: Personal notebook, contemporary (21st century)
Origin: Various locations Condition: Excellent (ongoing) Estimated Value: Cannot be determined Note from owner: "My personal journal. Notes on people I've met, places I've been, things I've seen. Mostly sarcastic observations. Not for public consumption. Seriously. Don't read this. I mean it."
u/DeepStateDigger: THERE'S A MODERN JOURNAL WITH SASSY NOTES
u/HistoryBuff2000: "NOT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION" WE NEED TO READ IT
MISCELLANEOUS:
Item #6234: Collection of coins, various metals and periods, approximately 500-3,000 years old
Origin: Multiple civilizations Condition: Varies Estimated Value: €50-100 million total Quantity: Over 2,000 coins Note from owner: "Started collecting these by accident. Got paid in local currency across centuries. Now I have coins from civilizations that don't exist anymore. The Julius Caesar one is my favorite - he gave it to me personally at the Rubicon. Sentimental value."
Item #8901: Miscellaneous jewelry, gold/silver/precious stones, various periods
Origin: Multiple civilizations Condition: Excellent Estimated Value: €100-200 million total Note from owner: "Gifts from various people over the years. Some from friends, some from grateful employers, some from awkward diplomatic situations where refusing would have been rude. Don't wear any of it. Too flashy."
SUMMARY STATISTICS (from insurance document):
TOTAL ITEMS CATALOGUED: 9,247 TOTAL ESTIMATED VALUE: €15-20 billion (conservative estimate) ITEMS LISTED AS "INCALCULABLE": 47 ITEMS WITH SASSY NOTES: All of them AVERAGE AGE OF ITEMS: 1,200 years OLDEST ITEM: Babylonian cylinder seal, approximately 4,500 years old MOST VALUABLE SINGLE ITEM: The Ark of the Covenant (refuses to open it) MOST REQUESTED ITEM: Shakespeare manuscripts (museums call monthly)
NOTE FROM INSURANCE ASSESSOR: "This is the most valuable private collection in human history. Client treats items like personal belongings rather than priceless artifacts. Client's notes are unprofessional but entertaining. Client refuses to loan items to any institution. Recommend continued coverage at current incalculable rate."
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The Reactions:
u/DeepStateDigger: HE HAS EVERYTHING. LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
u/MuseumCurator: Every museum in the world wants this collection. All of it. And he's said no for 222 years. I understand why now. This is... this is all of human history in one vault.
u/ArchaeologistPhD: Library of Alexandria texts. Hanging Gardens artifacts. Parthenon pieces. Things that shouldn't exist anymore. And he SAVED them.
u/ReligiousHistorian: The Ark. The Grail (maybe). Tablets from Sinai (possibly). The Vatican visits because he has the most important religious artifacts outside the Vatican itself.
u/LiteraryScholar: SHAKESPEARE PLAGIARIZED HIM AND HE'S STILL ANNOYED ABOUT THE ROYALTIES
u/HistoryNerd_PhD: He treats 3,000-year-old swords like old t-shirts. "Still sharp, don't touch." CASUAL.
u/BritishMuseum_Real: I work at the British Museum. We've been trying to borrow the Excalibur sword for 40 years. Now I know why he keeps saying no. "Not saying it's Excalibur but not saying it's NOT" is the most infuriating thing I've ever read.
u/VaticanScholar: The Ark. He has the Ark and won't open it because of Indiana Jones. The Vatican has been asking politely for decades. Now I understand the Pope's personal visit. He went to see the Ark.
u/SwissBankingAnon: The notes. The NOTES. "Oops" about Alexandria. "Too heavy" about Charlemagne's crown. "Not romantic" about Cleopatra. He's been alive for 2,500 years and he's SARCASTIC about all of it.
u/InsuranceAgent_Real: €15-20 billion conservative estimate. CONSERVATIVE. The incalculable items alone could be worth more than most countries' GDP. And he pays €25 million a year to keep it all safe. Worth every penny.
DIA Analysis Center - Amanda Foster
Amanda had stopped reading after the Ark.
Then she went back and read everything.
Then she called Cartwright.
"Sir, have you seen—"
"The inventory. Yes. I'm reading it now."
"He has the Ark of the Covenant."
"And won't open it because of a movie. Yes."
"He BORROWED FROM ALEXANDRIA."
"Forty-seven scrolls that would rewrite ancient history. Yes."
"He knew CLEOPATRA."
"Platonically, according to his notes."
Amanda scrolled through more items. "Sir, this is... I don't even have words. This is everything. This is all of human history."
"And he treats it like his personal belongings," Cartwright said. "Because to him, they ARE his personal belongings. He was there. He acquired them. They're his."
"Museums must be losing their minds."
"They've been losing their minds for 222 years. Now everyone knows why."
"Should we be concerned about—"
"About what? The vault is impenetrable. The legal protections are bulletproof. Perseus has every right to keep his things. Museums can ask. He'll say no. Life continues."
Amanda read another note. "'Never got royalties. Still annoyed.' He's mad at Shakespeare."
"Wouldn't you be? Shakespeare made millions from stories Perseus told him over drinks."
"This is insane."
"This is Perseus. Everything about him is insane. We're just now realizing how insane."
Perseus's Apartment - That Evening
Perseus's phone was ringing.
Richard Ashworth. Again.
"Richard, I saw the leak—"
"Every museum in Europe has called. Three in the last hour."
"Tell them no."
"I have been telling them no for thirty years. They're not listening."
"Then tell them no louder."
"The British Museum is offering €100 million to borrow the Excalibur sword for one month."
"No."
"The Louvre is offering €200 million for the da Vinci notebook."
"No."
"The Vatican has requested a private audience to discuss the Ark."
"Also no. I already told the Pope—we had this conversation over coffee. The Ark stays closed."
"What did the Pope say?"
"He said I was probably right but he had to ask officially. I appreciated his honesty."
Richard sighed. "The sassy notes, Perseus."
"What about them?"
"They're unprofessional."
"They're accurate."
"You called the Library of Alexandria incident 'oops.'"
"It WAS oops. I forgot to return them before the fire. Honest mistake."
"You told the insurance assessor that Charlemagne's crown is 'too heavy.'"
"It IS too heavy! Have you ever worn a crown? They're terrible."
"And the Shakespeare comment—"
"He DID plagiarize me! I told him about Hamlet over drinks! The least he could have done was give me a credit!"
"Perseus, the entire world is reading your notes."
"Good. Maybe Shakespeare's estate will finally pay me royalties."
Richard was quiet for a moment. "You're enjoying this."
"Immensely."
"The vault is getting unprecedented attention."
"The vault is impenetrable. Let them look. Let them want. It's all mine and it's staying that way."
"What about the modern journal? The one with sassy observations?"
Perseus smiled. "That one stays private. Absolutely private. Some things are too entertaining to share."
"What's in it?"
"Observations. Sarcasm. Comments on historical figures. A full page about Napoleon being short-tempered. Three pages about how annoying medieval royalty was. A ranking of which Pope was most fun at parties."
"You RANKED the Popes?"
"The current one is in the top five. He has a good sense of humor."
Richard laughed despite himself. "Your life is ridiculous."
"Yes. Yes it is. But at least my stuff is safe."