Only after the evening announcement rang throughout the Middle Core did the group return to the chapel. Golden Steam, who limped ahead of the group with Sara aiding him, hardly said a word after they found Anya unconscious in the metal box. Lilas trailed behind, walking beside a strange man they had been calling a church shadow for a while now.
Given the name, Rinne had thought the church's shadows were a group of assassins who wore dark clothing from head to toe or, at the very least, had a cruel look to them. The man that Lilas had called over to carry Anya's body looked as normal as normal got.
He wore a simple outfit best suited for the Middle Core, with a small knife at his hip. If anything, the way he looked around was abnormal. He constantly scanned the streets, the rooftops, and even the narrow gaps between buildings. Rinne kept looking back at him, searching for anything else that would let her distinguish a civilian from the church's so-called shadow group, but he paid her no mind and performed his duties as Mother Lilas had instructed.
The lack of differences bothered her. Looking at him, it would be hard to tell whether someone she bumped into on the street belonged to their group. Or if these guys had been watching her for a while now.
"I heard you held your own today. Good job."
After the group separated upon entering the chapel, Rinne made her way to Mother Kili's room and waited for her to finish her duties as the church's doctor. After what felt like a good hour or two, Mother Kili entered the room, holding two hot mugs. The aroma of coffee hit Rinne hard; it was a welcome cleanser after the rancid rot they'd endured in that shaft.
Rinne would normally be all too happy to hear someone praise her, but she felt little joy. After the fight, Mother Lilas was the first to tell her she did well, but he didn't. The man she wanted to prove herself to never spoke to her again after the fight. She felt as if Golden Steam tried to say something, but he fell and was cut off, so Rinne never fully heard him.
He could have repeated himself.
Rinne sulked on top of Mother Kili's unused bed. The woman who looked like a sleep-deprived child handed her a mug as she sat down at her desk. Rinne quietly stared into her reflection in the coffee's creamy surface. She had told Mother Kili she didn't like the bitter taste of a past brew, and ever since, she had added lots of sweeteners to anything she gave Rinne. The thought itself was almost enough to force a smile on Rinne's face, but she couldn't muster one.
"Little Lamb, what's bothering you?" Mother Kili said from her spot in the room. As she spoke, she dug through the stack of paperwork on her desk.
"I got cocky near the end." Rinne lied. It wasn't her favorite thing to do, but she'd rather not let the world know the only reason she was sad was that someone didn't praise her, well, loud enough for her to hear. "I got so absorbed that I didn't see his foot. If that were a blade, then…"
"You acted on your will and didn't hesitate." Mother Kili said, then downed the contents of her mug in a single motion. When she pulled the cup away from her lips, a thin trail of steam drifted out. She wiped her mouth using her vestments, leaving a dark brown stain on her sleeve. "Though I will be the first to ask, did you read his appearance? Every nook on his body, every lump in his clothes?"
"Umm…" Rinne looked at Mother Kili, confused. "Yes…?" She took a sip of the coffee she had been given.
"Then you acted on your gut feelings. You knew deep down you were safe. That is the difference between a fool and a strategist."
"I…don't follow."
"Think of it like this: had you noticed he was hiding a weapon, would you have charged in?"
Rinne shook her head. What kind of question was that? Any sane person would see someone with a hidden weapon and act cautiously.
"Something small like that would change how you approach the battle. But because you noticed that he wasn't hiding anything, you found an opening and took it. So stop bringing yourself down because you were bested by a man leagues ahead of you." Mother smiled at the girl still sulking on her bed. "It was your first real fight. Puff out that chest of yours. Pride may be a sin, but there is no shame in relishing the fact you returned alive."
Returned alive. Yes, that was the first fight she had ever been in. Until now, all she had ever done was run. The scars on her body weren't from petty street fights but from how close she'd been to being captured by unsavory individuals that hunted her down after she escaped the Upper Layer.
Rinne held a hand to her chest, remembering each time her body was scarred from narrow attempts on her life, and failed escapes that led her into jagged edges of buildings. She had finally stood up to fight back.
She wanted to smile.
She wanted to shed a tear at how far she'd come.
But she couldn't.
Fear danced on her mind. The possible outcomes of what-ifs. If she never charged at the cult man when Golden Steam was staggered by the possibility of his own failure, would they still be alive? Could he have captured the man alive without fail?
"…" Mother Kili stared at the girl, lost in thought, before looking up at the ceiling. "Look at it this way." She said, pulling the overthinking girl's scarlet eyes. "You were in a party of four, venturing into a known trap. One was consumed by the thought of his neglect and was wounded. Another was handicapped to oblivion without her weapon. The last one besides you was a little girl. You are the sole reason everyone is still alive, some with a minor leg injury because of kicking a void spawn."
"You say that only because you weren't there," Rinne said.
"…" Mother Kili sat back in her chair and watched the spark ignite in the eyes of the little girl sulking on top of her bed.
"Mother Lilas wasn't handicapped. She saved Golden Steam countless times, pulling him out of his thoughts the moment he laid eyes on that creature. Sara shook with fear, yet she still mustered the courage to slam herself into the side of the void spawn to save Golden Steam's life. Then Golden Steam himself gave the opening needed for Mother Lilas to immobilize the creature for him to finish it. All I did was play to Ciel's tune and got kicked away like an unwanted child. If anyone, I was the most useless."
Mother Kili stood up from her chair and walked to a small coffee machine in the corner of the room, her empty mug in hand. As she pressed buttons, the machine hummed to life and dispensed a fresh cup of steaming coffee.
"You really think you were the most useless?" Mother Kili said while picking up the cup and returning to her seat. She stirred the mug with a skinny straw. "This Ciel fellow, he's a high-ranking member of the cult. The first hand to the second seat. He's no slouch in combat. Had he joined the fight with his creature, do you really think the battle would have ended easier?"
"…"
"I told you once, Little Lamb. Turn off your mind." Mother Kili raised her voice. Rinne tucked her head low, grabbed the ends of her hair, and started twirling them around her fingers. "You fought head to head with an enemy of such caliber and returned unwounded."
Mother Kili took a sip of her drink, then locked eyes with Rinne. She stared deeply into her eyes; if Rinne tried to look away, she cleared her throat, forcing her to keep her gaze on her.
Rinne felt the air being robbed from her lungs. Her heartbeat grew louder, and the air grew warmer by the second.
"Let me ask you this," Mother Kili said. "Why did you charge at this Ciel fellow?"
Why?
Why did she?
Was there a reason?
Rinne felt her legs move on their own. Like something had taken control of her body and guided her to the cult man. It was strange; at the time, a warmth filled her body, the same warmth she vaguely remembered as a child… when her mother was still here.
Rinne took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she reopened them, the Mother smiled. It was as if she was satisfied by the girl's reaction alone.
"I needed to," Rinne said. "If I didn't, Golden Steam would have died…that is what I felt at the time."
"There you go." Mother Kili chugged her second mug of coffee, leaving a thoughtful smile on her face. "78 points overall."
"Huh?" Rinne tilted her head.
"Were you expecting something higher?" Mother Kili grinned. "Sorry, Little Lamb, but the battle ultimately ended in a draw. A draw means no victors, which means you lost by default. Though I suppose I could add three more points, as you were the one to open the box where that nightlife star was slumbering in."
"T-thank you?" Rinne didn't have the heart to tell her she wasn't reacting to the score, and she didn't care.
"Well, now." Mother Kili stood up and dusted off her vestments. "Get out. I have some work I need to do."
Rinne finished her coffee and set the empty mug on the messy desk before leaving. She headed toward the stairs to the bell tower.
She stopped at the first step. The aged wood smelled musty as light from the very top shone down. Dust motes danced in the spotlight. Rinne placed her hand on the wall, the wood's softness filling her with a sense of familiarity.
Wood came from a tree. In areas where the sun failed to reach, it would be impossible to grow anything. Transporting materials from Layer to Layer was also too expensive. So this part of the church, along with the first floor, proved the sun's rays once kissed the Middle Core.
She looked up toward the top of the stairs. The broken bell hung in the middle. Her legs forced her back. She couldn't go back up there. Golden Steam had already found her up there once. Not to mention she fell asleep on his lap. Rinne turned away from the stairs and headed down the hallway.
She wandered down to the first floor, past the medical rooms and Lilas's room, and stopped at a small door with a hanging tag.
"Reserved…" Rinne read quietly to herself.
The church had given her and Golden this room for the duration of their stay. Of course, she had never slept in it once since they had arrived. Neither had he.
Rinne grabbed the door handle. It felt as if it had been used recently; a strange warmth lingered on the handle. She hesitated, standing on the other side of the door like an animal staring into the maw of death.
Was he asleep?
Was he even in the room?
Was he drunk?
The door opened while she was lost in thought, not by another person, but by her own hand. She held her breath as she looked into the room. The air was stale, but there was no sign of alcohol. She turned on the lights.
The room was cramped. A single bunk bed and a small desk filled it. Those alone made the room feel like a storage closet more than anything else. On the desk was a set of leather and brass under armor that belonged to none other than Golden Steam. They were in a poor state, hardly holding on. Given how much he's been fighting these past few days, that was hardly a surprise.
"How long are you just gonna stand there?"
"Eek!?" Rinne jumped out of her skin. She looked around and, without a second's hesitation, climbed the ladder to the upper bunk and made herself as small as possible.
She peeked over the railing and saw Golden Steam standing at the room's entrance, scratching his head. He wore light clothing with a tear in the side. A white bandage was poking through the fabric. Rinne remembered that the void spawn they fought had some kind of acid-like ooze. Did it hit him?
He closed the door. Rinne's heart raced as she looked around. There was no other exit. Golden Steam stared at her, narrowing his only eye. He sighed.
"Sorry about our arrangements. That old geezer of a saint hates the both of us."
"B-both…?" Rinne asked quietly.
"…" Golden Steam wasn't sure how to react to the suddenly timid girl who had once shown she could fight toe to toe with a cult member. "Yeah…" he said, looking away. "That geezer never once liked the descendants of the Goddess, despite worshiping her."
"Makes sense…Father Muller also didn't like me."
"That—!" Golden Steam shouted before stopping himself. He scratched his head violently, as if desperately searching for the right words to say. "Muller doesn't hate you. He doesn't agree with how you were born."
"So he thinks I shouldn't exist."
"That's not what I said. Look, your father is unknown. Muller was close friends with Rinara and knows that she…well, umm…loved me…not to mention he's a priest. So he can't overlook that your mother sinned. But the Saint sees the Golden Steam lineage as a threat to the stability of the church."
Rinne could not understand why. Did she possess something that would force the church's hand?
"Rinara once said that she could sense certain things. She never told me what, exactly, but she said it aided her thoughts and guided her in fights. However, she could have been pulling that out of her ass. She was a maniac on the battlefield. I doubt there was ever a thought coursing through that pretty head of hers."
Golden Steam smiled naturally as he spoke fondly of Rinne's mother. But the moment he laid his eye back on Rinne, that smile faded. The same pained look returned to his face. Rinne felt her heart drop out of her chest. Being here was really only causing her pain. She eyed the exit. Golden Steam followed her gaze.
He sighed and sat down on the lower bunk, out of view of Rinne.
"If you want to leave, go ahead. The chapel is a safe place after all."
With the exit to the room freed, Rinne leaped off the upper bunk, landing on the floor without so much as a noise. She grabbed the door handle and looked back.
He was smiling. But even Rinne knew that it was forced. Would she leave the room like this? Would it hurt him more?
Rinne released her grip from the door and sat down next to Golden Steam. She leaned her head on his shoulder. He smelled like sweat, dried blood, and a hint of the rot from the maintenance shaft, but she didn't mind it at the moment. She felt the beating of her heart mix with his, creating a synchronized beating that felt like only a single person's.
"Aster Dolos," she said. The synchronization broke as she heard his heart beat faster at the name.
"Why are you calling me that?" He said, forcing a normal tone.
"Mother called you that because she found you alone, right? She thought of you as a star, and as someone who would deceive the world around him. Is that why you lie a lot? Unable to tell others how you truly feel?"
"…" Golden—no, Aster said not a word as he swallowed hard. "I lie because Master taught me to lie. Lies are a shield used to protect those around you and yourself. It's better than swallowing a bitter pill known as the truth that will tear you apart from the inside, ain't it?"
"No," Rinne said calmly. "I think it's no different from running away from your problems. All it does is scar you as it constantly catches back up with you. The more you lie to yourself, the more you believe that lie, and it becomes your truth. Once that happens, what will you do? Make a new lie to mask the old one? How long will you go through that cycle?"
Rinne lifted her head and looked Aster in his eye. He returned his gaze with one that masked his true thoughts. She couldn't tell whether her ability to read others needed honing or if he was truly unreadable at the moment.
But he didn't push her away.
That was the boost she needed to speak next.
"You've been living on a tower of lies since my mother died, haven't you?" Rinne asked. "Please, tell me, how did she die? Are you looking for the person who killed her? Or are you just running from the truth?"
"…" Aster looked away, not answering her question. "Good night."
Aster lay down and faced the wall. Rinne felt anger toward him, but she knew it was wrong to act on it. She wanted to know how her mother died more than anything, but this man was someone who loved her mother more than anything.
"Am I being unfair to you?" Rinne muttered as she stood up.
Rinne stared at the man sleeping in his bed. With regret on her face, she turned off the lights. "Good night…" she muttered before climbing into her bed.