Chapter 29 – Sean's Advice vs. Charlie's "Offer": On How to Gracefully Ditch One's Little Nephew
Sean stepped out of Rose's front door, gazed at the sun-drenched morning, and took a deep breath.
Ah!
Even the air tasted sweet.
Well, duh!
With all the ocean breeze and manicured landscaping in this upscale Malibu neighborhood, of course the air was great!
Head downtown to the grittier parts of LA and the smog still hung thick in the air.
The moment he left the house, Sean saw Charlie—suit jacket hanging open, white dress shirt untucked, completely wasted—stumble out of a yellow cab.
The guy looked like death warmed over; Sean had no choice but to steady him.
Charlie jumped, thinking he was being mugged, then remembered this was Malibu—probably no muggers here—and forced his eyes open.
Seeing it was Sean, he said,
"Hey, buddy Sean, what brings you to my neck of the woods so early?"
While talking, he waved off help, bent with a wobble, flipped over the decorative rock by his doorstep, pulled out the hidden key, and unlocked the door.
"So how've you been?" Charlie asked about Sean's life.
"Pretty good—on administrative leave for the next month."
Charlie blinked; his cousin had scored another paid vacation.
"Looks like you've kept the city safe again."
As cousins, Charlie knew all about Sean's habit of 'shooting first, asking questions later.'
In Charlie's eyes, Sean was a success story: not a dime from Mom and Dad after college, yet in six years he owned property in LA and was rumored to be up for promotion.
Compare that to his own kid brother—broke, spineless, living like a parasite in Charlie's house; the guy's backbone had been surgically removed by his ex-wife.
(Note: in Charlie's book, Judith had sucked away both Alan's dignity and his money, leaving Charlie with a deadweight sibling.)
"Sean, two pieces of advice!"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Never marry without a prenup. My brother's the cautionary tale—there's no fourth bedroom left for you."
Sean nodded; Charlie's words were wisdom.
Look at Alan, camping out at Charlie's place indefinitely.
"Second, never mix tequila with whiskey or you'll wake up with no idea what happened—like me today."
Get drunk again?
Forget it; last hangover had produced Rose.
If another bender spawned someone new, one of the two women would wind up killing the other.
Luckily, Sean had a strong constitution: not quite superhuman, but he could drink most people under the table without much consequence.
The instant Charlie opened the door and spotted his beloved sofa, he flopped onto it like a dead fish.
In the guest room, Jake heard the noise and dashed out.
"Good morning, Uncle Charlie, Uncle Sean!"
"Morning, Jake!"
Sean, closing the door behind him, returned the boy's bright greeting.
Jake beamed at the barely-conscious Charlie: "Dad said you'd never make my game, but I told him you promised—so you'd be there. Guess Dad was wrong!"
Charlie, half-dead on the sofa, snapped awake.
"What?"
(Charlie bolted upright like he'd been electrocuted!)
Seeing Charlie's blank stare, Sean, settling onto the couch, reminded him,
"You forgot? It's Jake's soccer match. You promised you'd go, and that's why I'm here—he invited me too."
Sean added,
"Didn't Alan say you were returning DVDs? Why do you look like you crawled out of a dumpster?"
Charlie defended himself: "I was returning the DVDs, but ran into a buddy getting married at the Hotel Bel-Air—after that, total blackout." He tried to remember what the hell he'd done.
Sean wasn't worried; he shrugged: "If you made a fool of yourself, we'll read the juicy details on TMZ tomorrow."
Alan walked in from the kitchen—brown plaid shirt over a white undershirt, khaki shorts, white crew socks—and blinked at the two on the sofa.
"Sean up early—no surprise. But Charlie back at this hour? Jake'll be thrilled both of you are coming."
Charlie, now desperately sleep-deprived, waved frantically: "Better idea—let me shower, change into sweats, and crash for twelve hours. That way I won't die in the stands and leave you my beach house."
Alan tossed the choice back: "Jake's the boss. If you're bailing, you tell him."
"Sure! He'll understand."
Charlie shot Sean a loaded look before heading off to negotiate.
Less than a minute later he was trudging toward the stairs. Alan stopped him: "Jake agreed? What'd you say?"
Sean was equally curious; he glanced over.
Halfway up the stairs, Charlie waved a smug hand: "I made him an offer he couldn't refuse… totally worth it."
Then he sent Sean a grateful grin: "Told him Uncle Sean will go, buy you any snacks you want at the game, then I'll reimburse him later."
Charlie was thankful Sean had shown up; otherwise he'd never have found the words to refuse a kid looking at him like he was Superman.
With two adults attending, the "third wheel" could gracefully bow out.
Given the choice between Alan inheriting his beach house if he dropped dead on the bleachers from exhaustion, or paying for some kid snacks to get a solid nap, Charlie clearly preferred the latter.
Watching Charlie disappear upstairs, Alan sighed and complained to Sean: "He already promised Jake—how can he back out?"
"If you want Charlie in the stands hitting on soccer moms and then causing some kind of scene, by all means drag his hungover ass down here."
Sean tried to spin the situation toward the positive.
"I haven't had breakfast yet; let's see what's in the kitchen."
With that, Sean stood and walked to the dining area, leaving Alan alone with his thoughts.
Suddenly Alan remembered all the times Charlie had ruined his romantic prospects.
Sixth grade: Wendy Friedman stolen away.
Ninth grade: Casey Bell hijacked during the science fair.
Sophomore year of college: Amy stolen right out from under him!
Junior high band concert: Charlie stuck him with the linebacker-sized Sarah so he could chase the cheerleading captain.
Pattern was clear—whenever Charlie spotted an attractive woman, Charlie scored and Alan suffered.
The more Alan thought about it, the more he realized Sean was right, and yelled,
"Sean, you're absolutely correct!"
[500 PS unlocks 1 Extra Chapter]
[10 Reviews unlock 1 Extra Chapter]
Thanks for reading—reviews are appreciated.
P1treon Soulforger has 20+advance chapters