~🌺 Chapter Eleven 🌺~
The air's biting when I get on campus. Cold enough to really wake you up. My backpack's right where it should be, and I just keep walking at a steady pace.
People are still talking, I can tell. I catch bits and pieces, half-sentences that trail off when I get close. I don't look for them anymore, but I can't exactly pretend they're not there either.
In the lecture hall, I grab a seat a little closer to the front than I usually do. Not the very first row, just close enough that I can't really hide.
Everyone's settling in around me. Pages rustle. Someone drops a pen and grumbles. The room has that usual low hum, like everyone's just waiting for things to kick off.
Then he walks in.
Same calm expression, same unhurried walk, like nothing ever throws him. He scans the room like he always does – quick, sharp. His eyes land on where I'm sitting for a second longer than they used to, then move on.
I just keep my eyes on my notebook.
The lecture begins. He asks questions and calls on people out of the blue. I follow along, jotting down notes, bracing for the moment I usually want to disappear.
It happens sooner than I thought it would.
"Stage two," he says, looking my way. "Explain what it does."
My hand goes up before I can even think twice.
"Stage two sets the parameters for stage three," I say. My voice sounds steadier than I feel. "It's where you introduce the variables that will impact everything down the line. If you don't pin them down here, you're just guessing later on."
He nods once. "And what do you do with those observations?"
"You use them to make adjustments," I reply. "If you notice things drifting or a variable you didn't expect pops up, you fix it before you move on. Otherwise, you're just carrying that error into the next phase."
There's a beat of silence. Not dramatic, just the moment the room takes in that I didn't mess up.
"Good," he says, and keeps going.
When class is over, students start filtering out in groups. I pack up slowly, letting the rush die down before I stand.
Outside, the quad is pretty busy. People are cutting across the grass, shoulders hunched against the chill. I'm halfway to the library when I see the girl who was the first to warn me about the gossip. She's with a few friends, laughing like everything's just fine.
The old me would have just kept walking.
But I stop.
I don't march over there, and I don't force a smile. I just walk up to the edge of their little circle like I'm supposed to be there.
"Hey," I say.
The laughter fades, not all at once. The girl turns, and her face changes when she recognizes me.
"You told me everyone was watching," I say. "Was that a warning, or were you enjoying it?"
She blinks. "I what?"
"I'm not looking for an apology," I say. "I'm asking you to stop. If you have something to say about me, say it to my face. Otherwise, just leave it alone."
One of the others looks away. Another pretends to check their phone.
The girl's mouth opens, then closes. "Okay," she finally says, like the word tastes weird. "Fine."
I nod once and walk away before the moment gets any more awkward.
In the library, I try to concentrate, but my mind keeps circling back. Not to what I said – just the fact that I *did* say it, and the world didn't fall apart.
Later, near the faculty building, I bump into him again.
The hallway is pretty empty. My footsteps echo. He's coming out of an office, his jacket folded over his arm.
He slows down when he sees me.
"I saw what you did out there," he says, his voice low so it doesn't carry.
I keep my posture neutral. "It needed to be said."
He checks me out for a second, then gives a small nod. "Good."
That's it. No lecture. No hidden message.
I start to walk past him, and he adds, almost like he just remembered, "Don't let them drag you into pointless fights."
"I won't," I say.
And I realize I actually mean it.