"What now?" Zabuza asked, staring at the headless body on the ground.
"Carry Hidan's body. We're going to fetch his head," Hanataki said, glancing at Kakuzu and Zabuza. "Of course, if you're also pissed, you can try the move I just used. Very satisfying."
Zabuza's lip twitched. "I'll pass."
Kakuzu: "Not interested."
"Fine! Then you two carry the body!" Hanataki didn't spare the headless corpse another look, turning to walk toward where Hidan's head had landed.
Sasori followed close behind. "You carry the body!"
Seeing Sasori's retreating back, Orochimaru chimed in first. "Then Kakuzu and Zabuza, you carry the body."
Kakuzu: "…"
Damn it!
Kakuzu's gaze landed on Zabuza. "You carry the body."
He turned and walked away, cold and merciless.
Zabuza: "…"
These bullies!
Zabuza took several deep breaths, trying to calm his near-exploding rage.
Looking at the headless corpse that still seemed taller than him, Zabuza's murderous intent surged again.
"So fucking dead!"
He viciously kicked the corpse a few times to vent.
Finally, swallowing his humiliation, he shouldered the body and followed the others.
Well, he was a shinobi. Carrying weight was part of the job.
"Lord Jashin! They're insulting me like this!"
"Lord Jashin! I'll chop them into mincemeat!"
"Lord Jashin! Waaaah…"
Hidan's voice filled their ears once more.
Kakuzu grunted. "Still not quiet."
He'd never met anyone more irritating than Hidan in his life. No wonder the guy had an immortal body. Without it, he'd have been chopped into pieces long ago!
"Huh?"
"Chopped into pieces?"
A sinister smile crept onto Kakuzu's face.
"You beasts! You dare come back!" Hidan's rolling eyes caught sight of Hanataki and the others again.
Hanataki walked slowly toward him.
Hidan blinked, then cursed even louder. "You she-devil! Who taught you to kick like that? Do you know how much it hurts?!"
THWACK!
The next second, Hidan's head soared into the sky once more, disappearing into the jungle.
But this time, the foot that sent it flying wasn't Hanataki's.
Hanataki slowly turned his gaze to the kicker.
Sasori's face was dark. "He dared call Hanataki a she-devil!"
"…"
Hanataki thought, No need to repeat it…
Zabuza: "…"
You motherfucker, why did you kick it away again?!
Do I have to carry this damn corpse now?!
God damn it, these people have no hearts!
"If this keeps up, how about we just have a match?" Hanataki suggested.
All this back-and-forth kicking would take forever. Might as well have a proper football game. Good fun for everyone, builds teamwork.
"What kind of match?" Kakuzu asked.
Hanataki briefly explained the rules of football.
None of them were fools. They understood quickly.
"Wait… what does that mean?" Zabuza looked utterly lost.
Hanataki: "…"
Fine. He took back his previous statement.
Kakuzu frowned. Time was money. Was this Zabuza really this stupid?
"Senior Orochimaru, do you understand what Lord Hanataki meant just now?" Zabuza asked the one who seemed the most amiable.
After all, Orochimaru always wore a smile. A creepy one, sure, but it was still a smile.
Orochimaru nodded. "Of course."
Zabuza's face lit up.
See! Worthy of being one of the Legendary Sannin. His comprehension is beyond ordinary people.
"You kick it over, then kick it back. Like this, and like that. Simple," Orochimaru explained seriously, then asked, "Isn't it easy?"
Zabuza's face froze. It took him a moment to recover. "So… so easy!"
And so, the cursing Hidan became the football, providing Hanataki and the other three a brief, spirited match.
"Bastards! You beasts!"
"You really are animals, not people!"
"Fuck! Who the hell kicked me in the mouth?!"
"Shit! Aim better! Didn't you see that was my eyeball?!"
"Who's got unwashed feet? Smells like your dead mother?!"
"Wait! That short one, are you an idiot? Why'd you kick me into the other team's goal?!"
"You don't even know the rules? What the hell are you playing for?!"
Hidan's mouth never stopped. From cursing to complaining, until finally, as the ball, he perfectly integrated into the game and started providing commentary.
"Damn! Should've let me play! I'd have offered Lord Jashin a spectacular match!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
Zabuza walked over and kicked him. "Who said the ball could talk?"
Hidan raged. "You motherfucker can't even kick a ball right! What are you so proud of? Can't understand such simple rules, are you mentally challenged?!"
Zabuza: "…"
With Orochimaru's 'explanation,' who could understand?!
Kakuzu took a sip of water and nodded to Hanataki. "Not a bad game. Quite interesting."
Sasori stepped forward in agreement. "Next time, I'll just control a puppet. Might score more goals."
"…"
Hanataki turned his head stiffly. That really isn't necessary.
"The goalkeeper can be Orochimaru. He's a soft-bodied creature anyway," Sasori said, looking at Orochimaru. He made his assessment and seemed pleased with his arrangement.
"…"
Orochimaru smiled faintly, saying nothing.
"Sew his head back on."
At Hanataki's words, black threads extended from Kakuzu's hand, swiftly reattaching Hidan's head to his body.
"HAHAHAHA! I'm back in business!"
"Beasts! Await the vengeance of Lord Jashin!" Hidan lifted his triple-bladed scythe and charged toward Hanataki's group.
"Is he mentally ill?" Hanataki asked seriously.
Sasori nodded. "As expected of Hanataki. You can even diagnose such psychiatric disorders!"
"…"
At this moment, Hanataki felt Sasori's mental state wasn't much better than Hidan's.
Hanataki shot out a blast of cold air. Hidan instantly became an ice statue on the spot. Only his head could move.
"ARGH! How dare you!" Hidan was furious. How was he restrained again so quickly?!
"You worship Jashin?" Hanataki walked up to him.
"Of course! What would a dumb human beast like you know? Lord Jashin is the supreme existence, he's…" Hidan started rambling.
Hanataki cut him off. "Have you seen Jashin?"
"No!" Hidan paused. "But I believe…"
"To be honest, I have," Hanataki said with a perfectly straight face.
Hidan froze. Tears quickly welled in his eyes.
"You… you've seen… Lord Jashin?" His voice choked.
"Of course," Hanataki confirmed with a nod.
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan -100!]
"?"
Hanataki was baffled.
"I… I'm just so jealous of you!" Hidan's face was wet with tears as he stared at Hanataki with hatred.
"…"
Hanataki felt a headache coming. "But Jashin mentioned you."
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 0!]
Damn! Was he really this easy to fool?! The corner of Hanataki's mouth twitched.
"Lord Jashin… what did he say?" Hidan asked, his voice choked with emotion.
"He said you are his most loyal follower!" Hanataki answered sincerely.
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 60!]
"Sniff… I knew it… sniff… I knew it!" Hidan was now crying and laughing, his mental state extremely unstable.
"Then what are you?" Suddenly, Hidan stopped his grimacing, staring at Hanataki with a questioning look.
"I am Jashin's representative in this world," Hanataki said expressionlessly.
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 40!]
Hidan glanced at Hanataki disdainfully, indignant. "Why would Lord Jashin choose you as his representative?"
"Are you questioning Lord Jashin's judgment?" Hanataki's face turned stern.
"Of course not!" Hidan said hurriedly. "How could I question Lord Jashin!"
"Hmph! Seeing as your attitude is somewhat sincere, I won't report this to Lord Jashin," Hanataki said condescendingly, his tone extremely dismissive.
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 80!]
"…"
Hanataki continued, "Lord Jashin has entrusted me with tasks in this world and ordered me to find you, so that you will accept my commands."
Hidan nodded eagerly.
"This is Lord Jashin's high regard for you. I hope you will not disappoint him." Hanataki melted the ice around Hidan.
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 90!]
"I will never disappoint Lord Jashin!" Hidan hurriedly declared his loyalty.
"Then why did you kick me earlier?" Hidan suddenly remembered that, looking at Hanataki.
"…"
He really held a grudge.
Hanataki said calmly, "To test your will and loyalty."
"Really?" Hidan scratched his head.
"Of course. Now I can believe in your loyalty on behalf of Lord Jashin!" Hanataki looked at him gravely. "I hope you will not let Lord Jashin down!"
An unprecedented power surged through Hidan's body. He clenched his fists, a grotesque smile spreading across his face, his eyes filled with a fervent, fanatical faith.
"Lord Jashin, have no fear!"
[Ding! Affection from target character Hidan 100!]
"He really is easy to trick!" the System remarked, sounding like it was looking at an idiot.
"He had no brains to begin with. After being kicked around in a match by Kakuzu and the others, whatever was left got scrambled even more," Hanataki explained.
"Makes sense," the System approved.
"Let's head back and rest," Hanataki decisively gave the next order.
He was a bit tired. He just wanted to lie in his Amegakure mansion, eat snacks, and read manga and novels.
"Alright."
Their figures vanished from the spot.
Upon reaching Amegakure, they first had to take Hidan to see the Deva Path.
"Who's this beast?" Hidan asked, standing next to Hanataki and pointing at the Deva Path.
"…"
I probably can't answer that for you, Hanataki thought silently.
The next second, Hidan was violently hurled from the high tower, then sucked right back up. The effect was like a free-fall tower ride without a seatbelt.
"This beast's got quite a temper," the returned Hidan remarked, still not controlling his mouth.
Konan frowned. Where did this crude peasant come from? Utterly vulgar.
"Hidan," Hanataki shot him a warning look.
Hidan obediently shut up.
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📖 Main story COMPLETED + Bonus Stories ongoing on Patre\on
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