"YOU KILLED ME''
I'm standing in the middle of nowhere. There is no light,none at all. Not even the kind that helps you understand where the darkness ends, because it doesn't. There are no edges, no borders, nothing to hold onto. Just an endless stretch of black swallowing everything. It feels wrong, like I'm not supposed to be here, like this place exists outside of anything real. And yet, I'm standing in it. Alone. Or at least… I think I am.
She's there.
Far enough to almost ignore, but not far enough to feel safe. My heartbeat pounds violently against my ribs, so loud it fills the silence around me. It's fast ,too fast,like my body already knows something I don't. My throat tightens as I try to swallow the fear crawling up inside me.
"Mom…?" The word leaves my lips weakly, barely forming before it dissolves into the dark.
I blink and she's closer.
A sharp wave of dread crashes over me. I didn't hear her move. I didn't see her step forward. She's just… there. Closer than before. I want to run, I want to disappear but my body won't listen. I blink again, slower this time, afraid of what I'll see when my eyes open.
She's right there now.
Close enough that I can see her skin,pale and glistening, like it's coated in water that refuses to dry. Something cold brushes against my feet, and I instinctively look down. My breath catches in my throat. I'm standing on water. Not moving water,not rippling, not shifting. It's completely still, black as ink, stretching endlessly beneath me. It doesn't even look like water. It looks… deeper. Like something that could swallow me whole if I took a single step.
When I force myself to look back up, she's too close.
Her eyes make my stomach twist. They look wrong,sunken, crushed inward, like something has hollowed them out from the inside. And yet, buried deep within that darkness, there's emotion. Not anger. Not hatred. Just… sadness. Heavy, suffocating sadness that presses against my chest until I can barely breathe.
Her hand lifts slowly, unnaturally thin, her fingers trembling slightly before they reach me. When they close around my shoulder, the pain is instant,sharp and crushing, like her grip is digging straight into bone. A strangled sound gets caught in my throat, but I can't scream. I can't even move. I'm trapped in my own body, forced to feel every second of it.
Her mouth opens.
Thick, black liquid spills out, slow and heavy, trailing down her chin and neck. The smell is foul, rotten, like something dead left to decay in water. My stomach churns violently, bile rising in my throat as I try not to gag.
"You killed me."
The words don't echo. They sink, heavy and final.
"What…?" My voice is barely there, shaking, breaking apart. "No… I didn't—"
"No… please…" My whole body trembles uncontrollably now, my knees threatening to give out even though I'm still standing. "Please…"
She doesn't move. Not even slightly.
"How could you…?" she whispers, tilting her head ever so slightly.
"Mother, please…" My voice cracks completely. "I would never—I love you—"
"YOU KILLED ME!"
The scream tears through the darkness, and at the same time, I hear it-a sickening crack. Her grip tightens around my arm, and something shifts inside it. Pain explodes through me so suddenly that it forces a scream out of my chest. Before I can react, her hands move to my face, her thumbs pressing against my eyes.
"No—please—!"
I try to fight, to move, to do anything-but I can't. Her nails dig in, sharp and merciless, and then—
They push through.
A scream rips out of me, endless and raw, as warmth spills down my face. I can feel it-everything. The pain, the pressure, the wetness. It doesn't stop. It doesn't lessen. It just keeps going.
"YOU DESERVE TO DIE TOO."
Her voice surrounds me, inside me, everywhere at once.
Her voice trembles with madness."DIE… DIE… DIE—"
"ODESSA!"
I gasp violently, air rushing into my lungs like I've been underwater for too long. My chest heaves as I blink rapidly, trying to make sense of what I'm seeing. The darkness is gone. The water is gone. It's just my room,my room and Cade, standing in front of me, looking completely shaken.
"Fuck, I thought I—"
I don't let him finish. I throw myself into him, gripping onto him as tightly as I can, like if I let go, I'll fall right back into that place. Sobs tear out of me, loud and uncontrollable, my entire body shaking as I press my face into him. He stiffens for a second before wrapping his arms around me, holding me there.
Time passes,I don't know how much. Eventually, the sobbing slows, turning into uneven breaths, then quiet hiccups. My body still trembles, but not as violently. When I finally pull away, my face feels hot, my throat raw.
"Feeling better now?" he asks softly.
I shake my head. "My mother would never say that."
He frowns slightly. "What…? Did you see something?"
"She told me I deserve to die… too."
The words feel heavy, wrong, like they don't belong to me.
He pauses, just staring at me for a moment before looking away. "This kind of thing happened to me too," he says. "It's just your mind. You're… overwhelmed."
I don't respond.
Something about that doesn't sit right.
The silence that follows is thick, almost suffocating. After a few minutes, he stands up. "I should go now…" He leans down, pressing a quick kiss against me before leaving the room. The door closes softly behind him.
I don't follow.
I curl up on the bed instead, pulling my knees to my chest, trying to block out everything ,even though there's nothing to block out. The house is quiet. Too quiet. Aunt Serena and Uncle Ethan are at the Gilded Lyceum for the Winter Solstice Gala. Fancy ,right?
Thank God I wasn't invited well, it's an adults-only club anyway.
I close my eyes, trying to force sleep to come, but it doesn't. I toss, turn, shift positions, squeeze my eyes shut harder,nothing works. The image of her face lingers behind my eyelids, her voice echoing faintly in my head.
My jaw tightens.
The diary.
My eyes open slowly, staring into the dark.
Let's end it today.